by Harms, C. A.
Lying to her isn’t possible, but somehow telling her now in the middle of a nightclub that I led her back to her cabin as a child feels like bad timing. I lean in a little closer and quietly inhale her scent in the process. “I think I would remember meeting you.” Whispering near her ear I don’t pull back right away, needing that last few seconds of closeness. I’ve never in my life felt the intense desire I feel now, my hands shake, and I grip my tumbler tighter to hide my reaction. Her scent is intoxicating, a lightheaded feeling leaves me momentarily feeling dizzy.
“I think it’s the eyes.” Taryn turns her face, bringing her lips closer to my own. I don’t move away, I couldn’t if I wanted to. She glances at me, her throat bobbing as she swallows hard. “It’s definitely the eyes, there is no way anyone could forget them.”
“I’m Merick,” I look between her lips and her eyes, doing my best to hold back my urges. “And you are?”
“Taryn.” My mind and her saying it at the same time. Taryn. Her voice a breathy whisper, only further proves the way I affect her.
Still standing close together, neither of us willing to move. I can feel her breath on my lips, and I lean in a little closer, feeling her hair tickle my nose. "Well, Taryn,” I love the way her name falls from my lips, “it’s lovely to meet you.” As I pull back, I make sure my lips skim over her jaw and find satisfaction in the way her breath hitches. This time I create a little more distance than I prefer and motion toward the bartender.
Pointing to my drink and also to Taryn’s I order us a refill and sit back on the stool behind me, reconnecting with her. Her gaze remains locked on me as if she is in a trance, caught up in the feelings I know without a doubt are creating a storm inside of her. I can feel her, sense her arousal and its overwhelming to have her so close but not touch her.
Our time will come, and it will be soon.
Taryn
Merick. His name bounces around in my head the whole ride back to my apartment. After he bought me a drink earlier, we held each other’s gaze as we drank them down. I’m not sure what was happening, but a sense of peace and calmness flowed through me as well as overwhelming desire. All I know is that he is the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on.
There is something so familiar about his eyes, but I have no clue where I might have seen them before. I reach up touching my jaw, the spot where his lips skimmed, and I swear it causes an ache between my legs.
“Miss? We’re here.” Suddenly I realize we’ve stopped moving and feel embarrassed due to the fact that I have no idea how long I sat there in a daze.
I grab my purse and slide toward the door. “Sorry, thanks.” Passing the cabbie a twenty, I climb out of the car and make my way inside my building. After I rode the elevator up to my floor, I let myself into my little studio apartment still feeling completely out of sorts. I stop in front of my wardrobe and slip my heels off, placing them inside. My mind is still trapped in that one intense moment with Merick. I can’t seem to clear my thoughts of him.
As I walk toward the bathroom, I reach behind me and quickly unzip my dress. I step out of it and grab the hanger it was on earlier and rehang it. In my bra and panties, I brush out my hair and quickly braid it, getting it out of the way while I wash my face and brush my teeth.
Normally I’d take a shower after going dancing, but I can still smell Merick’s scent all over me and he barely touched me. I kind of don’t want it to go away, it is somehow soothing, and that alone is puzzling. I shake my head, driving thoughts of him out. Throwing on a t-shirt I make my way into the kitchenette. “Hmm...old pizza or old Chinese.”
To be honest, I don’t want either one, but I haven’t been to the store, so my options are limited. After deciding on the Chinese, I warm it up in the microwave and then eat it right out of the container in bed. I try to watch TV, but nothing catches my interest so instead I shut it off and sit in the silence of my bedroom.
Staring blindly out of the window, an emptiness fills me suddenly and my eyes begin to burn. What the fuck is wrong with me? Where is this all coming from? I’m a mixture of emotions that I have no explanation for. Maybe I need to lay off the cocktails for a while, I am now a sappy drunk it seems.
Without finishing my food, I climb out of bed and throw my container in the trash. I return to my room and climb back into bed.
The twinkle lights strung up across my ceiling cast a soft yellowish glow around my room. I stare up at them, getting lost in the soothing pattern they display. My mind wanders and I can’t help but become hopeful I’ll see Merick again.
“Taryn,” I whisper my name in the darkness, “stop thinking about him. He’s just a guy, an attractive one, but one that you’ll probably never see again.” I throw my hands up. “Great, and now I’m talking to myself.”
I am a mess, a ridiculous cliché of a girl that seems to have grown love struck after one encounter with a total stranger.
Choosing to ignore my scrambled mind and the fact that I’ve been carrying on a conversation with myself I sink into my bed and snuggle up under the down comforter. A steal I found online a few weeks ago and couldn’t resist. I’m feeling thankful now that I decided to spoil myself because it seriously feels like being wrapped in a cloud. I sleep so much better with it, my own personal cocoon of happiness.
Luckily it takes me no time at all before I start to fall asleep.
Twigs snap beneath my bare feet as I run through the trees. My hair whips around me, my heart beats wildly in my chest. I feel the presence behind me get closer and I pump my legs harder.
There’s a cave up ahead and I run towards it, knowing that it’s the first place he’ll look but knowing that I can’t continue on like this. My calves burn already from the exertion. Once I’m inside, I take a deep breath and rest my back against the cold stone wall. I can’t stay out long because my parents will worry.
A rustling of branches and then there he is, my wolf. “Hey boy. I’ve missed you.” He stands in the mouth of the cave, waiting for me. Climbing to my feet, I walk toward him and see that his brown eyes are so vibrant today--like pools of melting chocolate.
He starts running toward me and I’m about to pee my pants out of fear because though I know he’s kind to me, I am also unsure of his triggers and well aware he’s still a wild animal. I remain alert and cautious, fully understanding he could be fierce if he chooses to be. Then out of nowhere he skids to a stop and carefully bumps me playfully knocking me down before he begins licking my face. I laugh and try to push him off. “Stop you big goof.” I hug him and kiss his nose.
Suddenly there’s a flash of light and the wolf is now Merick...wait, what? I’m startled by this shift. I’m no longer twelve-year-old me, but an adult, the current version of myself. He smiles down at me and my pulse quickens. I reach up, touching his face. “Are you real?”
His lips turn up in the same cocky grin I saw at the club. “Does this feel real?” Merick leans down and presses his lips to mine. Our kiss is soft and gentle and the moment I try to deepen it he pulls away from me. Chuckling when her frustrated growl pierces the air between us. “All in good time sweetheart.”
This is a good time, the perfect time, my mind screams.
My eyes flutter shut and when they open again, I’m back on the porch at my parent’s cabin and I’m twelve again.
My eyes pop open and I sit up, still momentarily dazed by my dream. “What the hell?” I haven’t dreamt about my wolf in a long time. Hell, over time my dream wolf has all but faded away, a distant memory that rarely makes an appearance. Why would he be back now? So clear, so realistic. And more importantly, why would Merick be penetrating those dreams?
I climb out of bed and grab a drink of water. When I crawl back beneath the cool sheets, I notice that it’s only two in the morning. My twinkle lights are on a timer so they’re already out, leaving my apartment bathed in darkness. I lay on my side and watch shadows dance across my wall from the lights outside that peek between my blinds. When I finally fall a
sleep, I’m grateful the remaining part of my night is void of any further dreams.
When I finally get up the next day, I keep myself busy doing my normal Sunday chores; cleaning my apartment, doing laundry, and going to get groceries.
By the time everything is done I’m able to sit down and watch a little television. I get lost in the antics of reality television while I eat the chicken salad I made. Cleaning up my mess, I decided to pamper myself a bit. While I run a bath, I put my hair up into a knot on top of my head, not wanting to bother with washing it. I add some lavender bath salts to the water and immediately I’m met with a soothing aroma.
I wash my face and apply my detoxifying face mask that’s supposed to hydrate and minimize my pores. Once I’m all set, I climb into the warm bath, moaning in pleasure as I sink into the soothing water. Once the tub is full, I turn off the tap and lie back, allowing the water to engulf me as much as possible.
With my eyes closed I’m suddenly hit with another vision of my parent’s cabin. I can see twelve-year-old me stepping into the woods again, the beautiful purple velvety flowers I remember seeing spread out before me. They look so real almost like I could reach out and touch them, feeling the petals glide over my fingertips.
The vision is there and gone before I’m running in my mind. Feeling scared because I have no idea where I am, and nothing looks familiar. Everything intermixes, leaving me feeling confused what’s reality and what is make-believe..
My dream last night, my thoughts now, both feel so incredibly realistic. But then again, it all makes little sense too.
I remember all those years ago, feeling as though someone or something was pulling me deeper into the trees. An imaginary attraction, but that was impossible...right? The wolf I saw had to have been a figment of my imagination. Something I’d watched or read that triggered those visions.
My thoughts turn to Merick, those eyes, that warm soothing voice that blanketed me, inflicting a warm sensation throughout my body. I still can’t figure out where I know him from, he’s so familiar. It all comes down to those eyes. Where have I seen them before?
I try to shut my mind off, but the day in the forest replays over and over in my head. Since I can’t relax, I decide to get out of the tub. At the sink, I rinse off my mask and then put on some moisturizer.
After I get dressed for bed I lay down. I have to get to the office by eight-thirty tomorrow, which means I have to get up at six. I’m the office manager for an up and coming tech company. I make a good living, but I’m not happy there. I want to feel passionate about what I do. Instead, I feel stuck, like I’m just treading water.
On that note, I crawl into bed and in no time sleep claims me.
“You’ve had the same dream every night?” My best friend Lily says from across the table at our favorite cafe.
I nod. “Yes, and then I feel this sense of longing that keeps getting worse. I swear the other night I woke up having…” I pause looking around to ensure we are at a safe distance so nowhere can hear me. Then lean in closer whispering the rest, “having an orgasm.” In that dream, Merick did things to my body that I’ve only read about in books.
“I still can’t believe none of us saw him when he approached you at the bar last week.” She takes a sip of her water. “What are you going to do?”
A simple description of him is all I provided for her—tall, alluring eyes, and a tempting smile. I wasn’t completely ready to share all the details of the mystery man, his name, his words. For a little while longer I wanted to hold those things close.
“What’s next?”
What’s next, that is the magical question. I shrug. “I have no idea. I thought maybe I’d take a trip to Montana. My parents still own the cabin, and the peacefulness it provides could give me the perfect chance to get my head straight. Maybe a vacation will do me some good. Lord knows, I haven’t taken any time off since I started working at Advanced Dynamics.”
That place is enough to drive any sane person crazy.
After we finish lunch we hug and then she goes one way and I head in the opposite direction. The more I analyze it the more I think a trip to Montana may be exactly what I need. — to stay in the cabin, and enjoy the quiet away from the hustle of the city. Away from the loud traffic, the constant noise, sirens, local businesses and wildlife. Maybe being there will give me some perspective, help me to make some life changing decisions, where I want to go at this point in my life, who I want to be. Because the rut I’ve found myself in, it’s not how I want to live.
Merick
I hide in the shadows, remaining discreet as I pretend to window shop when I need to blend in. I’ve spent months watching her. Week after week, I’ve observed her life, the fast pace of the city that dances around her, looking for a sign that she is truly happy in the life she lives. I want to ensure that what I’m about to do, the life I am going to give her, is in fact a life she might find happiness in.
Only the more I watch and wait, the more I come to realize that Taryn doesn’t exude any overwhelming passion one would display when they truly are in love with the life they’re living. So many times, I’ve seen her sit in the shadows of the trees in Grant Park, a blankness on her face and a far-off distant feel from the body language she expresses. Often, I’ve found her separating herself from a crowd and observing instead of interacting. Though she tries, I feel as though something is missing. Like a part of her wants to be someplace else. I know I can fill that void in her life. I know that I can give her all the things she is missing and more.
I sit in a cafe diagonal from the technology company I know she practically runs. Each day I watch her enter the double glass paned doors and I wait, wanting nothing more than to follow her inside, ensure that she is safe, but even more than that, I want to be close to her.
The waiting gets harder each day.
There is one thing that keeps me from violating all the rules I’ve put into place. It keeps me from exposing myself and confessing that I’ve been here all along, with her every day since we met in the woods. We are bonded, almost as one. I can feel her and see her reactions before she expresses them. Taryn has been mine since the very second her eyes locked on mine, maybe even before that.
My timeline is narrowing though, and I know that the day is coming soon when I have to reveal myself. I hope that she is as accepting of me now as she was as a child. In a young mind, one full of fantasies and dreams, one who believes in fairytales, took one look at me and instantly loved my beastly form. But with Taryn, now grown into a beautiful thriving woman, she may feel differently. It is a chance I will have to take, but to make her love me now before I reveal who I truly am, that would make the transition easier for both of us.
Living without her was something I could never accept. I need her, we need her, the fate of my future as well as the clan lies in Taryn’s hands. She is the key to recreating a world that was almost lost—for bringing home those that left years ago when all that was left was the carnage of our pack. It will be up to her and me to build back everything that was lost, only this time it will be so much more.
I close my eyes, taking in the sound of Taryn’s voice as it echoes through the coffee shop. I remain tucked in a corner, a hat pulled down covering my forehead and the bill shadowing my eyes doing my best stay hidden. My body turned to the side, I can see her reflection in the glass of the windowpane. She is wearing gray slacks, snug against her appealing curves, cropped and stopping just above her ankle. A pair of black, strappy shoes hug her feet, a flowing dark lavender sleeveless shirt tops it off and her long hair hangs loosely around her shoulders.
I can smell her, the sweet scent of her perfume, and it makes my body hum with delight. My hands twitch, wanting nothing more than to feel her body beneath my palms.
“I’ll take a large coffee, with half and half and Stevia,” her words cover me like a safety blanket, leaving me with a sense of home I’ve not felt in longer than I can remember. It doesn’t even matter what words she spea
ks, it's the soft hum of her words alone that gives me the comfort I’m so desperately in need of. “I also need a dozen muffins, assorted please.”
I know I made a mistake instantly when I turned around to find Taryn staring directly at me. Her mouth agape, but not in an awkward way. It is more of a gasp, one that draws my attention to her luscious lips, covered in a shimmering gloss. Her throat bobs when she swallows hard and not once does she attempt to look away from me.
I’ve failed. The idea of remaining at a distance and waiting to pick the perfect time to make an appearance, a brief encounter leaving her wanting more, is turned upside down as we each continue to stare at one another, neither moving in the direction of the other.
I’ve heard of the unexplainable connection, the one that leaves you feeling all the things running through you at the moment. Weightless, dizzy, momentarily crazed, but before Taryn, I’d thought that kind of mythical pull was something my ancestors made up. Something they would use to keep the younger members of the pack on the right path. But now, I know it’s all true. An I move, you move, I jump, you jump, feeling that has such an impact it leaves you breathless. Almost like Taryn and I are the very same person sharing the very same heart.
“Hi,” a soft hesitant whisper calls out to me. My body is moving again before I can stop myself and I am standing before her, again my eyes holding hers in longing trance. “I was hoping I would see you again,” her cheeks grow flush.
Unable to stop myself from grinning at her confession and leaning in a little closer, my head tilting to the side so that I may get a better view of her. The way she tucks her chin trying to hide her embarrassment makes me want to soothe her. “I was hoping to see you again too.” I don’t miss the surprised look in her eyes.