by Jill Downey
Josie’s warm brown eyes stared at her with so much compassion it was nearly her undoing. Her voice choked with tears, “Thanks Josie.”
She shooed her out the door, “Go…go…before we both cry.”
Penelope let Raven have her head; they galloped through the barren meadow, the air cold and crisp. It was a sunny day which helped her mood immeasurably. Walt had tacked Raven up for her, but she hadn’t escaped without another round of troubled admonitions. It was both comforting and annoying at the same time. She wanted to lick her wounds in peace…thank you very much. She needed a minute.
She’d felt exposed with Griffin; he’d somehow penetrated her carefully erected walls. She’d let him in and was now paying the price. But was the answer to wall herself back in again? Had she learned nothing? It had felt warm and good and true to let her guard down with him.
Rather than feeling confined by the relationship, she’d felt free. Fully alive for maybe the first time in her life. That’s why she’d been so shocked and disappointed by his response to her confessions. She’d overcome such a personal hurdle to confide in him, and then to have him hold back, well, it had been devastating.
A sudden jolt went through her body as it dawned on her just how big a part fear had influenced her actions…the fear that their budding relationship couldn’t endure the pressures of fame, fear that she was too much, that she was unlovable, but the most troubling was her fear that he’d leave her. Her belief that men couldn’t be trusted and that they’d inevitably abandon her, had helped create the very reality she’d been avoiding. Had he abandoned her? His reaction had been honest and heartfelt, he’d just expressed it out loud at her most vulnerable moment, but that was hardly a crime.
Penelope transitioned from a canter to a walk and Raven snorted out her nose.
The thing now keeping her awake at night was that she was three weeks late with her period. She’d been blaming it on stress, but she had to face facts, she could be pregnant. Then what? She knew she’d have it but…did Griffin need to know, or would he even want to know? She understood all too well that a person couldn’t change overnight. He’d said point blank that he didn’t want to be needed. Being a dad was certainly about as needed as you could get.
She unconsciously put her hand on her belly and held it there. A baby. Her chest ached, a burst of pure joy, quickly chased by fear. She didn’t think she could survive losing another baby. But…like it or not, if she was pregnant, she was committed to seeing it through.
She’d ask Walt to drive her to town in the morning to pick up a test. If she was pregnant, she’d call Griffin. It was up to him how much or how little he wanted to be involved, but he had a right to know.
The following afternoon, Penelope stared at the thick line on the test stick not knowing whether to laugh or cry. She managed to fit both in. Archie tilted his head sizing up his mistresses’ mood.
“Mama’s okay. We’re going to have a baby to take care of Archie.” He lowered his head onto his paws, brow wrinkled.
“Don’t worry, you won’t be replaced.”
Before she lost her nerve, she punched in Griffin’s number and braced herself to give him her prepared speech. When she reached his voice mail she was thrown off; she hadn’t anticipated that one.
“Um…this is Penelope, can you call me when you get a chance? You’ve got my number.”
Her hands shook as she disconnected. Now all she could do was wait.
Griffin woke up with a slight hangover. He’d indulged in a little too much red wine last night. Since arriving in Saint-Tropez, he’d been burning the candle at both ends. If he could manage to drag himself out of bed, he’d walk to town and get an espresso and a cream-filled brioche to eat by the beach.
There was a knock on his bedroom door and Amelie popped her head in to see if he was awake yet. Shit, he’d forgotten about her. He’d insisted she sleep over since she’d been drinking, but much to her disappointment, he’d not invited her to share his bed.
“Cheri, es-tu réveillé?”
“Barely,” he said as he stretched, yawning loudly, then crawled naked out of bed.
“Homme sexy.”
“I feel like roadkill.”
“Je ne comprends pas.”
“Roadkill means…Ce n’est rein!” Forget it. His head hurt too bad to explain. “Retrouvez-moi dans le salon.” He closed the bathroom door behind him. He’d meet her in the salon after he showered, shaved and downed a couple of aspirin.
After showering, he toweled off then dressed, grabbing his cell phone on the way out. He saw that he’d missed a call that had come in around one in the morning. He’d been passed out by then. His heart skittered when he saw the number. Penelope.
If she’d called from Montana, with the eight-hour difference, it’d be around seven p.m. there now. He listened to her message three times. She sounded casual. Not much to go on. Call me. Something about the film maybe?
He scrubbed his hands roughly over his face. Why now? He’d have to think about it. He was here to forget. She could have been a little more informative. At any rate, he wasn’t ready to call her back…if he even did return the call. At this point, what was the point?
Amelie was waiting for him in the salon and they left together. As they walked the cobbled streets of the old fishing village, all he could think was that he wished it were Penelope beside him. She would love it here. He had to snap out of it, or he’d drive himself crazy. She wasn’t here, her choice, and the beautiful Amelie was. The aspirins were finally kicking in, thank you Jesus. He was going to forget about that call for now and seize the day. Carpe fucking diem.
43
Penelope didn’t know what she’d expected, but she was heartbroken that Griffin hadn’t bothered to return her call. It had been a week. If he was going to call, he would have by now. At least she’d given him a chance. A nagging voice in the back of her mind told her that she was copping out, but she ignored it. She could almost convince herself that she was relieved…almost but not quite.
“My son will say grace,” Josie said. They were gathered in the dining room, around Penelope’s massive oak table. Josie’s two adult sons and their wives had come. She only had one grandchild, a three-year-old named Angelica, and she sat in her booster seat between Josie and her daughter-in-law Ana. Her niece Malena, who had just moved here from California was also there.
Dolly and Ben had made it in time for the Thanksgiving feast, having flown in the day before. Walt’s eyes sparkled, and he couldn’t keep them off his date Emma. Of course, Archie was on standby for any scraps that might come his way.
They all bowed their heads while Luis prayed. They then began passing the food around, everyone but Penelope heaping their plates high.
Josie frowned, “Why aren’t you eating?”
“I’m feeling a little nauseous. I’m so sorry, everything looks so good.”
“That’s an excuse. I expect you to try a little of everything. How long are you going to mope around after a man?”
Dolly said, “You tell her Josie. She never listens to me.”
“I’m hardly moping. I’m riding Raven every day, I’m painting again, I’m reading, basically I’m on retreat.”
“Lo que sea, you can say that, but you can’t fool Josie, I’ve got my eyes on you,” Josie said, shaking her head. “I’m happy that almost everybody here likes my cooking.” They all laughed.
Penelope took a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m grateful to all of you for being here today. You’re my friends, but really, you’re my family. I have something to share.”
Everyone stilled, since Penelope wasn’t prone to grandstanding.
She felt all eyes boring into her. “This cannot go any further, you all have to promise.” Everyone nodded their heads, looking more curious by the second.
“I’m pregnant.”
There was a long pause, then everyone started talking at once.
Josie said, “Oh Dios mio.”
�
�Penelope! When did you find out?”
“A week ago. Walt remember when I had you drive me to town?”
He nodded his head, “I was wondering what was so important that ya yanked me away from stacking hay. I can’t wait to teach ’em how to wrangle.”
Penelope laughed, “I would be disappointed otherwise.”
“I will make homemade baby food. None of that processed stuff,” Josie said.
“Can I be the godmother?” Dolly asked.
“Yes!”
Penelope felt her burden lift. She was not alone. She had everything she needed. Financial security, a home, and her friends. She could do this. For the first time since she had left Griffin, she knew in her heart that she and this baby were going to be fine. And this baby would have heaps of love.
As Penelope was brushing her teeth there was a knock at her door. “It’s Dolly.”
“Come on in.” She rinsed her mouth and went in and sat on her bed.
Dolly plopped down beside her. “Hey, I’m excited that I’m going to be an auntie!”
“You’ll be a fabulous aunt. What about me? Do you think I’ll be able to do this mom thing?”
Dolly snorted, “Are you kidding me? Archie, what do you think? Is she a great mom or what?” Penelope laughed at Archie who had cocked his head to the side at the mention of his name. “All kidding aside, you’re going to be a great mom.”
“Are you happy for me?”
“As long as it’s what you want, I’m ecstatic.”
“It is. After the initial shock wore off, I’m really excited. I always thought I’d have kids but after I lost my baby, it never seemed like the right time…I guess not everything has to be planned.”
“I wouldn’t be your friend if I didn’t ask—what about Griff?”
“I called him right away.”
“And?”
“He didn’t pick up or return my call.”
“Let me guess, so you took that as a sign that you should drop it. You did your due diligence?”
“Dolly, you make me sound terrible. Listen, one of the last fights we had, Griffin admitted that he struggled with being needed or needing someone. He didn’t like it or want it. A baby is the biggest commitment there is.”
“That’s not fair to him and it’s taking it out of context. I don’t know what he said or how he said it, but he wasn’t responding to his child in your belly.”
Penelope cupped her abdomen and looked down at the ground. “I hear what you’re saying.”
“Call him again.”
“I don’t know.”
“I do!”
“And then what, guilt trip him into getting back together? What if he wants parental rights but doesn’t want me? Can you imagine that nightmare? Him on the east coast, me on the west?”
“Penelope, it is his baby too. You can’t control everything. You’ll work it out. Have a little faith. If you search your heart, I think you already know what kind of guy he is. I think he’s legit.”
“I wasn’t going to bring this up but hold on.” Penelope went over to her nightstand and opened the top drawer pulling out a magazine.
Rolling her eyes, Dolly grabbed it from Penelope. “The gossip rags strike again. Oh shit!”
“Yeah, oh shit,” Penelope said.
It pained her every time she looked at it, Griffin and the famous French model splashed on the cover, frolicking together in Saint-Tropez.
“He didn’t waste any time returning to his playboy lifestyle,” Penelope said.
“You know as well as I do that you can’t believe most of what’s in these stupid magazines. They already have you and Noah back together. Wounded hero, rescuing his true love, the beautiful Penelope Winters…finally back together. The way it was meant to be,” she said theatrically.
“If I call him again, I’ll wait until the second trimester. I don’t want to put us both through all that and then lose the baby.”
“I guess that makes some sense. Promise you’ll try again?”
“I promise.”
“Good enough for me. I’ll drop the subject. Now what about names?”
Penelope laughed, “I’ve got a list a mile long. We’ll work on that.”
Standing, Dolly yawned loudly, “I’m off to bed. Thanks for inviting us. We’re having a blast. And the guest house is perfect.”
“Thanks for coming. If either of you want to go for a trail ride tomorrow, I’ll take you out.”
“Deal! I would love it.”
“See you in the morning.”
“Night.”
Penelope snuggled in with Archie. And now there were three. She already knew this baby. Reaching up, she switched off the lamp and immediately fell into a deep sleep.
44
Griffin tucked the white formal dress shirt into his trousers. He’d decided to wear his slim-fitting, black, hand-tailored suit and a textured black and gray tie. They were kicking off the first premier of Die for You in LA followed by the UK premier in London, then on to Tokyo. The film would be released the first Friday in May. He’d been interviewed by Jimmy on the late talk show last night. He shook his head, crazy.
Today, he’d see Penelope for the first time in almost six months. He wondered how she’d act and what it was going to be like to see her again. Other than the tabloids linking her with Noah, Penelope had kept a low profile since filming wrapped, letting Noah and him carry the load of promoting the film. He didn’t blame her after what she’d been through. Her name was enough to sell the film anyway.
His old life no longer fit, but he had yet to figure out what that meant. She was probably still furious, or even worse hurt, that he’d never returned her call all those months ago. He just hadn’t been able to make himself do it. Now here they were.
Since Ty was in the film, he’d brought him along. He was practically jumping out of his skin with excitement.
“Hurry up dude,” Ty said pacing.
Ty was the perfect date. He didn’t need the speculation about his love life right now. Truth be told, other than casual dating, he had no love life. He finished adjusting his cuff links then he and Ty headed out the door. His driver was waiting. It was going to be a star-studded evening with the entertainment talking heads out in full force.
“Let’s go,” he said.
They climbed into the back of the limo and the driver whisked them away. He nervously adjusted his tie and stared out the window as they made their way to the historic Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. Everyone was familiar with the footprints and handprints and signatures of movie stars imprinted in front of the building. It was a huge tourist draw. But a lot of people didn’t know that many of the movie premiers were held here.
The limo pulled up to the pandemonium of crowds, traffic and arrivals. Security was tight and the fans were cordoned off from the red carpet. He had cut his arrival as close as possible. Griffin and Ty stepped out to the sound of screaming fans pointing and calling out to Griffin. Was he actually stepping on to the red carpet? It was like a dream.
“Man, I need to up my swag. This is amazing. I just saw Brad Pitt!”
Griffin couldn’t believe that people actually recognized him. Fuck, the film hadn’t even released yet but there was already Oscar buzz. The recognition didn’t come as a complete shock; he’d done numerous interviews solo as well as alongside Noah. The film had also been featured in People Magazine and he’d even landed on the cover of Vogue and GQ.
He stopped to sign a few autographs until one of the entertainment show hosts poked a mic in his face and began interviewing him, even as more of the A-listers of Hollywood were arriving.
“What does it feel like to go from relative obscurity to becoming the latest Hollywood commodity?”
“Frankly, its surreal. I’m trying to roll with it.”
“It can’t be easy. I hear you’ve been living in France. Was that to get away from all of the attention?”
He flashed his irresistible grin for the camera. “You
’ve got my number.”
“Obviously this is your first film premier, are you prepared?”
“It was described to me that it’s like an initiation. Everyone has put a ton of hard work behind and in front of the camera. It’s a celebration and acknowledgement of that. We’ve achieved something. I think the public is going to love this film. Stewart Abrams is a genius. And Penelope and Noah turned in Oscar-worthy performances.”
“Who is this handsome young man standing next to you?”
“This is my nephew Tyler. He’s got a small part in the film.”
“I’d say your gene pool is pretty blessed.”
“Thank you.”
“Where’s your beautiful co-star?”
He feigned looking at his watch. “I’m sure she’ll be here any minute.”
“Well speaking of…here comes the queen herself, Penelope Winters.”
Griffin felt his stomach lurch, and he turned to see Penelope being assisted out of the limo, by no other than Noah Davis. It hurt. He’d be lying if he said otherwise.
His eyes widened. Was that a baby bump? She looked pregnant! It was all belly, so he knew she hadn’t just put on weight. He knew nothing about having babies, so he was no judge of how far along she was. She wasn’t about to pop but she wasn’t in the early stages either. Shit!
Even from a short distance, Penelope still took his breath away. Her metallic green sequined gown was sleeveless and high waisted to accommodate the swell of her belly. It had a low vee neck, revealing the swell of her breasts, now even more lush from her pregnancy. Her hair was swept up in a Chignon with tendrils already escaping, framing her delicate beauty. The gown was split all the way up the side, providing tantalizing glimpses of her shapely thigh.
Tyler’s jaw dropped. Griffin narrowed his eyes and gave a slight shake of his head in warning. Dolly and Ben got out right behind Penny and Noah. Dolly saw them and waved, he waved back, then turned to the woman interviewing him when she asked another question.