He smiled. Rueful as hell, but it was a smile. “Little more to it than that, but yeah. Anyway, Sergei bought Ron’s story, and once the place emptied out for the night, Ron made duplicate deposit slips, pocketed the cash, and counted on me being distracted by Andres and, well, you again, to not notice.”
“But you’d notice sometime. What did he think would happen then?”
Theo shook his head. “He meant to pay it back before then. His nephew has a gambling problem, and needed the cash to get a bookie off his back. There was some plan about selling his truck that hit a snag. So in came the backup plan: stealing from the company.”
“Wow. And he just told you all this? But you were talking to him about it on Friday, right? And you thought it was Sergei then.”
“He didn’t count on me talking to Sergei until he paid us back. Figured if he confessed after restitution I’d shrug it off or something.”
“That’s kind of an asshole move. Why didn’t he ask you for a loan or something instead of stealing?” She didn’t know Ron. But she knew Theo. He’d have figured out a way to help his friend out.
“His nephew’s been coming around a lot lately—begging Ron to bail him out, as it turns out—and it was getting disruptive. He’s not the quiet sort, to understate the matter. Sergei tried to corral him a few times but it didn’t work, and in the end I had to tell Ron to ban Lonnie. So he didn’t think I’d be sympathetic.”
“Well, that’s ridiculous. You’re the most giving guy I know.”
Huh. Well. That ... that was nice.
Her a/c kicked on, or lingering drips of rain were sneaking under his collar. Or it was emotion giving him goose bumps.
“You are,” she said, maybe because he hadn’t managed an answer. She shifted over to sit alongside him.
“Thanks.”
“I’m not buttering you up or anything. You’re always going out of your way to be nice to people, and making things easier for everyone you know. If that weren’t who you were, we wouldn’t even have met. You were doing Sergei a favor bringing me Hannah that day. And don’t even pretend you volunteered or he asked nicely. I bet he acted like you owed it to him somehow.”
“He set up a meeting with our liquor vendor.”
“Even though he had Hannah on his schedule. Whatever. That’s him all over, but I guess I’m glad he isn’t a thief on top of everything else.”
His laugh was as hollow as uncooked penne pasta.
“Right.” She leaned into him. “I guess that’s not much comfort for you. What are you going to do? Did Ron even sell his truck?”
He shook his head. “Lonnie, that’s the nephew, he pawned some electronics and paid back about a quarter of it yesterday. And Ron had appointments with some buyers over the weekend, but I haven’t heard if any of them bought it or not. Meanwhile, I’ve got to audit everything, going back at least as far as when Lonnie first started coming around. So that’s going to be hell. But I’ll do it next month, because at this point, I just want to spend time with my son and think about what comes next.”
“I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all this.”
He shrugged, which rubbed together their shoulders, and the contact was nice. So he wrapped his arm around her and held her for a bit, which was even nicer. “You smell good.”
She laughed. “Thanks. It’s my lotion.”
“It’s you, too.” And then he bit his tongue. Not hard, but he needed the reminder that they still had to address whatever topic had her taking off work. And despite his libido’s insistence, it wasn’t like she’d missed sex so much she intended to jump him at nine on a Monday morning.
Though was any time a bad time, really? His libido thought not, and who was he to wage an internal war?
And her hand was on his thigh, and when he pressed his leg into hers, she started toying with the seam on his jeans, and she did smell so good, all clean and sharp with an undertone of warm spice, and her hair was back off her neck so it was easy and delicious to bring his lips to the tender spot below her ear, and then she drew in a deep, breast-swelling breath and he almost didn’t hear her whisper, “We’re pregnant.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
He said nothing.
It was almost fascinating, if she hadn’t herself gone so still she risked fainting. She unstuck enough to take a look at his expression. It wasn’t revelatory. He was looking plenty of places that were not at her. Wall, sofa, kitchen counter, hands. Kitchen counter again. She slid away and swiveled to face him, hugging her legs up against her chest. “It wasn’t that night, with the broken condom. It was the first one, the one when we ended up here, you remember? A few days after we went kayaking?”
“I haven’t forgotten the first time we had sex.” His voice was flat, but not with that studied, too-patient calm that signaled one of Sergei’s explosions of scorn. She forced out a slow breath, realizing what she’d been bracing herself for. But this was Theo, who had never waved the palest of red flags in her direction. And if she had to deliberately remind herself of that fact, fine. It was the least she could do so they could have this conversation without her deciding in advance what his reactions would be.
She let one leg drop to curl under her. “You and me both. Sorry. I’m still nervous. I know this is a lot. And I’ve had a few days to process it.”
He still wasn’t in a rage. “How long?”
“Have I known? I took the test while you were in Galveston. I ... it crossed my mind that weekend, before you left. I didn’t want to think about it, and I told myself a story about you deserving a nice holiday with Andres without all this mixed up in your life.”
Another thing about Theo: he made it so easy to read his emotions. A real ‘eyes are the windows to the soul’ kind of man. It made everything better and worse at once, because it would be so much easier to pretend she didn’t know how she’d just cut him. But she hoarded all the ways he was unlike Sergei, and that made his readable eyes more precious than rubies.
“So you took the test a week ago?”
She sighed as she nodded. Because hard as it had been to process it all on her own, she knew it was a big advantage to have gotten that chance before breaking the news to him. “I went to my doctor on Friday. She confirmed the pregnancy, and told me about the real conception date. So it seems the first time condoms were bad, too, but we didn’t notice. It’s a big pile of small odds that got us here. The pill didn’t cause any problems, though. It’s healthy. Heartbeat, limb development, all of that.”
More silence, and she would not cry.
“I have a sonogram picture. If you’re interested.”
“I.... Give me a minute.”
“Oh. Sure. Yes. Sorry.” She started to stand, but he reached out and took her hand.
“Can you sit with me? Please? Quiet for a sec.”
Her smile felt off balance. She slid back under his arm. Nodded and thought about meditation. About intentional breathing, and defining what she’d hoped for as an outcome, and filling her heart with love. Her heart, his heart, the baby’s heart. Not to force anything from him, but because the world did not always hold enough love for all the hearts, and this was a good moment to work on correcting that.
He ... they.... A baby.
He blinked himself into focus, discovered his gaze was locked on a studio portrait of Hannah as an infant. Unbelievably cute, of course. Those big blue eyes with her solemn, knowing expression. A little skeptic right from the start. Not much hair. All her curls must have come in later, but he resisted the urge to scan the room for other photos.
Andres was born with a whole mass of hair.
Rachel squirmed beside him. She felt heavy, waves of nervous energy pulling her down beside him. Like she would slip to the floor if he took his hand from hers.
He didn’t take his hand from hers.
Everything he tried to voice made no sense for the moment. Reliving the night of conception, no. What happened, happened. Asking how much Hannah weighed when she was b
orn, no. He wasn’t ready to start treating this pregnancy as a fact for his future. Wondering if Rachel had been scared taking the test and going to the doctor on her own, no. He bristled that he’d been left out of those moments, but there was no traction in arguing her logic. He wasn’t even sure he’d believe any points he made trying to adjudicate the past.
His lips felt too dry to shape words. “When the condom broke, we didn’t give it any thought. The contraceptive pill was the immediate choice.”
“I know. And I think it would’ve been the same if we’d known about it when this happened.”
He nodded. That was true. So was it the semantics that made this feel so much more? Instead of saying they needed an abortion, she said they were pregnant. Even without the heartbeat and the sonogram and a due date. Spring, he supposed. She probably could tell him something much more precise. Give all this that much more reality.
A springtime baby. He was back to studying Hannah’s infant picture. Her soft cheeks and wrinkly wrists and the way the toes of one foot curled on top of each other.
Those infant wrist wrinkles were his favorite.
“You want this.” He wasn’t asking.
She sank deeper into the couch. “I wasn’t—it wasn’t deliberate.”
“I know.”
“And even though I felt a pang taking those meds, I would’ve done the same thing if we’d known about the condom failure at the time.”
“A pang?” Had he felt a pang? He remembered worrying that the whole situation would put distance between the two of them. That it would cause her to back away for whatever reason. He remembered worrying that she felt okay in the moment, that she wasn’t suffering side effects from the drugs. It never occurred to him to think of it as a genuine pregnancy risk, though. Which maybe didn’t make sense, but there it was. He’d approached it like an awkward moment to traverse for two people who did not know each other very well yet.
But she had felt a pang.
“Well,” she said. “Okay. There has always been a deep-down part of me that wants more kids. I love raising Hannah, and if she’s my one and only, I’m not arguing that fate. She’s more than enough to fill my heart. But....” She trailed off, quiet.
“Siblings.”
“Exactly.” She smiled at him, brighter than she’d been. Lighter. “You have your sisters, your cousin. So maybe you get that. Even though it’s not practical in one million ways, I did have that twinge of regret. Just for the idea that Hannah could’ve had a sibling.”
So, it wasn’t about him. Her feelings hadn’t been so overwhelming that she was afraid the broken condom would get between them. And no mention that the hypothetical little brother or sister would be his child, too. He didn’t factor into this top-secret dream of hers.
He wasn’t sure how he factored into her reality now. All her skittishness about them getting closer; all her firm setting them on a slower path; all her stopping them from spending time with each other’s children.
“Do you want me to be the father?”
“What do you mean? You are the father. I went through all the paternity test bullshit with Sergei. I’m not loving having to do it again. But if that’s what you need.”
“No.” He reached for the hand she’d yanked from his when he asked his badly-phrased question. “I’m not suggesting the baby’s not mine. Not at all. But I want to know, in this dream future of yours, where you and Hannah are cooing over a bassinet, am I a part of it?”
Now she was marble. So he had his answer. She was picking motherhood; she was picking Hannah and the baby. She was not picking him.
“I don’t want to terminate.”
He shook his head, not that she was looking at him. “That’s not what I’m suggesting. I can tell you’re happy, you have plans. And that’s good—”
“Theo.”
Hell if he wasn’t crying. He blinked dry his eyes, focusing on baby Hannah’s tiny pink fingernails until he was ready to say more. “I don’t know if I know where my mind is going. It’s overwhelming. Thoughts flying in from all sides. Feelings.”
“Okay. Sure. I know you need time to process. Or, I did, anyway.”
“To be clear, you’ve definitely decided to go forward with the pregnancy?”
She lifted her chin just enough to indicate yes. It was a tiny movement, but it shot straight down his spine, spreading throughout his nervous system like an injection of adrenaline.
“Why are you laughing?”
“I did not think this is what you meant when you said we had to talk about something complex.”
“What, you thought I was going to confess to hating pie?”
He rubbed at his chest, miming agony but really he had to contain the jet stream of giddiness until he had some clue what it meant. “Oh, unkind fate, to pair me with such a cruel woman.”
“Hush. You know I’m a fan of your baking.”
He sighed. “Okay. That’s a solid foundation. If we’re going to embark on some kind of ... okay, let’s not define it yet. But it’s a lifetime, isn’t it? Somehow or another, this means a lifetime of knowing each other.”
Her hand circled her belly, mimicking the way his still cradled his heart. “The baby’s lifetime.”
“Wow. Heavy. Okay. The baby’s lifetime. Our baby’s lifetime.” He was tentative, giving her room to edge away. But she let him settle his palm over her hand. They sat quiet for a few minutes, pressing their joined hands over her womb. Where his baby grew. A sibling for Andres, too. Not just for Hannah. Someone who would call him ‘my big brother’ and kick a soccer ball with him and share a secret handshake and be forced to learn way too much about the various triggers for Pokémon evolution.
He stirred. He needed both hands to wipe at the tears again, and she had a few of her own to deal with. “Can I see the scan?”
She reached for her phone. As she pulled up her photo app, she told him the due date—March first—and a few more details from her doctor visit. And then she showed him the picture she’d taken of the sonogram. “It’s not much to see right now.”
“No, I remember. A lima bean with a heart.”
“Little bit more than that, but yeah.” She zoomed in on nascent limbs. Pointed out the measurements.
He took the phone. And that adrenaline rapid-fired throughout him again, bounding heart and vibrating knee and the thud of reality slamming into him. It was real. It was happening. He had a gut reaction and that scared the hell out of him, because damn if he wasn’t leapfrogging past a thousand important conversations and straight into the years and years of family life with her. With them. The two of them, their two children, and their child.
And whatever her new dreams were, they didn’t include that. And whatever his dreams of being treasured were, he hadn’t envisioned going straight from serious dating to family life.
He couldn’t put coherent words together, he couldn’t info a navigable path to discuss any of it, and her phone started buzzing with an incoming call.
And it was Sergei.
She snagged the phone back before he could extend it her way. Or silence it or whatever he was going to do, she didn’t care, because Sergei and Hannah were supposed to be at the zoo. Or so he’d said, when he was explaining that he shouldn’t have to pay for daycare for the time he had custody.
“What happened?”
“Calm yourself, Rachel, it’s not some emergency. You always leap to the worst conclusions around me. I’m her father, I know how to keep her from running into traffic.”
Sure, maybe. Or maybe her daughter was inside the tiger enclosure at that moment. “Fine, I get it. You can stop with that tone. What do you need?”
Sergei’s most long-suffering sigh reverberated down the line. “She’s got some kind of cold. Probably germs from that place you dump her every day.”
“Her daycare is a highly rated, state certified facility and is full of her friends. And germs,” she conceded. “Because all daycares have germs, and unless you want to pay s
pousal support so I can stop working, it’s going to remain a part of her life. She likes the bubblegum flavor decongestant, if you can find it.”
“I think you should pick her up.”
“What, now?”
“She’s whining for you, and we can’t do any of the things I planned if she’s throwing up.”
“She’s throwing up? I thought you said it was a cold.”
“Well, whatever, some kind of germ, don’t ask me for a diagnosis.”
“Does she have a fever? Have you taken her to the doctor? I gave your mom the updated contact list, but her pediatrician’s the same.”
“Look.” He cut in with the impatience she remembered all too well. “This is your thing. She’s crying for you, and, not that you care about my life, but things are screwy at work, so I can’t be taking this time off to babysit right now anyway.”
“You aren’t babysitting. She’s your child.”
“Okay, feminazi, calm down. Are you coming to get her or not?”
Jesus. “I have a job too, you know. Why aren’t you asking your mom?”
“She’s busy.”
Rachel sighed. “Where are you?”
“At the zoo, like I told you before. Keep up, if you can.”
“She’s crying and throwing up and you took her to the zoo.” She was about to turn into a live gif of banging her head against a wall. Theo stroked her arm and she looked over at him. He mimed talking on the phone, pointing to himself, then held out his hand.
Well, her world was a strange mess already, so why not. She stopped listening to Sergei’s sputtering self-justifications and handed over the cell.
“Serg, hey. Listen, do you have Effie with you? ...The elephant, yeah. Okay, so head to my place, we’ll meet you there.”
Not what she’d expected. But interesting. She left him to it, going to pack a bag with some meds and books and a change of clothes. He came down to stand in the door to Hannah’s room. “I figured since I’m closer to the zoo than Elixir is, or that gas station.”
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