I don't know where we go from here but I do know one thing, I miss him so much and no matter how much I try to push him down, he comes right back to the surface.
My mom and I have a date night tonight so we are both getting ready. We decided to get dressed all nice and go to a fancy restaurant.
"Are you ready Anastasia?" I heard my mom knock on the bathroom door. I finished putting on my lipstick and looked at myself in the mirror one last time. I had a pretty knee length dress with heels on with my hair in big curls.
"All done!" I said excitedly while opening the bathroom door and smiling.
My mom always looks beautiful. She wore a black lace dress with pretty heels and very natural makeup on. Her honey brown eyes popped. Everyone she meets always says the first thing they notice when they meet her, are her eyes, and it's very true.
"Look at you... beautiful." My mom smiled. "Let's go!
We have reservations for 7:30!"
We got into her car and headed to the restaurant.
"Reservations under Reilly." My mother told the hostess.
"Right this way." She told us while we trailed behind her.
After we ordered our food, my mother gave me a "we need to talk" look.
"So... about this Travis...” she dragged out.
"Mom please. I can't. I want this night to be about us, okay?" I told her while taking a sip of my rose wine.
"Look, all I'm saying is that... that boy really seems like he likes you. He's trying so hard to contact you and you won't give him a second of your time." She explained to me while sympathetically looking at me.
"I don't think that's a good idea." I put my head down.
"Well, why not? The flowers, letters, cards, calls. That means nothing to you?" She asked me while leaning on the table trying to read what I'm thinking.
"It's complicated."
"What do you mean by complicated?"
"As in everything in my life is just a complicated disaster and I can't have one normal thing in my life. I wanted to get away from home because of Liam. So, I went to school and I met Travis who is this perfect guy and then I thought I knew him but it turns out I didn't." I explained to her with tears in my eyes.
"You can't just give up honey. Don't make it too complicated." She told me.
"How do I not make it complicated mom?" I asked her while resting my arms on the table.
"It will only be complicated if you make it complicated. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be."
"The whole point is that I thought I knew him but I didn't." I explained to her sadly.
"But Anastasia, did you even try to get to know him?" She asked me.
Did I? I'm not sure if I did. I think I did. The hospital, his sister, Stone... that's getting to know him isn't it?
"I... I think... I don't know." I looked at her confused.
"How do I get to know him?"
"You just begin." She told me sympathetically smiling at me. "What you know about him right now, isn't you getting to know him. You just scratched the surface. Before you judge, you need to do everything you can to get to start getting to know him and then you can ask yourself if you want to continue."
That made me really think. Maybe Travis did deserve more than what I did. I didn't hear him out, I just left. I saw him crying on his knees... and then I left. How selfish is that? I'm a big fan of simplicity, but change is simple if I make it simple. The change would be him... a man that I find myself thinking about every single second of every single day. He'd change my world... he already has changed my world. He's the most amazing man, and I didn't even hear him out.
One month later
November 30, 2018 9:22 am
Emma is coming over to stay for a few days with us!
My mom and I got the guest bedroom all set up for her.
She will be here around 12.
I still haven't reached out to Travis yet. I'm still getting the same flowers, letters, calls, texts, everything. I've been thinking and I just don't think I can be with someone that does what he does. I know he would never hurt me, well physically anyway. But, with what he does, you never know what someone like that is capable of. I finally listened to 1 voicemail out of 22. I listened to the latest one that I got last night, I listened to it after staring at the notification for an hour last night. It broke me. Just hearing his voice makes me miss him so much. Hearing his voice was as close as touching him. Feeling his lips on mine, his hair in my hands, his arms around my waist. Hearing his voice was all I needed this whole time to feel somewhat closer to him. Hearing his voice crack, it made me know that he was on the verge of crying and that was something I couldn't handle. I listened to the voicemail... well the first half. Once he started crying, I hung it up and didn't listen to the rest of it.
Tainted love. I ran into him, well he ran into me with the football. He ran into me... and I ran away from him when I left him that night after the fight. Tainted love. No matter how much you like or love a person and you think it will last forever, but something complicated comes in the middle of it and it ruins what you made.
Few hours later
"Hi!" Emma yelled running out of the car and up to give me a big hug.
"Hey! Ugh I've missed you so much!" I told her smiling.
"The dorm room and classes are nothing without you." She had a sad look on her face.
"Hey... no pouting this weekend. This is strictly a happy weekend." I sternly told her.
"You're right yes." She said while I grabbed a few of her bags and was walking up the stairs, she followed.
"Here is your bedroom for your stay. You have your own bathroom too. I hope this is okay for you?" I asked her.
"Absolutely! I'd sleep on a cot on the floor because I wanted to see you so bad." She laughed.
"Alright, well I'll let you get settled and we can meet downstairs in the living room! My mom went to the store to grab us some snacks and stuff! Maybe a bottle of wine... or two." I laughed.
"Liquor... yes please." She said excitedly while playfully rolling her eyes.
Emma, my mom, and I all had a nice dinner together and we all watched a movie. After the movie, my mom went to bed and Emma and I grabbed the two bottles of rose wine and went in my room. We put on 'Friends' because we both needed some Chandler Bing tonight. Eventually ‘Friends’ just ended up being the background show because all we were doing was talking.
Chapter 14
"Soooo, how are you and Ethan?" I said in a flirty voice.
"We are actually quite perfect. The dates he takes me on and the things he says are just perfect. He took me a few weeks ago to see his mom since his house is only about an hour away! It was so nice. His family is amazing and ugh I really like him, Ana." She told me while swooning with flushed cheeks.
"You deserve the happiness he gives you. He seems like a really great guy." I genuinely smiled to her.
"He is a great guy and yes WE both deserve that." She exaggerated the 'we'.
"Do I look happy right now Em?" I asked her sarcastically while taking a big first sip of my third glass of wine.
"You aren't happy because you haven't seen or spoken to Travis." She told me. As I gave her a stern look, she put her hands up in defense, "look I'm just saying. He comes to the dorm every day to see if you will visit me that day." She said sadly.
"He does?" I asked her with a sad look on my face as I gulped down a big sip. Emma hasn't even finished her first glass.
"He does Ana. He said you don't answer anything that he sends you." She stated while taking a small sip of her wine.
"I don't know if I should. At this point, shouldn't I just wait until I go back to school?"
"No. I don't think you should. He deserves more than that." She told me softly.
"I don’t know Emma... I don't know." I said shaking my head slowly. "I just don't want to see myself getting hurt again. Watch out everyone, Anastasia is actually happy, so let's swoop in and ruin it." I said sarcastically as the room started getting wav
y a bit.
"Uhhh, maybe you should take a break on the wine huh?" Emma asked while going to pick up my wine. I rushed and picked it up before she did.
"Uh no... I need this. Just this nice wine all mine." I said smirking to her. Okay so the room is circulating right now.
"Just give me your phone." She told me sternly like any best friend would.
"Nope." I took in a deep breath and surprised myself with the words that came out of my mouth. "I should call Travis!" I yelled at Emma while grabbing my phone off my dresser.
"No… no way. I'll be the one you get mad at tomorrow morning when you find out that I was sober enough to stop you from making a mistake that you'd regret in the morning. As much as I'd like you to talk to him, I don't want you being drunk when it happens." She told me sternly while getting off the bed to follow my actions and take my phone from my hand.
By the time she went to grab my phone, I already hit the green button.
"It's ringing." I smiled like a little school girl.
"Travissssss!!!! Heeeyyyy!" I laughed into the phone.
"Anastasia, is that you?" He asked sounding completely shocked. He wasn't expecting a call from me.
Oopsie.
"No it's not me, it's the mailman," I told him sarcastically, "of course it's me silly goose."
"Are you drunk?" He asked me as I was looking at
Emma who had an annoyed and mad look on her face.
"I don't know mom, am I?" I asked him mimicking his voice.
"Is someone there with you?" He asked me worriedly.
"Ugh stop worrying. Emma is right here. Party pooper." I rolled my eyes. "You can't see me through the phone but just know I rolled my eyes at you."
"Alright Anastasia, go drink some water and let Emma put you to bed." He worriedly told me.
"What is she going to tuck me in?" I laughed at him hysterically. "That was rude! I'm sorry! Hey Travis!" I yelled through the phone.
"Yes Anastasia?"
"You... you think I'm cute?" I asked him smirking.
"You're not cute Anastasia," he told me which made me upset, "you're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on and I miss you more than anything." Okay. Now I'm not upset anymore.
"Awwwwwwww... thank youuuuu." I dragged out while starting to feel nauseous. "Ugh Travis I gotta go throw up now but I'll talk to you later, K?"
"Give the phone to Emma, Anastasia." Travis told me. I felt a pulsating pain in my head, handed the phone to Emma, and ran to the bathroom.
~
"Ana, are you okay in there?" Emma asked from outside the door.
"Peachy... just peachy." I yelled, sitting near the toilet wiping my mouth.
"You don't sound peachy. Let me in." She said sternly. "Why's everyone a party pooper?" I asked annoyed.
"We aren't party poopers... we are just worried about you. Ana, I know you. This isn't you." She explained sadly.
I managed to make myself get up from the floor. I was a little dizzy but nothing I can't handle. I unlocked the door and Emma came running in.
"Are you okay? You look awful." She said worriedly.
"Geez... thanks." I playfully rolled my eyes. "I'm okay!" I reassured her.
"Come on, let's get you in bed. I'll stay with you tonight." She took my hand and brought me to the bed.
"Em, really I'm fi-" I began to say but she cut me off.
"I know you're fine. But I just want to make sure!"
"Okay." I told her while getting in bed. There's no use in fighting with her anymore.
"I'm cleaning up and then going to come to bed." She told me while shutting off the TV and picking up the snacks and wine bottles.
My head hit the pillow and I drifted right off to sleep.
The next morning
"Ugh... what happened last night?" I asked while sitting up in bed to find Emma sound asleep next to me.
My head felt like somebody was hammering it from the inside of my skull. I looked over at my night stand and there were two Tylenol's and some orange juice. I gladly chugged them down. There was a note that read:
Anastasia,
You're going to need this. Take them. I won't be back from work until 6ish. There's leftover food in the fridge for dinner and there's breakfast downstairs made for you two.
Xoxo
Love, mom
"She's the best." I said out loud.
"What... hm?" Emma asked while rolling over.
"Good morninggggg" I sang to her. Ugh I shouldn't even talk with the killer migraine I have.
"Well you're chirpy for someone who threw up after three glasses of wine." She said while sitting up and taking the note from my hand. "She's so cute. I love your mom." She said sweetly.
"She is thank you.... I threw up?" I asked her confused.
"Mhm hmm" she stated while getting off the bed and not making eye contact with me.
"Did you see me throw up? Ew that's gross, I'm sorry." I told her completely disgusted.
"No, I didn't see you throw up. Thank god because we would have been throwing up together. I don't do throw up."
"Okay well, I'm going to go downstairs and eat something so I don't get sick from the pills." I got out of bed and started to walk downstairs and she followed.
"Sounds like a plan." She told me while walking in the kitchen to grab a piece of toast. She started to make a dish and so did I. "So, do you remember anything from last night?"
"Other than the fact I guess I threw up and had three bottles of wine? Oh and Ross Geller doing 'unagi'... but that's about it." I said laughing.
"Okay well as a friend, I will say that you made a little mistake last night."
"What are you talking abo-"
"But as a best friend, I will say that you kind of fucked up last night." She told me with a sympathy face.
"Why? What did I do?" I asked her worriedly.
"Well, see... I went to get your phone so you wouldn't do anything bad..." she started.
"Oh no...” I hope she isn't going to say what I'm thinking of.
"Before I could get it from you, you were calling Travis."
"Shit. Fuck. He didn't answer did he?!" Praying to god that she says no.
She just nodded her head.
"Fuck Em, what happened?" I asked her while I stopped eating my food. I have a sudden loss of appetite.
"You told him that he was a party pooper, you asked him if he thought you were cute, and you were actually pretty sarcastic too, which we thought was funny." She started laughing and then got serious again.
"What did I do?" I'm horrified. "After not talking to him for two months, go figure that I'd call him when I'm drunk."
"When I got on the phone with him, he told me he was finally happy and really smiled for the first time in two months, Ana." She explained to me.
As we finished breakfast and got ready, I couldn't help but replay her words in my head. The more I replayed them, the less I heard Emma's voice saying it and the more I heard Travis's.
One month later
January 5, 2019 9:43pm
Christmas came and went fast. Emma and I kept in touch every day. She told me that Travis still goes by the dorm to see if I'm back yet. I haven't talked to him since I apparently called him while I was intoxicated. The semester starts in 5 days. So, I'm going to go to campus tomorrow to get settled in. I have everything packed except my toothbrush and some stuff. It's already in the car and ready to go. Emma is excited for me to be back with her and so am I. I'm just getting a nervous feeling to physically see Travis for the first time in three months. I don't know what I'm going to say or do or even if we'll see each other with our schedules but I'm positive that at some point, we'll bump into each other.
The next morning
"Ready!" I yelled to my mom while walking out the front door.
The cold hit my cheeks and I decided to run to the car since my mom was already in there warming it up. As soon as I opened the door, I felt a sudden warm feeling rush through my body a
nd I let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding. It's pretty cold here for California... 19 degrees. 19 degrees! Its winter but it's never cold out like this. I barely have any warm winter clothes, so I'm in leggings and a sweatshirt. I'm so nervous about maybe seeing Travis sometime today or in the next few days. It's 7 am, so we'll get there around 12.
"Are you excited to be going back?" My mom asked smiling from the driver’s seat.
"Yes, I think I am." I told her truthfully.
"Good! I'm happy to see you wanting to go back and enjoy your college life. I know Emma is excited but I think Travis may be too. Emma said she told him when you first came home that you were coming back now so I'm sure he's waiting for you."
"Mom I don’t know. I don't really want to talk about it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do or say to him when I see him." I told her confusedly.
"You won't know until you see his face for the first time in three months." She explained.
She is right. It's been so long and I won't know what I'll do until I'm in that situation and have to react fast.
Hours later
"Finally!" I told my mom when I got the key out for my dorm.
As I turned the knob, I heard shuffling around inside hoping it's just Emma. As the door swung open, I found Emma on the other side.
"Hi! Hi hi hi hi!" She grabbed my bags to put them on my bed. Thank god it's just her.
"Hello Emma" My mom said while giving her a big hug.
"How are you Elena?" She asked.
"I've been great! It's been lovely spending so much time with Ana." She smiles then looked down.
"Don't cry mom, please?" I asked her while tears were prickling my eyes.
"Yes! You're right, I won't cry!" She yelled wiping her tears away. She came to give me a big tight hug.
"I'll be okay and we will see each other soon." I reassured her.
Eyes For You (Chasing Tomorrow Book 1) Page 8