When I Was Yours, When You Were Mine

by Evie Sinclair

  Murmurs work their way around The Pines and it isn’t long before we realize why: Kingston, Logan and a few of their friends have entered the bar.

  I glare at Sammy, a frown etched along my forehead. I hear Louis laugh to himself.

  “It’s not funny,” I say, a smirk appearing never-the-less. “They’re always ruining my nights. Also, you owe me twenty bucks.” I look at Sammy.

  “Louis!” Logan hollers from behind me.

  “Logan Walker!” Louis says, as if he hadn’t noticed him until now.

  “You met my baby sister?” Logan asks, an arm around Louis’ shoulder.

  “Baby by one minute ...” I remind Logan.

  Kingston joins us, a beer in his hand. He watches me, not bothering to look away.

  I relent first and pull my attention back to Logan and Louis.

  “Sammy and I are working together, fixing up old houses,” Logan is explaining to Louis.

  “No way, man! That’s awesome,” Louis smiles between them, then back at me.

  “Oh. Louis this is Kingston. Kingston, Louis.” Logan stands aside for them to meet.

  “Hey, man. Sorry about the shoulder.”

  Kingston offers him a single nod.

  We spend the night drinking and hanging out. I manage to tolerate Logan and Kingston because we’re in public and there’s no use causing a scene.

  At close to midnight, I’m sitting with Louis at the end of a wooden booth outside under the fairy lights.

  “You can tell me if I’m being creepy again, but you and Logan seem tense.”

  “Not creepy. I’m not hiding it well.” I shrug.

  “Overprotective older brother issues?”

  I nod. “It’s been a shitty week.”

  “I’m not saying whatever he’s done isn’t wrong, but if my sister was hanging around Kingston James …”

  “Who said it had anything to do with him?”

  “Just guessing.”

  “Strangely enough it’s not actually about us spending time together.”

  Louis’ eyes linger on me, he rubs his beard. “Some brothers will do anything they can to keep a sister safe.”

  “You got sisters, Louis?” I ask, a small humorous grin on my face, already knowing the answer.

  “Well, how’d ya guess?”

  I chuckle to myself. “I don’t need another lecture on what a good brother Logan is.”

  “Wasn’t going to give you one …”

  “... But?” I prompt.

  “But.”

  He squares my shoulders to him. “When Logan worked for me he spoke nonstop about you. How proud he was of you and your art. How he hated that you were on the other side of the country, but he knew deep down it would be good for you. Whatever he’s done, how ever fucked up it was - I know it would have come from love.”

  “Is this free therapy? Or am I on an episode of Dr Phil?”

  Someone clears their throat loudly behind us.

  We both swivel awkwardly, coming face to face with a clearly unimpressed Kingston.

  “Gonna check on the boys,” Louis says.

  I grab his arm and he turns to look at me. “Thank you. I appreciate it,” I say, genuinely grateful for our midnight deep and meaningful.

  Once Louis has gone, Kingstong takes his seat beside me, not saying a word. He’s still sporting a deep set frown, like a cranky toddler who didn’t get their way. We haven’t spoken all night, but our eyes have caught constantly across the room.

  “You look very serious,” I whisper.

  “You look very pretty.” I laugh in response because his mood stays the same.

  “Oh, yeah? You like my t-shirt?”

  “I hate everything about that stupid shirt,” He replies, a slither of a smile appearing on his lips.

  “Everything?” I ask, faux-shocked. He stares at my breasts in the skin tight material, then looks back up at me. “Don’t get sexual with me, Kingston. I’m mad at you. I’m a bit drunk, but I’m still mad.”

  Logan and Sammy sit themselves in front of us. Sammy starts up a drunken conversation with Kingston.

  I offer Logan a small smile.

  “Hey,” Logan says softly, sitting across from me.

  “Hey,” I repeat.

  “I want to apologize for lying. I got defensive at home because I knew it was wrong of me.” He dips his head. “I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like to lose you, Mae. We’re the only family we’ve got left.”

  There’s a delicate vulnerability to his confession, a side of Logan I know, but haven’t seen for a long time. Logan has always come from love with me. Louis is right. I can be mad and sad at him, but I can acknowledge the love.

  “ I know you worry, Logan. I know the amount of responsibility you took on when Mum passed and Dad left.” I reach my hands out to hold his. “I appreciate every bit of love you have ever given me, in ways that both frustrated and kept me safe all in one. I’m not going anywhere. But, you need to realize that wrapping me up in cotton wool isn’t sustainable. We’re living in times of climate change, Logan. We need better ways!” I joke. He laughs, nods. “I’m going to be okay. And when I’m not, I promise I’ll come to you.” Logan’s eyes well with tears, he wipes them away as quickly as they appear. “Do you promise you’ll come to me if you need me?” I ask.

  “I promise,” he says. “And I promise to be less of an insane father figure and more of a brother.”

  I hiccup out a laugh. “And. We’re not all we have. We have Sammy. We have Kingston. We have the family we choose.”

  “I heard my name.” Sammy shoots a look at us.

  Logan and Sammy break off into a conversation about an apartment they’re fixing up.

  I feel a hand on my knee - Kingston’s. I glance up at him, a sense of surprise and need surges through me.

  “No one can see,” he says, before I even mention it. I lace my fingers through his. “I’m sorry,” He whispers. His eyes beg me to forgive him.

  “Did you and Logan plan to come here and make midnight apologies to me?” I ask.

  “Not lying - absolutely knew you’d be here. It’s the reason I came.”

  I close my eyes, taking in his admission. “A good way to start is honesty,” I say. “Was Louis a part of your apology?”

  “Well, honestly.” The stern look is back on his face. “If that Louis guy looks over at you one more time, I’ll break his legs.”

  I laugh out loud, caught off guard. “He is not!” I shush him. Kingston gives me a pointed stare. “He’s a nice guy.” I squeeze his leg beneath the table.

  It sets off an intensity behind his eyes. “I wouldn’t do that.” His voice is low and tight.

  I glance over at Sammy and Logan who are lost deep in conversation. I casually glance around the room, my hand roams toward his crotch.

  “Kingston, when do you get your bike back? I want to teach Sammy how to ride.”

  Kingston and I are brought tumbling back to reality by Logan. I pull my hand to the table as swiftly as possible. The mention of the bike pulls me from whatever warped Kingston obsessed world I was sucked back into.

  I look at Logan. “Really?” I ask him, stunned.

  “Logan …” Sammy groans.

  “But, we spoke about it,” Logan says, motioning to me. “I apologized.”

  “Still a fresh topic,” I say. I turn my attention to Kingston. “I’m going to the restroom.” I wait for him to move. He reluctantly shifts out of the way and I edge past him. “I’m also going to go home afterwards.” I shoot a pointed stare to Logan. “In an Uber. Don’t tell me to be safe. Don’t ask me if I’ll be safe. I’m absolutely fine.”

  “Fine means she’s annoyed,” Sammy points out, much too joyful for my liking.

  I look at her - really?

  “I’m going, too.” She jumps up, hooks me by the arm and leads me away.

  “This is a mess,” I mumble as she books us a car home.

  CHAPTER eighteen

  Two we
eks, and the bare minimal contact with Kingston later, I find myself begrudgingly getting ready for a charity event he’s playing at.

  I said yes to going after the night at The Pines, thinking I’d feel less angry about the situation. When I think about completely forgiving Logan, I just imagine what he would do if he found out about Kingston and I.

  Then every time I become rational about forgiving Kingston, I remember Dale. I remember the lies and the betrayal from him.

  I slip into the deep granite colored slip I found at Sammy’s. I’ve never worn a dress that fits me like it was made for me - accentuating my curves in all the right places.

  Make-up and hair done, I wander down stairs to catch Logan adjusting Kingston’s bow tie for him.

  “Aww cute,” I coo sarcastically, coming to a stop at the bottom of the stairs.

  Logan turns, smiling, and I’m hoping Kingston lifts his jaw off the floor before Logan notices him drooling.

  “You look incredible, Mae!”

  “Thanks, Loges.” I make my way over to the champagne flutes.

  And if I’m being honest - if I didn’t love Kingston’s naked body so damn much, I’d ask him to never, ever take his suit off.

  Not the time Mae. Not the time.

  Pulling my eyes from Kingston’s frame, I train my focus back on Logan.

  “Earth to Mae! Stop checking King out.”

  I scrunch up my nose. “I was thinking that his shirt looks creased.”

  Logan turns to look. It’s not creased. It’s so damn smooth I can practically make out his washboard abs in it.

  “Looks fine to me.” Logan shrugs as the doorbell rings.

  “Maybe that’s my date …” I flash an awkward smile at Kingston.

  “David!” Logan bellows as David Moss enters looking fancy in a suit identical to Logan and Kingston’s.

  I hear a rumble in Kingston’s throat. “Fucking hate that guy,” he mutters for me to hear.

  “David, hey!” I choose to ignore Kingston.

  Was it childish to agree with Logan and go with the guy I lost my virginity to? Possibly.

  Do I care? Honestly … a little bit. But I can’t let any of that guilt win tonight.

  “Mae, you look stunning.” David hugs me.

  “Thank you.” I look down at my dress and run my hands along the soft fabric. “I borrowed it from Sammy.”

  “Is Sammy wearing a nightie, too?” Logan asks.

  “It’s not a nightie.”

  “Mmmm, whatever. It looks like one,” He says, wandering upstairs.

  “So. David Moss, it’s been a while.” Kingston stands close behind me.

  “Kingston! Man it has, that’s for sure! How you been?” David shakes his hand.

  “Good.” Is all he gets in return.

  Looking at me, David’s eyes go wide as if telepathically asking for the weirdness to end.

  “It’s all good, Kingston still thinks he’s second in charge for my security detail, is all.”

  “Ahhh shit forgot about all that. Thank God I was never a part of it.” David winks at me.

  I laugh, stiffly. I turn toward the living room when I come face to chest with Kingston. Clearing my throat I look up into his eyes. “You’re in my way,” I whisper through gritted teeth.

  The doorbell rings, breaking the tense situation going nowhere but south.

  “That’ll be my date,” Kingston grunts.

  Cue: Alicia Freight.

  Look. I’m sure deep down beneath all the low self-esteem she’s a lovely person, but I can’t say I’ve witnessed it firsthand.

  As she throws herself all over Kingston, I know I have to be the bigger woman. I can’t let him know how much this hurts me.

  Says the girl who invited her cherry popper.

  “Again, Mae, you look beautiful,” David says, handing me a glass of champagne.

  “You look great yourself, David. It honestly feels like forever since I saw you last.”

  “Crazy amount to catch up on I’m sure." He nods, agreeing.

  “You can catch up on it another time.” Kingston interrupts us. “The car is here.”

  I turn to stare Kingston down. Alicia is already attached to his hip.

  “Hey Alicia,” I say.

  “Mae! You look so cute in that dress. Such a cute color on you.” She couldn’t be more insincere if she tried.

  I offer her a small smile, take David by the hand, and sashay my nightie clad hips out the door.

  Bigger woman. Bigger woman. Bigger woman.

  After the obligatory photos before entering the event, David and I find our seats.

  We’re sitting with Kingston, Alicia, David, Logan, and thank goodness Sammy.

  “You doing okay?” Sammy wraps an arm around me.

  “Yeah.” I offer her the least fake smile I can manage. She gives me an all knowing look. “Thanks Sammy, I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

  “Right back at ya missy,” she says, placing a kiss on my cheek.

  Alicia and Kingston sit across from us and I’m thankfully wedged between Sammy and David.

  “Logan told me you were living in Seattle for a while?” David asks when I sit.

  “Yeah, three years. I loved it there.”

  “Why the move back here?”

  I bring my eyes to meet his. “Bad breakup.”

  He nods. “Breakups will do that to you. Parts of San Francisco are no-go-zones for me nowadays.” He chuckles.

  “Why do the good places have to hold the worst memories?” I roll my eyes. He lets out a laugh and keeps his eyes trained on mine.

  I feel an elbow jab into my ribs. “Oww!” I glare at Sammy. She forces a smile and looks around the room. I follow her gaze and am met with an intense scowl. Alicia is talking to Kingston, completely unaware that his attention is on me.

  I give him a look - calm it with the staring, big boy.

  “Do you think you’ll be in Maine for long?” David asks, not noticing the tension around him.

  “I’m not sure. Probably not. Nothing to keep me here.”

  “Well, maybe we’ll have to find a reason for you to stick around.” He flashes a dimpled grin at me.

  I snap my gaze to my hands and fiddle with the rings on my fingers.

  I hate this.

  These games.

  Being here tonight with David, but my attention being pulled to Kingston. Maybe I do need to get out of Maine. But what good is life if I keep running from places because a man has lied or broken my heart?

  After the opening speeches are finished, we enjoy our food and the champagne keeps flowing. I try my best to have a glass of water between each drink. Getting drunk tonight would be a bad idea.

  “Want to dance?” David asks after our plates have been cleared.

  I see Sammy getting up with Logan. “Sure.” I take his hand.

  On the dance floor I move between dancing with Sammy and dancing with David. I’ve had enough alcohol to not feel overly self conscious moving around, but not enough to feel completely at ease focused solely on David - which could also be because Kingston hasn’t moved from his seat.

  I glance over a few times to see Alicia talking intently with a girl from another table and Kingston beside her sipping his beer, eyes roaming the room and always landing on me.

  “You’ve got moves,” I yell over the music to David.

  He laughs, pulling me into him. “Oh, yeah? You remember them?” he whispers in my ear.

  “Sophomore year. You performed that robot dance?” I feign innocence to the true meaning of his question.

  “Yeah, that!” He spins me around.

  I fall into him, my barely covered back with a barely-there layer of flimsy material between me and his suit covered body.

  “You also have no idea how beautiful you are.”

  “What if I did know how beautiful I was?” I counter back. “Not all women doubt themselves, David,” I say, keeping my eyes on his hands that have made their way to my hips
.

  He chuckles in my ear. “Touché Mae Edie Walker, but I really don’t think you do. If you did, you’d realize no man will ever be good enough for you.”

  “Did you use my middle name?” I turn into him.

  “I remember a lot of things.”

  “Edie was my mum's name,” I state.

  He gives me a single nod. “I know.”

  Okay. What is happening here? David is back in my life and do I actually think he’s dreamy or is it the champagne playing with my thoughts?

  I pull myself out of the bubble we’ve been in and notice Logan and Sammy dancing away from us, not paying any attention.

  Looking over to Kingston I see him finish his beer, eyes locked on David and I. He gets up, places his drink not-so-casually on the table and beelines for the door, not looking back.

  Why do I feel bad? He lied to me and now I’m the one feeling like I need to justify my actions to him.

  “I need to go to the restroom,” I tell David.

  Not waiting for his answer, I push myself from him and make my way toward the same door Kingston left through.

  The night air hits me hard as I rush outside. Looking around I spot Kingston by the dock, pacing.

  “King? Are you okay?” I ask.

  I slowly make my way to him. He looks up at me and I can tell he’s already had a substantial amount to drink tonight. “Mae, it’s cold out here. Go back inside.”

  “I’m fine!”

  “I don’t want you out here, Walker,” He says through gritted teeth.

  “Why not?”

  “Because you want to talk about an in control man? I am nowhere near in control tonight.”

  “I’m sorry it has to be this way.” A deep gravelly growl moves through him and once again I feel it in my chest. “You’ve got to know that I wish things were different.” I move closer to him.

  “It can be different. You need to forgive me,” he all but pleads.

  “It’s not that simple, King.”

  “It is. It’s simple! You need to realize I was trying to be a good friend to Logan and at the same time wanted you to get home safe.”

  “I know that. I acknowledge that. Hurt and confusion aside, I do understand. But, you were never going to tell me. After we spoke about Taylah and I asked you outright to your face. Even after we were together, you were never going to tell me that you were there as some kind of bodyguard more than just a friend.”