Onward and Upward

by Tony Wilson

Chapter 31

  I found out the answer to that question a few days later when I was granted an audience by an American lady who deigned to be in the company of a mere mortal. I was actually soaking up MY bit of the sun, on MY sun bed, beside MY pool when she wafted in. She introduced herself (one of the Connecticut something or others), gave me a potted history of her short life’s achievements - X amount of silver spoons in her mouth at birth (apparently she wasn’t delivered – she was ‘announced’), youngest ever child beauty-pageant queen, prom queen, had three Summa cum Laudes (sun tan creams?) and delivered the valedictorian at high-school, college and university (was that like being a postie?), then she went on to why she had selected this particular Pharmaceutical Company to have the honour of making her an offer of employment, although she got a bit miffed when half way through her recital I rolled onto my front and asked her to rub some factor 40 on my back, perhaps it wasn’t her Company’s brand. Finally, just before Marcel would have pronounced me ‘well done’, she came to the point, she was here to chat about my new pills. First - the ‘side effect’ that they had just discovered (now that got my attention), apparently I would now have an enhanced libido, and as she stood there waiting for my reaction, a gust of wind blew her skirt up - and I got it, but thank god I was lying face down. Then she got on to the multiple choice questions, ‘do I like the shape of the pills’ - as I was their only recipient, someone in ‘Customer Care’ must have thought ‘let’s give him a choice’ (and get rid of her for a few days as a bonus).

  ‘Round are so boring, can I have square ones?

  ‘Errrr I am sure that we can comply with your request’, ‘are you happy with them staying white?

  ‘I would prefer sky blue pink, with purple spots on’, and at that moment I think that she realised that I was extracting the Michael, (oops, nearly said urine), but she gave it one last go.

  ‘We can give them different flavours, which ones would you prefer?

  I lay there for a moment in serious deliberation, and said ‘fish and chips, salt and vinegar crisps, and black pudding flavours please’.

  Collecting her things she quietly stormed off, throwing the rest of her questions into my swimming pool in passing.

  ‘Ah well’ I thought, ‘my gain, her work colleagues loss’, but it did explain the sheet, and my ‘morning glories’, I thought I just needed the loo.

  Next it was Topsy’s turn, was I up for a quick trip in my wheelchair? I was slowly getting my strength back but it would be a while before I could walk very far, or watch an air display standing up, so as a refusal would upset an awful lot of people I said ‘yes’, and after putting my dressing gown on Sigourney pushed me through Mi Casa and out onto the Heli-pad, whence I had a major problem, should I watch the aerobatics – or Sigourney, she hadn’t but a dressing gown on, and was almost topless (and bottomless – in fact her bottom was) and Topsy was having the same problem, until Fred, or as she was now pregnant, Joyce, broke him a rib.

  Even before I’d had the big sleep, first Teddy and then Topsy had been busy, they had been on a recruiting drive, not just for personnel but also aircraft, and very quickly people on the circuit realised that he had just reached (and passed) the magical twenty two, ‘was the Green Diamonds going to go for a world record beating twenty-three aircraft loop?’, and Topsy’s answer was always the same, ‘I can neither confirm nor deny that there will be a record breaking attempt (he was definitely spending too much time on the Lady S, the floating one), but I can categorically state that if there is, Mr Michaels will be the first to see it’, and at the last large show of the season the Green Diamonds’ had equalled the world record, whilst Natasha stood beside Arabella on the flight line.

  After Sigourney had put on the dressing gown that Joyce had thrust into her hands the show started, and it was spectacular, and I can categorically state that ‘they did not do a twenty three aircraft loop’.

  The next day was the day before my birthday, and as usual I was strapped into a Hunter, but this one was a Mk7D, and Natasha was driving. I had special permission from the medics to fly, but only if I wore a neck brace, anti-G suite, special ‘support bits and bobs’ (that made me look like the incredible Hulk), and I didn’t touch the controls.

  ‘Of course I wouldn’t’ I said, and then uncrossed my fingers. I had joined Natasha at RNAS Culdrose (David’s favourite Military Hospital), and had been fork lifted (?) into the aircraft, and on Topsy’s mark I pressed my ‘press to transmit’ button (it’s not really a control – is it).

  ‘Farnborough Approach, this is the Lady S (like the US President and Air Force One, whichever aircraft/boat/golf buggy I was in was the Lady S) requesting permission to ‘fly by’, and then join left hand circuit for landing. Were they going to poop on my parade, or not?

  Or not, Lady S, this is Farnborough approach, you are cleared for ‘fly by’ and left hand circuit to land, by the way are you on your own?’

  ‘Look at your radar screen you moron’ I thought, ‘only a couple of chicks Farnborough approach, will be overhead in three zero seconds, out’.

  Thirty seconds later Natasha took the centre line down Farnborough’s main runway, with eleven gleaming Hunters on her port wing and ten on her starboard, which made a grand total of twenty two aircraft, but the next to the last position on the starboard wing was empty, we were in the ‘missing comrade’ formation, and apparently the crowds went wild.

  As I was wheeled around the flight-line and then into the Control Tower, the only question that I was asked was ‘are you going for the record,’ and I would shrug my shoulders (well as much as my neck brace would allow me to) and gave an enigmatic smile, which I had been practicing in a mirror in front of a new painting that had appeared in my bedroom (I hoped that crossed fingers worked on gestures as well), as Topsy had been practicing his arithmetic:- 1x1 = a singleton, 2x2 = the ace of diamonds, 3x3 = an even bigger ace of diamonds, 4x4 = ‘Mr Andrew Michaels very own Sixteen of Diamonds’, and 5x5 = well and truly, a new world record - if a jobs worth doing, it’s worth doing well, and I hoped that the Programme Director has some smelling salts handy as three of my team were still at Culdrose – waiting for mańana.

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  About the author

  I spent twenty-two years in the Fleet Air Arm (Royal Navy) as an Aircraft Mechanic, most of my time as a Maintenance Supervisor. Following a brief time driving heavy goods vehicles I then spent a further fourteen years as a Housing Officer for a Local Authority/Housing Association before being medically retired.

  I have two children (and a growing number of grandchildren) from my first marriage, and following my retirement, met, married, and relocated to Spain with Melva.

  This book is the second in my Andrew Michaels trilogy. Hopefully you will have already read the first, Road to Recovery, but if you haven’t, then perhaps a journey back in time will fill in a few blanks. The third, Above and Beyond has also now been released.

  Connect with me Online:

  https://www.tonywilson.es