by Alessa Thorn
“It’s not,” Iz replied a little too quickly. “It’s just complicated, that’s all. It might be sex for him, but it means something different to me. I don’t want to push anything when it’s all so new.”
“Iz, it’s not only sex for him either.”
Iz frowned. “How would you know? You’ve known Silas for like a month.”
“I know him enough to see what he’s doing.” When Izabella gave him a blank look, he sighed and said, “He’s acting like a mercenary, Iz. He’s approaching courting you like a mission. He’s being strategic to make sure he wins. He’s probably been planning it for years, and now he’s seen his in, he’s all in.”
Iz flushed. “Do you really think so?”
“I do, so be aware of it because I know when a man has played a game this long, he’s not going to walk away until he gets what he wants.”
Iz was still thinking about that when Leo arrived with Dante shadowing him. Leo made a beeline for Iz. Dante took one look at Iz, smirked, and quickly offered to help Kon carry dinner upstairs.
Is the fact I got laid written all over my face or something? Iz wondered, fighting the urge to hide.
“That man has moved across my hall, Iz. Why didn’t you stop him?” Leo demanded once Dante was out of earshot.
“Have you ever tried to talk Dante Hill out of anything?” Iz asked, raising a brow.
“Yes! Like a million times, and he just ignores everything I say.”
“Exactly my point.” Iz patted Leo on the shoulder. “He’s trying to protect you the only way he knows how. We are all upset about what happened in Russia, and he wants to make sure you’re not alone. He’s trying to be your friend. He also loves riling you up, so the pissier you get, the more he’ll keep doing it.”
Leo’s jaw worked. “I don’t need protection.”
“But maybe you need a friend?” Iz bumped her shoulder against his. “They saw you shoot, Leo. They are being polite not asking you about your past, but they aren’t dumb. Dante will respect your space, don’t worry. Is it really so terrible living across the hall from him?”
Leo huffed out a breath. “No, but I don’t know how to deal with the attention. I didn’t come from a family that really gave a shit about my mental health or my physical well-being.”
“Me neither. It takes some adjusting, but you have to admit, it’s kind of nice.”
Leo’s mouth twitched. “Yeah, it is. I’m worried I’ll get too used to it.”
Iz nodded, understanding the words he didn’t say. And how will I cope if it goes away?
It was something she had asked herself hundreds of times. In her world, love had been conditional. Even her grandmother had demanded a certain level of perfection from her. She didn’t always want to deal with the messy, broken girl that had killed her father with a thought. Iz had learned to hide the broken and the messy until it shattered her.
If it hadn’t been Ruslan, it would’ve been someone else. She had been teetering on the edge for years, and he was the one that finally pushed her over.
She couldn’t pretend afterward that she wasn’t in a shambles, and the Edgeworths had befriended and looked after her anyway. It was hard to welcome kindness when it had never been offered without expecting something in return.
“Come on, you two!” Dante called from the top of the stairs. He gave Leo a shit-stirring smile. “Bring me a beer, would you, honey?”
Leo flipped him off but still went to the fridge and grabbed two bottles. Iz hid her smile. It turned into a slight wince as she climbed the stairs. She could still feel Silas’s heavy body in between her hips and tried to hide it from her walk. Not that it worked. Athena took one look at her and frowned.
“You okay? You’re walking a bit stiff,” she said.
“I’m pretty sure I ended up with bruises on my ass from riding in that cargo hold for hours,” Iz replied, sitting down beside her. “Nothing that a bit of yoga won’t fix.”
“Sounds like an excellent idea to limber up later,” Silas said innocently. “You don’t want to be nursing any injuries or body stiffness right now.”
Iz wanted to throw one of the cushions at him. He said he wouldn’t feel bad for making her walk funny. In fact, he looked downright pleased with himself.
“I’ll try to remember to do some downward dog before a fight next time. Or better yet, I’ll just avoid one altogether,” she replied. Silas’s eyes shifted to an olive color that he usually got when someone tossed a challenge his way.
Fuck, you’re in trouble now.
“I’d prefer you stay out of the fighting, Iz. I don’t like that you were shot at because of me,” Athena said and threw her a violent grin. “You were really good with that rifle, though. How many guys did you drop with headshots? Five? Six?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t counting. I was too focused on how weird they were,” Iz replied, accepting a plate from Kon that was piled high with baked cod, white bean salad, and fresh flatbread. He had been slowly working through recipes from his childhood, and Iz approved.
She knew for a fact Athena’s idea of cooking consisted of either a curry so hot only she could eat it, or eating shredded cheese from a bag. She lacked the patience for cooking, and the few times Iz had tried showing her had been a disaster.
“What do you mean they were weird?” Kon asked.
“It could’ve been the shock or adrenaline, but the soldiers in the forest felt wrong. Maybe it was because we had been feeling out the dead earlier that I was more attuned to the living things around me. I know it sounds crazy,” Iz tried to explain.
“So what, zombies?” Dante asked.
Iz shook her head. “No. Not physical at all. I didn’t see any blood when I shot them. They just dropped.”
“Illusions,” Kon said, thoughtfully. “It’s possible.”
“But wouldn’t that mean someone had to be close by, doing the magic and pulling their strings like a puppet master?” Leo asked.
“Maybe? I’ll have to look into how far illusions can be cast.”
“It was strange that they had us surrounded but didn’t attack. They could’ve overpowered us, and yet it was only the guys in the cars that really shot at us,” Silas said.
Athena tapped her fork against her lip. “Maybe whoever it was only wanted to see how we would react when surrounded. Would we freeze or fight? There would’ve been other cameras in that forest for them to watch through. I don’t doubt it. How are you going so far with the one I hit, Iz?”
Izabella updated them with what she had put together that afternoon. Until the program stopped running, they didn’t have much more than what they had yesterday. It was slow going and frustrating as hell, but Silas was right. Sooner or later, Gadal would fuck up, and it would be one more breadcrumb leading back to him.
“Speaking of cameras, I think we need to overhaul all of our security,” Dante said. “Those guys, real and not, appeared out of nowhere. We need to put a plan in place if it happens again, maybe set some go bags around the city. That kind of thing.”
“I already have a few, but I can always add more,” Kon replied.
Silas nodded. “Do it. What weapons you got hiding? And how well do you know the old tunnels connecting the cisterns?”
Iz could see his brain ticking over, making contingency plans and plotting escape routes. It made her think about what Kon had said to her in the kitchen about planning out how he was going to court her. She went hot all over and didn’t dare look at Silas for the rest of the night.
Iz knew the dinner was more about settling down after the ambush and the uncomfortably tense trip home than it was about planning on how to get Gadal. Russia hadn’t given them any answers, only more questions. It had put everyone on edge.
It was past midnight by the time Iz and Silas went back to their own apartment. She had wanted to take his hand in the taxi like she was some moon-eyed teenager on a date.
You’re so bad at this. Iz silently cursed herself for not going on enoug
h other dates to know what to do. Not that it would’ve helped. Silas had always made her feel ridiculously bashful and flustered.
Silas tossed his keys on the kitchen counter when they entered the apartment and gave her a loaded look.
“What? What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I want to sleep with you but can’t think of a charming way to say it. I’m bad at this,” he admitted, and she smiled.
“I was thinking the same thing. That I’m bad at it, not that you are,” she said, cheeks turning hot. “I haven’t really dated since before Belarus, and you make me nervous.”
“Me?” Silas’s frown was so endearing, Iz’s heart skipped.
“Yeah, you. How about you choose my room or yours?”
“Mine does have the bigger bed,” he said thoughtfully.
“Then I’ll get changed and meet you there.” Iz hurried to her bedroom and got into a singlet and sleep shorts. She waited until Silas was done in the bathroom before she brushed her teeth and took off her makeup. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen her without it. She braided her hair back so it wouldn’t be an afro by morning.
“It’s just sleeping,” she whispered to her reflection, trying to pull herself together. Fuck, she had slept on top of him all afternoon. It felt different than a post-sex nap, more meaningful somehow.
Silas was already stretched out by the time she padded softly into his room. He really was gorgeous to look at.
“You’re staring, Silversmith,” he said, without opening an eye.
“It’s so creepy when you do that,” she complained.
“Get in here already, or you’ll make me feel self-conscious.”
Iz was tight as a bowstring when she climbed in beside him and stared up at the roof. “I don’t know how to sleep with people. I’ve never been able to do it.”
“Me neither. Sleep is when you’re vulnerable, and I’ve never been able to relax properly when someone else is there.” Silas turned his head on the pillow to look at her. “Even though it feels awkward, I like the idea of you sleeping in a different room even less. I’m willing to try if you are?”
“I’m willing,” Iz replied and kissed him softly. A warm hand crept over her stomach before resting on her hip and dragging her up against him.
“This is much better. You were too far away. That’s what was wrong,” he said, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. Iz curled her face into the groove of his shoulder.
Please don’t hurt me, she silently begged. As if he’d heard her, Silas curved his body around her like a shield, his palm resting over her heart that already belonged to him.
15
Silas woke to his phone buzzing somewhere in the room. He searched around on the floor for his jeans and pulled it out. BASTY was flashing on the screen, and his stomach dropped.
“Kon, what’s wrong?” Silas answered, keeping his voice low to not wake Izabella. He hurried out of the room, adrenaline already coursing through him.
“It’s Athena, she’s… She’s not moving, Silas,” Kon replied, true panic in his voice. “We went to sleep. Everything was okay. Then about ten minutes ago, she started screaming like she was being fucking murdered. I woke up, switched on the light, and tried to wake her up, but… She wasn’t seeing the bedroom. She swiped at me with a knife.”
“Are you hurt?”
“No, she barely scratched me. She hissed something in Russian and scuttled away on all fours into the wardrobe. She won’t come out and…”
“Fuck.” Silas ran a hand over his face. “It’s going to be okay, Kon. I’ll be right over. Keep an eye on her, and make sure she doesn’t try and leave the warehouse.”
“Hurry, Silas.” Kon hung up without saying goodbye.
Silas went back into his room and dressed in the dark. He didn’t want Izabella to wake up alone without an explanation, so he jotted a note down and placed it on top of her phone where she would see it.
“I’ll be back soon,” he whispered and pressed a kiss to her sleeping lips.
Silas didn’t bother trying to get a taxi at that time of night. Instead, he checked the doors of the cars parked along the street. The third car was open, and he quickly hot-wired it.
He had known Russia was going to set Athena off. Now he could only hope that they could bring her back from whatever nightmare she was living.
Silas dumped the car two blocks from the warehouse, wiped his prints off the steering wheel, and jogged the rest of the way.
Kon opened the door for him, his hair standing up and a haunted look in his eyes.
“Is she still in the cupboard?” Silas asked.
Kon shook his head. “She seems to be reliving something that only she can see. It’s like she’s stuck in some kind of a trance.”
“It’s going to be okay, Kon. She sometimes used to sleepwalk when she was a kid,” Silas replied. “Where is she?”
“The guest room next to my office.”
Silas followed him, doing his best to stay calm. Freaking Kon out was the last thing he wanted to do.
Athena was crouched in the corner of the room, clutching the small fishing knife in her hand so tight her knuckles were white. She was talking to herself in broken Russian.
“I don’t know enough Russian to figure out what she’s saying,” Kon whispered.
Silas had a sinking feeling he knew. Athena had always been talking in her sleep in the beginning, and it had always been the exact same phrases. He crouched down, out of arm’s reach from her. Athena’s eyes weren’t black, but they were so cold, and fear sank its teeth into his belly.
Athena’s whispers became clearer, and Silas could make out the desperate phrases. Who are you? What is the order? Why are you hurting me? I did what you told me to. Why don’t I have a mother? Don’t let the shadows take me. The wolves are singing.
“Athena, wake up. You’re dreaming,” Silas said firmly. She frowned but didn’t stop her fevered whispers. “Cubbie, come back, and we will find whoever hurt you. I promise.”
When she still didn’t stop, Silas said in Russian, “The order is to wake up. We have hunting to do.”
Athena stopped whispering. A keening sound came out of her, like that of a crying wolf cub. The coldness leeched out of her eyes, and the small knife dropped from her fingers. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.
“It’s okay, Cubbie. We are here. You’re okay,” Silas assured her. “Can I touch you?”
Athena shook her head violently. “No.”
“That’s okay. I’ll just sit here with you.” Silas took the knife and looked over his shoulder at Kon. “Can you get us some vodka and a bottle of water?” Kon nodded and left without question, relief brimming in his black eyes.
Silas went into the other room that housed her knives and grabbed a dagger and two of her small whetstones. He sat next to Athena and leaned his back against the wall, not saying anything while she sobbed.
It broke his heart that they were back in that place again. She hadn’t had nightmares like that since she was a teenager. There was only one thing that used to help.
Silas placed the whetstone and small knife in front of her. He took the other dagger and stone and slowly started to sharpen it. Kon put the water and vodka next to Silas, and with a nod, left them to it.
It was a good ten minutes before Athena’s tears slowed, and she picked up the stone and little knife beside her.
Silas’s relief almost choked him as she ran the blade over the stone. She worked in silence beside him for another ten minutes, tears still running down her cheeks even as the repetition calmed her.
“I remembered a house, Silas,” she whispered. “It was fancy, with high ceilings, and it was snowing outside. The room was hot compared to the cell where my bed was. There were people there with me. Asking me questions. There was a man who sounded like the shadow man in my dreams. He said something to me, and it was like I no longer had control of my body. He—He made me dance like I was some demented ballerina.”
&nb
sp; Rage burned at the back of Silas’s throat. “And then what happened?”
“They were using other magic on me. Some burned. Some were just lights that didn’t work at all. Another one…cut me.” Athena pulled back her shirt and touched the faint white scar next to the crease of her elbow. “Afterward, I was taken somewhere in a van. It was so cold. So dark. When we stopped, I was locked in another concrete room. It was in the country because I could hear the wolves. They were singing in the forest, and I would sing back to them.” Silas had a large mouthful of vodka before offering her the bottle.
Athena took it, had a few gulps. “There were four people in that room, Silas. They were treating me like I was some kind of experiment. I think one could’ve been Liddell. He looked younger, softer, but I’m sure it was him. I’m going to find out what they did to me, Silas, and I’m going to fucking kill them all.”
Silas looked sideways at her, his hurting, violent daughter that he loved more than anything in the world. “You want some help?”
“Yeah, I really do.” Athena managed a small smile. “I’m pretty sure the shadow man is Gadal. It has to be, right? They sound the same, and he was the one that was at the site with me. What if he brought me with him? What if…”
Silas didn’t need her to finish. One look in her eyes said she knew what she had done and how she had come to be covered in blood that night.
“We can ask him when we find him,” Kon said from the doorway.
Athena’s eyes filled with tears again as she looked up at him. “Still want this much crazy, Basty? Now’s a pretty good time to tap out.”
Kon’s smile was pure violence. “Fuck you, Athena. You’re not getting rid of me over a nightmare and some PTSD.”
Athena threw the knife, and it buried into the door next to his head. “I’m serious, Kon. Do you want every night to be like this? What if it doesn’t stop? What if I attack you when I’m having an episode?”
“You can’t kill me when you’re awake. I doubt you’ll be quick enough to do it when you’re asleep,” Kon replied smugly. Silas had never liked him as much as he did at that moment.