by Amanda LeMay
Waves of emotion rolled through me, making me suddenly nauseous. But...none of what I sensed...was mine.
Anger. Frustration. Regret.
Gunner had clenched his jaw. Muscles in his face and neck tensed and tightened. He seemed to fight back at the overwhelming emotions he apparently wasn’t used to dealing with.
I wanted to apologize. I wanted to touch him. Hold him. Tell him everything would be okay.
Still...I had warned him. My story was only going to get worse. I hadn’t wanted to expose him to this, but now, if he left me here—alone...
Fear squeezed my heart—the same fear I’d felt when my mother turned her back and walked away.
Would Gunner abandon me, too?
His hand reached back and snagged mine as he turned to face me. “I’m not leavin’, baby, so don’t even think about it.”
So, he could feel my emotions as well.
You may change your mind.
Gunner shook his head once. “Not going anywhere.”
I gazed at his seriously stubborn, determined face, and sighed. The tightness behind my ribs eased up.
He kissed my fingers, then freed my hand and sat back into his chair.
“Simone,” Ralph broke in, “were you released at any time during those three days?”
“No. I had no food or water and...no way to use the bathroom.” Humiliation burned like acid in the back of my throat. “When I...soiled myself, Rule had it cleaned it away.”
“Fucking sonovabitch!”
Startled at his sudden outburst and spike of rage, I jerked in my chair as Gunner shot out of his. He paced the length of the office behind me, stomping on the thick carpeting.
Ralph’s eyes followed Gunner’s movements back and forth. I folded my hands into my lap and looked away as I gathered my memories.
“You will control your functions, Simone. I will not be so kind if, when I return, I find you have failed.”
Rule. The ultimate control freak.
Without food or water for three days...I didn’t fail a second time.
At least, not until the end of the third day, when I stepped foot out of his house and my bladder let loose on the concrete driveway. I’d stood frozen, staring, as the decorative swirls pressed into the cement filled with urine and flowed out away from me. The look of disgust our driver gave me when he realized what I had done was clear to see. He’d covered the seat of our limo with a thick chenille throw that he’d kept in the trunk and didn’t touch me as I climbed into the car.
“Simone?” Ralph asked quietly. “You ready to go on?”
I nodded then looked up and met his calm eyes again.
Go on. Ralph’s heard stories like this before, and worse. Nothing I say will ever shock him.
“After the first branding, Rule led another female into the room. She was naked. Her hands bound with a plastic zip-tie. They had secured a black bag over her head. Rule asked her if she understood why she was there. She said ‘no’. He told her he was punishing her for breaking pack law. A group of male wolves came into the room. He told them to punish her and if anyone touched me, he’d kill them. Then he left.
“At first, they played with her...like a toy. The more she fought, the more they played. I have no idea how long this went on, but it felt like hours. When they were tired of playing, they attacked—tore into her. She didn’t have a chance.” My throat tightened up as I fought to hold back my tears. I took a shuddering breath.
Gunner crouched beside my chair, took my hand and whispered, “Baby...”
His eyes seemed to plead with me to stop, but I couldn’t.
“I have to finish. It’s the only way I can honor her death.” Tears blurred my vision, but I didn’t miss the slight nod of Gunner’s head. I brought his fingers to my mouth and kissed them. “I know you’re here for me. Let me do what I need to do.”
Gunner leaned in and kissed my forehead, then released my hand, stood, and moved back behind my chair again.
I focused on Ralph once more, wiped the few tears that had spilled down my face, took a breath, and started where I’d left off.
“I begged them to stop. I screamed for help. No one came. Eventually, she stopped fighting back. There were...chunks of skin and muscle hanging from her bones. They didn’t eat what they ripped away from her—they simply flung it around the room. Everywhere.” Tears sprang anew in my eyes. “Some of it...some of her...” Bile rose up in the back of my throat and I worked desperately to keep it down. “The small bits of her that landed on me, were still...warm.”
“Fucking bunch of sick, murdering hyenas,” Gunner muttered under his breath from behind me.
I stared at my hands folded tightly together in my lap and went on. “Once she had given up her fight, they rolled in her blood...then...left her there to die. I never saw her face. I begged her to tell me her name, but I’m not sure if she could at that point or...” My breath hitched. “There was so much blood.”
I tried to keep the image of that female in her last, dying minutes locked firmly away so I would never have to see it again. Was it dishonorable to wish such a thing?
She died.
And I lived.
How many more females had Rule punished to death?
I focused my eyes back on Ralph.
“I listened to her breathe—I saw the black fabric puffing in and out, and then...it stopped moving.”
I wiped tears from my face with the same hands that had been tied to keep me from striking out. Well, they were no longer bound, just as I was no longer bound to a pack with ludicrous laws and punishments to match.
At some point during my story, Gunner had stopped pacing and stood quietly behind my chair. Still, with all his silence, I could feel his temper bordering on explosive rage. And...something else, deeply passionate and protective. I didn’t have time to stop to figure it out. I needed to get the rest out, give as much evidence against Rule as I could recall.
“Rule came back soon after she died. He asked me if I understood pack law, if I understood that he alone determined which females would bear young. He said in his pack, there is no free will. Females breed and carry young only when he permits it. No matter how great the temptation, we cannot ever allow our wolf side to lead us into unauthorized sexual encounters. He claimed it was for our protection. He said he was the only one who knew each wolf’s parentage and if his pack members began mating between themselves, there could be serious repercussions. After his warnings, he branded me again...and again. Sometimes, the pain was so great, fainting was my only relief. They took the female’s body away on the third day, just before Rule released me. The sickly sweet smell was...”
My stomach twisted with a new wave of nausea. I closed my eyes. Stinging tears of sadness and guilt slid down my cheeks.
“She died. And I lived.”
Rule’s voice echoed in my head...
“Your heat is close, Simone. When it happens, you will come to me.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Yes, you will. You belong to me in more ways than you know. You will seek me out. You will not have the will to fight what your body will demand of you.”
“No,” I whispered.
“Simone?” Ralph’s gaze seemed fixed on the male who stood so silent behind me. The bones of his face looked even sharper, more angular than before. His canines bulged beneath his upper lip.
“I’m okay.”
Liar.
Words. Just words. Rule said a lot of things, all lies, all meant to scare me. I sighed and made a conscious effort to relax. The worst was over.
“Simone.” Ralph leaned forward on his desk. “Did Rule violate you in any other way?”
I took a breath and shook my head. “If you mean sexually, no. I remember I was semi-conscious when he removed my clothing and tied me down.”
One second I was sitting in the big, leather chair, legs crossed, hands folded in my lap, and the next, Gunner’s hands were clasping my shoulders, lifting me up and out. H
e pulled me in to his warm body, and wrapped his arms around me as I buried my face in his neck. He didn’t say anything for the longest time, just stood holding me while he trembled.
Oh Gunner.
He thought I’d been raped. I never thought to tell him what Rule had done had nothing to do with sex.
“Gunner...” I whispered. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you.”
“Shhh, baby, it’s all right,” Gunner murmured, his voice trembling along with his body.
“It never crossed my mind.” I buried my face farther in to him, breathing in his heavy, masculine scent. “He never touched me. It was all about marking me. Making sure I understood I belonged to him. But...he never touched me. Never.”
That’s not true.
Rule shook my hand when we met. The touch of his skin had twisted my stomach, as if there was something not right inside of him—something cruel and perverted. I wouldn’t have had any problem remembering if he had touched me again.
“He didn’t try to mate with you?” Gunner asked.
“No. I wasn’t in heat. He was...disappointed.” Rule wasn’t the only one disappointed, my dear mother made that clear. “Besides putting his brand on me, he didn’t touch me.”
Gunner mumbled into my hair, “That sick bastard got off on hurting you.” He pulled back a little. His hand came up to my face, sliding around my neck, his fingers slipping into my hair. “I’m so sorry, baby.” He rested his forehead against mine and I drank in his rapid breaths.
“It’s time, Gunner.” I said quietly. “I need to show him.”
Gunner’s fingers dug into my scalp. His arm squeezed me so tightly it was hard to pull in a breath.
“Gun...” I whispered.
His body loosened around mine and I stepped away.
I turned to face Ralph, reached up to unbutton the first button of my blouse when Gunner growled again.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!”
“Gun, you need to—” Ralph started.
“Don’t you fucking tell me I need to do shit!” Gunner snarled.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gunner’s body shaking, barely holding his wolf side in check. His canines hung long and sharp, out in full view.
“Brother, I’m tellin’ you this one time, don’t come into my office flashin’ your fangs. Do not start that shit with me. I am not the one who did your female harm.” Ralph rose slowly from his chair and spoke softly, “I know what you’re feelin’. You’re ragin’ over something that caused your female pain and suffering and you feel the need to make it right. I get that. Rein that shit in, brother, or I’m gonna have to ask you to step outside and I know the last thing you wanna do is leave your female when she needs your strength to help her get through this.”
I reached out to Gunner and pulled him in behind me. His arms came around my waist. The tension running throughout his body threatened to flood me.
I looked over my shoulder and sighed. “Please...”
His hand came around my neck, his fingers gently turning my face. I leaned in to him as his mouth touched mine. Even though his kiss was gentle, it reignited the deep ache inside me, pushed aside the sadness and gave me hope that after I made it through this ordeal, I might hold on to a little bit of happiness, even if it lasted for only a short while.
Ralph cleared his throat.
Gunner’s mouth pulled away from mine. “I’m okay,” he murmured.
The echo of my own pain rang clear as crystal in those two little words.
“I appreciate how much you want to protect me, but this is something I need to do. I want Rule to answer for what he did and I need you with me when I do this.”
His eyes closed slowly, then opened to stare at the wall above his brother’s head, Gunner’s only sign of agreement.
My fingers trembled as I worked the buttons loose. I gently pulled the fabric from beneath Gunner’s hands, and felt Gunner hit his limits as his fingers dug in to my waist. I had no choice but to forge ahead. Instead of releasing the small clasp at the front of my bra, I tugged each cup down low enough to expose each brand. Ralph nodded. I reached for the button at the waistband of my jeans. Gunner’s hands twitched again. I stopped, reached back over my shoulder and smoothed my palm over his cheek, then threaded my fingers through his soft goatee.
He kissed my neck then whispered, “Go on ahead, baby, do it.”
I did. Unzipping my jeans, I opened the fly, pulled them and my panties low enough for Ralph to see the ugly brand that had burned through my hair follicles and left a shiny, purple-ish R-shaped scar.
“That’s enough.” Gunner growled as he spun me around to face him. His eyes never left mine as he fastened my jeans, then quickly buttoned up my blouse.
I searched his face, searched the emotions still coming off him. If he felt pity for me, he clamped it down tight.
“Anything else you want to add, Simone?” Ralph came out from behind his big desk, but didn’t step near me.
“I’m not sure.” What happened afterward—after I came home—between my mother and me, was personal, private, not something I ever wanted to share. “No. There’s nothing else. Do you have any other questions for me?”
“Yes, I do, a couple.” He placed his hands on his hips. “Did you, at any time, give Rule permission to brand you?”
“No. Never.”
“All right. Did you happen to notice if there were brands on the deceased female?”
I thought back, tried to picture her in my mind. “No. I didn’t see any markings on her.”
“Have you seen these brands on any other wolves in your pack?”
“No. There was never any reason for me to see another wolf without their clothing. We never changed into our wolf forms in front of each other. Rule considered our wolf side as something we should control at all times, even during the full moon. I’ve never even seen my own mother in a bathing suit, much less naked or in her wolf form.”
Though she had seen me. She had pulled me by my hair, naked and wet from the shower, over the millions of little glass shards that covered the tile after she destroyed the shower doors with her fists.
That is private.
Ralph nodded again. “Did Rule ever say he wanted to mate with you?”
I thought back to how the mating conversation came up. “No. Rule never actually said the words. My mother said he wanted to take me as his mate, which I thought was odd because wolves in that pack don’t mate.”
Ralph nodded slowly for a few minutes as if he were thinking about everything I said. “I’ll make the arrangements for a tribunal, get everyone here. We got any more questions, we’ll ask as a group.”
I breathed in a huge, calming breath.
“Simone, it’s very important that you remember you are not at fault here,” Ralph said, then added, “and that shame I saw in your eyes, that guilt you hold in your heart, you gotta let that go.”
I tried to smile but my mouth refused to comply.
“Gun?” Ralph lifted his chin. “Ground yourself in her. We can’t have some damn uncontrollable Alpha causing a fuss.”
“I don’t ‘fuss’.” Gunner growled under his breath.
“Fine. Cause a clusterfuck and I’ll lock your ass up. How’s that?”
Gunner gave his brother a sharp nod and turned me toward the door.
Ralph laughed and pulled his phone from his pocket. He glanced at it as Gunner flipped the lock on the door.
“Gun, you better turn your phone back on.” Ralph’s fingers swept over the screen on his phone. “I got three calls from Brenin and two from Derry. Something must be going on.”
“Dammit.” Gunner pulled out his phone, tapped the screen a couple of times, then put it up to his ear. “Yeah, what’s up?”
“Simone,” Ralph kept his voice low, “don’t leave Gun’s side. He’s a good male. He’ll keep you safe.”
“I know.” The smile that spread my lips felt right, good, true. If there was any way I could make it work, I wouldn
’t leave Gunner’s side. Ever.
“When?” Gunner looked up at his brother. “Good. Pass the word; all the males are to stay at the ranch until we are done with this.” He tapped his phone one more time then slid it into his pocket. “Hemming, Taber, and Sorin will be here in the morning. Neeru is coming with them.”
“First ones I called.”
“Are they all Alphas?” I asked.
“Hemming’s the Alpha of the Crescent Lake pack in Washington, and they’re all our brothers. Neeru is Hemming’s mate.”
“Why are they all coming? Is that normal procedure?”
Gunner and Ralph looked at each other as if they were sharing a silent conversation. Gunner moved in closer to me. His arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me against his hard body. He smiled at me as his fingers brushed my cheek.
“Strength in numbers.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I DID IT.
I’d taken that final, running leap and jumped straight off the cliff.
Strange. Now that I’d told my story, I didn’t feel as light and unburdened as I’d believed I would. If anything, the overwhelming weight I’d dragged along behind me as I ran full speed from San Francisco to Texas felt as if it had finally caught up, enveloped me, and pressed on every inch of my body, crushing me. I’d clamped my emotions down so tight, I was almost numb. After jumping off that cliff, the jagged emotional rocks at the bottom were closing in fast as I lost control of my descent.
“Simone?” Gunner pulled the car over to the side of the road, turned in his seat, took my face in his hand, and turned me toward him. “Baby, whatever’s goin’ on in your head, you need to stop.”
“I’m...” I started with my automatic response, but with Gunner’s thumb gently pressed over my lips, I couldn’t mutter another word.
“No, you’re not. You are not okay.”
No. I wasn’t.
“How do you always know?” The words fell out on a tight whisper.
A sad smile curved his perfect lips. His expressive eyes seemed to peer right through the walls I had built up to keep all the bad stuff in one little compartment. Either that, or in taking that leap and having laid it out for his brother, I hadn’t returned from my freefall to go back and close the door.