by Mary Grand
Elizabeth nodded to Catrin, who took a deep breath and said, ‘Bethan, I need to talk to you.’ She looked back at Elizabeth. ‘Could you wait a minute? Don’t go. You mustn’t just go.’
Catrin led Bethan away.
‘This is really hard. You know we’ve always believed that your mother Elizabeth had died–’
‘Of course.’ Bethan stopped. She turned to look at Elizabeth.
‘Is she related to her?’
‘That is Elizabeth, your mother.’
‘But–’
‘She’s not dead. That’s Elizabeth.’
‘But you told me–’
‘I was wrong.’
‘You did it on purpose?’
‘No. Um, Grandad told me.’
‘Grandad made a mistake. But how?’
‘That doesn’t matter now. Look, she’s alive, and she is here.’
Bethan’s eyes filled with tears. Catrin reached out to her. ‘Listen, you don’t have to talk now. I can arrange for you to meet soon if that’s what you want.’
Bethan burst into tears. She held Catrin tight. The storm subsided. Bethan wiped her face with her hands. ‘God, I must look such a mess, Mum.’
‘Not at all. You look beautiful.’
‘So has she come to find me?’
Catrin bit her lip. ‘She came to say a proper goodbye to Aled, and to see you were alright.’
‘She wanted to meet me?’
Catrin cringed. ‘She wanted to see you were well. I don’t think she really meant to speak to you.’
‘Why not?’
‘She thought it was best, thought you would contact her if you wanted to. She’s only just found out that you thought she was dead.’
‘Oh, I see. That must have been a terrible shock.’
‘It was.’
‘Does Dad know she’s here?’
‘Oh, no.’
‘I wish he was here. He always knows what to do.’ Bethan scowled. ‘Why doesn’t she go if she doesn’t want to speak to me?’
‘I think now you’ve met she would like to speak to you. But, of course, you don’t have to–’
‘Does she know I’m Deaf?’
‘Yes. I told her.’
‘Does she mind?’
‘No. Of course not.’
Bethan stood quietly, looking at Elizabeth. She nodded her head decisively. ‘Yes, I’ll speak to her now.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘I think so.’
‘Shall I ask her back to The Dragon House? We could talk to her there.’
‘Yes, that would be a good idea.’
Bethan looked over at Elizabeth. ‘I look like her, don’t I?’
‘Yes. You do look very like each other.’
‘OK. Well, let’s go and talk to her.’
They walked back over towards Lloyd and Elizabeth.
‘Elizabeth would you like to come back to the house,’ said Catrin.
‘No way is she coming to our house,’ interrupted Lloyd.
‘Dad, we have to do this for Bethan.’
He scowled, but seemed to realise he was defeated.
Elizabeth looked at Bethan and, to Catrin’s amazement, signed to her, ‘Would you like me to come?’
Bethan, equally shocked, signed a simple ‘Yes.’
‘I shall come.’
Catrin stared at Elizabeth. ‘You can sign?’
‘Yes. I, um, knew someone who was deaf.’
‘Who?’
Elizabeth looked at Bethan. ‘My mother was Deaf.’
Bethan gasped, then smiled. ‘Your mother? Oh my God. That’s wonderful.’ Bethan turned to Catrin. ‘Isn’t it amazing Mum? I’m not the only one.’
Catrin was shocked at the strength of Bethan’s reaction: it really did mean that much to her.
Elizabeth seemed rather shy. ‘It’s why I can sign, but I’m very rusty. I’ve forgotten a lot.’
‘It doesn’t matter,’ said Bethan, grinning.
Catrin’s head was spinning. Everything was falling into place somehow, but it was going so fast. She had read about how social services arranged these things: both sides writing letters, getting to know each other gradually. There was nothing gradual about this, and this woman could so easily hurt Bethan very badly.
‘I have a car,’ said Elizabeth. Catrin glanced down at the strappy sandals. They would not be up to walking far.
‘So have I,’ said Lloyd. They walked over to the car park.
Catrin and Bethan started to walk back towards the path.
‘Are you OK?’ Catrin asked Bethan.
‘I think so. God. It’s such a shock, Mum.’
‘I know.’
‘You really didn’t know?’
‘I promise you. I never knew.’
‘And Grandad?’
‘No. He didn’t either.’
They walked on. ‘She’s very posh, isn’t she? What does she do?’
‘I didn’t have a chance to talk to her properly, but she looks well off.’
‘It’s good, Mum, to be able to ask her things. She’s very pretty, isn’t she?’
‘You look very alike.’
‘She didn’t want to meet me before, though?’
‘She didn’t want to upset you, that’s all.’
‘Well, it’s a bit odd not wanting to speak to your daughter. Could you imagine not talking to me or Lowri? I mean, your life wouldn’t be anything without us, would it?’
Catrin couldn’t help smiling. ‘Well, no. You’re right. It is impossible for me to imagine my life without you, but I was very happily married when I had Lowri and you. We had a home, money, and parents to support us.’
‘That doesn’t matter. If you really love your baby, you’d find a way, wouldn’t you?’
‘Everyone is different. Look, we’re nearly back at the house. I suggest you go and have a few minutes in your room. Don’t spend it texting your friends. Think about whether this is what you really want. We can see Elizabeth in a month or two if you’d rather wait.’
‘It would be better if Dad was here.’
‘I know.’
‘OK. Well, I’ll go to my room and have a think.’
‘Good idea.’
Elizabeth got into her car. She watched Lloyd driving off. She was badly shaken by all that had happened. First, there had been all the emotion of seeing and meeting Bethan, but then to have Lloyd reacting so badly: he had not been that aggressive in the hospital. He had spoken gently, persuasively, made her see that the only rational thing to do was to give Bethan to Catrin and Gareth. She had not detected the desperation in him to own Bethan, but now she saw how real it was. They had talked briefly about Aled. He had seemed surprised at how little she had known Aled, seemed relieved for some reason. Just now, when she’d mentioned the gallery in New York he had seemed pleased. She wondered why. Well, she would go along with him for now. She had met Bethan, and the least she could do was put her side of the story to Bethan. Elizabeth was glad to sit in the security of her car. She started to wonder now if she was doing the right thing. Of course, she didn’t have to go to the house. She could go back to the B & B, and drive back to London. She had not given her phone number or address away, although she guessed that Bethan could find her now if she set her mind to it. Anyway, how could she possibly leave Bethan again? The universe had obviously decided to take over, but what a mess. Bethan was still in shock, but surely soon the anger would spill out? She must hate Elizabeth deep down for leaving her. And she was Deaf. Elizabeth wished she had known. It had brought her even closer. If only her mother had known that she had a granddaughter who was Deaf as well. What would she have thought? It might have helped her, helped Bethan, but she had kept them apart. Guilt that had been there, gently prodding and creeping in, suddenly became a monster threatening to consume her. Maybe she should have told her parents? Now it was too late. They had never known they had had a granddaughter. She had let everyone down. Whatever was she to do?
Chapter
Nineteen
Catrin and Bethan arrived back to find the caterers handing out wine and iced orange juice. Catrin grabbed a glass of wine, then remembered that she needed to go and check Safi. Her father looked far more relaxed than she had expected. H was greeting people as if nothing had happened. Bethan had gone straight up to her room. Catrin found Safi lying quietly on his bed.
‘You really are a quiet little thing,’ she said, stroking him. Safi lay back, his tail wagging, waiting for her to tickle him. ‘Come on,’ she said, patting her knees. He climbed on to her lap. Catrin cuddled him close. ‘Maybe me and you could run away together,’ she said, but added, ‘Not today, eh? Too many people need us to be here. Come on, we’d better go out and face them.’
She took Safi out through the back door into the crowded back garden. No-one looked her way, so she took Safi around to the front of the house in the shade. The sharp white stones glared in the sunshine, but it was soothing to stand alone in the shade. In the quiet, Catrin thought about the day so far. The service suddenly seemed rather incidental to everything else that had happened. She had not thought about Aled that much. It had all been about her father, Bethan, and Elizabeth. She looked over at the sea, sparkling in the sunshine as if a thousand stars bounced on its surface. It looked idyllic, still. But her emotions were storming around her. Elizabeth was alive, was here. Her father should never have lied about that. Gareth was going to be furious, and poor Bethan must be in shock. If only she could talk to Gareth.
She took out her mobile and tried to call him, but he didn’t answer. She left a voicemail and sent texts. She left another message on the home phone, but felt increasingly annoyed with him. It wasn’t fair to leave her to deal with all this. Then it occurred to her that maybe he had gone into the surgery, that she might be able to get through to him via the receptionist. She had hardly ever done this, kept it for emergencies, but surely this counted as one? She scrolled through to find the number, and waited, held on through the inevitable ‘Your call is important to us,’ held on through some jolly music, until finally she heard a real person’s voice.
‘Hello, Crown Street Surgery. How I can help you?’ Catrin’s heart sank: oh god, it’s Jasmine. Jasmine treated everyone, including the doctors, as if they were rather slow five year olds.
‘Hi, it’s Catrin, Gareth’s wife. I wonder, is he there?’
‘Good afternoon, Catrin. No, sorry. I thought he’d gone to some family service?’
‘Ah, well. He had to come back.’
‘But he hasn’t been in today.’
Catrin could hear the bewilderment in her voice and wished she had never tried.
‘Never mind, then.’
‘Have you tried his mobile?
Catrin gritted her teeth. ‘Yes, of course. Look, I’m sorry to bother you, but if you see him, ask him to phone, will you?’
‘Of course. I’m sure he’ll phone you soon.’
Catrin ended the phone call feeling very embarrassed and humiliated. Where the hell was Gareth?
She took a deep breath and leaned against the wall of the house. She wanted to stay there but, of course, she couldn’t.
‘Come on Safi, better go back.’
Together they walked out of the cool, back into the garden. She saw that Elizabeth was arriving through a side gate which led directly into the garden. She was surprised to see her father go over to her, smiling.
‘Elizabeth,’ he said expansively. ‘Let me get you a drink. I’m afraid it’s all a bit rustic here, but I did order some decent wine.’ Elizabeth followed him over to a rather rickety table on which a bottle of Chablis was standing in an ice bucket. He poured her a large glass of wine. Catrin could think of no explanation for his change of heart, but she went over.
‘Where’s Bethan, then?’ asked her father.
‘Upstairs.’
‘I think I shall go and tell her Elizabeth is here,’ he said.
‘No, I will.’
‘Where’s Gareth? I should meet him,’ said Elizabeth.
‘He’s working.’
‘He’s a doctor, isn’t he?’
‘That’s right.’
‘I’m very sorry he’s not here.’
‘So am I.’
‘I’m also sorry things are moving so fast. Obviously, this is not what I had planned.’
She sounded sincere. Catrin realised that, if she had really not been planning to meet Bethan, this would be a lot for her to cope with.
‘Yes. It’s taken us all by surprise, especially Bethan. She is very sensitive,’ said Catrin.
‘We may look alike, but, obviously, I don’t know Bethan at all.’
Elizabeth looked away. ‘You say Bethan is upstairs. Is she upset?’
Catrin frowned. ‘Well, it’s been a big shock for her.’
‘Of course. If she hadn’t been told I was dead, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.’
‘Of course not. Maybe you could tell me a bit about yourself? Then I could chat to Bethan. It would make it easier for her to come down to see you.’
‘Of course. I live in London. I own two art galleries: one in London, one in New York.’
Catrin glanced at her father, who was grinning smugly.
‘Elizabeth was telling me just now in the car park that she goes to New York several times a year. I was thinking she could talk to Bethan about it, from a younger person’s perspective. It might encourage her–’
Catrin sighed, and turned back to Elizabeth. ‘Are you married?’
‘No. I have no children. Well, you know–’
‘And your parents?’
‘My parents lived in New York. My father was an architect. It was at his firm, where I went for three months to work, that I met Aled. ‘
‘So, Dad, did you know Elizabeth’s father?’
‘I did. We worked together on a few projects. Our firms were closely affiliated. But I never met you at work, did I, Elizabeth?’
‘No, we didn’t–’
Your father died a few years back, didn’t he?’
‘Yes. My mother first, then my father.’
‘And they never knew about Bethan?’ asked Catrin.
‘Oh, no. Never.’
‘The one thing Bethan really wants to know is why you never came to see her or contact her,’ said Catrin.
‘I told you. I wanted her to live her own life. I didn’t want to upset her. And I have my own life, a life where people know nothing about her.’
This shocked Catrin. ‘Nobody knows?’
‘No, no-one,’ said Elizabeth, her voice hard. She added, ‘Well, apart from my aunt, the one who came to the hospital after I had Bethan, but she has never mentioned it to anyone. We’ve never talked about it.’
Again, Catrin was struck by the coldness of Elizabeth’s voice.
Catrin looked down at Safi, who had been sitting very patiently waiting for a stroke from Elizabeth. ‘Are you OK with dogs? Not allergic or anything?’
‘No, but I’m more of a cat person. I have Poppy in my house in London, a stray that sort of adopted me.’ Elizabeth suddenly seemed to get impatient. ‘I think it’s time for Bethan to come down, don’t you?’
‘I’ll go and see what she wants to do. I’m not going to make her come down. If she’s changed her mind then we’ll arrange this for another time.’
Elizabeth looked put out. ‘OK, but if she wants to meet me, it would be easier to do it today.’
Catrin was starting to feel annoyed. ‘It depends on Bethan.’
She could see Elizabeth’s face harden, and she detected a flash of Bethan.
‘I’ll do my best,’ she said quietly, and walked away.
Safi was not on a lead, but he followed her.
On her way into the house Catrin caught sight of Lowri. She went to explain to her what was happening.
‘God, I don’t believe it. Is Bethan alright? Shall I go and talk to her?’
‘It’s OK. I’m going to see her now. I’ll come and get you if I think she n
eeds you.’
‘I wish Dad was here.’
‘We all do, but he’s not.’
Lowri looked over at Elizabeth. ‘Bethan looks like her, doesn’t she? Grandad seems quite happy about it all now. Odd, after lying about her.’
‘He thought it was for the best.’
‘It suited him, you mean.’
‘No point in getting angry now. They all seem to be getting on for now.’
‘I’ll pop over and chat in a minute.’
‘Thanks, love.’
Catrin went quickly into the house and dashed upstairs.
Bethan was sitting on her bed, her arms wrapped close around her body. ‘Oh my God. She’s here?’
‘She’s in the garden with Grandad.’
‘Mum, I don’t think I can do it. What if she hates me?’
‘She won’t do that.’
‘She will. That’s why she left me. All this time I thought that if she was alive she’d have come to find me, but, because she was dead, she couldn’t. It seemed her let out and now, don’t you see, I have to cope with the fact that she chose not to see me or have anything to do with me. Why did she decide to come today? Why not write to you and Dad?’
‘She wanted to see you, see you were OK. That’s good, isn’t it? Not to talk to you, but just to see you.’
‘But why not to talk to me?’
‘I think she was confused. She wants to see you now.’
Bethan shook her head. ‘That’s not fair. She can’t decide to leave me alone for years and then come and see me. Maybe I won’t see her.’
Catrin sighed and sat down. ‘Oh, Bethan, I’m sorry. It’s very hard for you.’
Bethan burst into tears. ‘I don’t know, Mum. I don’t know.’
They sat in the quiet, holding each other. When Bethan stopped crying, Catrin said, ‘Listen, I will ask her to go. It’s alright. You don’t have to see her.’
‘What, ever?’
‘Well, not now. We can arrange things another time.’
Bethan got up off the bed, and went to look out of the window.
‘She’s down there with Grandad. Why did he lie, Mum?’
‘I think he thought it would be better for you.’
‘He had no right to do that.’
‘No. No, he didn’t.’
Bethan looked out of the window again.