by Grace, Aria
I call myself a fixer.
I fix people.
Of course, I’ve also got the wisdom of three generations of nurses to back me up. As well as a lifetime of listening to my wise old grandfather dispense wisdom you don’t often hear anymore. Based on that, I like to think I’m well equipped to handle most issues that come my way.
Still, there’s something about Billy I can’t quite put my finger on. For all my knowledge and life experience, I can’t come up with an explanation for why my heart pounds a little faster every time I get near Billy’s room. My breath grows short and my vision narrows when I hear his voice. It feels like everything else is being tuned out around me, and my body is forcing me to focus on Billy alone.
Of course, I’m also coming up on the end of a twelve-hour shift, so that may have something to do with the haziness in my mind. Or, at least, that might be a reasonable explanation if it was happening with any of my other patients.
But it’s not.
Only with Billy.
Now that it’s been several hours since I left Billy’s room, I’m anxious about going back in there after giving him such dire news earlier, but my shift is ending, and I don’t want to leave before seeing him again. Still nervous, I gently knock on his door. I wouldn’t blame him for not wanting to see me after being the messenger of such bad news.
There’s no response, so I slowly nudge the door open and peek into the darkened room. He’s laying with his back to the door, probably sleeping.
My pulse immediately quickens as I quietly advance into the room. In case anyone else walks in, I make a show of looking at the monitors and checking their readouts as if I have a real reason to be here. Not that there’s anything wrong with me being in here. I’m a nurse, he’s one of my patients, but still, something about the way my heart is racing makes me feel like I’m doing something I shouldn’t.
As I circle around the bed to check his IV, I realize his eyes are open. He’s staring at the wall in complete silence and hasn’t moved so much as a muscle since I entered the room.
“Can’t sleep?” I ask him as I fiddle with the IV lines. I’m not actually doing anything, but I don’t think he knows that. “We can give you something to help, if you’d like.”
“No.” He rolls onto his back and looks up at the ceiling.
My insecurities tell me he’s avoiding me, but then I remind myself the world doesn’t revolve around me and I’m probably the last person in the world he’s thinking about right now.
“I just want to be left alone.”
I nod and glance around the room. The dinner tray on the nightstand has been polished clean, which makes me feel better. At least he’s eating.
“I’m glad you finished your dinner.” I move around the room and adjust a few different things that don’t really need to be adjusted. “I’ll get someone to clear your tray. Did you look over the breakfast menu?”
Standing beside the nightstand, I pick up the slip of paper for the breakfast order and wave it in front of him. It hasn’t been filled out and I want to make sure he doesn’t miss the order deadline and get stuck with vegan eggs and grapefruit. “Looks like you get your choice of scrambled eggs, waffles, or quiche for your main dish. What do you think sounds good?” I ask him as I pull a pen from my breast pocket and click it.
In my experience, mundane interactions like this tend to help patients move into a better headspace after hearing bad news. Hopefully, he doesn’t find me annoying. Really, I’m just a friendly guy having a friendly conversation about food. If he still rejects my attempts at conversation, then I’ll leave without putting up a fight. But if he even shows the slightest response…
Billy sighs after a moment. “I don’t really like eggs.” He still isn’t looking at me, but the fact that he responded to my question makes my heart skip a beat.
“Okay, then not the scrambled eggs...” I look over the list once more. “I guess that means the quiche is out too since it’s basically just fancy scrambled eggs.”
Billy chuckles softly at my description. Good, good. Maybe there’s a road back from the brink for him after all. Some people get so lost in their grief that they never find their way back, but it looks like that won’t be the case for Billy. He’s still got a long way to go since you can’t fix something like that in a day, or even a week, but in a couple months, there’s a very real chance this will all just be a sad memory to him...not the defining moment of his life.
“Okay, then, waffles it is!” I circle the option on the menu. “Let’s see. Do you like sausage or bacon? Or...are you vegetarian?” I raise my eyebrow, wondering if that’s part of why staying fed on the streets was so hard for him. “It looks like there are some vegan options as well.”
“Bacon, always.” Billy glances my way. There’s a faint smile on his lips. His eyes are still sad, but that smile lights up my world. I had been feeling exhausted before, but now I feel like I could run a 10k without breaking a sweat.
“Good choice.” I mark his selection with a flourish of my pen. We go through the rest of the menu in the same manner.
He doesn’t say much, but he responds to all my questions. Food has a way of uniting people in a way that few other things can. In the end, everyone needs to eat.
I stifle a yawn as I set the menu back down on the dinner tray. “When they pick up your tray, they’ll take your menu to the kitchen,” I explain. “You’ve got a hearty breakfast to look forward to in the morning.”
“You sound tired.” He cocks his head and looks at me with a more contemplative expression. “Have I been keeping you from going home?”
“Not at all.” I grin at him. “I don’t get off work for another thirty minutes.” It’s a lie, but he doesn’t need to know that. I chose to stay late and talk with him. There’s no reason he should feel guilty for that.
“When will you be back?” I feel his gaze shift toward me, but I don’t look him in the eye. I’ve gotten the distinct impression he’s nervous around alphas, and I don’t want to do anything to spook him.
“Well, I’m off for about twelve hours.” I glance at my watch. “So probably about three tomorrow afternoon.”
“Oh, that...yeah that makes sense.” Surprisingly, he sounds disappointed.
“But don’t worry about a thing. The nurse who’s taking over for me is great. We were in school together, and she’s good at what she does. You’ll be in good hands, I promise.” I can’t help but feel a little guilty for leaving him when he’s finally started opening up to me. It doesn’t help that there’s an ache in my gut that doesn’t want to let me leave.
There’s a long silence before he responds again. “I don’t think I caught your name,” he says as he looks up at me cautiously.
My heart is hammering so hard it feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. “I’m Landon.”
It’s not like he’s the first patient to ever know my name. I usually introduce myself first thing when someone new enters my care. I didn’t get the chance earlier, but the fact that he’s asking for my name isn’t something to get all excited about.
Not usually anyway.
But Billy is special. I don’t know how just yet, but he is. I can feel it.
60
Billy
They say I’m lucky.
I had pushed my body to its limits in almost every way possible. A few more days out there and I probably would’ve died on the streets. The road back to full health is long, and there are days when I wonder if I’ll ever get there. Still, it’s nice to be clean, to have food and water, and to sleep in a place that isn’t exposed to the elements.
But I know it can’t last. Every day, I get closer to a state where I can be released. And that’s a good thing. I want to get healthy. But then what? Do I go back to the streets? If I do, how long before I wind up in here again? I’m not good at that life. I can’t figure out how to survive on my own.
And there’s the guilt and regret that’s gnawing away at my guts with every b
reath I take. I’m alive, but my baby isn’t. That’s on me. I did that.
If I’d just stayed with Louie…
I push the thought out of my head as soon as it enters my brain. It’s hard to break out of that mental prison he kept me in for so long. Thinking that I need him, that I can’t live without him, that I should be grateful for the “kindness” he showed me when he took me in. The beatings started out minor and just got worse. Toward the end, Louie wasn’t even trying to hold anything back anymore. And I kept taking it, believing I deserved it. But when he broke my ribs and I thought I was dying, I finally acknowledged the writing on the wall.
Eventually, he was going to kill me if I stayed.
I didn’t realize I was pregnant until after I was on the streets. Yet another reason I was grateful I had the balls to get out of there. I knew in my heart that if I lived long enough to give birth, there was no way I could have allowed a child grow up in that environment.
Still, I have to remind myself about all that every single day. There’s always a moment when I wake up and think I’m back home with him. It’s not until the real world fades in around me and I hear the familiar sounds of the hospital that I’m able to relax.
I’m safe here. Safe from Louie. Safe from the streets. Safe for now.
No one’s mentioned it to my face, but there’s also the overwhelming question of how I’m going to pay for this hospital stay. Staying overnight in a hospital is expensive, and I’ve been here for almost a week now. They’ve also had me doing physical therapy to help rebuild some of the muscle I lost when I was starving. There’s no way any of this is cheap.
Part of me has been seriously considering slipping out when no one’s looking. I’ve been around long enough that I know the nurse’s rounds by heart. Another day or two, and I’ll be strong enough to make a break for the elevator. If I time it right, I’ll be gone before anyone notices.
There’s a gentle knock at my door, and my thoughts are dragged back to the present. Landon is standing in the doorway with a fresh bouquet of flowers in one hand. “Thought I’d bring these by to brighten up your room a bit. The other ones are starting to look a bit sad,” he explains as he crosses the room to the vase sitting by the window. The last bouquet is starting to wilt and lose its petals. Then again, he brought it in the day after I was first admitted, so it has been a while.
“You spoil me.” I can’t help but smile as I watch him replace the flowers. He’s one of the reasons I haven’t bolted already. Everyone at the hospital has been kind to me, but out of all of them, Landon has been the best. My heart feels lighter when he’s around, and I feel like I can breathe more easily. The rest of the time, it feels like there’s a sack of concrete on my chest.
Something deep inside tells me I should be attracted to him, and maybe I am, but I can’t act on it. There’s too much hurt and mistrust within me right now. I can’t even imagine what being with an alpha would be like. I don’t exactly have a good template for healthy relationships, not to mention the fact that I still feel like there’s an anchor on my soul. I wished my baby dead. If he knew the truth about what a horrible, awful, worthless omega I am, he’d hate me more than I hate myself.
I press a hand to my chest to try to quiet the anxious hammering of my heart. It’s almost too much to bear.
“Are you alright?” Landon carries the vase out of the bathroom where he had been topping off the water inside.
“Oh, yeah, just some heartburn.” I hate to lie to him, but the truth would hurt more. “Lunch was a little spicy.”
“I can get you some antacids if you’d like.” He’s so thoughtful.
“I’m fine, it’s not bad.” I offer him a sincere smile as he turns to face me once more. He’s been so kind to me that I almost feel bad for rejecting my attraction to him.
Louie was kind at first, too.
I have to constantly remind myself Louie wasn’t always the monster that I escaped from. At first, he was a caring alpha who wooed me with long stemmed roses and kind words. It wasn’t until he got his hooks into me that things started to go wrong.
I’m not letting that happen again.
Still, he’s taken an interest in helping me. He keeps making excuses to come into my room throughout the day. He says he’s checking the monitors, but this is a modern hospital. I know all these machines feed into the computers. They can check everything from the nurse’s station if they need to. Other than occasionally checking my blood pressure, or giving me medication, there’s really no reason for him to be spending this much time in my room.
Which leaves me conflicted about his motivations.
He either sees me as a wounded dove he wants to mend, or he sees me as a hapless omega who can easily be taken advantage of. Either way, I’m not really fond of the prospects.
So why do I enjoy his company so much? Why do I actually feel safer when he’s around? Why am I so downtrodden when his shift ends? It makes no sense to me, but I want to be around him as much as possible.
“Look, um...” Landon stands at the foot of my bed as he pulls a folded brochure out of his pocket. “I know you had a tough time before you came here. There are a lot of omegas who struggle to make it on their own. It’s a tough world out there, and the odds are stacked against you.”
“You’re really instilling me with confidence here.” I reach for the brochure and glance at the bold lettering on the front. “What’s Omega House?”
“It’s a safe place. Set up for omegas who are down on their luck or struggling to get by. I know you’re not from around here, so I figured you might not have heard about it.” Landon shrugs as if it’s not a big deal. “It’s really nice. They do free clinics once a month, they give you a bed and three square meals a day. You’re asked to help out from time to time to help offset the costs, but they really are there to help you get back on your feet. The people there are extremely nice and go out of their way to help omegas who have been through hardship.”
“So, what’s the catch?” I blurt abrasively. I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve become extremely skeptical of anything that sounds too-good-to-be-true, especially when it’s being pushed by an alpha.
“Nothing, I swear.” Landon holds up his hands innocently. “They’re a well-known charity around town. You can ask anyone about it. If they’ve lived here for any length of time, they’ll have heard about it. Omega House does all sorts of fundraising events to raise money and they go out of their way to help out whenever there’s a police raid on an omega stable.”
I flip open the brochure. The words “By omegas, for omegas” jump off the page at me. The pictures inside make it look nice with tons of smiling faces looking back at me, as if welcoming me to join them. There’s a phone number listed on the back cover and an invitation to call for more information.
“Thank you.” I swallow my pride as I look back up. “I appreciate it.”
“I just don’t want you to end up on the street again. Not when there’s a better option that will welcome you with open arms.” Landon smiles at me warmly, and I feel a tingle in the pit of my stomach.
He’s so sweet.
I want to trust him.
But I can’t.
At least, not without confirming his information.
Throughout the rest of the day, I ask everyone I come across about Omega House. The physical therapist, the other nurses, even a few patients that I meet in the hallways. Enough people that I’m reasonably certain there’s no grand conspiracy to lure unwitting omegas into the clutches of evil villains confirm what Landon said.
Omega House is real, and it’s everything Landon told me it was.
With trembling fingers, I reach for the phone on my nightstand later that evening. As it rings, I can’t help but feel like this moment is going to change the course of my life forever.
“Omega House, how may I direct your call?”
61
Landon
Is it possible to feel everything at once?
I hover near the nurse’s station and try to focus on the charts for my next patients, but I can’t keep my eyes on the page. One of the counselors from Omega House showed up not that long ago to visit Billy. I think his name was Seth.
While I’m glad Billy went ahead and contacted them, I’m also feeling a little frustrated. It’s been three days since I gave him that brochure, and he never once told me he was seriously considering it. Not that he owes me any explanations. We barely know each other, of course. Though, I like to think I know him better than I know a lot of other people.
We talk every day. He even asked me to have lunch with him one afternoon. We walked down to the cafeteria together, and I was impressed by how strong he’s gotten in such a short time. Whenever I go home, my thoughts are consumed with him. I have a burning desire to be closer to him, but no matter how physically close I get, it never seems to be enough.
Yet, he’s still mistrustful of me. He hasn’t opened up to me about his past, at least not very much. He’s hinted at some things, but usually clams up whenever his recent history comes up. I don’t push for details, but I want to. I want to know what happened to him because I want, more than anything, to fix it.
“Landon, Mr. Franks has been hitting the call button repeatedly for the last ten minutes,” one of my co-workers, Mindy, tells me as she looks up from a computer at the nurse’s station.
“I was just in there with him, not even fifteen minutes ago,” I say with a little sigh. Mr. Franks is one of my more demanding patients. Every patient requires a different approach to handling their needs. Some of them just need a friendly face and a cheerful word, others require a little bit of tough love, Mr. Franks needs to realize he’s not the only patient in the ward.
“I’ll go see what he needs.” I grab the man’s chart and look over it again. It’s good to be prepared before walking into any situation. “Can you do me a favor and page me when the counselor leaves room 304?”