by Sian Ceinwen
“Thanks,” Lita mumbled, keeping her eyes down as Heather stepped away.
Sebastian was back with her water, and Lita drank it in silence. He sat down on the stool on the other side of Lita and asked quietly, “Vuoi che tutti vadano, principessa?”
Lita thought about it. If everyone left, she would have no more distractions for the evening. She was embarrassed by her outburst, but she didn’t want to end the night now.
“No, Sebastian.” Lita turned her head and gave him a watery smile. “Thank you for the offer, though. I’m fine; just…hormonal.”
“And scared,” he said and leaned over to kiss her. “It’s okay to be scared.”
“I know. Go finish your pool game; I want to see if Gabriel can pull off a win.”
“I doubt it,” Sebastian said and gave her a cocky grin before going back to his game.
Lita took a deep breath, then turned to Hayden. “You said that your sister had a premature baby?”
“Yeah, she did. It was pretty scary at the time, but you can’t even tell that he was born early now.”
“I think that’s one of my biggest fears. I mean, aside from the obvious one.” Lita couldn’t even say her biggest fear out loud. “But the idea of needing surgery and having to have her early, as well, is just terrifying. It’s also just…the unknown. I hate it. I like to plan things, and I can’t plan anything to do with this if that makes sense?”
“It sure does; I’m very similar. I like to know what’s happening and prepare for it. I dislike changes in plans, some people like Gabriel and Seb are really good about just rolling with it, but it throws me way off.” He shrugged.
“Yes!” Lita exclaimed. “I’m exactly the same. I’m so lucky that I have Seb, though. He’s been brilliant with all of my appointments, taking the lead and asking all the questions I can’t think of when I’m put on the spot. I hadn’t thought about it, but you’re totally right; he just takes it in stride while I’m there freaking the fuck out.”
Hayden smiled. “Yeah, I’ve definitely had a few interviews and meetings where Seb has thrown me a lifeline like that.”
“How do you handle the spotlight, then? I don’t think I could give a Grammy acceptance speech knowing that it was going to be streamed worldwide.” Lita shook her head.
“You couldn’t tell that I was sweating like a motherfucker?” Hayden laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more terrified than I was for the first speech. It got easier after that, but I was still scared shitless.”
Lita laughed with him. “Well, you didn’t show it; good job.”
Sebastian had beaten Gabriel, and Heather was playing him now. He was standing opposite her, watching Heather take her turn, and Lita felt her heart flip over at the sight of him. He was so beautiful and still kind and thoughtful and caring toward her, even though they weren’t in a relationship. She really didn’t know how she would have coped through all of this if she hadn’t had his support.
As if he could tell she was thinking about him, Sebastian looked up and over at her. When he caught her eye, he smiled at her, and her heart flipped over again. She smiled back at him just before he moved to the pool table for his turn.
“You’ve been good for Sebastian,” Hayden said quietly.
“Everyone keeps telling me some variation of that. He’s been amazingly supportive with everything that’s happening, but it’s still awkward sometimes because we’re not together, so he goes out every couple of days to party. Not as often as he was going out with you when he was here, though.” Lita cringed.
“Yeah, apparently I’m the default party buddy for my friends when they have their hearts broken,” Hayden said dryly.
Lita frowned. “I didn’t break his heart, Hayden.”
“Didn’t you?” Hayden asked. He didn’t speak for a minute, and when he did, he spoke in the same low tone. “We were all very angry at him for his speech at the wedding. When he came to see me a couple of days later, though, he seemed broken in a way that I haven’t seen him for a very long time. He’s happier here with you tonight than he is when he’s out at clubs with me, Lita.”
“So, why does he go? I get it when we’re in separate cities, but if he’s so happy with me, why has he still been going out when we’ve been together in Seattle?” Lita was confused.
Hayden wouldn’t look at her; he watched the pool game intently and then sighed. “That’s a question that you’ll have to ask him. I can’t answer it.”
Lita watched Sebastian as he took a turn, nearing the end of his game with Heather. He only had two striped balls left on the table to Heather’s five. She had to admit that he did seem content here tonight.
In some ways, she felt as though she knew him so well because he’d opened up to her about things that he’d never told anyone. In other ways, he was a complete enigma to her, and Lita had no idea what the answer to her question would be if she asked it of him.
“You were my favorite band member, you know,” Lita admitted while blushing, just for something to say to change the conversation.
“So I’ve been told,” Hayden said with a grin.
“Oh my god, Sebastian told you?” Lita hit her forehead with her palm.
“No, Gabriel teased him about it.”
“I’m so embarrassed,” Lita moaned.
“Apparently, you wouldn’t divulge who number two was …” Hayden trailed off.
“Nope. I’ll take that to my grave,” Lita laughed. “Besides, there was no good answer. If I told Gabriel it was him, Harrison might be offended, and if I told him it was Harrison, I might offend him. You first, Sebastian last. I won’t lie, though, my favorite member of Cruise Control has changed.” Lita blushed again.
Hayden grinned at her. “I’m not offended that your favorite member of the band is now the father of your baby instead of me.”
“Phew, that’s a relief; I thought you might be sad about your demotion.”
Sebastian came over and joined them, standing on Lita’s other side and casually putting his arm around her shoulders as she sat on the stool.
“Hey there,” he said.
“Hi,” Lita smiled.
“What are you guys talking about?”
“Just about how Hayden is my favorite member of Cruise Control always and forever, and you’re definitely not my favorite band member now,” she teased him.
“Is that so?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow at her with a smirk on his face.
“Yup, definitely,” Hayden chimed in. “Lita was just saying how the drums are her favorite instrument and far more important in a band than the guitar is as well.”
“Well, I mean, without drums, how could anybody possibly keep time, you know?” Lita asked.
“And drum solos are so much cooler than guitar solos, right?” Hayden grinned.
“Exactly.” Lita smiled innocently up at Sebastian. “So, yeah, that’s what we were talking about.”
He laughed and shook his head. “I hate you both, just so you know.”
Blake was walking back into the living area with his phone in his hand and joined their group.
“You took your time,” Sebastian said to him.
“Work shit.” Blake shrugged.
“You work?” Sebastian asked with a shocked look on his face. “I thought you just lived off daddy’s money.”
Blake rolled his eyes. “You’re so fucking funny, Sebastian.”
It took Lita a second to realize that Sebastian wasn’t playing pool anymore and that Heather and Ariana were now playing a game. “Hey, did someone beat you?”
“Nah, I let them play so I could come and sit with you guys.”
“Sebastian Fox leaving a pool table voluntarily?” Hayden laughed. “I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Meh, I’ve just never known anyone worth leaving a table for before,” Sebastian told him.
“With friends like you, who needs enemies?” Hayden grinned. “Hey, can I have a copy of the video game?”
“S
ure, I’m not going to deny you the opportunity to live a day in the life of someone as awesome as me,” Sebastian smirked.
“If you’re not careful, I’ll make Hayden his own game where he beats you at pool every time,” Lita warned him, and Hayden laughed.
“Too bad my birthday was last month, Lita,” Hayden said.
Lita thought about it; Sebastian had given him some kind of present, and Lita had sent him birthday wishes through Heather, but she hadn’t gotten him a present.
“I’ll make you a game if you want.” Lita shrugged. “It’s not like I have anything better to do with my time at the moment.”
“Hey, am I not better than coding?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow at her.
Lita rolled her eyes. “Hayden will definitely win every game. In fact, Sebastian will lose to everyone in this game.”
“I would pay many, many dollars to play this game you’re talking about,” Harrison told Lita as he walked over to join them.
“You don’t even know what game she means,” Sebastian said.
“I don’t need to know. I just heard, ‘Sebastian will lose to everyone,’ and I was hooked.”
“We should put my birthday game on the website; I bet the fans would love it.”
“We already put up a happy birthday message to you, and you didn’t even respond,” Hayden smirked.
Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I’ve been kind of busy today, but seriously…” He trailed off and looked at Lita. “Would you be okay with me putting the game up for other people to play?”
“Sure,” Lita smiled. “I’m kind of embarrassed by the idea of other people playing it, but it is the sort of thing I would have loved when I was a fan.”
“You’re not a fan now?” Sebastian laughed and looked her in the eyes. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to say yes. You get to make the decisions, remember?”
“No, go ahead and do it. Get it done quickly, so it goes up while it’s still your birthday.” Lita smiled at him.
“I’ll call Andi and see if he can get it done right away. I’ll let you know what he says,” Hayden said, pulling out his phone as he walked away to make the call.
“I’ll go with you,” Blake said, trailing after him.
“Oh, I’ve spoken to Andi a few times; he’s awesome.” Lita really liked the webmaster of their website.
“Why am I not surprised that you have, fangirl?” Sebastian asked.
Lita shrugged and smiled at him. “A couple of times I’ve sent through feedback on issues I’ve come across.”
“Best fan ever,” he told her.
They were chatting with Harrison and Heather, who had come over to join them while Gabriel and Ariana played a game of pool, when Hayden and Blake came back.
“Andi said to upload the file to the server, and he’ll put it on the site straight away.”
“Okay, we’ll go upload the file, and I’ll text him when it’s done,” Sebastian told him, taking Lita’s hand and pulling her up from the stool as he did so.
They made their way back to the office, where Sebastian logged into the computer and then the file server so Lita could upload the file before he sent the text to say that it was done.
When she stood up from the chair, Sebastian pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, princess.”
“For what?” she asked him.
“For everything. For making today the best birthday I’ve ever had. For caring about me as much as you do. For having my baby. My life is a million times better now because you’re in it.”
Lita felt like she shouldn’t say her next words, but she was committed to always being honest with him. “My life is better because you’re in it too.”
Sebastian gave her a smile that made her heart hurt because she longed for their situation to be less complicated. They joined the rest of the group back at the pool table, Sebastian kicking balloons out of their path as they did.
“Have I told you how much I hate you, Heather Fletcher?” Sebastian rolled his eyes.
“Nope, you don’t, you love me,” she grinned back at him. “And I think it’s time that Lita played a game of pool with you, isn’t it?”
Sebastian cringed, and Lita laughed. “As my second birthday gift to you, Sebastian Fox, I’m not going to play pool with you today. I will, however, play anyone else you want me to play.”
“Heather,” Sebastian said immediately, with a wicked grin at his friend. “I definitely want you to play Heather.”
Heather groaned. “Why did I open my big mouth?”
“Rack them up, Heather Fletcher, it’s time for your penance to be served at my pool table.”
Heather set up the pool game, grumbling the whole time she did.
“You can break if you want,” Lita offered.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen how this goes, darling; I get one shot, and then you slaughter me.”
“See? It’s not as fun when you’re the one she’s playing, is it?” Sebastian asked, laughing as he spoke.
Heather didn’t answer, just took her turn, breaking the triangle of balls but not getting any of them down. Lita spent a good thirty seconds staring at the table in front of her. The stripes were mostly collected down the far end of the table, where the solids had spread further, which meant less risk of finding herself snookered at some point.
Lita lined up and sank the purple number four, followed quickly by the brown number seven. It didn’t take long for Lita to win the game after that, and Heather only managed to get two balls down before she lost.
Sebastian had Lita play everyone after that, and everyone, including Blake, gracefully obliged his birthday wish. Lita was tempted to let Hayden beat her, but didn’t do it.
“You have actually improved,” she told him at the end of their game.
He blushed. “I’ve been practicing, and your tips have really helped.”
“I’m glad I could help,” Lita said and smiled at him.
Not long after that, everyone else left, and Lita was finally alone with Sebastian. As they waved goodbye to Gabriel and Ariana when they got in the elevator, Sebastian put his arms around her, rested his hands on her baby bump, and softly sang “Just So You Know” in her ear.
“I love that song,” she told him.
“It’s been in my head all day,” he laughed. “Ever since I played the game the first time. Come on; you should probably go to bed. You must be wrecked.”
“I am,” Lita said, and on cue, proceeded to yawn.
Sebastian laughed, and she followed him toward their bedrooms, with Sebastian kicking balloons out of their way as they walked.
30
LEVEL 23.5 – Another Day, Another Doctor
You’re growing a baby; there’s a reason people started the saying ‘eating for two.’ Some days, you might feel like you’re eating for a whole football team. You’d be surprised by how much energy it takes to grow a human being inside of you. If you’re feeling hungry, you may just need a small snack like some fruit…a piece of toast…a chocolate bar…and a family-sized pizza.
Lita was sitting in the black SUV as Daryl drove her and Sebastian to their new doctor’s office, with Ben sitting in the passenger seat next to him. She had received a phone call from the nurse in his office this morning about her referral and had been asked to come in this afternoon for a scan.
She felt sick with nerves, even though she’d only had a scan yesterday. The fear was threatening to overwhelm her this afternoon.
“I might struggle,” Lita choked out to Sebastian, who was holding her hand in his as she squeezed it in a death grip.
“It’s okay; I’ll be there with you. This is our last doctor. He’ll keep Mira safe.”
Lita nodded and tried her hardest not to sink into the despair that was trying to grab hold of her. She took deep breaths and started counting the light posts that they passed to get her brain distracted. Five hundred and seventy-two light posts later, Daryl parked at the hospital where Lita and Sebastian were meeting their new
specialist.
Sebastian held her hand, and Lita focused on the calming feeling of him stroking her skin with his thumb as they walked. Her breathing had quickened again, and Lita forced herself to take deeper breaths. She put her hand on her bump and rubbed it gently. Mirabella would be okay; she had to be.
Lita’s phone buzzed in her pocket, and she pulled it out to see a text from Becky.
Good luck today. Let me know how it goes.
Lita smiled, grateful for the support. She wanted to reply, but she didn’t want to let go of Sebastian’s hand, so she locked her phone and put it back into her pocket. They followed a map through the hospital, to the section where the specialists’ offices were.
Through her fear and nerves, Lita became aware of people watching them. One person even took a picture of them as they walked. She’d become used to the attention that they got on the rare occasions that they were out in public together. Normally she could brush it off, but today it was bugging her. Lita couldn’t stop herself from noticing every person they walked past.
She saw them see their group as they walked, Daryl in front leading the way, her and Sebastian, then Ben following behind. She watched as the recognition crossed their features. Some seemed shocked. Others seemed excited. None seemed to care that Lita was dying inside. None seemed to give a flying fuck that everything was completely and utterly wrong with the world right now.
They finally made it to an office that Lita saw was marked with a plaque that said Dr. Eric Floyd. She took a deep, shaky breath as Daryl opened it and held it open for them to enter. It felt as though the entire waiting room looked at them when they did. Lita knew this was normal, and she often did the same when she was waiting. It was natural to look at whoever was joining the room, but what wasn’t natural was the way the other patients continued to stare at them. A couple of them quickly looked down at their phones and started typing furiously.
Lita felt her fear pulling her down as they walked up to the receptionist’s desk.
“Hi, I’m Lolita Ciccone,” she told the woman sitting there.