3. Listen to the ghosts of your past.
3. Do not call your woman’s vagina a honeypot.
I nodded to myself, glad that I came up with something useful. My mind kept drifting back to the day I lost Mike and the words he said to me.
“Take care of her. She’s waiting for you.”
The more I thought about it, the more I wondered…were we fated to be together? It sounded so ridiculous. I didn’t really believe in fate and all that bullshit, but there was a reason Mike said her name as he laid there dying. There was a reason that he mentioned her flaming red hair and her sassy attitude. He was leading me to her, and had continued to speak to me throughout my life. I just assumed it was guilt nagging at me, but then I met Jessica. What if I never walked into that bar and sat beside her? What if the thumb war had never happened? What if I never stayed in that house with her? What would have happened to her? Would I have lost her forever? No, she was fated to be with me, of that I was sure. And I hadn’t been sure of a whole lot other than her.
4. Take care of your fated.
I looked down at the list and sighed. I was going to sound like an idiot. Nobody believed in fated relationships. It was ridiculous. I should just scratch it out, but the longer I stared at it, the more I knew I couldn’t scratch it out because it was real.
“What are you working on?”
I jumped about ten feet in the air as Jessica snuck up behind me. I quickly gathered my paper in my hands and tried to hide it from her, but I was too slow. She narrowed her eyes at me and held out her hand. I shook my head slowly. There was no way I could let her see this.
“Nick, is there something you’re hiding from me?”
“No,” I croaked out. “I was…planning a trip for the two of us. A sort of babymoon thing.”
“People do that before they have the baby. We’re not having a baby yet. How did you know about that anyway?”
I huffed out a laugh. “You know…because of Tony and the whole…Molly thing.” I swallowed hard, hoping that she bought it, and she really did seem to. She nodded and turned. Just as I was dropping my guard, she spun around and snatched the paper from my hands. I tried to get it back from her, but she was too fast. I watched in horror as her eyes scanned over the few notes I had taken.
“What is this?” she asked, looking up at me.
I shook my head slightly. I had no idea what to say.
“Is this for the manual?”
“You know about that?”
She laughed. “Are you kidding me? Everyone knows about that.” Her eyes went back to the paper and she nodded. “Well, you have some good points.”
“I do?”
“Yeah, I mean the whole ‘not asking women for advice about sex’ is definitely something I would agree with. Seriously, I’m not even sure how you thought that was okay.”
“Hey, I was having trouble…connecting.”
She smiled at me sweetly. “Your sexual frustrations are what make you so appealing.”
“I don’t have sexual frustrations.”
“What would you call them? Mishaps?”
Hell no. That sounded worse. “Look, it’s in the past. Can we forget it?”
“Trust your woman,” she laughed lightly. “Yeah, I would say that was definitely a low point for you. Not that I don’t appreciate you coming to your senses and breaking me out of the insane asylum, but not believing me was a little bit of a relationship killer.”
“Yeah, I’m aware.”
She pinched my cheek. “But it all worked out in the end.” Her eyes went back to the paper. “I kind of like it when you call my vagina a honeypot. Not that I would recommend doing it on a regular basis, but we definitely have something hot going. We shouldn’t mess with it too much.”
I nodded, finding it a little weird that she was giving me advice on this.
“Your fated?” She tilted her head at me. “You think we’re fated?”
“Well, not like fated—fated. Like…meant to be.”
“Like, if I died, would you go insane, howling at the moon over sadness for me?”
“Why the fuck would I howl at the moon?”
“Let me ask you something,” she said, completely ignoring my question. “Do you think you would go insane without me? Would you die without me?”
I shrugged, a little uncomfortable with the question. Jessica and I didn’t normally get this in depth over feelings. “I mean, I would be mad.”
“You would be mad,” she said, staring at me like I was a dumbass.
“Yeah, you know…upset.”
“So, the woman you married has just been murdered, and you would be upset?”
God, that was really twisting my words. “Okay, I would be devastated. I would probably lose my fucking mind and burn the whole world down. Are you happy? I would never know happiness again, because I can’t stand the thought of losing you. If you thought I was a mess before, you don’t want to see what would happen if I ever lost you. I would hunt down anyone that dared to touch you, and I would make them suffer the most unspeakable death. The man you know now wouldn’t exist anymore, because I can’t stand to lose one more person I love. Are you happy?”
She smirked slightly and wrapped her arms around my neck, her breath tickling my ear. “There are stories of men and women that fall into this instant connection, a connection that’s unbreakable. It’s said that when they lose their mate, they go crazy.” She pulled back slightly and looked into my eyes. “Nick, I have a very important question for you.” I nodded slightly. “Are you a wolf shifter?”
Sighing, I yanked her arms from around my neck and walked away. “Fine, make fun of me.”
She laughed out loud, making it nearly impossible for me to be mad at her. “What? I mean, if you walk in there with the word fated on your paper, the guys are gonna start asking questions. You need help with this.”
“Oh, and I suppose you’re going to help me.”
She shrugged. “Why not? I mean, if it helps finish this stupid manual, then I’m all on board to help.”
“The other women aren’t,” I said suspiciously.
“Well, they aren’t as cool as me. Now, let’s cover the basics, things I can help you with.”
Warily, I took a seat and got ready to write. She sat across from me and propped her chin in her hand.
“Now, let’s start with something simple, like sex. You know how women are always saying they want to be wooed?” I nodded. “It’s not true. Not a single woman in the world wants that drawn out. All it takes is a grab of the ass, and we’re ready to go.”
“Really?” I asked. That didn’t sound right. “But I thought women wanted to feel special and shit?”
She leaned forward on the table. “We don’t have time for special. Give us the signal, and it’s go time. And most women are ready the instant you give us that look. There’s no need for all that kissing and petting. Just pull your dick out and get to work.”
I was a little stunned by that. Was that seriously what women wanted? Had we all been doing it wrong all along? And if we had, imagine all the men that would have been saved from bad relationships because they did the whole licking and warming up shit. If only they had known. I eagerly wrote it down.
5. No foreplay. Women don’t like it.
“Okay, what else do you have for me?”
“Well, you know how women are always bitching about having to take care of men?”
“You mean like when you yell at me for not doing the dishes?”
She nodded. “It’s all bullshit.”
My eyes went wide. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, men are hunters and women are gatherers. We want to take care of our men, and that includes doing the dishes for you. Somewhere along the way, women started thinking that if they made men feel like women needed them to do these menial chores around the house, then it would make men feel manlier. But really, we just want to take care of you after a long day. It makes us feel better to know that we
’re doing everything possible to help our men.”
I just stared at her. It wasn’t possible. It was like she was telling me the secrets of the universe. No woman would dare give up these secrets. So, why was she?
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Well, some women think they hold power over a man by keeping this a secret, but the truth is, it’s very tiring to not just be what we were meant to be.”
I huffed out a laugh. It all made sense. In reality, as much as I hated doing those damn dishes, she was right, I felt like I was helping her at the end of the day.
6. Women want to take care of their men. Stop helping around the house.
“Okay, hit me with your biggest one yet.”
She grinned, biting her lip. “Okay, here’s a big one, but you have to be careful that this doesn’t get out.”
“Of course.”
“I’m serious. This is only for the manual, so no spreading to other guys. This is a sacred secret.”
I crossed my fingers over my chest. “Cross my heart, hope to die.”
She smiled at me. “We hate celebrating our birthdays.” My jaw dropped. “I know, it’s hard to believe, but every time one of you says ‘happy birthday’, it’s just a reminder of how old we are. As long as you don’t say anything, we can go on pretending that we’re still young and beautiful, just the way you’ve always thought of us.”
“So, all those happy birthday wishes, the birthday parties, the flowers—“
“The jewelry,” she rolled her eyes. “That’s the worst. It’s like saying, I’m really sorry you’re getting older. Here’s some sparkling jewelry to make you seem shinier and new.”
I ran my hand through my shorn hair, shaking my head in amazement. It wasn’t possible. Could it really be true? And if it was, this changed everything we had written so far in the manual. All that advice everyone was giving, it was all bullshit, because they didn’t have the secrets to the universe in their possession. I stared down at the piece of paper before me and wrote the final note.
7. Women hate celebrating their birthdays. Stop doing it.
And just like that, I felt like power was rushing through me. I knew what women wanted. It was amazing, and as much as I wanted to pick her brain some more, I had to get back to work and share this news before they wasted any more time on that manual.
I stood and kissed her hard. “Thank you,” I said sincerely. “I think I’ve always underestimated you all along.”
“Oh, trust me, you have.”
I smiled at her again, shaking my head. “I have to get to work. The guys need to know this.”
“Okay, babe. I’ll have dinner on the table for you at six sharp.”
I laughed lightly. “And I won’t clean up the dishes.”
“See? Don’t you feel better already?”
“Fucking amazing.”
I ran out to my truck and headed over to the Reed Security building. This was like a scientific breakthrough, something that most people only ever dreamed of discovering. And I had the fucking list in my hands. I grinned as I went through all the steps to get into the building. When I walked into the conference room and saw Rocco, Cap, and Craig all bending over their papers, looking completely stressed, I felt like the man of the hour.
“Gentleman, your search for answers is no more.”
They all looked up at me, but it was Rocco that spoke. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
I leaned on the table, making sure I had their full attention before I continued. “I have discovered something that completely changes the direction of the manual. This is something that no man knows about, except me.”
“And how did you find out?” Craig asked.
“Simple. My woman loves me, and she wants me to be happy.”
Cap waved his hand. “Let’s see this miraculous discovery.”
Smirking, I slid the papers over to him and crossed my arms as I waited for him to read through my list. Running his finger over his lips, I could tell that he was really trying to decipher if this was true. His eyes finally lifted to meet mine.
“And you say Jessica told you this.”
“Yep.”
“Just out of the blue.”
“Well, she caught me working on my section. She said we all had it wrong, and it needed to be corrected.”
He nodded slightly, his eyes flicking back to my notes. He set the paperwork down and linked his fingers in front of him as he rested his arms on the table.
“Storm, I’m going to tell you something that I shouldn’t have to say to any man.”
I frowned, not liking where this was going.
“She’s fucking with you.”
I shook my head. “No, she told me—”
“Lies,” Rocco said, snatching up the papers. “They don’t want foreplay?” He threw his head back with laughter. “If you ram your dick in her and she’s not ready, you’re gonna get punched in the face.”
“No, she said that all it takes is a touch.”
“Yeah, and does that work for you?”
“Well, yeah,” I admitted.
Craig chuckled. “Women are not men. They need love and attention. They need to be caressed and shown they’re loved. They need a connection.”
“Well…what about the other stuff?”
“Like the dishes?” Cap asked.
“Yeah.”
“Have you ever heard of Lorena Bobbitt?”
“Of course,” I laughed. “Who hasn’t—” I stopped and stared at him. “You don’t think…”
“Well, she didn’t cut it off because she was madly in love with him.”
I slumped down in my chair, running my hand over my head. “What the hell? Why would she do this?”
“Payback,” Rocco said bluntly. “At some point over the last year, hell, since you’ve known her, you’ve pissed her off. And women don’t forget a single damn thing. Anything you say or do can be used against you at any given time, and she just did it to you.”
A sliver of fear raced down my spine. “What do I do?”
Cap tossed the papers at me. “Well, burn that, do the exact opposite of everything she said, and whatever you do, don’t turn your back on her. That’s when she’ll strike. You need to act like you’re in enemy territory for the foreseeable future.”
“How do I know when I’m in the clear?” I asked, my throat closing up.
Cap sighed. “You never do. Hell, I wake up every morning with Maggie, wondering if today is the day she’ll kill me. There’s a sort of peace that comes with knowing your death is impending.”
“How do you figure?”
He grinned. “I must have done something really shitty to piss her off so much she would kill me.”
Chapter Eleven
Emma
“Shit!” I swore, banging my fist on the steering wheel. “I forgot my goody bag at the hotel.”
Ivy perked up from the backseat. “You forgot the sex toys? How could you do that?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed. “I remember putting the bag on the bed, but I don’t think I grabbed it when we left.”
Raegan tsked beside me. “Somebody’s going to have a surprise when they clean the room.”
“I really doubt anyone’s going to use those. It’s not like they were in the packaging,” Ivy reminded us.
Sighing, I leaned my head against my hand as I rested my elbow on the window ledge. “This sucks. I had big plans for Blake and I tonight. Maybe I could borrow one of yours?” I said hopefully.
Claire scoffed. “Seriously? I’m not giving up any of those toys. You’re on your own. I especially can’t wait to try out my new Intelligent Oral Sex Simulator.”
I pouted, hating that I was going to be missing out tonight. We had been at a sex toy conference for the past three days. Blake only wanted me to stay for one night, sure that I would get into trouble if we stayed longer. The only trouble we ran into was the obscene number of sex toys that we didn’t have in our sho
p, and which ones to purchase.
We were in the process of setting up a shop on the outskirts of town, something that took a ton of convincing for the guys. They didn’t think it was safe to open a shop that invited so many scandalous people into our world. None of us agreed, and we convinced them that having such easy access to the toys was beneficial for everyone. This trip was supposed to help us get up and running with the best of the best.
“I really wanted to try my new bullet,” I grumbled. “It’s just not fair.”
“Relax, we placed the order,” Cara assured me. “They said it should only take a week to get our shipment.”
That was a week too long when you were waiting for new toys to play with. I glanced in the rearview mirror, doing a double take when I realized there was a truck behind us.
“Hey, does that truck behind us look familiar to you?” I asked. They started to turn around, but I shouted out to stop them. “Don’t look!”
“Then how do you want us to tell you if it looks familiar?” Ivy rolled her eyes.
“Just look in the mirrors. I could swear I saw that truck at the conference.”
“Really?” Raegan said drolly. “You saw a black pickup truck at a conference, and now you think it’s following us?”
I squinted as I stared in the rearview mirror. The windows were tinted, so I couldn’t see who the driver was. “You don’t find it strange that the windshield is tinted like that?”
Raegan bent down slightly to look in her mirror. “Okay, that’s a little weird, but still, why would anyone be following us?”
I shrugged. “Maybe we should call the guys.”
“And say what? Someone’s following us?” Ivy replied. “They would lock us up for the next twenty years, not to mention that whoever is behind us would end up buried in the woods whether they were following us or not.”
“She’s right,” Cara nodded. “We just have to wait it out and see what happens.” She pointed to the right. “Turn up here and see if he follows.”
The Reed Security Relationship Manual: A Reed Security Romance Page 8