“Time has passed, o-of course things are different.” Her mouth was dry so she took a sip of her water.
“I’ve noticed,” he muttered as searched her face. “I just don’t know what, exactly, is different. For you. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I can’t,” she blurted out quickly. She licked her lips. Why hadn’t the water helped?
Adam’s features relaxed, though that only served to make Maddie worry more.
“Is there someone else?” he asked, as casually as if inquiring about the weather.
Maddie blanched, and Adam’s expression became tired. She raised her hands in a panic. “I haven’t cheated on you, Adam.”
He looked pensive before asking, “Have you wanted to?”
“I-it’s not like I would. When you had that thing with that woman from work—”
“She was attractive but I never, not once, ever thought about messing us up, Maddie.” He stared at her. “And you know that.”
Silence descended between them, Maddie’s eyes dropping to examine the contents of her plate as Adam stared at her.
“If it was just attraction, I don’t think it would be bothering you this much,” he said softly.
Upset, she looked back at him. “Adam, I would never try to mess us up. You’ve done more of that on your own, lately.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Well don’t assume for me, Adam. You know the only thing I value more than our marriage and our life together is Brittney.”
His expression darkened as he took a drink from his water. “This is exactly why I was taking more work on. I didn’t want this.”
“You taking more work on is what led to this!” she hissed lowly. As mad as she was, they were still in public.
He frowned and searched her face. “So you met someone while I was away, is that it?”
Maddie rubbed her face and sighed. “Adam—”
“Is it Grady?” he asked, finally looking angry.
“No, Adam.”
Deflating, he leaned back in his chair. “Maddie, do you know this is the most emotion I’ve seen out of you in months, if not years?” He combed a hand through his hair. “Somewhere along the line we lost our passion and it doesn’t seem like you want that back.”
Maddie released another sigh. “It’s not as easy as all that, Adam. Marriage takes work, you know that.”
“It does,” he said slowly, “but there are some things you can’t fix.” He pursed his lips. “Like the fact that I’ve discovered my passion is with my work, more than anything. I love you and we’ve both been trying, but this isn’t working for me. Your heart isn’t in this, and to be honest neither is mine. You’ve been forcing yourself so much that you didn’t notice that I was, too.”
The blunt, deliberate way he said it made Maddie inhale sharply.
“You need to find your passion too, Maddie. It’s not me.”
What happened to ‘til death do we part?’ she wanted to ask. The words got stuck in her throat.
A weight seemed to disappear from his shoulders, one she hadn’t even recognized in the first place. “I think I should take you home.”
Maddie’s throat worked. She pushed her food away.
He stood and found their server, quickly settling the bill and returning to collect Maddie when she seemed frozen in place.
The care of the action made Maddie want to cry, but she wouldn’t do so publicly. It wasn’t until they were settled in the cab of Adam’s truck that she found the strength to speak.
“I do love you, Adam.” Her hand shook as she slowly reached toward him.
Adam’s hands clenched around the steering wheel, his knuckles going white as the dark leather squeaked under his strong grip. His throat worked and he turned to look at her, his eyes shimmering with pain. “I love you too, Maddie. It’s just not the same.”
She abruptly dropped her hand and brought it to her lap. There was a finality in his voice that she couldn’t face. They were supposed to be together for the rest of their lives.
The truck rumbled to life a moment later, and the return trip to Sage Falls was made without music or conversation.
*****
Natalie jerked awake, her hands grasping anxiously at her blanket. Her dreams had been full of Maddie, and this time she remembered every moment.
Maddie had been in her sleepwear, the dark camisole Natalie had glimpsed only once but apparently remembered very well. She’d come to Natalie in the night, robe open and expression pleading.
They’d kissed slowly and carefully, drawing closer and closer together until it felt like the shape of Maddie could belong nowhere else.
Her lips still buzzed with the vivid texture of Maddie’s lips sliding against her own. They’d moved on to the bed, but instead of the moment escalating into something more, they’d lain quietly next to each other.
She’d never felt so content. Maddie’s attentive gaze had been like a physical comfort, the curling of her lips an invitation only for her. When she looked at Maddie’s lips she could see something could never hope for: a limitless supply of promised future kisses.
When she’d woken up she could swear Maddie was there. She could feel her body heat and smell the gentle mix of Maddie’s scents.
Only when she’d opened her eyes, she’d found herself alone. That sudden awareness had jolted her up and out of bed, and she angrily gotten dressed with renewed determination to leave Maddie’s home as quickly as possible.
She hadn’t even slept an hour, but she would fumble her way through repairing her alternator. She didn’t want to be in Sage Valley. The Garret family and their happy lives together were affecting her too deeply.
The only time she’d hesitated had been when she’d stared down at Maddie’s keys. On the one hand borrowing Maddie’s car could speed things up, but on the other, it was Maddie’s car.
She’d ended up leaving the keys in their place.
It didn’t take her long to confirm that her alternator was the problem, and as she stared down at the worn brushes and defective voltage regulator, she sighed.
The odds of the local shop having what she needed were slim, and she hoped that people in Sage Falls liked classic cars so she could at least buy a brand new alternator.
The walk to the auto shop was peaceful, and despite her recent ill luck and the lingering melancholy brought up by her dream, she was in an okay mood when she reached the building emblazoned with Frank’s One Stop Auto Shop.
The teenage boy working behind the counter named Frank Jr., or so the stitching on his shirt claimed, was cheerful and he happily told her that his dad owned a collection of classic cars. She was in luck.
The voltage regulator and brush set were far cheaper than buying an entirely new alternator, and she actually grinned on her return trip. Her streak of bad luck seemed to have ended, and for that she was grateful.
After her repairs, she ended up needing Maddie’s keys after all. Her alternator was repaired, but it hadn’t powered her battery the way it should have, so a jump and charge was necessary.
Once she’d successfully started the charging process, she smiled at her car. She rushed back to replace Maddie’s keys so she could drive her El Camino around a bit—and hopefully let the battery fully charge with her functioning alternator.
Pulling out of the long driveway and out into the central town was a relief, though her eyes did briefly find the familiar house in her rear-view mirror.
*****
Maddie’s hand hesitated on the truck door handle, her vision blurry with the threat of tears. Adam hadn’t turned the truck off. “Are you leaving?”
For a moment the only sound was the engine running, and she couldn’t bear to look at him.
“For a while, yeah,” he responded lowly.
She nodded roughly and opened the door, not surprised when the sound of his tires crunching against the loose gravel of the drive met her ears almost immediately. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she star
ed at her car.
Even Natalie’s car was gone. She was all alone.
She stiffly made her way to the house, proud that she managed not to break down until she was behind the safety of the front door.
Her limbs trembled with effort, the shaking growing as she leaned back into the solid door let the first few tears fall. Based on what Adam had said, their marriage was over.
She wandered down the hallway to her office on wobbly legs, letting her emotions loose once again when she was in her personal sanctum. She sat at her desk and cried for several minutes before her tears slowed.
Her hands dug through her desk for a small packet of tissues, feeling just slightly soothed once she found it and began to earnestly wipe her face and nose.
The house was quiet, too quiet and too empty. She discarded her used tissues in the trash and moved to turn on some music.
Adam had installed the discrete sound system for her with a smile and an explanation about multi-channel audio that she couldn’t remember and hadn’t understood at the time. She could still picture his grin, though. Choking back more tears, she chose a playlist she’d only listened to once before.
She slumped down in her chair, her eyes squeezing shut when Joni Mitchell began to croon softly around her. She nearly stood again to change the song but was overcome with a sense of lassitude. What did it matter?
Changing the song wouldn’t change her life, or how she felt. She tried not to think of Brittney and what the divorce would mean for their daughter.
She wished she could feel numb as the tears started again, and she laid her head down against her desktop as she sobbed.
The song seemed to last forever, and she leaned back in her chair as the final notes began to drift away. Her eyes were gritty and swollen, and she was glad no one was around to witness the utter mess she surely was.
Her fingers brushed against something cool, and she sluggishly realized that she’d pulled out the flower Natalie had crafted for her. She sat and stared at it in shock, her hand clasping it painfully.
She wondered… if she hadn’t been distracted by thoughts of Natalie, would Adam still have ended things? He’d seemed relieved; his whole posture had changed after he’d admitted the truth.
A knock sounded at her door. She stared at it, uncomprehending, as it slowly opened.
“Maddie?” Natalie cautiously inquired as she pushed her head through the opening.
Natalie. No sooner had Maddie registered her presence, Natalie was rushing forward and crouching next to her chair.
“What’s wrong?” Natalie asked as she reached out—only to halt before making contact.
Maddie stared at her owlishly, unblinking and makeup smeared beyond saving. She could feel it on her face, the extra layers she’d tried to hide with working against her.
“Natalie?” she forced out hoarsely. “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to get my bag,” Natalie said. She shook her head. “That doesn’t matter. Maddie, talk to me. What’s wrong?”
The younger woman’s eyes were soft and Maddie felt a pang of longing. Fresh tears immediately began trickling from her eyes.
Looking pained, Natalie pulled her into a tight hug.
Maddie fought the movement for the barest of moments before slinging her arms tightly around Natalie’s shoulders, burying her face against the padded red jacket.
She couldn’t speak. Was it wrong to take comfort from Natalie? At that moment, she didn’t know or care.
Natalie didn’t seem to care either, simply holding her silently.
“I’m sorry,” Maddie choked out as she pulled back. “I shouldn’t have done that.” What if Adam hadn’t meant it? What if he’d just been upset today? It wasn’t right to fall straight into Natalie’s arms, even if it was just for comfort.
When she tried to turn away, Natalie frowned and gently stopped her with a hand. The warmth of it on her shoulder made her feel better and worse all at the same time.
A breath, then another, and Maddie still didn’t speak.
“Maddie,” Natalie softly coaxed, “It’s okay.”
Maddie tried to stand, only to sway on her feet.
Natalie pushed up and managed to keep her from falling. Something clattered to the ground but neither moved. “We’ll figure this out, Maddie.” She paused. “Where’s Adam?”
“He’s gone.” Maddie’s hands tightened into fists against Natalie’s shoulders.
She could hear Natalie’s surprised inhale. Though Adam had been gone plenty, the way she’d said it had left no doubts. Adam was gone.
All the nice things he’d been saying since just before Christmas hadn’t amounted to much. Just like that, he’d chosen work over their relationship. For good.
Natalie hummed, pulling her from her thoughts. It was a soft, unfamiliar tune, but Natalie’s voice and scent and—yes, they were gently, carefully running along her back—hands were calming her down. Her eyes became heavy.
Unlike Adam, Natalie’s shoulder was just the right height for her to lean on. Earlier in the day, she would have hated herself for that thought, as true as it was.
Natalie was swaying them gently. Not quite in a dance, but in a soothing, small rhythm.
Maddie sighed, her eyes blinking open when her foot caught on something.
With a look, Natalie released her just long enough to find whatever it was.
Her heart raced as Natalie slowly straightened. The lily.
She was too tired to be embarrassed.
There was no teasing or flirting, though. Natalie simply set it down on the desk and then cupped Maddie’s cheek. “Don’t worry Maddie, we’ll figure this out. No matter what it is.”
The words, accompanied by soft breaths that brushed her cheeks, made her close her eyes and lean into Natalie’s hand.
As terrible as it was, she let herself enjoy the feel of Natalie rather than think about the mess looming on the horizon. Just for a moment.
Chapter Twenty-One
The skin that brushed against her nose was soft and smooth but, even with her eyes closed, Maddie couldn’t pretend that the arms around her belonged to her husband.
Adam wasn’t around, but the memory of him was. It didn’t help that there were just the slightest scents of oil and metal lingering in the fabric of Natalie’s jacket, blending with the soft sweet scent that was all Natalie.
She shouldn’t be this close to Natalie.
“Natalie,” she uttered unevenly. The word was nearly unintelligible, and she had to clear her throat before repeating herself.
The second attempt was better. Natalie pulled back to look at her face.
Natalie’s eyes were steady and kind, her eyebrows furrowed with concern.
“This isn’t a good idea,” Maddie said as she pushed softly away from Natalie.
Her statement made Natalie frown, mild signs of upset showing in the pursing of her lips and flaring nostrils.
Natalie’s jaw worked for a moment. “I just want to help you,” she said slowly, “I’m not… I’m not trying to make a move on you or anything. I care about you, Maddie—we were becoming friends.”
She paused, a flicker of vulnerability rippling across her face before being hidden.
Maddie hadn’t thought it possible to feel worse than she had after Adam left. She hadn’t meant to—it wasn’t because she didn’t trust Natalie. She didn’t trust herself. She couldn’t just say ‘No, Natalie. It’s not you, it’s me. I can’t be this close to you.’
That would bring about more questions than answers, and Maddie wasn’t in any state of mind to handle that. She forcefully expelled a breath from her nostrils. “That’s not it. I, just, I think I should be alone for a while.”
Natalie withdrew from her completely, her concern still evident in her expression. “I don’t know what’s been going on with you and I can’t force you to tell me.” She sighed, suddenly seeming ten years older. “I just want you to know that if you need to talk, I’m always willing t
o listen. There’s no strings attached.” Her eyes fell to the lily, which she picked up. “I’m sorry if I’ve made things worse for you.” Without further ado, she dropped the metal flower into the trash and left the room.
Maddie watched her go with wide eyes, and as soon as Natalie was gone she reached into her small wastebasket without a second thought.
She stared down at the perfectly rendered lily, its weight comfortable in the palm of her hand. What was she doing? She did need to talk to someone. It just couldn’t be Natalie.
The forgotten music continued to play in the background as she tried to get her messy mind to function.
*****
The Exchange was just as Natalie remembered it. The music was low and thumping, the parquet dance floor only half full as the rest of the crowded bar socialized at raised tables and low booth seats.
Natalie forced a smile on her face when Steven clunked a full bottle of beer down in front of her. He and Reeve were well on their way to being thoroughly drunk, and they’d been doing their best to help her achieve the same level of intoxication.
She didn’t feel like drinking and had been slowly sipping on the bottles placed in front of her. When the boys weren’t looking she’d swapped her nearly full bottles for their empties. They’d been drinking long enough that they didn’t really notice. She’d probably only consumed one and a half of the near dozen they’d provided.
“Tiva should be here soon!” Reeve shouted into her ear. The bar wasn’t a quiet place, the countless conversations and clinking glasses nearly drowning out the music.
“Thanks!” she shouted back. “I didn’t need to hear out of that ear anyway!”
Reeve just grinned, his eyes glazed. He’d wandered around and engaged a few women in conversation, but he’d been dutiful to swing back Natalie’s way to check on her from time to time.
Steven swayed a little where he stood to Natalie’s left. He’d been disappearing as well, but she wasn’t sure what the hell he was doing. Steven was notoriously bad at enticing women into conversation, but he’d gone off in the same direction several times.
Meeting Mrs Garret Page 23