by Ida Curtis
Glancing around, Justin observed the two rooms leading from the small main chamber. “Why didn’t the count arrange for you and Freda to stay with the priest? Isn’t that the usual arrangement?”
“Priests are reluctant to have their retreat invaded by women, even if they are nuns.” As she, too, noticed the intimacy of the apartment, Gilda hesitated. “Perhaps we should see if there is a convent nearby that will house Freda and me.”
“It will be harder and take more time to do our work if you are outside the city walls. You are observant, but you can’t see things from a distance.”
His words surprised her. “You gave me a compliment,” she said with a grin.
Instead of acknowledging her comment, Justin looked away. Gilda studied the way his shoulder-length hair curled on his neck. They were sitting close enough so that she could feel the heat of his body. Her fingers moved slightly as though responding to her desire to see whether his hair felt as soft as it appeared.
Finally, he spoke. “Just because I don’t think you should speak out in front of Count Cedric doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your skills. We need to work together if we hope to find out what’s going on here.”
“Right, I knew that’s what you meant,” she said. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable at being so close to him, Gilda rose to her feet. “Let’s go see if we can find out where that young man slipped off to.”
He grabbed her arm and then let it go almost as quickly. “We aren’t going anywhere. The others will be here soon. At supper, see if you spot the man you saw on the stairs. Be discreet and point him out to me. Please leave it to me.”
Justin was still sitting, and she stared down at him. Even seated, his head was almost level with her shoulder, and without thinking she lifted her hand to touch his hair.
“It’s so soft,” she murmured as her fingers sunk into the curls at his neck.
“Gilda, don’t.” His voice sounded hoarse, but he didn’t move away from her hand. “You don’t realize what your touch does to me.”
She wondered if his reaction was the same as hers. “Does it make your stomach flutter in a strange way?”
Before Justin could reply, the door opened, and Gilda’s hand fell away. A servant, followed by Freda and Leonardo, entered the chamber.
“This should do nicely,” Freda said, ignoring the fact that Justin had sprung to his feet and Gilda was looking flushed.
“I’m going to the chapel,” Justin said. He was out the door before anyone else could say a word.
“My, the man seems very eager to say his prayers,” Freda remarked.
CHAPTER THREE
During vespers, Gilda glanced around the crowded chapel looking for Justin. She had told Freda what had happened just before her arrival in the chamber, and they’d had a long discussion about the incident. Gilda thought about Freda’s reaction and the story she’d told.
Freda had been amazed at Gilda’s ignorance. “It’s not appropriate to touch a man’s hair.”
“I know that, Freda. It just happened. We were alone in this lovely chamber, discussing things, and I became very aware of him. It was the first time we were together like that. Before I knew it, I had reached out.”
“Gilda, you are a practical, honest woman. But you have little experience with men. Justin is a worldly man. You’re fortunate he hasn’t taken advantage of your innocence.”
“I wonder why he hasn’t.”
Freda shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Just be happy that’s the case.”
“Maybe it’s because we’re related by marriage. His sister is married to my brother. Chetwynd and Justin trained as pages with Count Jonas and grew up like brothers.”
“Listen to me, Gilda. His relationship to your brother is no protection. Men cannot be relied upon to curb their desires.”
“I’ve heard that’s true. Just as I didn’t curb my desire to touch his hair. I should apologize to him.”
Freda sighed. “Never mind that. You’d best forget about it. Just be aware of what you’re doing next time. The abbess told me you might need some guidance. At the time, I wasn’t sure what she was referring to.”
They were in the small bedroom they would share, and Freda was unpacking a bundle of personal items as she spoke. Gilda watched for a minute, thinking about why the abbess might have chosen the older nun to accompany her. “Have you had experience with men, Freda?”
The older woman finished her unpacking and sat on a bench beside Gilda. “You aren’t going to drop this subject, are you? I was in love once. A very long time ago. It was the most glorious and painful two years of my life.”
Freda went silent, perhaps recalling those years. “What happened?” Gilda urged.
“He was married, and although he hadn’t lived with his wife for several years, there were children. I would have been happy just to be with him when I could.” She paused a few seconds before continuing. “He feared I would become pregnant and be ruined. So, he spoke with my father. They arranged to send me to court as a lady-in-waiting to the queen. My father hoped I would make a suitable marriage. At court, I became friends with Ermguerrd, and when she chose the monastery, I followed.”
“Did you ever see the man again?”
“No. I heard he was wounded in battle and died soon afterwards. He was a reckless man in many ways, but he was protective of me.”
Sitting in the chapel, Gilda pondered Freda’s tale as she continued to watch for Justin. She wondered if he was being protective. It was certainly in his nature to be careful, unlike the reckless soldier Freda had loved. If Justin experienced any impulsive tendencies, he kept them under control. She knew she must learn to do the same. Being a nun was important to her, and she was aware that she had much more freedom than other women, whether married or living with their family. She also valued the work she did. She couldn’t let anything jeopardize her position.
It wasn’t until Gilda was leaving the chapel that she spotted Justin. When she caught his eye, it appeared for a minute he might hurry away, but he must have changed his mind as he paused and waited for her to catch up with him. They followed the rest of the worshippers to the great hall.
“May I speak with you alone, Lord Justin?” Gilda asked.
“Not now,” he grumbled.
His abrupt answer made Gilda stop. There was no reason for him to be rude, she thought.
When Justin realized Gilda had disappeared from his side, he turned back. He found her seated on a small bench near the open market. The merchants had put away their wares, and the stalls appeared barren without the usual colorful display.
Rather than sit beside her, Justin remained standing, hoping to prevent a long discussion. “What is it?” he asked, impatience obvious in his tone.
Gilda remembered that Freda had discouraged her from apologizing, but she couldn’t think of another way to start the discussion she wished to have with Justin. “I’m sorry I touched your hair. I shouldn’t have done it.”
“You don’t need to apologize. Nothing happened, Gilda. Please forget it,” he said. “Let’s go to supper.”
Gilda didn’t move. “No, nothing happened. You don’t have to worry about my embarrassing you in the future.” Rushing ahead with her words before he moved away, she added, “I just wanted you to know that I intend to curb any desires I might feel.”
Her words made him sigh. Reluctantly sitting down beside her, Justin leaned his head against the wall behind them. “I’m sure you mean well, Gilda. But saying things like that just makes it worse. I realize you have no experience in these matters. I try to be patient, I do. But my patience is wearing thin.”
Gilda grinned. “I thought patience in difficult situations was supposed to be one of your strengths.”
His nod was weary. “Usually that’s true. For some reason, dealing with you seems to be an exception, Gilda.”
“I realize my ignorance in certain areas. I just wanted you to know that. It’s important that we keep our relationship on an
impersonal level. Sister Freda is giving me guidance. I plan to do better.”
Startled, Justin turned to search her face. The woman was serious. “You discussed this with Sister Freda?”
Gilda nodded. She’d had the best intentions when she started to speak with him, but for some reason it was hard not to provoke him. Lord Justin took everything so seriously.
“I suppose Sister Freda has a vast knowledge in this area?” he asked.
“As a matter of fact, she does. A long time ago she had a lover. It’s a sad tale, but she shared it with me.”
Justin jumped to his feet, afraid she might give him details of the sad tale. Gilda’s ability to catch him off guard was exhausting. “It’s been a long day. Let’s join the others at supper,” he said.
When they arrived in the great hall, it was crowded, and the meal was already underway. Count Cedric spotted Justin and waved him to a place at the head table. Gilda was about to leave him to join Freda when she noticed the young man seated beside Cedric. She grabbed Justin’s arm before he could leave her side.
“You’re touching me,” he pointed out brusquely.
“Look there, Justin. The man beside Cedric. He’s one of the men who came to Saint Ives looking for Mariel.”
The young man she was nodding toward spotted Gilda. His expression was one of shock when he saw she was speaking to Justin. He leaned over and spoke to Count Cedric.
“You’re right. Is he the same one you saw on the stairs this afternoon?” When Gilda nodded, he added, “I’ll find out who he is and why he was at Saint Ives.”
From her seat beside Freda, Gilda kept her attention on Justin as he spoke with the count. For once she took little notice of the food being passed along the table.
It appeared to Gilda that introductions were being made, and then an intense discussion ensued. She could imagine Justin enquiring as to why the young man had been at Saint Ives, and especially why he had disappeared the next morning without an explanation. The young man stood up; then Cedric spoke to him, and he sat down again. Even from a distance, Gilda could tell the young man was upset. A handsome youth, she judged him to be only a few years older than Mariel. His eyes appeared frantic as he looked toward Gilda again.
“You haven’t even touched your food,” Freda whispered. “Why are you staring at the high table?”
“The young man beside Count Cedric. He looks a bit like the count, don’t you think?”
As Gilda asked the question, both she and Freda saw the object of their study point his finger over to Gilda. Both Count Cedric and Justin glanced in her direction and then leaned their heads toward each other. Their intense discussion continued.
“It appears they are discussing you, Gilda,” Freda pointed out. “Why would that be?”
At her question, Gilda pushed her food away. She remembered the scene in the garden shed and being swept up in Justin’s arms. She prayed the young man wasn’t telling the count that he had found them together, but she felt sure that’s what he was doing. When Justin glanced at her again, there was a strange look on his face. It seemed to hold an expression of concern that Gilda hadn’t seen before.
“I need to talk to you, Freda,” Gilda said, rising from her seat.
“But you haven’t touched your meal. Aren’t you feeling well?”
Freda saw the color drain from Gilda’s face as she glanced one last time at the high table. Without another word, the older woman stood, following Gilda from the hall. By the time they reached their rooms, Freda was out of breath from rushing up the stairs to keep up with Gilda. The older nun lowered herself to a bench and watched Gilda pace the floor of the common area.
Gilda forgot about Freda as she tried to imagine what had taken place at the high table. There seemed little doubt that the young man had made an accusation about her association with Justin. What would Justin tell the count? Why did he have that strange look on his face?
She remembered that Justin hadn’t wanted her along in the first place. Perhaps to explain the situation, he was telling some story about her trying to seduce him. She dismissed the idea at once. Justin was an honorable man. She knew that. He said he would take care of it, and she believed him. But how was he going to explain what had happened in the shed without giving away the fact that they were hiding Lady Mariel? She hoped he wouldn’t need to do that.
Gilda was flushed with embarrassment as she remembered the scene. At the time, she hadn’t minded the heady experience of being lifted in Justin’s arms. But now she realized that her reputation could be severely damaged by their embrace. It would mean the end of her opportunities to work outside the convent. No one would seek her help. Because she was burning up, she pulled off her head covering and shook out her hair.
“Gilda, stop pacing. You’re making me light-headed. You said you wanted to speak to me, so speak.”
Reminded of Freda’s presence, Gilda rushed to sit beside her and took her hands. “Justin embraced me in the shed at Saint Ives. The young man at the head table was surely telling the count about it.”
The puzzled look on Freda’s face told Gilda she was making a muddle of her explanation. “Remember the night we found Lady Mariel asleep in the garden shed? Two men arrived on horseback. We feared they were looking for Mariel, and Justin hid her. Then he embraced me as the men opened the door of the shed. The embrace was meant to be a distraction. One of those men, the younger one, was at the head table tonight. The one sitting beside the count.”
“Was that the only distraction Lord Justin could think of?”
“That’s what I asked him!”
Freda’s puzzled expression had disappeared, and she seemed to consider what Gilda had told her. “I understand your concern. But Lord Justin is used to dealing with the most powerful men in the land, including the king. His reputation for solving problems and negotiating between enemies is legend. He’s sure to think of a way out of this predicament,” she assured Gilda.
Gilda nodded, but her eyes were full of doubt. She couldn’t help but feel she carried a lot of the blame for Justin’s choice of a distraction. It was that disastrous kiss at her brother’s manor that had begun the whole thing.
When the door opened, Gilda jumped to her feet. She saw that Justin was holding his mouth in a tight, narrow line. She was sure he had bad news to relate.
“What happened?” she asked, before he could say a word.
“Maybe you should sit down, Gilda.”
“Justin, just answer my question,” she replied, refusing his suggestion to sit.
“All right. It’s just that you appear a little distraught.”
Actually, Justin thought she looked beautiful. Her cheeks were rosy, and her golden hair was a flowing cascade against the black background of her habit. There was an edgy excitement to her as she faced him in a challenging manner. He wondered how she would look when she knew what he had done. He had to make her understand and go along with the story he had made up to defuse the situation.
“The young man beside Count Cedric at supper is his much younger brother, Philip. His half brother, actually.”
Gilda gasped, but Justin rushed on. “When I asked him why he had been at the Abbey of Saint Ives, he became upset. It was clear that Cedric didn’t know anything about his brother’s journey. At first Philip refused to talk about the incident. Then he suddenly changed his mind and told the count about finding us together.” Justin stopped speaking and looked over to Freda.
“I told her about what happened in the shed,” Gilda assured him.
“Good. That will make things easier. I think Philip brought up the subject to detract attention from himself and keep from explaining his own presence. He said he happened upon me having carnal relations with a nun and pointed at you.”
Gilda blinked at the words, as they sounded even worse than she’d expected. “It was an embrace! What did the count say?”
“He asked for an explanation.”
“You didn’t tell him about Lady Mariel,
did you?” she asked.
“No. But I’m glad to hear you wouldn’t approve of that explanation.”
Freda spoke for the first time. “Maybe you better tell us how you did explain the situation.”
Justin glanced from one woman to the other. He folded his arms across his chest as though to protect himself. “I told him I innocently embraced Gilda because we had just become secretly betrothed.”
Gilda’s first thought was that he was jesting. When he attempted an encouraging smile, she realized he was serious. “Are you mad?” she asked.
“Quite possibly,” he replied. “I think we should become betrothed in case someone makes inquiries. I’m sure your brother will give his permission in place of your father. Lord Chetwynd owes me a favor.”
Moving forward quickly, Gilda grabbed the front of Justin’s doublet with both hands, forming fists in the soft material. “I’m a nun. What makes you think I’d become betrothed to you? Who would believe that? You are mad.”
He smiled down at her. “You’re touching me again.”
Gilda immediately pushed him away and turned to Freda for help. “What can I do? This man is ruining my life. I won’t marry him.”
Justin’s voice cut into her plea. “I didn’t say anything about marriage. We’ll become betrothed for a while. Then, when we’ve finished this assignment and things return to normal, we’ll find a reason to break it off.”
Gilda could tell he thought his words should appease her. In fact, they made her even more angry. “I’m a nun,” she repeated. “If you can’t think about my position, think about your own. What will Lady Lilith think about our betrothal? From what I’ve heard, you and she are lovers.”
“I don’t think I wish to hear this,” Freda said. “I’ll go to my room.”
“I need you here, Freda,” Gilda pleaded, and the older nun sat down again.
Justin answered her question. “The rumors you’ve heard are very old. The lady remarried several months ago.”
The cold tone of his voice extinguished Gilda’s anger. There had been much speculation about Justin and the beautiful widow. She had two sons, and it was said that she feared to marry and jeopardize their inheritance. Clearly the lady had found a husband who was wealthy enough so that it didn’t matter. Gilda wondered if Justin’s cold words were meant to cover up his hurt.