She ducked her head down to try and hide her face. “For so much,” Maddie whispered. “There’s so much.”
“Just tell me why you stopped me, Maddie.”
Maddie’s head remained low. “I… I can’t.”
Frustrated with herself, Maddie didn’t struggle when Natalie’s free hand landed on her jaw and tilted her face back up.
When their eyes met, Maddie’s began to sting. Natalie’s expression was soft and unwavering as she searched for something that Maddie didn’t want to be found.
Maddie couldn’t look away, even though it felt like every secret thought she’d ever had was slowly, gently being laid bare.
Natalie’s lips parted, her eyes darting downward.
Maddie swallowed and followed the look. When had she begun holding Natalie’s hand? She was entranced as Natalie’s fingers brushed over the pale strip of skin on her left ring finger.
“Oh, Maddie. I’m so sorry.”
But as Maddie looked up into Natalie’s winsome eyes, for the first time in a long time, she felt anything but sorry. The sensation was fleeting, followed by an extreme sense of loss.
Chapter Twenty-Two
There was a moment when Natalie considered walking away. Obviously, a lot had been going on with Maddie (and Adam), but Maddie had never said a word. Natalie shook her head, remembering how upset she’d been that the couple of texts and single voicemail she’d sent had gone unanswered.
In Maddie’s shoes, she wasn’t sure what she would have done. Now, seeing Maddie looking so lost and understanding what Maddie was going through, it was easy for Natalie to set aside any lingering negative feelings. She closed her eyes and folded her arms around Maddie’s shoulders.
“Natalie?” Maddie asked in a shaking voice.
“You looked like you could use a hug.”
She could feel Maddie tense and relax in cycles, ripples of uncertainty that stopped when Maddie finally wrapped her arms around Natalie’s lower back.
“You know I can’t do this with you,” Maddie said quietly.
Natalie frowned and leaned back. “Do what?
“This.” Maddie angled her head and looked directly into Natalie’s eyes.
“I don’t understand. You can’t, what, talk with me?” Natalie’s frown deepened. “I haven’t done—you stopped me, Maddie.”
Maddie dropped her arms and pulled completely away, maintaining eye contact. “How is it you don’t know?”
“Don’t know… what?”
Natalie’s confusion must have shown because Maddie shook her head. She searched Natalie’s face, taking a half step forward. “It’s not important.”
“It’s not important?” Natalie repeated with a frown.
Maddie braced a hand on her brow, hiding her eyes. “I’m stupid, sometimes.” She sighed and dropped her arm.
“Who isn’t?” Natalie still wasn’t entirely sure what was going on, but Maddie was almost acting… normally.
“I’m sorry. Things have been very confusing lately.”
Natalie shoved her hands into her pockets. “I’d like to say I can imagine but,” she shrugged, “I’ve never been married.”
“Right, and you’ve been avoiding dating for a while now.”
“Yep. I doubt I’ll be doing much of that before I finish my degree, too.”
“Hm.” Maddie eyed her. “I’m afraid I’ve been a terrible friend. Could you forgive me?”
Natalie pursed her lips. She should think of all the many terrible things she’d been feeling, all the reasons why she should just finally allow her connection with Maddie to fade. “That depends.”
Maddie canted her head. “On what?”
Even with her eyes still puffy and her nose still tinged with pink from crying, Maddie was still painfully beautiful. More than that, though, Natalie missed talking with her. She missed the sound of Maddie’s laughter, and the stern tilt to Maddie’s chin when she was in doctor mode.
“How much longer are you going to be in the city?” Natalie finally asked.
A slow smile blossomed on Maddie’s face. “Sharad told me I’m not allowed at the clinic until the end of the month and I can’t stand to be at home just yet.” She bit her lip. “So, a while.”
“Have I ever told you that Sharad seems cool as hell?” Natalie asked rhetorically, pleased when Maddie laughed. “If you want to, we could hang out a little while you’re here.”
“Hang out?” Maddie raised her eyebrows.
Feeling nervous but trying to hide it, Natalie rolled her shoulders. “Assuming you want to try being friends again, that is.”
For a long, silent moment, Maddie didn’t reply. Her brow crinkled and she looked away. When she crossed her arms over her chest, Natalie was certain a rejection was forthcoming.
“I would,” Maddie finally said, just barely above a whisper.
“Good.”
Maddie blinked and looked back at Natalie. “Good?”
Grateful for the low light that hid her blush, Natalie nodded. “Yes. For several reasons.” She cleared her throat. “You know, just because I don’t want to date anytime soon that doesn’t mean I’m never going to date again.” When Maddie only seemed confused, Natalie continued. “So you, as a friend, are duty-bound to continue giving me lady-wooing lessons.”
At first, Maddie only stared. Then she burst into laughter. “Alright,” she said with twinkling eyes. “That seems fair.”
We’re going to be friends, Natalie reminded herself as she smiled at Maddie. It felt like her heart was going to pound out of her chest. She shouldn’t be volunteering to spend more time with Maddie, not when her own feelings were clearly still so strong. But… Maddie needed a distraction.
Natalie was more than willing to push her attraction aside when Maddie was clearly struggling. What kind of person would she be if she couldn’t?
She cleared her throat. “So, I’ll text you?”
“That sounds good.” There was a faint blush to Maddie’s cheeks.
Natalie hoped it meant her texts wouldn’t be ignored anymore. She ran a hand over the top of her head, checking the neatness of her ponytail. “Well, I should get going. My ride is probably wondering what’s taking me so damn long.”
Maddie inhaled sharply when she checked her watch. “And my friends, too. I hadn’t realized so much time passed.”
Biting back a flirtatious comment, Natalie shrugged. “It happens. Enjoy the rest of the party.”
“I will.”
As much as she wanted to linger, Natalie made herself turn and go. It didn’t hit her until she was outside that, maybe, she and Maddie had finally found their way to friendship.
If she doesn’t go back to ignoring me, the realist in her added.
*****
“Are you sure you want to do this? I know Satya has been a little standoffish but she’s actually fine with you staying here.” Kaili was sitting on the guest bed, arms crossed as she watched Maddie passed.
She’d been protective since Maddie had shown up on her doorstep, not caring that it had been years since they’d really talked. It made Maddie happy, how well their friendship endured.
“Yes, I’m sure. I can’t stay here forever, even if I’m not ready to go home. You’ve kept me from falling completely apart and for that, I could never thank you enough. It’s about time I had some space to myself, though. There are some things I just need to work out on my own.” She finished with one bag and zipped it up, moving into the attached bathroom to pack up her toiletries.
Kaili’s voice followed her. “You were upset last night when you wandered off, but when you came back you seemed fine. Did something happen?”
The question made Maddie freeze. Kaili had no idea. She quickly finished putting her toiletries into the bag and then returned to the guest room. She cleared her throat and avoided Kaili’s eyes. “I ran into Natalie.”
Kaili blinked in surprise, a small smirk growing on her face as she scrutinized Maddie. “Did you decide to tak
e my advice?”
“We talked,” Maddie said as she packed the small bag into a larger one.
“Well that’s a start,” Kaili nodded, “but what about the rest of my advice? From before?”
The blush that crept onto Maddie’s cheeks couldn’t be helped. “No, I’m going to ignore that.”
Kaili’s smile was devilish. “Come on, Maddie. What happened to that adventurous girl I knew in college? You kissed me first, remember?”
“She grew up, got married, and had a kid,” Maddie replied as she zipped up her last bag. She straightened and put her hands on her hips, shaking her head at her friend. “She’s barely older than Brittney, I won’t be pursuing anything with her. Besides, the ink is barely fresh on my divorce papers.”
Her voice caught on the last part, the reality of her failed marriage hitting her anew. Brittney had been very mature about the split and had even been calling more frequently to check in with her. Truth be told, she was grateful to have her daughter’s support.
The expression on Kaili’s face became soft. “Look, Maddie, I just want you to be happy. Things have ended with Adam. I’m not saying you have to jump Natalie’s bones or marry her, but the feelings you described seemed like more than just a silly crush. And she’s, what, twenty-five?”
Maddie’s jaw worked, the gentle tone keeping her from snapping at her friend. Kaili was just being honest. “Twenty-four. It doesn’t matter. Natalie and I agreed to try being friends again. I need that more than anything right now. She understands that.” Emotion made her throat thick and she had to pause. “She really is a good person. She just wants me to be happy.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d say she sounds too good to be true. I’m nearly ready to nominate her for sainthood.”
Maddie laughed and shook her head. “Kaili.”
“Except I’m certain saints can’t have sex.” Kaili frowned and looked at Maddie. “Can saints have sex?”
“I’m not going to answer that.” Maddie paused in rearranging her bags. “Not that I know the answer, anyway.”
Kaili hummed. “I’ll google it later. I know you’re leaving soon.”
“How did I survive without you in my life?” Maddie asked flatly.
“Honestly, I have no idea.”
They shared a look and then burst into laughter.
Kaili stood and opened her arms, a warm smile on her face. “Just because you’re moving out it doesn’t mean you get to avoid me again. Your ass is meeting me for lunch tomorrow.”
“Yes ma’am,” Maddie said as the hug ended.
Kaili helped her get the bags to her car, and then waved as she got inside. “Tomorrow,” she reminded Maddie.
“Tomorrow.” With her own wave, Maddie was off. She’d found a nice complex that rented by the week, and had snagged herself a fully furnished apartment with a decent kitchenette. It would do until she figured out her next step.
It would also give her a place to continue Natalie’s cooking lessons.
*****
Natalie sighed and stared up at the few clouds drifting high up in the sky, their crisp whiteness against the clear blue somehow helping to soothe her anxiety. She was early. Very early.
She shifted on the wooden bench and sighed. She still couldn’t believe that she’d run into Maddie, of all people. Natalie’s stomach twisted when she remembered finding the missing wedding ring—and the startled, despondent look on Maddie’s face that accompanied that discovery.
Though she had never been in a relationship as serious as marriage, she could only imagine how much Maddie had been struggling. Natalie herself was still in shock.
Adam and Maddie had seemed so perfect. Well, besides Adam always being away for work. Still, when they were together they just made sense. She didn’t know how Adam could go from the man intent on making it home for Christmas, to getting divorced. He’d always seemed to love Maddie so much.
It boggled her mind. Maybe she also understood why Maddie had been avoiding her. She and Maddie had never really found their footing as friends, and who wanted a crushing lesbian around when they were trying to save their marriage?
At least that part was over. She hoped so, anyway. What if Maddie didn’t show up at all?
They’d only exchanged a few texts, and Maddie had plenty of time to change her mind. She checked the time on her phone. Why was she an hour early? It would take forever for Maddie to—
“Natalie?” came the surprised question.
Natalie blinked and turned to face the voice, her stomach fluttering when she discovered Maddie in comfortable jeans and a white babydoll shirt. Maddie’s hair was up in a high tail, sunglasses covering her eyes.
She looked just as beautiful as she had the previous night. Natalie suddenly remembered that staring was bad, and she hastily stood and skimmed a hand over her jeans. Since the weather was nice, she’d opted for a red v-neck.
“Maddie, hey, I didn’t expect you here this early.”
The dark shades made Natalie nervous. What was Maddie thinking?
As if reading Natalie’s discomfort, Maddie politely tugged her sunglasses off and hooked them on the collar of her shirt.
“I just finished unpacking my things and I wanted to wander around a bit before lunch,” Maddie said with a smile.
“Unpacking?”
“Yes. I was staying with an old college friend, but it was time to find something else. I’d been there a couple of weeks.” Maddie lightly tossed her head, adjusting her ponytail. “There’s a place or two around here that do furnished extended stays. It’s very convenient.”
“Huh.” Natalie didn’t know what else to say. It was exciting, having Maddie in the city for an extended stay.
Maddie chuckled, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “Unpacking actually made me hungry. Would you mind if we ate early?”
Natalie bit her lower lip. “Not at all. I’m a little hungry, myself.”
“Great. What’s good around here?”
Natalie bounced on her toes a moment, turning to face the slew of store and restaurant faces. “What isn’t good around here? Are you in the mood for anything in particular?” She swiveled her head to find Maddie already looking at her.
Maddie made a point to peer around. “Not really, and there’s little I don’t like. Why don’t you surprise me?”
“I know a place,” Natalie said with a grin.
She made sure she had Maddie’s attention before leading the way. As they drew closer to the place she had in mind, she felt Maddie brush lightly against her side. It was as reassuring as it was thrilling, having Maddie feel so comfortable around her again.
“Is that…?” Maddie trailed off as they drew closer to the restaurant.
Natalie grinned. “I felt like Hawaiian today. That okay?”
“Hm. I suppose.” As they wandered inside, Maddie eyed tiki-style decor with trepidation.
A little thrill traveled down Natalie’s spine as they were guided to a booth. Maddie was going to be blown away.
“Have you ever had Hawaiian food before?” she asked once their drink orders were taken.
Maddie stared at her, the corners of her mouth tilting up. She leaned forward. “The friend I was staying with? Her mother’s Hawaiian. She used to cook for us at least once a week when we roomed together.”
“Huh.” Natalie’s mind worked. She hoped the food would live up to home cooking. After a moment she sat up straighter. “So, wait. You were roommates with this friend, and you’ve been friends a while… is this the infamous woman you dabbled with in college?”
Playing with the tips of her ponytail, Maddie shook her head. “You’re terrible. But, yes. Kaili is that friend.”
Natalie snapped her fingers as she remembered the couple from the party. “Her partner was at the party, too.”
Shaking with silent laughter, Maddie nodded. “Satya, yes.”
When their waiter gently cleared his throat, Natalie was reminded that they were supposed to be eating. H
ow long had he been standing there? Their drinks, freshly deposited to the table, were slick with condensation. Her cheeks feeling warm, Natalie decided to pick an old favorite rather than making him wait longer. “Kalua pork for me, thanks.”
“I’ll have an ahi poke bowl,” Maddie added without missing a beat. “Thank you.”
Natalie bit the inside of her cheek. Maddie hadn’t bothered looking at her menu, which was still stacked with Natalie’s at the center of the table.
As their waiter wandered off, Maddie shrugged. “What? It’s a staple. It’s been ages since I’ve had it.”
“Good thing I picked this place then, hm?”
Maddie took a slow sip of her water, her eyes meeting Natalie’s. “We’ll see.”
Natalie swallowed at the look. Not only had their ease with each other returned, but so had Natalie’s awareness. She promised to keep it to herself better this time around.
*****
The small digital clock showed a time thirty minutes later than she wanted it to, making Natalie cuss under her breath. She was running late, but who knew Jimmy would actually want her to stay and put in some extra time on some luxury car? It had been just her luck, being the only manufacturer-certified employee in the garage at the time.
“Where are my keys?” she grumbled as she felt through the blankets in an attempt to locate them. She’d had them in her hand when she walked into her room. Where had she set them down?
The slightest sound of jingling caught her attention, and she retrieved her keys with a triumphant fist pump. She grinned down at the shiny metal before sitting down to put on her shoes.
The clock told her she’d only taken a few minutes, and she felt relieved. Of course she’d already texted Maddie to let her know she was running late, but still. She made sure her wallet was in place and grabbed her jacket before leaving her room.
Reeve looked up from his spot on the couch with a frown. “You’re leaving already? You just got here.”
“Yep,” Natalie confirmed as she stopped in the kitchen to fill a glass with water. She really hadn’t kept well enough hydrated that day, and the last thing she wanted was to faint in the middle of her dance lesson with Maddie.
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