She lifted a finger to hush her aunt, tilting her head to the back room where Hannah napped. “I’m pregnant.”
And then she curled up in Aunt Johnston’s lap and sobbed.
“Rachel. Oh baby girl, it’s okay. We can sort it out. It’s fine now, you hush. Don’t let those hormones get the best of you, come on. Good strong breaths. That’s my girl. Well, now. I’m going to make you some tea, and you just sit here a minute for me.”
Oh, hell. She wiped at her face, realized her hands weren’t absorbent enough, and shut herself in the bathroom to clean up. When she emerged, Aunt J had tea and an afghan waiting for her. So many comforting memories started out that way. It all helped settle her into a peaceful state.
She explained about the car and then told her about Theo, the baby, everything.
“Well, you’ve always been my busy bee. Okay, now. I can’t say I’m not a tad worried about if you’re forcing your own hand here, going forward with this, but the man sounds a thousand times better than that ex of yours.”
“So much more than a thousand. I’m not the numbers person you are ... I don’t know if I can explain it. The way he’s always standing beside me, and thinking about what’s most important for me. Not all high-handed, I mean, but thoughtful. And I can disagree with him. He doesn’t shut me down, or make me feel small.”
“Doodlebug.”
She ran a mental eye over what she’d said. Blew her nose. “Maybe I never told you everything about my marriage.”
Aunt smacked a kiss on her cheek. “You think not?”
“Well, we can talk about it if you want. But listen, I’ve had lots of counseling and space since then. It’s mostly in the past. Not just because of Theo. Except one thing I really think is him.”
“What’s that, then?”
She found herself gripping her aunt’s hand. “This hit me on the drive today. I was so upset, leaving Colorado, but before Theo, that always came with this voice in my head, you know? This horrid, mean voice that was all Sergei. The way he got into my head to tear me down. The minute I had a problem I couldn’t handle, or worried I was messing up, or ... anything, really. Sometimes just if I stubbed my toe or let out a curse in front of Hannah. Big things, little things, always there was Sergei sneering away in my brain. But not anymore. Or not nearly so much. I didn’t even realize it was going away until I was crossing back into Texas this morning, and there was the sun rising higher above the wind farm and everything looked wide open and bright and I thought, ‘hey, everything going on and not once has that toxic weasel crawled out of his hole to tell me what a pathetic loser I was and it was no wonder my family didn’t have time for me.’ And it could be that’s me getting distance from him. But I think Theo’s influence has a bunch to do with it.”
“Oh, June bug.”
“No, but it’s so much better now, that’s what I’m saying.”
Aunt Johnston planted both hands on Rachel’s shoulders, so she knew it was a question she had to answer without evasion. “My girl, you know I’m pleased as spicy pickles to have you, but why are you here three days earlier than you planned? What did your mom and dad do this time?”
And there was the one thing she’d avoided confiding to her aunt. She half-pulled away towards the bedroom, but before she could make an excuse about checking on Hannah, Aunt said, “If I need to call my brother and interrogate him, you know I have no qualms about it.”
“It wasn’t like they kicked me to the curb. I just couldn’t stay. I thought if they were the first to hear the news about the baby—well, I don’t know what I thought. They’re so excited about Blythe’s son. Did you know it’s a boy? I didn’t. And I get there, and they have this whole baby shower planned, and that’s fine, they live near her and it’s not like I even had a shower for Hannah, what with the divorce and living with Depy and everything. So that’s fine, I guess, even if it wasn’t the most kid-friendly brunch place I’ve ever been. Lots of fancy glassware and quaint rickety chairs.”
Her aunt snorted.
“But all their plans for him, Aunt.” She told her about the ski lessons and her foolish attempt to surprise everyone with her news and Dad leaving the table.
Aunt snorted again.
“Well, when has your brother ever been good at confrontation? I swear I learned to never stand up for myself from him.”
“You taught it to yourself just fine, cricket.”
She nodded. Because it was true. And Rachel deserved to accept all the true things about herself. And then she told Aunt Johnston about the rest of it. “And Mom said, ‘If you think your aunt is the only person in this family who loves you maybe you should go back now to see her instead of suffering through a visit with us the rest of the week.’ So I said I would. And here I am.”
They ran out of tissues and her tea had long since gone cold. She was a certified mess, but for the first time in all her long days of driving, she felt blanketed in peace.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“It’s over six hours.”
“Why don’t you have them fly to Austin? Or to Fort Worth when you’re dropping of Andres, you can pick them up then?”
“Or to Houston.”
“At least leave Andres here instead of dragging him all that way.”
His parents, his sisters, his sister-in-law and brother-in-law—everyone thought he was being ridiculous. Fine. He didn’t have to share their opinions, or heed them, or explain why he and his son were leaving Austin early to get to Rachel and Hannah. Andres downloaded a couple of movies to watch on the way up. They picked the most interesting hole-in-the-wall burger place in Sweetwater for lunch. They counted cows for a while. When they got closer to the feedlots, they counted types of cows instead, and he had to explain the beef industry. Andres said he wasn’t ever eating cow again and they talked about vegetarianism for a few dozen miles.
He wouldn’t say the trip flew by, but he wasn’t making life miserable for his son, no matter what his family said. And when they got to Plainview, there was Rachel. And Hannah, who latched on to Andres and unloaded every toy from every bag in the place. When his son handed over the books they’d bought her, her adoration of him was set in cement.
Speaking of adoration. “Hi.”
“It’s so good to see you, ridiculous man. I can’t believe you drove all this way.” She glowed. Not some kind of pregnancy thing, or probably not. Hell, she’d been pregnant for all but like the first three weeks they knew each other. But no, the glow predated the sex. It was those eyes, all those blue hues playing catch and release with the light.
Theo deepened the kiss and she was right there with him. The kids giggled but she didn’t tug her fingers out of his hair, so he continued to stroke the beautiful strong arch of her spine.
“Well, howdy. You must be Andres.”
Rachel pulled back and dissolved into laughter, hiding her head in his chest. He looked past her to find his son fist bumping the woman who’d shepherded Rachel through her teens.
“Aunt, this is Theo and Andres. Guys, Karin Johnston.”
It was all very friendly. Iced tea and chatter about the broken car and preparing a beef-free dinner. After the kids were in bed, his new favorite person Aunt Johnston said, “I’ll listen out for them. Cricket, you go and show Theo what passes for a town around here.”
Yes. He was half-flustered, making sure she had his number in case Andres needed him, trying to figure where Hannah had stashed his shoes, remembering not to grope Rachel in front of her aunt. Then they were in his car, and he said, “Nearest place with a modicum of privacy?”
And she gripped his thigh—not helping—and laughed—extra not helping—and very helpfully directed him to past strip malls and drive-ins and down a dark and empty country road. “Here.”
He took it in. “Serious?”
“Serious. Now are you going to sit there or are you going to hop a graveyard fence with me?”
Grabbing a blanket from the back of the car, he followed her i
nto the darkness. And into an actual cemetery, trusting her to keep them from getting caught. Or haunted. Or both. They fetched up beside a maintenance shed, which was a relief. A little more shelter than the headstones; a lot less creepy. “You are working me into a state, love.”
“Don’t even pretend like you weren’t planning on getting very naked with me tonight. I know you didn’t drive all the way up here just to be sure our kids got a chance to bond like you’ve been scheming for all summer.”
“Hey. They’re going to share a sibling soon. They should be pals.”
“Agreed. But maybe let’s talk strategy later and get naked now?”
He couldn’t. Not until he got another taste of her. Not when touching her, any part of her, holding her and feeling her press against him was more vital even than hearing her say ‘I love you’ in person. Contact with Rachel. Lips, hands, bodies and lips and smiles and eyes shining in the darkness. It was everything he needed.
“I love you, Theo.”
Okay, he’d lied to himself. Those words, her hands playing in his beard as she said them, the utter conviction in her voice. That was everything he needed.
“I love you, too. An entire world of love.”
“Good. Strip.”
He kicked off his shorts and shrugged off his shirt, managing to drop them in a pile on the corner of the blanket. Her sandals and t-shirt landed in the same general area, and that was as far as she got before he rolled her under him and kissed his way along her jaw, her neck. That spot on her shoulder that made her giggle; he knew that spot so well. He would always know that spot, and if he was the luckiest person around, it would always make her giggle.
“I missed you.” Truest words, but she paired them with shoving down his boxers so it might not be obvious that being with him again set her on the verge of tears.
“Hey.” He stripped her body and her heart bare.
Was this this price of love? A man with constant access to her emotional core?
She hoped her kiss had the same effect on him. Probably it did. Probably that’s why he’d spent all day driving to rescue her, and was happy to be exposed to all the summer heat and mosquitos in the middle of a cemetery where she and her friends once set off a nonsense amount of fireworks and got away before anyone caught them.
“You need to be inside me right now.”
“Why, are we worried about cops?” He shackled her wrists above her head and slow motion explored her torso with his tongue.
“No. Just bugs. That’s not the point.” She undulated to be sure he knew what the point was.
“You are so impatient.”
“Fuck yes. It’s been like a century.”
“I know,” he said and covered her breast with his free hand. “I’ve been counting the seconds.”
“And guess what?” She wrenched back her hands and propped herself on her elbows. “I didn’t even tell you the best part.”
His mouth seemed to think her navel was the best part. Or lower. He bit at her hip. “There’s a best part?”
“Theo, pay attention.” She tugged at his hair. His back arched and his cock jerked against her, so she did it again. He smelled so much better than she ever had after driving six hours. Mint and oranges and Theo. “When I went to the doctor, she did an STD panel. We’re clean.”
He tilted his head at her. “I think we knew that already?”
“Well sure. But since we’re clean, and we’re already pregnant....”
She didn’t have to finish her leading statement before he thrust into her. Smart man. “Oh fuck. Rachel. You. This. Amazing.”
Totally amazing. Not the sex with no barriers. Or not just the sex with no barriers. Not just the hand he cradled under her head to keep it from the bumpy hard ground. Not just the other hand he slipped between them to drive her to a fever pitch. Not just the slick of her palms over his body, the moan as his tempo increased, the way he pressed his thumb hard to her clit when her breathing went ragged and he caught her mouth in a kiss that stole everything from her. Her orgasm, her screams, her heart.
No barriers, that was the amazing part. He was fully in her. Even after his thrusts deepened and she wrapped her legs around his back and demanded his release and he bucked and moaned and nipped at her lip and neck and shoulder and it sent a jolt straight to where they were joined. After they came and crashed back to the blanket and used their shirts as inadequate blankets over their sweaty, cooling skin. Humming and holding her hand and leaning over every few seconds for another gentle kiss. Even then, he was fully in her.
He’d gone and foraged around her soul, leaving alone the walls she still needed. Found space for himself. And it was so comfortable, having him in residence. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to let him leave.
Epilogue
The kids jostled each other hopping down the hallway-turned-raceway. Giggling. So much giggling.
For a few fall weekends, she and Hannah joined Theo on his treks up to Fort Worth so Andres could get to know them. Not every time, because Andres deserved his dad’s undivided attention no matter what else was happening in Theo’s life. In September, the kids thought dashing through the connecting doors of their hotel rooms to leap onto each other’s beds was a glorious game. In October, they’d insisted on a sleepover. Neither of them could settle down that night, and in the end Rachel curled up with Hannah and Theo with Andres. In November, they didn’t spend money on a second room.
Over Thanksgiving, when both kids were with their other parents, Rachel moved into Theo’s townhouse. He’d given Andres’s big bed to his aunt and uncle after their house flooded, leaving room for twin beds and an influx of Hannah’s possessions in the kids’ bedroom.
It wasn’t yet a squeeze. But they’d only just now stacked a messy, towering pile of gifts from Colorado under the Christmas tree. There was plenty of time for Andres and Hannah to get sick of being together all the time. She watched them go back to their starting line. Hannah wanted to race crab-style like Andres. Every time he came up with a new way to slow himself, she copied him and the playing field was uneven again.
“You’re borrowing trouble,” Theo said, bumping his hip to hers.
“Open the oven for me?”
He did, and she slid in a tray of cookies. They’d already mailed tins full of baked goods to Aunt Johnston and her parents and Blythe’s family. And Annalisa and Theo’s sisters and his parents. So much more holiday baking now. Good thing her beloved was an excellent dessert maker. They’d turned down the invites to visit Austin and Plainview; their first Christmas as a family was for the four of them.
“I’m not borrowing trouble. I’m monitoring in case trouble arrives, so I can jump in first thing.”
“Pretty sure that’s the same thing.” He stopped rubbing her back long enough to pass her a towel so she could wipe the flour from her shirt. The baby bump was nothing but an expanse waiting to be covered in spills.
Little One kicked at her to protest the characterization. “She wants more of your pecan pie.”
“Does she now?” Theo reached around and splayed a hand over their child, who seemed to be copying her siblings, crab walking around inside of Rachel. “Nope. That’s not what she wants.”
“Oh, really?” Her in-house expert. All his organizational drive, now he’d gotten Elixir back up and profitable, seemed focused on the stages of the baby’s development. Every day another tidbit about how she was growing. “What does she want? A green smoothie? A walk?”
“A wedding.”
She spun to face him. He wrapped a hand round her nape and pulled her in for a deep kiss. Well, as deep as he could manage with her trying to talk through it. And with his grin. And with the kids suctioning themselves to their legs. And with the oven timer going off.
“Theodoros Andreas Melis, did you just propose to me?”
“Everyone back up so we can get the cookies before they burn.” He winked at her while scooping up Hannah. Winked!
She gave Andres
the potholders and set a steadying hand on his crown while he leaned in to slide out the baking sheet. If her hand trembled a little, no one mentioned it. If she stared at the golden edges of the pfeffernüsse longer than necessary, everyone let it slide. Tears under control, wobbly smile in place, she faced her family. “Is that a yes?”
“I think that’s my line,” he said, pulling her in to his side. Hannah pushed away and he let her wriggle to the ground. “Out of the kitchen, you two. Go wash up for dinner.”
“Is dinner even ready?”
He moved so she could see the timer on the Instant Pot.
“Is that a yes?” She laughed a little while repeating herself.
“Yes, dinner is ready. Yes, I’m proposing. Yes, I want you to say yes. Yes, I want to spend forever with you and our children. Yes, my heart belongs to you. Yes, I’m thinking about a summer wedding, if you and Little One are up for it by then. Yes, there’s more pecan pie. Does that cover everything?”
She was nodding, because words were tricky things. Hard for her shallow lungs to push through her tight throat. The easiest decision she’d ever made, but hard to say.
“So. Rachel. My goddess, my companion, my love. Is that a yes?”
She swallowed. Whispered, “Yes.”
“Yes? Serious?” He voice was rough around the edges, too.
“So serious.”
The dinner timer went off, Hannah got obstinate about sitting in Andres’s favorite seat, Little One opted to sit on her bladder. She could not stop grinning.
“I was going to ask you, you know.”
Theo lowered his fork. “What?”
“Already put a ring in your stocking and everything.”
“You did?”
“Andres, go get your dad’s stocking, can you?”
Hannah trailed after him. While they waited, Rachel twined her fingers with Theo’s. “Don’t get too excited about the ring. I found it in the dress-up section of the toy store. But I wanted you to know—want you to know, in case you ever wondered, how much I want to spend my life with you. Not because of Little One, or because Hannah loves you or because I love Andres. It’s you, Theo. You’re everything to me, and I’m choosing you.”
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