“There is no ‘finding another mate.’ There is only one mate for me. One queen.”
“And she happens to be me.” I scowled, unable to help myself. “Your one true mate who is supposed to do all of your cleaning for you.”
“I’m tired, Chyna. I do not have it in me to fight with you tonight.”
“What’s wrong?” Another thing I was unable to help. The idea of something being wrong with him upset me.
“It is nothing you want to hear.” He tucked his lips into his mouth and then blew out a big breath. “When do you leave?”
“I…” I hadn’t accepted the job yet. No matter how much I told myself to just take it, there was something holding me back. Something huge. Big as a dragon. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I’m sure Cherry will be sad to see you go. Especially with her getting closer and closer to having their youngling.”
I stood up and paced into his kitchen. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Will you be sad to see me go?”
Blaise followed me and wrapped his hands around my waist. “Sad? I am wondering how I will survive.”
I spun around on him and frowned. “I’m being serious.”
He raised his eyebrows and held my gaze. “Me, too.”
“This whole thing…” I wanted to tell him I was sorry. I’d hurt him more than once, I knew. I could feel it. I could feel him fighting the urge to grab me and keep me there. “This is a mess.”
Like the air had deflated out of him, Blaise slumped and forced a smile. “I do not know what you want from me.”
“Maybe, I should go home.”
He shrugged. “Whatever you want to do, Chyna. I am going to head out if you’re leaving.”
“Where are you going?”
“Out.”
“Back to another bar?”
Blaise gently took my wrist in his hand and pulled my palm to his lips. Pressing a kiss to my sensitive skin, he held it there for a second longer before letting go. “I want you to be happy.”
I wanted to ask him what he meant, but he turned and hurried out of the house before I could make sense of his words and the feelings of sorrow rolling off him. I ran after him, but he was already flying away by the time I got outside. I watched him go with my own sorrow growing in the pit of my stomach.
I had to leave. I couldn’t keep torturing Blaise, or myself. Taking the job in Florida would mean that I got to slip away from it all. I’d get some space and, surely, some closure. Time away from him would make it easier for both of us.
I didn’t know how I’d do it. Seeing Blaise every day had been the only way I’d kept myself sane. What I was feeling for him wasn’t normal, though. I couldn’t lose myself over some man. I refused to make the same mistake that I’d seen so many other women make. I’d been in the foster care system with so many kids whose mothers had made the same mistake. My own mother was one of them.
No matter how right it felt to be with Blaise, I couldn’t fall for that. I had to go.
20
Chyna
The Florida Everglades were beautiful but not enough to keep my mind off Blaise. Through work and screening my calls from Cherry, I’d managed to cut him completely out of my life. I didn’t see him, no one I saw knew him, and Cherry didn’t mention him after the first couple of times that I hung up on her. I should’ve been okay. It’d been almost two weeks. Looong weeks with nothing to do but work and enjoy southern Florida. I should’ve been having the time of my life, planting and working on making magic happen with my seedlings.
I was a stone’s throw away from the beach. I was within five minutes of a beautiful bar. I was surrounded by scientists and beautiful surfers. Yet, all I could think about was Blaise. I didn’t need help thinking of him, but when I saw a large crane take to the air, my mind thought of him. When I saw a couple walking down the street, I thought of him. When I got back to my hotel room at night and saw that the cleaning people had been there, I thought of him.
It was crazy. The only thing I could compare to the pain I felt was what I’d felt when Cherry and I had lost our mother. It was offensive to think that losing a man could compare to losing my mother, but my heart didn’t care. I’d done my best to keep Blaise at arm’s length while we were together those couple weeks, but he’d crept in. I’d barely allowed us to talk, but it had happened, of course.
The tiny conversations we’d had while stripping or getting dressed after had snuck into my brain, and I kept hearing his voice. He’d tell me I was beautiful or comment on how he could tell I’d had a good day because I’d been more excited. He’d been paying so much attention to me the whole time that I’d ended up feeling special and cared for. Knowing what he was feeling when he gazed down at me before we both orgasmed together, knowing that he’d looked at me with so much love and care, it was my undoing in the silent hours I spent alone at night. When I should’ve slept, I stared at the popcorn ceiling of my room and listened to cars go by on the highway outside the hotel, thinking of Blaise and what he was doing.
He was always around. He didn’t think I knew that he flew above me when I insisted I find my own way home at night, but I did. I could feel him making sure I got home safe. He’d hang out for a few minutes while I got ready for bed, and then he’d go back to his place. He kept watch over me. He threatened my neighbor for me. It was sick to say that I didn’t want him to be controlling and then find all those things charming, but I did. I knew he wasn’t trying to control me when he did those things. He was just…caring for me.
I couldn’t feel him since I left home. I’d been out at night. I’d walked the beach alone. I’d even been to a bar and had a man hit on me, but there was no sign of him. I hadn’t felt his jealousy or hurt. Nothing. He’d let me leave. It was what I’d said that I wanted, but having it didn’t feel good at all.
Instead of staying in and feeling like bashing my head against a wall all the time, I’d been working overtime and treating the plants I was trying to grow like my own children. I hung around them and did all the things I normally did with my plants. I talked to them, I sang to them, I even read to them. I did it so much that I was pretty sure my coworkers were convinced that I was crazy. I was also sure that the plants even thought I was overbearing. They weren’t doing as well as they should’ve been, even if someone with my reputation had been growing them.
It was like they could feel my mood. No matter how many times I sang upbeat songs to them, they remained droopy and slowly died in the wet soil they were in. It was one of the worst jobs I’d ever done. I wasn’t surprised when the team who’d brought me on lightly explained that they weren’t in need of my services anymore.
It was fine. I’d have other jobs. One failed experiment wouldn’t tarnish the reputation I’d gotten. It made me feel even worse, though. I felt like a failure in every aspect of my life.
I was stuck in that mindset and didn’t want to go home to kill my own plants, so I stayed in my hotel for another few days. There was no point in going home. I knew that I’d just run back to Blaise, and I still hoped there was some way that time would erase him from me.
I was really feeling sorry for myself when Cherry called.
“Your nephew is kicking the shit out of me.”
A little of the ice around my heart melted. “How are you doing?”
“I’m miserable. I’m so tired that all I want to do is sleep. Lately, I keep noticing the children at the library. Not when they’re good. I notice when there are temper tantrums being thrown and pages being torn out of books and sassy backtalk being hurled at parents. What if my kid is a terrible little hellion? What if my kid is the kid who screams in the library?”
“I don’t think that you and Cezar could make a hellion baby. You’re both too sweet and nice.” I sat back against my headboard and laughed. “Although, I can see it now. You chasing your own kid around that big place for a change.”
“Don’t jinx me.”
�
��So, you don’t think it’d be funny?”
Cherry fake laughed. “No. And you won’t either when you’re the one watching him all the time.”
“Or her. I didn’t correct you earlier, but I could have a niece.”
“You’re out of luck, sis. I think Cezar willed it into being, but our little egglet is a boy.”
I sat up, the dark feelings fading for a bit. “What? You found out? Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you let me know when the appointment was?”
“I didn’t go to an appointment. Dragons and they’re magical noses can tell.” She hesitated. “And I didn’t say anything sooner because I didn’t think you’d care.”
“Cherry, of course, I’d care!”
“You say that, Chyna, but you’ve been so angry lately. You snap at everyone, and I can tell you’re sad. I can feel it. We’re not dragons or mates, but we’re twins, Chyna. I can feel how sad you are. I didn’t want to say anything…”
I looked up and met my reflection’s stare. Deep bags darkened my lower lids. I’d lost weight, and even my hair seemed dry, frizzy, and brittle. I looked like hell. More importantly, I felt like hell. No wonder everyone could tell.
Tears filled my eyes as I thought of my sister keeping something so exciting from me because she thought I’d be too negative for it. “I’m sorry, Cherry.”
“Stop it.” With her own voice watery, Cherry admonished me. “Don’t apologize to me. You didn’t do anything too awful. You need to come home. I know you’re working, but you’re making a mistake. I think you know it.”
I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat. “Um, actually, my job just finished up. I was going to head back home soon.”
“Like tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Good. I miss you.”
I stood up and pulled my suitcase out of the closet. “I miss you, too. I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“And we’ll talk more then?” She pushed on. “About Blaise?”
I didn’t want to promise anything. I didn’t know what I was doing. “Maybe.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
21
Blaise
I stuffed one of the burgers we’d made into my mouth and pulled off the apron Cezar let me borrow before tossing it on top his counter.
I missed Chyna like crazy but kept myself occupied most days struggling through whatever ridiculous lessons Cezar or Cherry or Beast’s new adopted kids threw at me. Cooking, cleaning, I was even learning to be bossed around. It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that I knew it may not help me win my mate over at all.
“When are you going to tell her that you’re learning home economics?”
“Home economics?”
“You’re learning to cook and clean. You can make at least three meals now, and you finally learned how to use a washing machine.”
“Keep talking to me like I’m a youngling and I’m going to flame your hide.”
“Someone’s cranky and needs a nap.”
I snarled at him. “Scalywing.”
“Yep. See you tomorrow.” He let out a whistle when a middle-heavy Cherry walked into the kitchen. “There’s my beautiful mate.”
“It smells so good in here. I couldn’t stay out.”
“I was just leaving.”
“You should tell her what you’re doing, Blaise.” Cherry walked over to me and rested her hand on my arm, which elicited a growl from Cezar. She just grinned at him and retracted her hand. “She’s stubborn, but I think it would help if she knew that you were doing all of this for her.”
“It is too soon.”
“I wish you’d tell her anyway. Or let me tell her.”
“You promised.”
“Fine.” She raised her palms in the air. “My lips are sealed.”
“Your lips are delicious.” As Cezar planted a kiss on his mate, I left the happy couple in their happy home and took to the air.
Stepping back from my newly finished wall, I took a long pull from a flask containing Armand’s brew and nodded in satisfaction. I had done well. Of course, I had done well. I’d built the whole house to begin with. Repairing things had never been my strong suit, though. I was more of a tear-it-down-and-start-over kind of dragon. Things change, I guessed. Some things, anyway.
I looked around and felt a consuming bitterness. The whole house was clean. Dinner was prepared and on the counter, cooling. I was taking care of myself. I was doing everything I’d waited a century for a mate to do. It wasn’t hard. I didn’t know why I’d thought it would be so much worse than what it was. I’d also learned that if I kept the house clean, it was easier to pick up. I liked the house neat. It looked better, and I didn’t stumble through trash or piles of clothes. I’d even installed a washing machine and a dryer.
It was all pointless. Why was I going through the work of becoming what I thought she wanted when it would not change Chyna’s mind? She didn’t want me now, and she never would. So, why bother?
I drank more of the brew and went outside to sit in my new lawn and patio chairs. They looked nice with the table I’d built to go along with them. A potted flower of some kind sat in the middle of the table, a gift from Cherry.
“You are lucky I am not an enemy.”
I glanced back at Remy and shrugged. “You say lucky. I say unfortunate. I could use a good brawl.”
“Oh, come, brother.” He circled the table and sat naked in one of my chairs. I made a mental note to burn it later. “It cannot be that bad.”
“It is not. It is worse.”
“Then, go after her. Do something. Anything. Anything other than what you’ve been doing.”
“I have been cooking and cleaning. What is wrong with that?” I nodded to my repaired wall. “And repairing the damage that you did to my home.”
“I did not do that alone.” He watched me drink from the flask and frowned. “Why did you even learn to perfect all those chores if you did not intend to use them to impress your mate?”
“She is gone. I wish everyone would get that through their heads.”
“That is not what I hear. I hear she is returning soon. Her job has been canceled.”
My chest ached deeply. “It will not matter. For whatever reasons, she rejects me.”
“Then make her want you.”
“It is not that easy, apparently.”
“If she does not feel the same way you feel, is she really your mate?”
I growled. “She is my mate.”
He held up his hands. “Okay, okay. She’s your mate. Are you really just going to let her slip away?”
“Were you not up here just a while ago, telling me not to hold her against her will and comparing me to our father?”
“Never. Not really. You are nothing like our father was, Blaise. You are no more like him than I am. If either of us had any doubt before all of this, this should clear it up.”
“What do you mean?”
Remy grabbed the flask from me and turned it up. “The reason I don’t think Mother was Father’s true mate? I saw them once…”
I sat up at the twinge of pain in my brother’s voice. “You saw them what?”
“I saw them in bed. Accidentally. I did not understand what I had walked in on when I was a youngling, of course. I didn’t really understand the dynamics of what I’d seen until I was here for a while, and much older, and could look back with a discerning eye. What he was doing…it wasn’t…something that she wanted.”
My stomach soured. “What are you saying?”
“He was just…using her. Taking what he wanted from her. She wasn’t fighting him, not really…but it was clear she was uncomfortable and not pleased. I know that now. At the time, what I’d witnessed had felt wrong, but I assumed it was just because I’d accidentally walked in on something not meant for my eyes. Now, I know better. If she had been his mate, I don’t think he would have been able to force her like that. He would not have been able to do that to her.�
�� He sighed. “She would have been willing. Think back. Did she ever seem to love him or want him? She always cringed away from him.”
“Why would she have left her family and come to the castle for him, then?”
“Do you really think she was given a choice?”
I stood up and walked away. Looking out at the water, I watched as the protruding eyes of a gator slipped beneath the light green algae-covered surface. “I always assumed they were mates. I never thought to question it.”
“It took me a while. But I have seen lately how Beast and Cezar treat their mates. How they care for them. It is nothing like the way Father treated Mother. You have seen them, too. Can you even imagine Cezar or Beast touching their mates with a heavy hand? They would never do to their mates the things that Father did to Mother. It is not just because their kingdoms were what others called progressive, either, Blaise.
“Just because we did not understand what it was back then or have a word for it does not mean that it was not abuse.”
“That is what we were taught. It is all we know. How can we ever be worthy mates?”
“You are speaking with an unmated brother. I do not know shit about shit.”
I glanced back at him. “Shit about shit?”
He grinned. “It is a human expression that Sky taught me. It means I know nothing. I believe it is natural to adapt to please one’s mate, though. Beast went from being, well, a barbarian to caring for Sky like she is his most precious treasure. She bosses him around now, and he allows it.”
I had witnessed the change in Beast. We all had. Cezar had not changed as much, but he was far less barbaric and more diplomatic than Beast to begin with. “Cherry, too. She bosses Cezar around. I have seen how he does what she asks. I suppose I thought it was just because his kingdom was weak.”
“Apparently, not. Our kingdom was known as a backward, oppressive place. If you ask the rest of the dragons, our kingdom was cruel, tyrannical, and fascist.” He inhaled deeply and blew it out slowly. “They are right. We were the ones in the wrong, brother.”
Fire Breathing Blaise (Dragons of the Bayou Book 3) Page 9