by Sian Ceinwen
“I want to say thank you to Lita, especially.” Sebastian looked over to her as he said it and smiled. “I’m so glad I get to start this next decade and a new chapter of my life with you in it.”
The crowd cheered and whistled, along with their friends. Heather gave her a hug and let her hide her face as Sebastian continued his speech.
“I also want to thank Gabriel, Hayden, and Harrison for being the best bandmates I could ever have asked for. I’m so grateful to have you guys in my life. Heather and Ariana, you two are amazing as well.”
“I’m more than amazing, lover!” Heather yelled, and the people nearby who could hear it laughed.
“Yes, sorry. Heather is more than amazing; she single-handedly keeps the world turning, in case anyone didn’t know.”
The rest of the crowd laughed when he said that.
“Finally, Mom and Dad, I know that you’re out there somewhere. You’ve done so much for me; you sacrificed a lot to send me to a music camp that ultimately started this whole ride. I’ll never be able to thank you enough. On that note, I hope that everyone enjoys the fireworks, and thanks again for coming to celebrate with me tonight!”
“There are fireworks?” Lita asked Heather, who still had her arm around Lita.
“You’re surprised?” Heather responded with a laugh.
Sebastian came off stage as the fireworks started going off above them, and Cruise Control music started playing over the sound system in time with the fireworks. He walked directly to Lita, who moved out of Heather’s grip to be embraced by Sebastian.
“Come sit with me, princess; it’s still my birthday.”
There were massive, couple-sized bean bags spread around the grassed area, and Sebastian took Lita to one, and they sat down together. He held his arms around her as they watched the display above them.
“This is crazy,” Lita whispered, while totally mesmerized by the colors bursting in front of her eyes to the sound of her favorite songs.
“It was going to be a live band, originally,” he told her. “I changed it to Cruise Control songs because I thought that you might like it better.”
Lita turned to look at him and asked, “Really?”
“Yes. I knew that today would probably be crazy and a lot for you to deal with. I thought this might make it better for you.”
Lita hugged him tightly. “Happy birthday, Sebastian Fox.”
“Thanks, princess.”
She settled back into his embrace in the bean bag and went back to watching the show. It had truly been one of the best days of her life. She had really had a great time, getting the chance to talk to each of them one-on-one, and felt like she’d gotten to know everyone better today.
Meeting so many celebrities had been stressful, but Sebastian had helped her through it. Lita felt at peace here with him, and when “Just So You Know” began to play, Sebastian sang it softly to her, bringing a smile to her face.
32
LEVEL 24.3 – Nobody Looks Good in A Tent
Your baby is the size of Mr. Burns’ teddy bear, Bobo.
This is your brain…this is your brain on progesterone. You may have noticed ‘baby brain’ has kicked in. Have you been walking around looking for your phone while you were talking to someone on it? Maybe you discovered that tub of butter you bought was stored helpfully in the pantry? This is your life now. Your brain will never be the same.
Lita looked up from the computer in front of her as Sebastian walked through the door to the office with Heather behind him.
“Hi, Lita, ready to go?” Heather asked her.
“Sure, let me just save this, and I’ll be good to go.”
She had gotten the all-clear from her boss to do freelance work while she was off on leave and had even offered to do some casual hours for them where it fit into her schedule. At the moment, she was plotting out some ideas for the Cruise Control game.
Heather was here to take her clothes shopping, and considering that Lita had to borrow another shirt from Sebastian for the outing, it wasn’t a moment too soon. She waved goodbye to Sebastian and followed Heather to the elevator.
“Hey, Cal, good to see you again,” Lita smiled at him.
“Good to see you, too, Miss Ciccone.”
They followed Cal and Ben to the black SUV and got in.
“I’m so excited for today,” Heather said.
“I’m just excited to stop wearing Sebastian’s clothes.”
“You look much better in them than he does, darling.” Heather winked at her.
Lita laughed and said, “Thanks, you’re too nice.”
She rubbed her bump where Mirabella was kicking away at her. They’d had another appointment with Dr. Floyd, yesterday, and so far, they were still avoiding surgery. There would be another appointment on Friday, though, as the tumor was still growing.
“How are things with you two?” Heather asked.
“What has he told you?”
“Not a lot. We’ve kind of come to some sort of unspoken agreement that your relationship is a topic that’s out of bounds. The few times I’ve tried to talk to him about it, he’s totally shut me down.” Heather shrugged.
Lita nodded, thinking that it made sense. Sebastian had essentially told Lita this much when he’d said he’d been avoiding Heather after the wedding because it was too painful to talk to her about it.
“Well, we had sex on Saturday, but we haven’t since then. He’s only gone out once since we’ve been here, so basically, I don’t know what the fuck is going on any more than you do.”
“You’re in love with him, though, aren’t you?” Heather raised an eyebrow at Lita.
Lita rubbed her bump and thought about it. “Sometimes I think I am. Not that it matters, anyway. I really don’t want to be in a relationship with him.”
Heather frowned at her. “Liar.”
“What?” Lita was surprised. “I don’t lie, and most people tell me that I’m too honest.”
“Okay, you’re lying to yourself, then.” Heather shrugged. “I’ve watched you two together, and you’re both madly in love with one another. You’re barely ever not touching each other when you’re in the same room.”
“We’ve been through this, though. He sleeps with me, then he goes off and fucks other women too. I’ve been twisted up in knots over it ever since he told me he loved me. I wish he never had, to be honest. If he hadn’t, we could still be fucking every five seconds, and I could happily send him off to have sex with other women.”
“So, why did him telling you that he was in love with you change that?” Heather asked.
Lita thought about it and tried to find a way to accurately describe it.
“It’s because of the relationship that I want. He can’t give that relationship to me, and he proved that when he went out that same night and slept with someone else. He’s proven it repeatedly; every time he’s gone out and fucked a woman who wasn’t me, it’s just shown me that I made the right choice, no matter how painful it’s been.”
“Painful for who? You or him?” Heather’s tone had gone cold, and Lita was surprised by it.
Lita sighed. “Yes, Heather, I can see that he’s hurting too. You can’t make me feel any guiltier than I already do.”
“I understand your reasoning, but what you’re telling me is that you’re basically just too chicken shit to even try being in a relationship with him.”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. I can’t be selfish about this. I have to think about our baby. What she needs is two parents who love her and are on good speaking terms,” Lita told her.
It was the first time that Lita hadn’t seen Heather come back with a ready answer for someone. It wasn’t long before she had a stern caution for Lita, though.
“I’m just warning you, Lita. If you keep sleeping with him while having no intention of ever being in a relationship with him, you’re only leading him on, and it’s cruel to do it.”
They pulled into another underground ga
rage, and Lita pondered the weird power dynamic that Heather was suggesting. She’d never thought of it as leading him on, but her guilt was back in full force now. Lita thought about all of the hugs and kisses and hand-holding that she’d indulged in since he’d first said he loved her. All of the times that they’d had sex, even though she’d sworn not to do it.
The car had been pulled into a parking bay, and Heather sighed. “I love you, and you’ve come to mean a lot to me since we’ve known each other, but I also love him. Probably more than anyone else in my life, except for Harrison. What he’s been doing is so wrong, but I’ve been thinking about it. He told you that he was in love with you, and your response was to tell him that you didn’t want him and that he should sleep with someone else.
“You are sending him some incredibly mixed signals. You sleep with him when it suits you, then tell him you don’t want him in the same breath. Literally, his entire birthday party, anyone who looked at you two would have thought you were a couple. Please, stop hurting him, Lita.”
Lita had started to cry, and she couldn’t even blame hormones. It was because everything that Heather was saying was true. Selfishly, Lita didn’t want to give up the sexual relationship she had with Sebastian, nor did she want to forego the intimacy they shared in the form of hugs, and kisses, and holding hands. Lita kept crying because she knew that she really needed to stop it all, and the pain that knowledge brought to her heart was intense.
Heather didn’t speak; she handed Lita some tissues and let her cry for a long time. When she’d finished, Heather handed her a bottle of water.
“I’m sorry, Lita. I didn’t mean to upset you that badly.” Heather sighed.
Lita shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I’m crying because you’re right, and I don’t want you to be.”
Heather put her arm around Lita and gave her a hug. “We can wait here for however long you need.”
“Thank you, Heather.” Lita took a shaky breath.
They sat in the car for about ten minutes before Lita could calm down.
“Do you still want to go shopping? I can take you home, or we can do something else if you’d prefer?” Heather offered.
“No, it’s fine, Heather. I need something to keep my mind distracted. If I go home, I’ll just sit and think about the baby, and Seb will be there, and…” Lita trailed off.
“I think I’ve probably yelled at you enough about that today.” Heather winked at Lita. “Come on, then. Let’s not talk about it anymore; we can go get Ariana and have a great girls’ day out.”
Gabriel and Ariana didn’t live in a penthouse like Sebastian, though they were on the thirty-seventh floor, and there were only two doors on their floor. Heather knocked on number 37B, and it was opened by Gabriel, who smiled at them.
“Hey, ladies, good to see you.”
They each gave him a hug in greeting and walked into the apartment. Lita took as much in as she could. It was a lot different from Sebastian’s apartment, far more friendly and welcoming. It looked lived in; there were many bookcases full of books, and Lita couldn’t resist going to have a look at them.
She wondered which were Ariana’s and which were Gabriel’s, guessing that most of the romances would have to be Ariana’s, but there were a lot of Tim King and Neil Gaiman books there.
“Ooh, Terry Pratchett!” Lita exclaimed involuntarily when she saw the entire series of his novels in the next bookcase.
“I love the Discworld novels,” Ariana said from just behind her, and Lita jumped.
“Oh my god, you scared me. Hi.” Lita gave her a hug.
“A girl after my own heart, you go straight to the bookcases,” Ariana grinned.
“Your collection is amazing; I’m jealous.”
“Thanks. A good amount of these are Gabe’s, I won’t lie, but I love books. If you ever want to borrow any, let me know.” Ariana smiled.
“I love real books, but I read mostly on my phone,” Lita admitted.
Ariana nodded. “Yeah, me too, if I’m honest. It’s just so convenient. When I’m at home, I prefer a real book, though.”
They said goodbye to Gabriel and made their way back downstairs with Callum and Ben. Ariana had given her bodyguard the day off, as they figured that the two bodyguards would be sufficient for their trip.
“So, which shop are we going to, first?” Heather asked Lita.
“Oh, I don’t know, wherever the nearest mall is, I guess? I just need a Walmart or a Target or something.”
Heather looked horrified but said, “Sure, okay then. There’s a Target at the Loop, which is nearby.”
“Breathe, Heather,” Ariana told her with a grin. “You can survive a trip to Target.”
Lita looked at Ariana and smirked. “Just last weekend, I was telling Heather how down to earth the guys are; I never expected a reaction like this from her about going to Target.”
“Stop, you two. I’m perfectly fine with going to Target; I just thought that we’d be going to more than one place today.”
“Sure, that’s all it is; we believe you.” Ariana grinned. “It wasn’t long ago that I was getting all my clothes at Target, so it’s familiar to me.”
“I’m buying the clothes myself, so it kind of has to be Target. I’m not rich like you guys.” Lita shrugged.
“Sebastian would pay for the clothes if you wanted him to,” Heather told her.
“Probably, but I don’t want him to. Clothes don’t cost much, and I can afford them.”
Heather didn’t reply, just nodded and said nothing.
“I get it. The first time Gabriel bought clothes for me, it caused a massive argument between us,” Ariana told her. “You might know that fight as ‘Cataclysm.’”
Lita’s eyes widened. “Really? What happened?”
She loved the song and knew it was about an argument over Ariana not accepting a gift she was being given, but it was amazing to get to hear the story behind it.
“He bought me, no joke, about five thousand dollars’ worth of clothes from Saks. I was horrified by how much they cost. It was a couple of tops, a skirt, and one dress. Barely any clothes for that amount of money and basically worth my entire life savings at the time. I told him that I didn’t want them, and he told me that I was being silly and bought them anyway.”
“Ouch, that’s not a smart move.” Lita cringed.
“Who? Me or him?”
“Gabriel. You told him you didn’t want them; he shouldn’t have bought them.” Lita shook her head.
“They were just clothes,” Heather protested.
Lita frowned at Heather. “She didn’t want them, though.”
“I’ve seen Ariana wearing those clothes many, many times. She wanted them.”
Ariana laughed. “You’re both right. I wanted the clothes, but I didn’t want the clothes. I love them, and Heather’s right that they’re some of my favorite outfits now. At the time, I didn’t have the money for clothes like that, and I didn’t want Gabriel to buy them for me. It was nice of him to do it, but not nice of him to ride roughshod over me like that. My feelings were really hurt.”
“I’m never going to listen to that song the same way again,” Lita laughed. “Got any more inside stories about the songs on Heart Wide Open? It’s my favorite album.”
“I’ve got a whole book of them that you might be able to buy soon.” Ariana blushed.
Heather gasped. “Oh my god, did the meeting with the literary agent go well, then?”
“Yup, they’ve signed me. I worry that it’s just because of Gabriel, but whatever, I guess. It’s pretty cool. They’re going to start shopping it to publishers soon.”
Heather hugged Ariana. “I’m so proud of you!”
“Thanks,” Ariana said with a smile.
“I worried that me getting a show at Fashion Week was just because of Harrison too. In all honesty, it probably was. Ally was pretty honest about the fact that a lot of my early success came from being Harrison’s girlfriend, but at the end of the
day, all of the work that I did and the clothes I made was me, not him. It’s the same with you; even if they signed you just because of Gabriel, it’s still your writing. Nobody can take that away from you.”
“See? It’s times like this that I remember why you’re my best friend, Heather Fletcher.” Ariana grinned at her.
“I give pretty good pep talks. If you ever need one, just come see me, Lita.”
“I’ll keep it in mind, thanks.”
They were pulling into an underground parking garage in downtown Chicago, and Lita saw that it was quite busy; all of the stores were on the downtown streets.
Lita sighed. “Hopefully, we won’t attract too much attention.”
“It’s not usually as bad when the guys aren’t with us,” Ariana said. “Though people are really invested in your pregnancy.”
“You’re telling me. Do you ever get used to this?” Lita asked.
“Kind of,” Heather said. “It kind of just becomes your new normal. It’s been a long time for me, and it’s only started getting to truly insane levels in the last year. Now, I’m used to having Cal as my shadow, isn’t that right, Cal?”
He was standing at the open car door and smiling at Heather when he replied, “Yes, Mrs. Fletcher; shadow extraordinaire, at your service.”
They got out of the car and took an elevator up to the street level, not really getting massive amounts of attention until they were on the street and closer to the crowds of people. A few people seemed to recognize them, and one person took their picture, but Ariana was right that it was nowhere near as bad as being out with Sebastian.
They made their way to Target and headed to the womenswear section. Heather tutted at some of the designs but made sounds of approval at others.
“Something actually met your high level of taste?” Ariana teased her as she stopped to look at an outfit on a mannequin.
“Yeah, I really like this.” Heather shrugged and indicated the mannequin in front of her. “You guys are mean; I’m not a snob.”
Ariana faked a cough as she said, “Not much.”