Twisted with Chaos: A CASH BAR NOVEL

by Faiman, Hayley

  “Hmm,” I respond, unable to open my eyes, unable to do anything but attempt to breathe.

  Her fingers run through my hair. “Thank you,” she says.

  “Thank you?” I ask, forcing myself to lift my head and look down at her.

  She smiles lazily, her face soft and sated. I want to fuck her again, though I would definitely have to wait a few hours to regain my strength. “Thank you for saving me again.”

  I gently pull out of her ass, mourning the loss of her tight entrance. “Saving you by fucking your ass?” I ask as my lips twitch into a smile.

  She laughs, the sound is sweet and pure, I’ve missed it. “You’re so eloquent,” she points out. “No, and yes. Thank you for taking all of me, erasing anyone else, and replacing it with your touch. Thank you for saving me.”

  Dawning fills me. “You remember?” I ask.

  Her eyes fill with water. “Not everything. Most of it is still blocked, the doctor said it probably would always be, but I know enough to know that every part of me was taken in that hell. Thank you for reclaiming me.”

  I reach out to her, pushing her sweat-soaked hair from her forehead and tucking it behind her ear. “I didn’t need to reclaim shit, Roxanne,” I announce. Her eyes widen, then I watch as her brows furrow in confusion.

  “You did that yourself when you left that place on the back of Dice’s bike. You saved yourself, Firefly. You, my strong girl, you reclaimed your own body the day you broke free. The day you chose me as your man, to stay at my side, the moment you decided not to run anymore. Fuck, all I did was hold you. You, my beautiful girl, may be my woman, but I don’t really own you. You own yourself.”

  “Tanner,” she breathes.

  Shaking my head, I press my lips against hers. “Mean that shit to my soul,” I whisper. “Let’s clean up.”

  Climbing off of the bed, I put an end to the conversation before my dick shrivels and falls off from the deep emotion that is filling this space. Helping her off of the bed, I guide us toward the bathroom. Taking the condom off, I throw it away, then start the shower.

  I’m glad that Carson outfitted this place while Roxanne was in the inpatient facility all those months ago. All I’ll have to do is bring some clothes and upgrade the pitiful excuse of a television.

  “What are you thinking?” she asks once we’re in the shower.

  The warm water washes over my body, and I debate not telling her what’s going on in my mind. Then I decide against it and tell her the truth. “I was thinking about the television I’m going to buy to replace that crap that Carson left here,” I admit.

  Roxanne’s shoulders start to shake, then she bursts out in laughter. Without a word, she turns to me, cups my cheeks and kisses me square on the lips.

  ROXANNE

  I frown at the television that covers the wall. This is what he wants. This monstrosity. It's practically the size of a screen at the movie theater. Dice, Skinner, Ice, and Tanner take a couple steps back to admire the gargantuan-ness of the big black square hanging on the wall. I wonder if the wall can really hold it in place, or is it going to crumble all around.

  “We’re coming over here next time there’s a fight on,” Dice announces. His arms are crossed over his chest and he’s staring at the wall in awe.

  Wrinkling my nose, I shift my gaze over to Tanner who is watching me with a smirk. He doesn’t say anything, obviously already having read my mind. The television is too damn big, but this is the only thing he’s really said a word about, so I don’t voice my opinion, yet.

  “Sounds like a plan,” Tanner grunts, giving me a smile when I shake my head. “Let’s go get some lunch at Cash Bar, I’m buyin’,” he announces.

  The five of us walk out of the trailer and head through the back entrance of the bar. Inhaling the aroma of beers, booze, and fried food, my stomach grumbles as soon as we walk into the bar. A wave of sadness washes through me as I walk into the actual bar area.

  Traci’s eyes meet mine from across the room and they widen before a smile appears on her lips. Biting the corner of my lip, embarrassment courses throughout my entire body. Traci was my boss, Traci saw sides of me that I am completely ashamed of. She and Tanner both saw me at my absolute worst.

  My feet don’t move, they’re too heavy, I can’t lift them as I’m frozen to my spot. Traci makes her way toward me. My breathing comes out ragged, and if Tanner notices, he doesn’t say anything, he also doesn’t try to pull me along with him toward a table.

  He stays at my side, his hand wrapped around my hip, and silent. “I was hoping I would see you again soon,” Traci says, a smile playing on her lips.

  “Traci,” I whisper, my voice catching.

  She shakes her head. Then she surprises me by wrapping her arms around me and gives me a hug. “You look damn good, Sugar Pop,” she whispers. She takes a step back, wrapping her fingers around my shoulders as her eyes find mine. “I know you were avoiding me at Carson’s baby shower thing. I allowed it, but not again, yeah?”

  I gulp, nodding, unsure of how to respond to her. “I’m sorry, for everything,” I admit. Tanner’s fingers flex against my hip and Traci smiles.

  “I don’t accept your apology,” she announces. I blink, holding my breath. “Because you have nothing to be sorry for.”

  Tanner’s deep chuckle breaks my staring contest with Traci, I shake my head. “Okay, fine then.”

  “Since you’re living behind the building, I expect to see more of you. If you want to start back up working just let me know, I’ll work you back into the schedule,” she offers.

  “You’d do that?” I ask.

  Traci’s eyes widen and she tips her head with a smile. “Uh, yeah. I would. We’re not as busy as we were, but we have a steady flow.”

  “I’ll think about it,” I offer.

  Traci gives me another hug and leaves to check on her tables. Tanner walks me over to where the other men are sitting, but I can tell that there is something working inside of his head. Before we approach the table to sit down, I turn to face him.

  “What are you thinking?” I ask.

  He dips his chin, his eyes searching my own. “Just wondering if working here is what you’d want?” he asks.

  I press my lips together, appearing as though I’m really thinking about his question. I’m not. Smiling, I shake my head. “I don’t know what I want, Tanner. Aside from you, I’m not sure. At one time I thought I may want to try my hand at cosmetology school, but to be honest, I think that was me wanting to make a rash decision. I think that I need to focus on myself, on staying healthy for a while, then worry about work stuff, as long as that’s okay with you?”

  His lips turn up into a smile, it’s gloriously beautiful as it spreads across his face and even up into his eyes. “Your happiness, that’s all that matters. Whatever you want to do, you do that.”

  It’s my turn to smile, I rise on my toes, my body filling with relief and elation that I have a man like him at my side. “Even if I wanted to strip?” I breathe against his mouth.

  His lips touch mine hard, his hands find my hips and grip me, but he doesn’t pull away. His mouth stays touching mine, and he speaks against my mouth. “Firefly, you can strip every single night, for me. I’ll even tip you,” he rasps against my mouth.

  Moving my head back, I look up into his eyes and break out in laughter. “You got a deal,” I say between giggles.

  One of his hands moves from my hip, and he swats my ass. Together we walk toward the table, sitting down with the rest of the men. They eye us, especially Dice, but none of them says a word. I’m sure they’re curious as to why I was laughing, why we kissed, and why Tanner smacked my ass, or maybe they don’t even care and that’s just me, assuming.

  Either way, doesn’t matter. We order our food, and the topic of conversation shifts from sports to booze, and then to women. I enjoy myself, I’m at ease and comfortable, for the first time in my entire life I feel like I belong. I don’t feel like I’m on the outside looking
in, I feel like I completely belong to this group of people, and that is good for my soul.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  ROXANNE

  He frowns, his face looking not only worried but deep in thought. I watch him walk toward me, no that’s not right, he’s stomping. It doesn’t matter, he can be irritated all day long, but I know that this is what he likes. He’ll smile, those walls will break in a matter of seconds. It’s what we have with one another. He knows how to bust through any barrier that I intentionally or unintentionally have built, and I can do the same.

  Turning in a circle, I don’t bother closing the distance between us, I know that he will make his way toward me. He’s good about that, always coming toward me or meeting in the middle. It’s probably no surprise to him that I’m out here, barefoot, in the cold dark of night—naked.

  “Firefly,” I hear his voice rumble through the otherwise quiet expanse.

  Tonight was fun. Tonight was a party. The club celebrated my new ink, my induction into the Old Lady’s club you could say, it was my party. I didn’t drink, I’ve been taking my meds and had my first appointment with a psychologist.

  This moment isn’t because I’m losing the grip I have on my sanity, this moment is because I finally feel free.

  Lifting my hand, I crook my finger, beckoning him over to me. This place, these people, they don’t care if you dance naked in the middle of the property. They don’t care if you fuck three men at once. They don’t give a fuck what you do, this place is about freedom and so is Tanner. He’s about freedom—my freedom.

  “What’re you doin’?” he asks on a chuckle.

  He doesn’t just walk toward me though. He strips his clothes off with each swaying step that he takes. I may not have had a drop to drink tonight, but my man, he’s completely hammered. By the time he is standing in front of me, he’s not wearing one stitch of clothing.

  He’s beautiful.

  From deep inside of his soul to his toned and tanned body.

  Absolutely stunning.

  His hands cup my cheeks, his fingers gripping my hair at the back of my neck. He leans forward, his nose sliding alongside my own. His breath fans my face, my own hitches as my eyes flutter closed.

  This is what I needed, this moment of intimacy that nothing else could replace. This closeness, so close, and yet we’re not even kissing, his hands are on my face, no other part of us is touching.

  Tanner’s lips find mine. They gently press against my own, his tongue sliding alongside the seam of my lips. His breath is warm, his tongue sweet.

  Opening my mouth, I allow him inside without hesitation. His tongue fills me, fucking me with easy strokes. My nipples tighten, my pussy pulses, and I can feel every touch of his tongue all the way down to my clit.

  Breaking the kiss, he rests his forehead against my own. “The moon is warm, isn’t it?” he asks.

  He doesn’t think the moon is warm, he says it for my benefit, and my heart skips a beat. Resting my hands on his hips, I slide them around to grab ahold of his ass.

  “Stifling,” I grin.

  Moving his lips along my jaw, they stop at the shell of my ear. “You gonna ride me, Firefly? Show me just how beautiful you are in the moonlight?” he rasps.

  “Yes,” I hiss as his fingers dance down the center of my body and stop just before they reach my pussy.

  My head drops back, my eyes close and then just when I think he’s going to play me the way he knows I love, his body heat and his touch disappear. Immediately, I lift my head, my eyes pop open and I search for him.

  He’s not far, but I laugh when my gaze connects to his. My giggle dies quickly when I see that he has his hand wrapped around his cock. He’s stroking. I lick my lips at the sight. Lying there in the middle of the grass and dirt, naked with his hard cock in his hand, his eyes focus on me and he watches, waiting, to see what I’ll do next.

  Without a thought, my feet move on their own volition. It only takes seconds for me to straddle him, and slowly lower down onto my knees. His free hand wraps around my hip, squeezing to hold me still.

  “This what you want?” he asks, dipping his chin toward his hard dick.

  “Definitely,” I nod.

  He smirks, his eyes alight with naughty delight. I love it. I love everything about him, about the way he loves me. He gently tugs me forward slightly. I feel the head of his cock against my entrance and I’m unable to hold back my moan of excited anticipation.

  “You’ll wait,” he announces.

  I find his gaze with my own. “Tanner?”

  He smiles, not saying a word.

  I want to ask him what he’s doing, why he’s being…mean, but I don’t. I wait, just like he demands. Inch by inch he allows me to take him inside of me. Moving his hand from between us, he wraps it around the other side of my hips. Continuing to pull me down until I’m completely full.

  My breathing becoming choppy, my chest rising and falling as I watch him, waiting for further instruction.

  “God, you’re beautiful in the moonlight,” he breathes.

  His hands leave my hips and slowly slide up my sides until they’re cupping my breasts. His fingers pinch, then tug on both of my nipples. I let out a breath, squeezing my pussy around him as I attempt to keep myself from moving.

  “Tanner,” I whisper.

  He pinches, then tugs again on my nipples, his eyes focused on my breasts. Then, as if something inside of him snaps, he sits up, resting on his elbows. His legs hitch up behind me, his knees just behind my back.

  “Ride me, Roxanne. Fuck. I want to see just how badly you want to come on my cock. Give me a fucking show, Firefly.”

  A thrill shimmies through my entire body at his words. I ride him. Throwing my head back, I lift my hands, running them through my hair as I grind down against him, I fuck my man. Wordlessly, aside from a few grunts and moans, he watches me with pure unadulterated lust.

  It doesn’t take long for me to come, I expect him to follow behind me immediately, but he doesn’t. Instead, he gently flips me onto my back, his mouth touches mine and his hips move. He makes love to me, slowly, sensually.

  Tanner laces his fingers with mine and brings one of my hands over my head. I can feel the dirt against my back, and I should care, but I don’t. This moment is too breathtaking to care about some dirt and rocks up my ass.

  His nose slides along mine, his lips brush my own and he sighs into my mouth. “I love you, Roxanne.” Then he lifts his head, his hips still moving evenly, slowly, and with purpose. “Loved you immediately. Never felt that before in my life. Scared the fuckin’ shit outta me,” he admits.

  “Me too,” I nod.

  He shakes his head, moving a bit faster. “Fuck.” His breath hitches. He grinds his pelvis against my clit causing me to gasp as another climax rushes through me. He slams into me several times before he stills and empties inside of me with a growl.

  I’m attempting to catch my breath when he brings our laced hands between us. He looks from our hands, then up to my face. “Love you, Roxanne,” he repeats.

  “I love you, Tanner,” I exhale.

  He slips out of me, and using our clasped hands, pulls me to sitting. There in the middle of the grass, dirt, rocks, and moonlight. Naked in all of our glory. Both of us sated. Right there, he slips a diamond ring onto my finger.

  “Marry me.”

  It isn’t a question, yet I still answer him.

  “Yes, a million times yes,” I cry before throwing my arms around his neck. I pepper his neck with kisses, my heart pounding against my chest and tears streaming down my face.

  With a laugh, he gently pulls me away from him. His eyes dancing as they search my own. “Thank fuck,” he breathes.

  “Were you nervous?” I ask.

  He shrugs one shoulder, but I can see it in his eyes. He was. He was nervous. I shouldn’t blame him. Our road hasn’t been the smoothest. I haven’t been the easiest woman in the world. God knows that a life with me will never be easy either.


  Somehow he still wants me—me. He wants the broken girl, the girl who never thought she could live happily ever after. The girl who pushed him away so roughly that she didn’t think he could possibly come back to her. He did. He always has, and I have a feeling that he always will.

  HOUSTON

  Searching the small crowd, it only takes me a moment to find her. I squint, smirking when I see the sun’s glint off of the ring I slipped on her finger last night. Mine. She was already mine, but I needed that shit in every single possible way.

  “She remembers everything?” Keys asks from next to me. Glancing over to him, I notice that he’s not looking at me, no his focus is on the heavily pregnant woman that stands with Roxanne.

  Lifting my hand, I run my fingers through my hair. “Everything but her time in captivity. Which she’s okay with. She told the doc that she doesn’t want to remember any of it anyway,” I say.

  Keys clears his throat, his head moving slightly, and I know he’s switched his focus from his own woman over to mine. “Strong woman you got.”

  “I know.”

  He lifts his chin, opening his mouth, he snaps it closed. He repeats the motion a few times, as though he’s attempting to figure out what exactly he’s going to say. “We’re naming the baby Roxanne,” he says.

  My heart pauses its beat in my chest. Turning to face him, I lean my hip against the wall. The lump in my throat threatens not to go down. My eyes water and I swallow that shit immediately. “Keys,” I murmur.

  He shakes his head. “I know you’ll never have your own. Roxie didn’t have to come up here. She didn’t have to be at my woman’s side, but she was. She helped Carson and Axe when I didn’t. Carson suggested the name to remember her by when she was gone from us. I demanded we keep it when she came back.”

  Lifting my hand, I run my fingers through my hair before I grasp onto his shoulder and give him a small shake. “No words, brother.”