by Heleen Kist
ME
My noise-cancelling headphones weren’t fully blocking out the colleagues standing close by. On their mid-morning break, they were retelling some of the jokes from the comedy show they’d seen the night before. I watched them, distracted, out of the corner of my eye; a little group of young, healthy-looking, like-minded men and women enjoying life. No drama. No tension.
I admired the ease with which the conversation flowed, the wordless passing of the baton for the next person to build on what had been said before and delight further.
Sally’s laughter was raucous and before long, I caught myself chuckling along, even if I hadn’t heard the actual gag. I imagined myself party to this warm, good humoured exchange. I could be like them; open, accepting, gregarious even. Making friends, casual conversation. Why not?
I took my headphones off to join them, but the group dissipated before they noticed me, each one returning to the work I’d set for them. I was the boss, and probably not a person they’d want to spend time with socially anyway.
A green bubble popped onto the screen of my new mobile.
Suki insisted that as the representative of a pioneering technology start-up, it was unacceptable for me to not have the latest, highest-spec phone when the Americans came to town. Plus, she’d teased, there was no way she was going to hang out with a Nokia-waving dork.
So I’d taken the bus into town that morning and entered the bright, white Mecca for gadget lovers, where I’d been overwhelmed by the choice laid out on row after row of long pine tables.
I almost ran when a smiling, bearded chap skipped my way, iPad in hand. But I knew if I wanted to get what I needed quickly, I’d have to engage with this stranger.
Fifteen minutes and many, many hundreds of pounds later, I was the proud owner of a surprisingly light, sleek black device. I might have been new to smart phones, but I was no fool, and quickly disabled the tracking and all except the most necessary privacy-intruding features while I walked to work.
A message from Suki flashed at me.
Meet me for lunch. 12.30. A New Leaf.
Was this the kind of ‘hanging out’ she meant when she’d dissed my phone? Hanging out — such a friend thing to do. I took a sip of water to neutralise a spark of excitement. It would only be a work thing. Didn’t bankers ‘do lunch’ all the time?
Nevertheless, I watched the clock on the lower right side of my screen intently until it was time to set off the few blocks to Teviot Square.
Outside, the sun had returned after a few days’ absence, a last hurrah for the Scottish summer. It hit the top of my head and I pulled my ponytail loose to feel the warmth spread across my scalp.
A queue spilled onto the pavement outside the bistro. My step quickened. What if there was no room for us?
I slunk past the bodies on the pavement to peer inside and was relieved to see Suki already seated, deep in concentration. Her manicured thumbs danced over her phone’s keys at a dizzying speed, the tip of her tongue squashed between her lips.
The place was packed, and the smell of coffee punched me in the face. I shifted my weight from one leg to the other by the side of her table, subduing my shortness of breath. No reaction. ‘Hello.’
Suki kept her head down and raised her index finger while she continued swiping with her right thumb. After a few awkward seconds, Suki put her mobile down, and looked at the empty bench opposite.
‘What are you still doing standing there?’ She laughed and said, ‘Sit! Sit!’ sounding like her mother. ‘Sorry. I was in the middle of a complicated email.’
I slid into the booth and grabbed the plastic-coated menu. I’d heard about their mysterious green smoothies, but I was after something more substantial — something that would take a little longer to consume. ‘What are you having?’ I asked.
‘Chickpea tacos,’ she replied. ‘They’re awesome. You should have them too. Or you can get something else and have a taste of mine.’
It was as if sharing food was the most normal thing in the world. I blinked. ‘Okay.’
Suki looked around for the waitress who darted around the venue like the target at an arcade shooting game.
‘Listen, I wanted to talk to you outside the office because... Well, because of Justin. Let’s just say I’m not his favourite person at the moment,’ she said.
‘You can say that again.’
‘Let’s just say I’m not his favourite person at the moment.’ Suki chortled. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t resist.’
‘Laugh all you like. He had a huge go at me.’
Her eyes widened; the fun gone. ‘When?’
‘Last night. He phoned me at home. It was the last thing I needed.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Suki hunched forward to grab my hand then jumped upright again and shook her head. ‘No. Sorry, not sorry. You know what? He’s not entitled to give you a hard time over... what? The fact he’s been caught? What he did was wrong. Full stop.’
Suki’s fieriness disoriented me, as her unclear intentions had the day before. ‘Why—’
She interrupted. ‘I know I messed up — we can’t have this impact the acquisition. I’ll fix it. But he needs to know he can’t wipe the floor with us.’
‘Us?’
‘Him. Them. Us. Women. I’m sick of men lording it over us, disrespecting our work. Behaving like we’re some thing, a second rate—’ Catching my bemusement, she deflated. ‘God, listen to me. Like I’m on some sort of feminist crusade. That’s not it. I discovered the injustice and it was so... Ugh.’ She wriggled like she’d been covered in worms.
‘Why did you do it?’ I asked.
She cocked her head. ‘Why did I accuse Justin of cheating you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Because it was so glaring. There hadn’t even been an attempt to justify it — or to hide it. I did it because I knew you wouldn’t have stood up for yourself if I’d told you first. And because... I don’t know. I like you. You’re smart. And nice. You deserve better.’
My heart skipped and I turned away — outwardly to look for the waitress, but really so that Suki wouldn’t see me blush.
Instead, it was Claire who did. She was standing right next to us. I pressed the back of my hand against my cheek and smiled meekly.
‘Hello, Laura.’ Claire let her eyes drift from me to Suki and back. ‘And Suki. What a nice surprise.’
Suki gave a small wave. ‘Oh hey, Claire.’
‘You two know each other?’ I asked.
‘Yes,’ said Claire. ‘Suki and I worked together at a Madainn-sponsored awards ceremony last year.’
‘I needed to stay close to Claire to make sure we’d win the prize for best corporate finance house of the year.’ Suki laughed.
Claire held her hands up in defence. ‘You got me... you’ve uncovered the deep dark secret of PR.’ Her mobile pinged. She read the message. ‘Oh. I get lunch here with friends every week, but I’ve been stood up today.’
Suki skooshed sideways. ‘Why don’t you join us?’
I clutched the tabletop. What was Suki doing? We were having a nice time. Had she not wanted to talk about things?
Claire hesitated.
Suki patted the seat beside her. ‘The more the merrier.’
‘Okay. Don’t mind if I do. Have you ordered?’ Claire looked around the café. ‘It can be a bit tricky when it’s busy like this.’
Suki finally succeeded in waiving the waitress over. ‘Not yet.’
After we placed our orders, I watched the two make expert small talk. About the smoothies, the weather, Claire’s lovely new highlights. All smiles. Easy for them. Had they been this chummy when they worked together? Is that what Suki did? Charm you until she didn’t need you anymore?
I jumped in. ‘Claire’s taken over the organisation of Empisoft’s conference from my friend Emily, who was a real fan of technology.’ The little dig went unnoticed as the dead friend reminder stopped the conversation cold. Suki cleared her throat and sipped at her water. Thankfully,
the waitress came with our plates, giving us something to do. We chomped on our greens in silence.
Suki eventually asked me, ‘Are you doing anything for the conference this year?’
I shrugged. ‘Not much. I tend to just show up in case there are questions.’
Claire tried to catch my eye. She was pointing at her own teeth. What did she want? Suki joined in, wiping her teeth with her finger. I wondered if it was a game. I supposed I should do the same, and that was when I realised I’d been talking with a shred of spinach lodged between my teeth. A hot flush ran across my cheeks. Such a dope. My goofy chuckle released laughter from the other two. I glowed inside.
‘Laura’s being modest,’ said Claire. ‘She runs a technical breakout session which is in high demand. In fact, it’s got a waiting list.’
Suki smiled warmly. ‘Yes, I’ve discovered “modest” is Laura’s default setting. I’m on a mission to shake that out of her.’
I looked down, brushing focaccia crumbs off my lap.
‘What are you two doing together?’ Claire asked Suki, whose eyes darted straight to me.
‘It’s okay, Suki,’ I said. ‘Claire is the only other person who knows about the acquisition.’
‘Oh good,’ Suki said. ‘Because I wanted to mention something about PeopleForce—’
I winced. ‘She didn’t know who Empisoft’s buyer was...’
‘Oops.’ Suki grinned. ‘Well, you do now, Claire. You’ll keep that quiet, won’t you? However hard that must be for a PR person.’
‘Sure thing. It’ll be our little secret.’ Claire raised her glass and Suki clinked it. They held their glasses in the air, waiting, until I realised what was expected. Our three glasses chinked in tune. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt included like this.
Claire picked the coriander from her falafel pita. ‘What were you talking about when I arrived?’
Suki replied before I could. ‘Funnily enough it’s about Laura being too bloody modest.’
I buried my hands in my face. ‘Suki, stop.’
‘No. Claire will appreciate this, won’t you?’ Suki grabbed my hands and pulled them away. ‘Here’s Laura with her brilliant mind who set up this company with Justin fifty-fifty. And guess what?’
Claire’s eyes glistened with interest. ‘What?’
Suki rubber her fingers together, the international sign for money. ‘Turns out he’s finagled some secret share options worth a million.’
Claire’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Shut up!’
I flapped my hands to make it stop. ‘No, please. It’s okay. It’s not as bad as it sounds.’ But I waved, I wondered: wasn’t it? Why was I defending him? Force of habit?
No. It’s that it wasn’t about the money. Him getting a million more would make no difference to the fact I was about to be seriously wealthy. I just wasn’t sure if it was worth the trouble, the fall out. How on Earth could I make that point without sounding completely obnoxious?
‘It’s not okay,’ Suki said firmly. ‘But we’ll need to find a better way to fix it than what I’ve done.’
Claire raised her eyebrows. ‘Oh?’
‘I’ve caused a bit of a rift between them by speaking out,’ Suki said. ‘And that’s not good for the deal.’
‘I think you did what you had to do. But please tell me the acquisition is still going ahead,’ Claire pleaded. ‘My boss is all excited about the big front-page news we’re going to get at the conference. He doesn’t know what it is... And it’s killing him. I keep reminding him I’ve been sworn to secrecy.’ She let a mischievous grin escape. ‘Truth be told, I’m enjoying toying with him—’
‘Ha!’ Suki hooted.
‘If I don’t follow through with something big,’ Claire added. ‘I’ll be in deep trouble. He’s already looking for any excuse to keep me down.’
Before I could ask about that, I heard a slap. The three of us looked towards the rear of the bistro, from where the sound had come. We watched the waitress wave a finger in anger at one of the customers and his arm retreat into his booth.
As the waitress reached our table, Suki asked, ‘What was that?’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, unwelcome wandering hands.’
My jaw dropped. ‘Are you okay?’
She waved her hand. ‘Och, I’m fine. Thanks.’
‘Shouldn’t you report him or something?’ Claire asked.
‘Oh honey, if I did that every time a man harassed me, I’d never get anything done.’ She refreshed the water carafe. ‘Anything else?’
‘Yes, a medium cappuccino for me please,’ said Claire.
‘Me too.’
‘Me three.’
The waitress walked away, giving the guilty booth a wide berth.
‘God, it’s relentless, isn’t it?’ Suki said, shaking her head. ‘If we’re not being harassed, we’re being patronised. You should’ve heard my managing partner Angus telling me how to do my job when I’m the one who’s brought this deal in. He wouldn’t know technology if it bit him on the arse.’
‘You should hear the horrible sexist remarks Suki gets thrown at her in the office, Claire,’ I said.
‘Well my boss Darren is also a first prize ass.’ Claire pursed her lips. ‘Thinks he’s this big swinging dick. Doesn’t recognise hard work. All he cares about is appearances. He won’t give me the sector I want to work on because I don’t bloody look the “arty” part.’ Claire’s face was flushed. She knotted her napkin around her fingers. ‘No, all that matters is that his firm looks good. Let’s get the German speccy nerd to do Culture. Give Pure Brilliant’s clients a supposedly sophisticated person to work with. Never mind I’m more senior, and frankly better at this. To hell with the clients. All that matters is beating Rebel Agency and be the top PR company in Scotland.’ She made a frame with her hands as though that statement should be in lights. Claire seemed to catch Suki’s eyebrow, which had been arched for a while. ‘Oh my God, Laura, I got onto my high horse and forgot you were a client. I didn’t mean it — we do good work.’
‘It’s cool,’ I said. ‘I know you do. And I’ve no need to meet this Darren guy.’ I chose not to mention Emily again, not wanting to ruin the growing camaraderie.
‘Lucky you.’ Claire shuddered. ‘Ugh. He summons you into his office, where he sits with his arms behind his head, flashing his muscles in his short-sleeved shirt. Manspreading under the table. He’s so vain. Completely obsessed with getting a buff body. Spends a fortune on facials, did you know?’ She blew a stream of air out, shaking her head. ‘And has the gall to tell women when he doesn’t think we’ve made enough of an effort.’ Then she grinned. ‘The joke’s on him, though. He’s got a big bald path growing at the rear, and there is nothing he can do about it.’
‘Maybe that will help him look German and sophisticated, too,’ I quipped; and loved the rush when the others laughed.
‘Maybe next time he gives a speech, you organise for there to be a big mirror as backdrop,’ Suki said.
Feeling on a roll, I joked, ‘I’ll help. I can build a little pulley for you to lower the mirror down behind him while he’s talking.’
‘That’s hilarious,’ Claire laughed. What I’d give to embarrass him in public. It would serve him right.’
I smiled. ‘Revenge may be wicked, but it’s natural.’
‘Oo, I like that,’ said Suki. ‘Where’s it from?’
‘Vanity Fair,’ I replied.
‘How appropriate,’ Suki said.
‘The magazine?’ asked Claire.
For an instant lost for words, I replied, ‘Sorry. No, it’s a novel. From the nineteenth century.’ I hoped she wouldn’t see me as a show off.
‘Well wherever it’s from, it’s bang on,’ said Suki. A sly smile grew across her face and she slapped the table. ‘Let’s do it.’
‘What? Hang a mirror behind Darren?’ asked Claire.
‘No. Well, maybe,’ Suki said. ‘Or something like it. I mean revenge. Let’s grab the bastards where
it hurts.’ Suki’s eyes were ablaze. I wasn’t sure where this was going, but it suddenly seemed like a ride I didn’t want to miss. ‘Come on,’ she urged. ‘We are each being treated unfairly. My boss is a shit. Your boss is a shit. And your co-founder’s cheated you.’ I twitched when I heard it put like that. Suki wasn’t wrong; and she clearly wasn’t done. ‘So let’s do something about it. The three of us. Together.’
‘Like some sort of revenge club?’ I searched my mind for a book I was sure I’d read about that.
‘Yes! Exactly,’ Suki shrieked.
‘I love it,’ said Claire. ‘We find a public way to make Darren a laughing stock. What next? What do we do to your guy?’
I pulled back in my seat. ‘Who, Justin? I don’t know.’
‘Oh, Justin should be easy,’ Suki said, nodding to me. ‘He’s got the ego the size of an elephant. And that makes it a big, easy target.’
Claire triggered her finger pistol. ‘Bull’s eye.’
Suki slumped onto the bench, her tongue hanging from the side of her mouth, making gurgling sounds that had me in stitches.
‘And what about you?’ I asked the sprawled-out Suki.
‘Angus? I don’t know,’ she said. ‘He’s a pompous, patronising git who reigns over a culture of misogyny. It’s no surprise the guys who report to him are cocks, too. Do you know, I’m the only woman he’s ever hired who isn’t support staff? Except for the other partner, Diane. I’m told she bought her way in when he needed the cash. It was Diane who forced him to hire me — where else were they going to get a Stanford grad living in Edinburgh?’ She steepled her fingers and strobed her fingertips for inspiration. ‘Hm... I’m thinking a female revolution.’
‘Man the barricades,’ fake-shouted Claire, her fist raised.
‘I think you mean woman the barricades!’ I said, daring to raise my fist too.
34
SUKI
Suki checked her spreadsheet for the third time. At every attempt, her mind wandered off roughly midway between the forecasts for year two and year three. It was going to be a long afternoon.
Robert had walked past her desk earlier, nudging her shoulder with what she hoped was his hip, subtly enough that she couldn’t be certain if he’d done it on purpose. She knew she should let it go. But it was unnerving. As she worked, in the corner of her mind, she plotted sweet revenge. Silly revenge, the kind she’d concocted with the girls over lunch.