“When word reached ma uncle that I was to travel to court, he sent a messenger to tell ma father I must spy for him. We would have refused, but along with the messenger, he sent a mercenary to kidnap ma brother. It wasna until after I reached court that I received word that he released ma brother, but nae before he was beaten. The man in the passageway ye saw was one of ma uncle’s men. When the king and queen received me, they gave me the same task but for the opposite side. The king wanted to ken what I kenned aboot ma father’s loyalty and ma uncle’s activities. I told him that ma uncle kidnapped ma brother, and at the time, I didna yet ken if they would release him. I also kenned naught aboot ma uncle. I hadnae seen him in a long time. He and ma father werenae that close.
“The king kens he has spies in his midst, and he kens some come from the other side of the border. I am tasked to find these men and discover what I can. If I perceive them to be a threat, I am to report back to the king. However, once or twice, the men realized what I was doing. It was me or them. Ma uncle has sent men to intimidate me into cooperating. One tried to take liberties I didna plan to offer. He ended the same way as the men back at Crichton. I dinna like what I do. I dinna agree with it, but I have sisters and a brother to consider. I canna say nay to either side. I must balance their demands and keep ma family alive.”
Tavish attempted to absorb all she explained. His would-be betrothed was a spy and basically a mercenary. He watched her as she spoke, and he saw no prevarication or avoidance. She was truthful and explained far more than Tavish ever expected to be told. Part of him was fascinated by what she revealed, but it horrified an equal part. His horror came not from what she did but from the fact that any man, let alone three, would demand she spy for them, demand she risk her life for them.
Tavish realized she shared all she intended to and was looking desperately from him to the ground. The defiance leached out of her and left her looking demoralized and worn down. Tavish lifted her off the log and placed her on his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, and she tucked her head under his chin.
What do I say to all of this? Do I want to bring a spy into ma clan? Even if she isnae spying any longer, can I trust her the way I once did? For the love of Christ, I ken what I want for maself, but this isnae aboot just me. Can I take her away from court and nae go back to Dunbeath? I dinna want to turn away from her. I would still find a way to marry her. Ma esteem for her grows as I learn more aboot her. Bluidy hell, this is hard. I admire her for what she can do and what she has done for her family. I am terrified of what may happen to her when one of these days an encounter goes vera wrong. But I canna risk ma clan. What the hell do I do?
Ceit wrapped her arms around Tavish’s waist and breathed in his scent. The tears she had fought so valiantly to keep at bay now slid down her cheek to her chin before dripping into her lap. She tried to calm her breathing, but the air caught in her throat as she struggled to keep from sobbing.
I dinna want to do this anymore. I didna ever want to do this, but I’m trapped. I just want to run away, far away, with Tavish and nae look back. I dinna want to go back to court. Holy Mary and Joseph, canna I just have ma life back? I accept I want a life with Tavish.
“We will work this out. I willna let anyone keep ye trapped. I would run away with ye too, but it willna keep ye safe. Someone, one of the king’s men or one of yer uncle’s, would find us. I willna risk ye.”
Ceit leaned back and searched Tavish’s face.
How did he ken what was in ma mind?
“Ye spoke aloud, lass. I dinna have a solution at hand, but I am glad that ye told me the truth. Is there aught more I should ken? What else do ye assume ye need to hide to protect me or yer family? I canna help ye if I dinna ken.”
At this, Ceit hesitated. Her brow wrinkled as she tried to decide what else to tell him.
“Ceit, it’s all and naught short of it. I canna have a wife who keeps secrets. It isnae just aboot me. I must remember ma clan. I’m the laird’s son. It isnae as simple as wanting ye and having ye. Ma father agreed to this betrothal because he was informed ye are a good match for me, and the king must have a reason for it. I would ken if he expects ye to spy on us. Does he suspect us of being disloyal?”
“I canna answer that last question as I didna even ken we were to be betrothed until ye told me. Nay one else has addressed the arrangement.” She pulled her arms back and unlatched his hands from her waist. She entwined her fingers with his. “I dinna ken if I can tell ye all yet. I dinna want to put ye in danger. Watching that wolf leap at ye was the most dreadful thing I have ever seen. I feared ye would die before ma eyes. I dinna want to do aught that risks yer life.”
“And ye would argue being kept in the dark is safe for me? How can I protect either of us, prepare for a threat, if I dinna ken where it might come from? Mo chridhe, I dinna want chattel as ye accused me of. I told ye I want a partner. I want someone who I can trust and rely on, but I also want ma wife to ken she can trust and rely on me. It has to go both ways.”
Ceit nodded and took a deep breath. Shame at what she was about to admit washed over her. She swallowed the nausea that rose with the bile in the back of her throat. She shut her eyes because she dared not look at Tavish when she admitted her last secret. A secret that only minutes ago she was determined not to share.
“Ma uncle would have me seduce the king. He would have me become his mistress or at least have him bed me often enough to learn more. If given the opportunity, he would have me kill the king but at the least try to get the king to share secrets with me.” Ceit’s throat was scratchy as she whispered the last part of her instructions. “If I canna do that, I am to seduce and kill his brother, Edward, when he arrives from Ireland.”
Tavish stared over Ceit’s shoulder because he was not sure he was ready to look at her. He did not want her to imagine his anger was once again directed at her. His anger stemmed from fear for her wellbeing. This time, however, there was raw fury directed to her uncle. He had no desire to forgive her father, or the king either, for putting her in this position.
“Tav, say something please.”
Tavish looked down to see Ceit chewing on her top lip and trying to hold back tears. He noticed his silence was making her worry he would turn against her.
“I’m bluidy angry that the men in yer life would so manipulate ye. I would kill yer uncle for even suggesting let alone expecting ye to whore yerself to the king and his brother. I would rail against yer father for ever letting ye out of his sight. And I would take issue with the king for using a woman in such a callous manner after all that has happened to the women of his family. I direct none of ma anger at ye. It was earlier because I couldnae control ma fear. Now,” he shrugged, “I would do aught to protect ye, Ceit. Nae only because someone arranged for us to wed. I would do aught I can because I want to. I want ye as ma wife. I understand now why ye hid what ye did. But I warn ye of two things, so hear me well, lass. Dinna lie again. Even if yer heart argues it is protecting me or anyone ye care aboot. Lie to others if ye must, but never me. I will always be on yer side. And dinna put yerself in danger. I am getting used to bickering with ye, and I would miss it if aught happened to ye. With God’s blessings, one day ye will be the mother of our children. I canna change ma duties as a warrior to ma clan. I dinna want our children to be orphans.”
“Children?” Ceit had not planned that far ahead.
“Aye. If the Lord blesses us that’s what happens when a couple marries. Do ye ken how that happens?” Tavish was uneasy. He did not want to give her an anatomy lesson when they were sitting by the road with their horses chomping in sight. It had been different earlier when their passions were alive. It seemed natural then.
“Dinna fash, Tavish. I ken how it happens. I simply hadnae considered it.” Ceit tilted her head to the side and wrapped a lock of his hair around her finger. “All of ye brothers look alike. I hope that our sons would look like ye. There seems a good chance they would. I would have our daughters have yer smo
ky brown eyes too.”
Tavish threaded his fingers into her hair and cradled her nape as he brought his mouth to hers.
“Nay. I would have our children get yer eyes with the sparks of gold and green that dance in them when ye are being fierce.”
The kiss started with a small spark as they seemed to investigate and learn each other all over again. By mutual silent agreement, it grew into a raging inferno. Their hands roamed over one another, and Tavish lifted Ceit to straddle him. He pushed her skirts up and slid his fingers along the apex of her thighs.
“I would have ye come apart in ma arms again. I would claim ye as mine, but I will wait for that until we are wed. In the meantime, I want to pleasure ye. Ye willna be anyone’s mistress. Ye willna warm any bed other than ours. Ye are mine, Ceit. Only mine. Just as I am only yers.”
A concern rattled at the back of his mind as he sunk his fingers into her slick sheath.
I pray she remembers that when we return to court. There is bound to be someone other than Lady MacAdams I ken. I pray whomever it is doesnae ruin things between us.
Her fingers wrap around the bare skin of his cock. She hesitated, and Tavish ended their scorching kiss.
“Stroke me, mo sheillean beag. Up and down. Aye, that’s it. Dear God and all the angels yer touch is divine.”
“I’m doing it right?” Her voice wavered with uncertainty.
“Ye couldnae do it better. If ye keep it up, I will be the one coming apart in yer arms.”
“I would like that vera much.”
Their kiss resumed with muted moans and groans as they worked one another to release. Ceit rocked her hips as the deep ache from before crawled up from her core. Tavish’s bollocks tightened, and he leaked onto her fingertips. She tightened her grip slightly and increased her speed. Intuition told her to add a twist to her wrist. Tavish’s responding growl reassured her she had been right. His fingers worked hard and faster, and before she stopped herself, she was screaming out his name.
“Tavish!”
Tavish followed her over the edge with her name on his lips.
“Ceit!”
Once they untangled themselves, they remounted and rode hard to catch up to Deidre and Magnus. The other couple were already setting up camp when Tavish and Ceit arrived. Tavish unsaddled their horses as Ceit moved to help Deirdre cook. With the food ready, they ate mostly in silence. Both Magnus and Deirdre looked exhausted but for different reasons. Ceit looked at Magnus’s wounds, satisfied they were healing. Deidre had been hungry and tired after days of being locked away. They settled down together and were oblivious to the other couple.
“Tavish, what are ye doing with ma bedroll? We arenae going through this again.”
“Ye’re right aboot that. I amnae in the mood to wait until ye’re asleep to put ye where ye belong.”
“Och, and where is that?”
“Ma arms,” Tavish stood with his feet apart and crossed his arms.
“Dinna bother with that. Ye dinna intimidate me,” she stepped up to his toes and crossed her own arms, “Nae when I ken how tender ye can be when ye bring ma body alive and when ye find release in ma hand.”
Tavish growled and wrapped one arm around her waist.
“Ye play with fire, mo sheillean beag. Ye are more like a moth right now, and ye are aboot to get burned. Have it yer way, but dinna be surprised when ye wake somewhere ye werenae when ye fell asleep.”
Tavish used his other hand to capture her chin and pressed a hard kiss on her mouth before unceremoniously dumping her on her bedroll.
“I’ll take the first watch,” Tavish announced to no one and everyone.
Chapter Ten
Tavish needed the time alone to reflect on all that transpired that day. He started the day by waking to Ceit in his arms and imagining it was the finest way to start the day. Then he watched his brother battle for Deirdre and prayed Magnus would come out unharmed. While watching his brother, he realized the woman who he was rapidly falling in love with disappeared into a bailey unfamiliar to them all with a foe who was not to be trusted. It was a gut-wrenching decision to leave Magnus to find Ceit. He had been so sure that Magnus would defend himself and that Ceit might be in trouble that he went in search of her only to discover she slew not one but two armed guardsmen. As though that was not enough, he learned this same woman was essentially a mercenary for the king with an uncle trying to whore her off to the king and the king’s brother. Through all of that, she stayed untainted by bitterness or resentment. She also remained honest. It still stung that she tried to evade telling him the truth, but he understood. When he pictured himself in her position, he accepted he would do the same thing. He would protect his family before all others, and she was trying to do the same.
It also made Tavish realize that he respected Ceit even more than he had before. Tavish liked her spunk and the way she stood up to him, and he respected her skills as a healer. He also respected her sense of duty and sacrifice, but it was those same qualities that scared him. He would not stop worrying about her safety until they married and he spirited her away to the northern Highlands and the comfort of his family’s keep. The king planned to allow Ceit to leave or he would not have arranged the betrothal, but now Tavish was skeptical as to why it was the Sinclairs he wanted Ceit to marry into and what he would ask her to do. These thoughts roiled around in his head until Magnus whistled to alert Tavish to his approach. The owl call was soft and most likely undistinguishable to anyone else, but it was a solid Sinclair signal that a friend approached.
“How’s Deirdre?”
Tavish looked at his brother.
“She’s better than I expected. She seems unphased, and I ken Hay did little to her. She convinced him nae to touch her, so he would be sure she wasna carrying ma bairn. She played to his ego and blessedly won.”
“And how are ye, baby brother?”
Magnus gloated despite the nickname.
“Happier than a pup with two cocks. I have ma wife back, she’s safe, and she offered me a vera warm welcome.”
“I dinna care to ken that. Ye will have to let her rest. It’s a good thing ye have watch.”
“Aye. And ye? Will ye let the lass rest, or are ye going to slide into her bedroll again?”
“Sshh, I ken ye kenned, but I promised her ye wouldnae notice. And aye, I am sleeping next to her. She frightens years off ma life every damn day, and yet I canna seem to get enough of her.”
“Ye were alone together an awfully long time.” Magnus trailed off with his brow raised.
“She is still as untouched this eve as she was before I arrived at court. We had things to settle.”
“Oh?”
“Aye.”
Tavish gave Magnus a warning look.
“Vera well. Find yer bed of sorts.”
Tavish moved back into camp careful not to wake either slumbering woman. He checked on Deirdre who was peacefully sleeping without Magnus. He looked over to Ceit and saw she chose a spot further from the fire and was tossing and turning. Tavish crept over to her and brushed his fingers across her forehead. It was clammy and when his hand trailed down to her cheek, it met with cold skin. She was wrapped in a Comyn plaid and had her arisaid on beneath that and over her kirtle, but she was still chilled. Tavish looked over to where his own spare plaid lay near the fire. He scooped Ceit into his arms and made his way around the fire Magnus must have built up. He placed Ceit onto his plaid and listened to her murmuring.
“Forgive me.” She said it so clearly that Tavish assumed she was awake, but when he looked down, her eyes were closed, and her breathing was rhythmic. Just as he was about to arrange the extra length of plaid around them both, she twisted and reached towards the fire. They were far enough away she was unable to reach, but Tavish pulled her arms in, in case of any embers.
“Dinna leave me, Tav.”
Once again, she spoke clearly even if softly, and Tavish realized she was still deep in the land of nod. He stroked her head and kissed
her crown. With great care, he slid his arm below her neck and rolled her towards him. With more gentleness than he realized he was capable of, he dropped kisses on her forehead as he shook her awake.
“Ceit. Ceit, mo chridhe, wake up. Wake up, mo leannan.”
Her eyelids inched open, and she was disoriented. She took a moment to blink the sleep away before she threw her arm and leg over Tavish, squeezing so hard he chuckled.
“Ye’re here. Ye dinna give up and leave.”
“Where would I have gone? Ye are headed to the same place as I am.”
He smiled as he continued to stroke her hair and back.
“I ken that. I meant ye didna give up and leave me by the fire alone. Ye came for me.”
“Aye. And I will keep doing so, though I wish ye wouldnae scare me so often.”
“It was only twice.”
“And ye took at least a score off ma life. How am I to grow old with ye if ye kill me off in ma prime?”
Ceit stilled as she looked up into Tavish’s eyes. The flames from the fire danced across his face and cast parts in the shadows, but she watched them snap and wave in his eyes.
“I amnae going anywhere, lass. Nae tonight, nae any time soon.”
“I dinna remember dreaming. I remember being anxious that ye werenae nearby and that ye left. Left me.” Ceit tucked her chin and burrowed into Tavish’s chest.
“Relax, mo chridhe. I am here, and I will hold ye while ye sleep. If ye wake again, ye will have me next to ye.”
“Ye call me yer heart. Ye’ve done it twice. How can I be yer heart when I deceived ye? Ye were so angry today, and when ye said ye wouldnae marry me.” The tears trickled onto his collar bone.
“I dinna understand how that hurts so much. We barely ken each other. I’ve only kenned for a few days we would marry, but yet, it was as though the air and sky were crushing me under the weight of yer rejection. I experienced the same sensation at Crichton when I pictured ye fighting alongside Magnus.”
His Highland Surprise (The Clan Sinclair Book 1) Page 8