by Amanda LeMay
Don’t. Go. There.
“Simone, those idiots don’t have a chance against me or my mom or my dad. They only go after what they see as helpless. They killed a female who had no way to defend herself—for fun. You had a damn front row seat for that. That’s not gonna happen to you. I’ll kill every damn one of them before I let them get near you.”
Bewildered, I shook my head. “But...I thought...you don’t seem to...why would you want to protect me? You hate me!”
Brenin shoved his hands through his hair, obviously frustrated. “I don’t hate you. I don’t. I just...I just...don’t.” He leaned back against the wall.
“Okay, you don’t hate me. You’re just really angry with me and I’m trying to understand.”
“Listen, Simone, I’m not angry. I’m...I don’t know what I am.” He paused and shook his head. “I’m sorry I’ve been such an asshole. This whole thing between you and my dad is fucking weird. I mean, this sakana, love-at-first-sight thing, happens with wolves. I get it. It happened to my sister. It happened between Kern and Maygan and I watched it happen to Dain and Jessy. Except no one knew that’s what it was, not even those two. Jessy took off to San Francisco and Dain struggled through without her. He’d had some bad shit happen about a year before he met Jessy, and he’d been in an awful place in his head until Jessy showed up. Once they met, all that changed. That anger, or whatever the hell it was he’d been holdin’ on to, was just gone. None of us knew why, but he was happy again. Over the fucking moon. Chicks were falling all over themselves trying to get his attention, and it wasn’t just chicks, either. He didn’t want nothin’ to do with them. He held out. He waited. Jessy finally came around and they haven’t been apart since. I’m happy as hell for them. It’s just...it’s hard to see that same thing happenin’ between you and my dad. I mean, hell, do you know how old he is? And you’re like, what, twenty-four? You’re younger than my baby sister.”
“Twenty-eight. And yes, I have an idea of how old your father is.” I didn’t need the reminder.
“Hell, he’s got great-grandkids older than you.”
“Do you think I didn’t try to fight this? I did. The very last thing I wanted was some other male to lay his claim on me. And, of course, your father is not just another male, he’s a mated Alpha male. Don’t think for a second that I haven’t been beating myself up over that little fact. If anyone has a right to be angry, it’s your mother.”
Brenin stared down at the hardwood floor, so I went on, emotion tightening my voice.
“No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop what happened. Your father accepted it whole-heartedly and your mother gave him to me like a present.”
Brenin looked up. His face softened.
“After what happened to me, I’d convinced myself that Rule had stolen any future I might’ve had. I would never find a mate. I would never make love. I would never, ever have offspring of my own. Any male who looked at me would only see some other Alpha’s initial burned into my skin. No male would ever be able to get past that. The first time your father saw my brands...” I sucked in a breath as the memory flashed through my brain. “What is burned onto my body is so...so gross, he became physically ill.”
“Simone—” Brenin broke in.
“At first, I thought his feelings for me came from pity and his Alpha nature to protect the pack. But that isn’t the case. I know now what’s happening between us is not a voluntary change either of us can control. We didn’t make it happen.” I stared into Brenin’s dark gray eyes. “I won’t walk away, Brenin, I can’t. And I don’t want to.”
Oh, dear gods, I’m beginning to sound like Gunner.
“You done?”
I heaved a sigh. “Yes.”
“First, you are not gross. Those brands on your body are not gross. The hell you went through should’ve never happened. No Alpha, no male, no one has the right to do what Rule did to you, or any other member of his pack. I know my dad got sick. He told me what happened the first time he saw those brands. It wasn’t because of what you look like. You could have scars covering your entire body, but to him, you’d still be the most beautiful female he’d ever seen. He hurled his guts out because the thought of someone hurting you, torturing you, leaving that evidence burned into your skin, well, it was a hell of a shock. He couldn’t handle it. It’s eatin’ him up knowing you lived through that and he can’t do a damn thing to change it, so he’s gonna do every fucking thing he can to make it better for you.”
I sniffled and blinked back tears. Gunner told me and I didn’t listen. I didn’t see myself the way he did. All I saw were scars, where all Gunner saw was me.
Neeta’s words came back to me. “He sees your soul.”
Brenin’s stiff stance relaxed. A small grin curved his lips. “You wanna know why I’d rather be here guarding you than out there huntin’?”
I nodded and he continued.
“Because it’s important to my dad and my mom that you stay safe. They gave me that responsibility. They trust me to protect you and that right there is the biggest honor I have ever had in my life.”
Oh, Brenin.
I batted away fresh tears, held out my hand and whispered, “Truce?”
He shrugged, but smiled all the same.
“Sure, we’re good.”
He held out his hand and when I took it, he tugged me into a hug. I didn’t fight it.
“Though it doesn’t mean I’m okay with all this puppy-love shit yet.”
“I understand.” His embrace was warm and safe. “And thank you.”
“I still got shit to do.” He released me and I stepped back. “If you’re sticking around, which,” his fingers touched the mark his father had given me, “looks like you are, it’s time you start learning how to work this ranch.”
I could not wait.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
GUNNER’S SCENT FLOODED my lungs and pulled me up out of sleep. Not just his scent—though it was the most prominent of the many invading my dreams—grass, scrub, manure, and blood were there as well. His strong arms slipped under my knees and around my back, and he lifted me up from where I’d fallen asleep on a couch. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I nuzzled my face into him.
“Hey, baby,” he murmured against my cheek.
“I missed you,” I whispered back. “I tried to wait up, but Brenin taught me how to feed the horses and muck out the stalls.” I yawned and snuggled in closer. “I never dreamed it was that much work to shovel manure, and does that ever stink.”
“Yeah, I heard.” He chuckled as his feet carried us through the house. “Tuckered you out, huh?”
“Yeah, a bit. I’m fine now.” The last word drawn out as I yawned again.
Wolf howls sounded far off in the distance, checking in and letting us know everything was still good. Another howl answered back from somewhere behind the big house. Otherwise, the rest of the house was quiet and dark. I’d slept so deeply, I hadn’t stirred when Gunner and Neeta returned.
“What time is it?”
“Just after one.”
They’d been gone nearly seven hours.
“Did you catch them?”
“No.”
“Will you tell me what happened?”
“Not tonight.”
Okay.
His heavy thighs brushed up against my bottom as he climbed the four steps to his bedroom.
A delicious thrill raced through my blood.
I smiled and opened my eyes to gaze up at him. “Are you going to mate with me now?”
“No, baby.” A sad, little grin touched his lips. “We’ll get to that later, after we put the tribunal behind us. Besides, the mating ceremony isn’t a private thing. It’s done in front of the pack.” He shifted me enough to open one of the doors to his room, then nudged it closed behind us.
“Is it similar to a wedding?”
“Not exactly.” He chuckled again. “Ain’t no preachers involved. Or wedding dresses.” He set me on my feet and kept
his hands on my waist as he turned me to face the bed. “It’ll happen on the night of a full moon. The pack’ll meet up here on the ranch, out in the open as wolves.” One arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me to him; my back against his chest. “I’ll mount you from behind.” His husky voice whispered against my ear. His other hand swept my hair aside to expose my mark. “My teeth sinkin’ into your skin.” His lips brushed my neck. “My saliva mixin’ with your blood and sealin’ our bond.”
Though Gunner’s deep, Texas drawl and hard body made the mating ceremony something to anticipate, the thought of standing out naked, in my wolf form—a “condition” I had hidden my entire life—and letting him mount me from behind, which I would enjoy under any circumstance other than standing out naked in my wolf form in a field in front of an entire pack of wolves—all of it went against everything I had always been taught.
“I...don’t know if I can do that.” My voice trembled.
His arm tightened at my waist. His mouth traveled up my neck, leaving a trail I felt over every inch of my skin. I shivered when his tongue stroked my ear.
“Yeah, you can, baby, and you will. But...not tonight.” He took my jaw in his hand and turned my face toward him. His lips touched mine. “Tonight, I’m gonna lay you down in that bed and make love to you ’til you tell me to stop.” His tongue licked my upper lip, then around as I flicked my tongue out and touched the tip of his. “But first, I’ve gotta get outta these stinkin’ clothes.” His teeth nipped my bottom lip and then he released me.
I stood panting and staring at his bed, trying to catch my breath. Someone had turned down his bedspread and folded back the sheets. Behind me, the bathroom light clicked on and seconds later, so did the shower. His belt buckle hit the tile with a sharp thud. The glass shower door opened and closed. The scent of his soap filled the room.
This is really going to happen.
I stood there waiting, breathing, listening to my own heart pound away behind my ribs. The water shut off. The shower door opened and closed. I turned to see the steam slowly billowing out of the partially open doorway.
My skin tingled as my hands trembled. My breasts felt heavy and full. Between my legs, heat tightened my female anatomy to the point of pain—a delicious ache that throbbed with a hot, pounding pulse of its own.
I’d had sex before, but I’d never felt the burning need for a male I’d felt for Gunner.
I heard the soft swish of a towel as he smoothed it over skin I couldn’t wait to kiss, lick, and bite. The light from the bathroom blinked out as Gunner stepped through the doorway and for that split second, I saw him.
Naked. Totally. Naked.
His perfectly shaped body, broad shoulders, muscular arms, the deeply defined indentations where each muscle in his chest and torso began and ended, the heavy ropes of muscle that formed a deep V at his hips, and his cock, hanging long and thick between his heavily muscled legs.
My breath whooshed out of my lungs. My heart seemed to flip up into my throat.
Oh Gun. Oh Gun.
My legs collapsed and my butt hit the bed behind me. I swallowed and in my sudden panic, I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.
“What if I never get pregnant?”
“What?” He kept walking toward me, his beautiful, masculine bare feet moving silently across the rug.
“What if I can’t? What if I never give you offspring?”
He knelt in front of me, his hands on my knees, heat coming off his body, his eyes searching mine. “Do you think that’s all I want, to bring more of my offspring into the world?”
I didn’t know. I couldn’t speak so I shrugged my shoulders and found that focusing on his striking eyes was much more difficult when I wanted nothing more than to drink in every naked inch of his body.
“The truth is, havin’ more kids is not my top priority. My top priority is bein’ a good male, bein’ a good mate. Takin’ care of you the way you should’ve been taken care of your whole damn life. I’m not saying I don’t want more kids. I love kids. I love being a father. If you want my babies and you offer me the gift of makin’ love to you under a full moon when your heat is on you, I sure as hell won’t pass it up. I won’t be able to. And in case you didn’t know, your heat is not that far off.”
“But, what if...” I started. The words wouldn’t come out. What I wanted to say was something much more frightening than the chance I might not conceive offspring. What if I wasn’t enough for him? What if this bond didn’t last? What then? “What if—”
Gunner’s eyes sparkled in the dark. “No more what-ifs, Simone.” His hands moved up my thighs and gently squeezed. “You want a baby? I’m a Breeder, I’ll make it happen.”
I sighed. “That isn’t what I was going to ask.”
“Simone.” His hands moved to my face. His fingers stroked my cheeks, slid down my neck to my shoulders. “You feel the pull, the need to be with me, and I know you’re havin’ a hard time with that fact. The sakana bond is for life. Mating will intensify our bond, but we don’t need to mate right away. I can wait. I can be patient. I can be anything you need, everything you need, but I can’t live without you. And right now, I wanna make sure you can’t live without me, either.”
Without Gunner in my life, there would be no life for me at all.
The small amount of light coming in from outside the windows highlighted the valleys and planes of Gunner’s face. His green eyes picked up the blue light from the bedside clock. He looked hungry, ready to eat me alive.
His hands slid down my arms, taking the hem of my blouse and lifting it up over my head, tossing it on the floor.
“Stand up, baby.”
I did as he asked without a second’s hesitation. He took the waistband of my pants and pulled them down and away as I stepped out of them.
“Sit.”
A shuddering breath escaped my lungs as I did this, too.
His fingers fumbled with the little clasp at the front of my bra.
He won’t look at them. He won’t look.
I sucked in a breath as I smiled and took hold of his wrists.
He gazed into my eyes. “You need me to stop?”
He would, if I gave him the word. What I wanted was the exact opposite.
“No. I need you to go faster. Here.” I moved his fingers away. “Like this.” I popped the clasp to the side and released it, pulling each cup of my bra away from my breasts to slip off my shoulders and arms.
His hands came up and cupped my breasts gently. “Simone...” His deep voice was a trembling whisper as his thumbs stroked over my hard, sensitive nipples.
“Don’t...please, don’t say anything.” I looked into his eyes. “Just enjoy them.” And pretend you don’t see the brands. “Pinch, lick, suck, bite. Whatever you want. I’ll enjoy everything you do.”
He rolled my nipples between his fingers and thumbs.
I gasped.
“You sure?”
“Oh, yes, I’m absolutely sure.” I stroked my thumb across his lower lip and pulled his chin toward my breast. “But remember, I bite back.”
A deep, rumbling growl traveled through his body and came out of his mouth just as his lips wrapped around my breast. Heat rushed through my veins, building a bonfire between my legs. He licked and sucked and bit gently while I slipped my fingers through his hair and encouraged him to continue.
“Yes, Gun.” Gooseflesh popped out all over my body. “Harder...bite...harder.” He didn’t hesitate. He bit harder and held on while flicking his tongue over my nipple. I moaned as the fire began to sweep throughout my body. I closed my eyes and let his mouth give me what I wanted, and take me away from everything else.
“Gun...” I shuddered as fire swept through me, then shuddered again.
When my body finally stopped shaking, I found my right hand clenched in Gunner’s damp hair and my left hand squeezing his hand around my other breast.
“Oh Gun, I’m sorry.”
I took in a deep breat
h and forced my cramped hands to release him. His mouth and hand eased up and my breasts tingled as the blood rushed back into them.
“Damn,” he murmured. His tongue gently licked large circles around my overly sensitive nipple. “I love that I can make you come with just my mouth.”
“I love that, too.” I did love that. A lot. I slipped my fingers under his jaw and lifted to see his eyes. “I want to make you come with my mouth.”
His green eyes grew wide, as did the smile that spread across his face.
“Listen, baby, and I am so fuckin’ serious about this, whatever you want, you tell me. Whatever you want, however you want it. You don’t hold back. You don’t, for one second, think that I won’t want to try something or do something for you or to you because anything, and I mean any-damn-thing, I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever it is until you tell me to stop.”
I smiled as about a dozen sexual positions I wanted to try flashed through my mind.
“Okay.”
Gunner’s hands engulfed my face. His suddenly scary eyes burned into mine. He was so close, his hard chest rose and fell against my breasts with each deep breath he took.
“Okay? No.” His voice dipped low and sharp. “When we are in our bed or wherever the hell we are makin’ love or just plain fuckin’ for fun, you will not use that word. You will not say ‘okay’. That one word tells me you are not into what’s goin’ on between us. That little, four-letter word holds your past hostage and even though I don’t expect you to forgive and forget, because I sure as hell will never do either, I do expect you to go on with your life, sharin’ your future with me, lettin’ me give you all the happiness you can take. You get what I’m tellin’ you?”
Hot tears burned my eyes. I didn’t know whether to be angry or sad. And not with Gunner—with myself. I’d made that one word my go-to word to cover up the heartache I’d been through. Gunner saw right through me—looked into my heart, right past the door in my little vault of hidden fears and sorrows, and even though he couldn’t fight this attraction we had, he wasn’t going to push me to unlock that door and open up my sad past to him.