“Aren’t you reporting on my movements to him?”
“No, whatever you might think of your brother, he’s not interested in violating your privacy. He just wants to know you’re okay.”
I leant closer to him until I was just a whispers breath away from his face.
“Are you going to tell him I’m not after what I said to you?”
“I don’t tell him what we talk about.”
“Then what do you tell him?”
His hand moved higher under my t-shirt, his fingers trailing over my ribcage.
“Not much. His focus is on Liora and the baby, not what you, Fi and James are doing. As long as you don’t fuck up with the company in his absence, he’s got more important things on his mind.”
That was true. Dante had a one track mind at the moment. He barely spent time with anyone except Liora.
“Is he okay?”
“He’s stressed. I don’t think the pregnancy has been easy on him for many reasons.”
“I know Liora’s not been so well through some of it, but what else could he be stressing out about?”
Brent’s hand on my side stilled.
“I can’t talk to you about it.”
“Why not?”
“D’s secrets aren’t mine to tell.”
I was going to press him, but I stopped. Prying out my brother’s secrets via his best friend was fucked up and wrong. I couldn’t do that to Brent or Dante.
“Is he talking though? Not bottling it all up like he usually does.”
“Sometimes. You know how D is.”
Dante had always been the stoic one with the most to hide. He kept himself locked up tight, only allowing a few people close to him in. Even though he knew most of mine and Fi’s secrets, he never really shared his own with us. I swear James knew more about Dante’s life than I did. I guess sometimes it bothered me, but I’d always had Fi. Now, she was all loved up with Jensen and I was left with no one.
Well… I had Brent, so I guess I had someone even if he wasn’t the someone I expected.
“You know it’s kind of ironic he insisted on Fi and I getting therapy when it’s clear he needs it himself.”
“I wouldn’t tell him that, he’d likely tell you to get lost and stay out of his business.”
I almost laughed. Dante would go apeshit. He might interfere in our lives, but he sure as hell didn’t like anyone trying to interfere in his.
“Have you tried?”
“No, I’m not stupid. Trying to tell him to do anything is like taking your life in your own hands. You think you have a temper, but when D gets pissed, he really loses his shit. You’re lucky you’ve never really been on the receiving end of it.”
Sure, I’d seen Dante angry in the past, but he’d never lost his temper with me, Fi or James.
“Has Liora?”
“Most definitely, but she’s also the only person in the world who can calm him down. She gives him solace. Honestly, getting those two to admit their feelings was a nightmare back when she first came here. The two of them are stubborn as fuck.”
“I can well imagine.”
Was I being just as stubborn? Refusing to admit how I felt even to myself? I didn’t want to think about it. I did too much of that.
My fingers trailed lower, dancing across his stomach. I felt him tense and let out a breath which fluttered across my face.
“Jen…” he whispered, his tone laced with warning.
Even so, his hand crept higher until he cupped my breast, his thumb running over the nub. If he thought we could stop now, he was sorely mistaken. His touch was utterly maddening. Fire burnt in my veins, growing hotter by the second.
“Please,” I breathed.
“Christ, fuck this.”
His mouth crashed against mine, his tongue pressing against my lips and demanding I let him in. His hand left my breast, crushing me to him before he rolled us over so I was on top of him. My hips ground against his, making him moan in my mouth. The sound spurred me on. My hands went to his boxers, tugging at them as he tried to rip my t-shirt off me. Our kiss broke momentarily as clothes flew in all directions, then his lips were back on mine and his hands holding my face so he could devour me.
I ground against him, coating his length in my arousal. Fuck did I want to feel him inside me. It’d been too long. Far too fucking long. Sometimes I wished sex with him wasn’t the best I’d ever had so I didn’t keep wanting what I shouldn’t have.
One of his hands left my face and gripped his cock, angling it upwards so I could sink down on him. I almost choked out a loud groan in his mouth the moment the head of his cock pressed inside me. No one filled me quite like he did. No one felt this good. No one had ever made me crave them with such wild intensity.
He let go of his cock and placed his hand on my thigh, pushing me down so I’d take all of him. How could I ever think I could live without this? How could I take sex off the table when all I wanted was to fuck Brent again and again? He made me feel safe and wanted. Wanted in a way I’d never felt before. He liked me. I mean really liked me. It wasn’t just about sex with him. I could talk to him and he didn’t belittle my feelings. When we were together, I didn’t feel inadequate.
“I’ve missed this,” I whispered. “I’ve missed you.”
I took his hands, lacing my fingers with his as I pressed them against the bed. Staring down at him as I rocked back and forth on his length, I knew there was no going back. We weren’t friends. We were more.
“Jen…”
“Don’t say it. I know all the reasons why we can’t do this.”
“What do you want from me?”
My heart was in my mouth. If I admitted it then this would be real. I wouldn’t be able to take it back. He’d know the truth.
“No labels. Just this. You and me. I don’t want to feel guilty for sleeping with you or wanting to be near you.” I just want you, Brent. All of you. But that part I can’t tell you.
He was silent for a long moment.
“I don’t want to keep lying to D. You know how it felt when Fi kept her relationship with Jensen from you. How is this any different?”
It wasn’t. How could we do this to Dante? Lie to him like this. It hadn’t really hit me before. I mean I knew I shouldn’t lie to my brother but hearing the pain in Brent’s voice made it real.
“It’s not,” I whispered.
“Then you understand why I can’t say yes. Why I can’t give you what you’re asking for.”
I didn’t realise how much a human heart could hurt until he said those words. It burnt, fractured and broke. The shards embedded into my ribcage.
He wouldn’t pick me over my brother.
The person I wanted.
I couldn’t have.
Not in the way I needed.
And all of me really needed this man.
“I do.”
“I’m sorry, Jen. You have no idea how much.”
“We can’t keep doing this.”
“No.”
I let go of his hands and kissed him, holding back the tears which threatened to spill out as I moved against him. His hands went to my hips, encouraging me to ride him harder. And when we both reached that final peak, my heart broke further. I had no idea how I would glue those tiny pieces back together.
When I was sure he’d fallen asleep afterwards, I crept into the bathroom and sat on the lid of the toilet. Silent tears fell down my face as I stuck my fist in my mouth to hold back a sob.
I’d gone and done something stupid.
I’d caught feelings for my brother’s best friend.
And the knowledge he’d never be mine hurt worse than I could’ve ever imagined.
Chapter Twelve
Brent
Did I feel like the world’s biggest arsehole in regard to Jen right now?
You fucking bet.
I knew I’d hurt her. I shouldn’t have given in and slept with her again. She ju
st did shit to me. Made me so crazy for her. I loved the girl to pieces. She meant the world to me, but I couldn’t risk my friendship with Dante. The Bensons were family to me. We were closer than I was to my own. So yeah, that made me a dick for ever starting down this road with Jen.
She’d been quiet when we had breakfast and it remained that way after we checked out and headed over to Cam’s. The girls were jumping up and down when we got there, excited to be spending the day with me. Crystal, Jaqueline and April were all under ten. They were good girls. They might be boisterous and mouthy at times, but they never gave me any attitude. Then again, I never really allowed the kids to get away with any shit with me.
Jen and I had taken them around several shops to outfit them. She’d been smiling then, helping them pick out clothes which suited their personalities. Jen in her element was a sight to behold. The efficiency in which she looked through the racks and hustled the girls into the changing rooms made me fucking proud. She had no idea of the hold she had on me nor how she commanded a room with her presence. I couldn’t tell her how I really felt and it killed me.
She kept smiling at me as if to tell me she liked my nieces. I appreciated her being here and helping them. For the first time since we’d left Dante’s, I didn’t regret bringing her with me. Fuck knows I would’ve been useless without her.
We took them to lunch before dropping them back home. They’d stormed up the stairs, yelling about how much fun they’d had, which I don’t think Cam was too impressed with, but I didn’t care. The kids had clothes which fit them and it was all that mattered.
We’d popped in to see Dad again, but as usual, he had a can of cider in his hand with his attention on the TV. I’d given up trying to get him out of the house and off the alcohol a long time ago. He didn’t want to help himself.
Jen’s silence on the way home spoke volumes. The dark cloud hanging over us, a suffocating presence I couldn’t get rid of, weighed heavily on me. I wanted to reach out to her, tell her I’d give her what she needed from me. The iron bars separating us and the guilt I felt held me back. Kept me from being with her in the way I’d always wanted.
We were only minutes away from the house, when I finally broke the tense atmosphere.
“Thank you… for helping me with the girls.”
“It’s okay,” she muttered, not looking at me.
“Look, Jen, I—”
“You made yourself very clear last night. I don’t want to talk about it again. It’d only be us going around in circles.”
We were stopped at traffic lights so I reached over and put a hand on her arm. She flinched at the contact.
“I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Too fucking bad. The damage is already done.”
Her words made me feel helpless. I retracted my hand as the lights changed and turned into our road. When I pulled up, Jen already had her hand on the door handle.
“Don’t hate me, please,” I said quietly.
She looked back at me after she opened the door, her blue eyes filled with unshed tears.
“I let you in, Brent,” she whispered. “I let you in like you wanted and I thought you’d let me in too. That’s not what hurts the most. You think there has to be a choice between me and Dante, but you’re wrong. And the fact you can’t see that…” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t hate you. I just hate I allowed you in enough so you had the power to hurt me.”
She got out of the car and slammed the door. She shut me out and I couldn’t say I didn’t deserve it. Her words whirled around my head. Was I really looking at this all wrong? The thing is I couldn’t imagine Dante not wanting to hit me in the face for getting involved with his sister. Dante knew me better than anyone. He’d suspect the truth. That I’d always had feelings for Jen. How could he not hate me for it considering Jen had been fifteen back then? She might have been only days away from turning sixteen, but how could it be anything but wrong to want a girl who was underage the day we met?
I shook myself and got out of the car, grabbing our bags from the boot and following Jen in the house. The man himself was coming down the stairs with a frown etched on his face as Jen stormed by him up to her room. He reached the bottom step as I closed the front door.
“You care to explain why my sister looks like she’s either about to burst into tears or kill someone?”
“You know Jen.”
“What did you do?”
“Me?”
He raised an eyebrow, waving a hand at me.
“Well, it’s clear you took her with you to your sister’s although fuck knows why.”
“You have met Jen, right? She doesn’t take no for an answer.”
He shook his head. I dropped our bags down by the door and followed him into the kitchen, knowing this conversation was far from over.
“How’s your family?”
“Same as usual. Causing unnecessary trouble.”
He smirked and rolled his eyes before opening the fridge.
“What’s up with you and Jen, then? You’ve been spending a lot of time with her.”
I leant against the counter and folded my arms across my chest.
“She’s lonely, D. You do remember that’s why she moved back in with you, right?”
He tugged a bunch of stuff out of the shelves and dumped it on the counter next to him. So he was in charge of dinner tonight. Didn’t surprise me considering how close to giving birth Liora was. Besides, he could whip up something decent when he put his mind to it. He just preferred to let Liora run the household.
“I do. Just didn’t think you and her would finally put aside your differences.”
“I guess burying the hatchet seemed better than constantly bickering. Besides, I remember someone telling me to keep an eye on her.”
He sighed and ran his hand along the back of his neck.
“I do worry about her, but Jen’s always been so stubborn and independent. Didn’t think she’d want her older brother hanging around her all the time.”
“She misses Fi more than she lets on. Don’t think it would hurt if you spent more time with her.”
“She tell you that?”
I shook my head. There were many things Jen had told me, but none of them I was about to reveal to her brother. No matter what had happened between Jen and me, I wouldn’t betray her trust like that.
“No, I think she’s feeling left out now the rest of you are coupled up, you know.”
“Hmm… Jen’s never really done the relationship thing, but I can see why it might bother her. I don’t know what to do, it’s not like I can replace Fi for her or anything. No one can.”
Jen wants that from you, idiot, not her brother. She wants you to be her friend, but she wants more too and you’re too scared to give it to her.
I hated myself for it. I wanted so much to be Jen’s everything and yet risking everything for her felt like a step too far. What if it didn’t work out? What if I wrecked not only my friendship with Dante but my source of income and my home only for me to be left with nothing at all? Jen didn’t understand the full picture. How could I tell her I’d loved her this whole time? That she’d been the only woman to haunt my every waking moment. How these last few months having touched her, felt her and got to know her more had only deepened my feelings. Jen would always be permanently etched on my heart.
I was about to respond when Jen herself walked into the kitchen. I swear my eyes just about popped out of my head. Jen had somehow in a very short space of time transformed herself from jeans and a t-shirt to a knee-length almost sheer black dress, her hair up in a ballerina bun with sky-high black heels adorning her feet. She looked stunning. My heart ached at the sight of her. I wanted so much to take her in my arms, hold on to her and never let go.
“I’m going out,” she declared, making Dante frown when he turned to look at her.
“Don’t you want dinner?”
“No thanks.”
“I thought we could all watch a film or something.”
“Sorry to disappoint. Maybe tomorrow night.”
Her eyes raked over me for a moment and a flash of pain appeared across her features before her face cleared. Well fuck. Was she going because of me? Hell, did I want to march her back upstairs and make her change out of that. Not only did the sight of her make me hard, but I didn’t want anyone else seeing her like that. Especially not when I had a suspicion about who she was going out to see.
Don’t be a possessive dickhead! She can wear what she wants. She’s not yours.
“Okay… have fun, I guess. Don’t get into trouble.”
She batted her eyes at him, making me grin because she knew very well it would wind her brother up.
“Me? Cause trouble? I don’t know what you mean.”
“Don’t play the fool, Jen. Behave yourself.”
“Ugh, you’re such a spoilsport, you know that?”
“If it means you stay out of trouble, I’ll take that.”
She rolled her eyes and stalked out of the room. I had to hold back from going after her. God I wanted to quiet that smart mouth of hers. Teach her not to wind me or Dante up. But I wouldn’t. I’d already hurt my firestorm. I didn’t need her hating me all over again.
The front door slammed and Dante turned back to me.
“What did you do to piss her off earlier?”
I should’ve known he wouldn’t drop the subject.
“Why does it have to be something I did?”
He gave me a look. Okay, yes, it was entirely my fault, but admitting the reason why to him? Impossible.
“You and her are always at odds regardless of whether you’ve been all pally for the past few weeks.”
“I didn’t do anything. She’s just in a mood. Fuck knows why.”
Liar.
“Fine, whatever you say, just sort it out. I happened to like the peace and quiet afforded from you two being friendly rather than shouting at each other.”
I knew that was a dig at me for when we’d had a full on shouting match the evening we were meant to be celebrating Margo, his mother. It couldn’t be helped. Nor Jen sneaking down to my flat for sex afterwards. Well shit, I didn’t need a reminder of how many times I’d slipped up and given in to the pulsating desire between us. Just lucky Dante hadn’t noticed my reaction to Jen’s attire. I’d been turned away from him slightly. Him catching me with a hardon for his sister wouldn’t end well. But damn, I couldn’t get the images of her naked and riding me out of my head. Nor when I’d had her bent over in my bed, fucking her with no mercy because she’d wound me the fuck up. Her taut little body pressed against mine and her face screwed up with ecstasy. No better sight in the world than her crying out my name as she came all over my cock.
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