by Zora Marie
Spreading color through the air.
To and fro the leaves blow
Following the wind
Wherever it may go.
Birds raise their wings
And into the air they go,
To fly to and fro
Following the wind
Wherever it may go.
The owl hoots his call,
The eagle screams,
And the phoenix whispers
For the wind to carry
Their words where they may go.
With that, she fell silent and reflected on what Flits, the phoenix, had told her after giving his life in the Battle of The Hold. ‘Know that if you ever need us all you must do is ask the wind, for it is the carrier of the birds.’ So, the songs were right, some whispers speak louder than the voices of the loudest speakers.
The group slowed to a stop, ready to set up camp for the night, and Alrindel slid from his horse. “That always was one of your favorites. Though you said the song was wrong, ‘all animals speak with words, no matter how it sounds to your ears.’”
“And I stand by that.”
The others all broke out laughing, and she couldn’t help but smile with them.
“It’s a shame you couldn’t have met Queen Eleanor’s mother. She would have taken comfort in not being the end of those who understand the animals.”
“Maybe, but it ends with me unless there is another none know about.”
“Why?” Loboran asked.
“While I know my children would never go through what I have, someone would always seek to control them. Besides, if they got my powers, I would hate myself for making them go through that.”
“Maybe we could adopt, like Eadon,” Linithion said.
“Linithion,” Zelia drawled, a hint of weariness in her tone, “what do you mean we?”
Linithion bashfully glanced at her and both girls blushed.
“So that’s why you followed them,” Loboran teased. “Best not let your father know, he’s not too fond of Starling and me.”
“Wait, you two are…” Linithion asked.
Both Loboran and Starling smiled.
“You didn’t know?” Skylar asked.
“Well, it seems you don’t know all that you think you do,” Starling teased.
“Wait,” Linithion stared at Zelia wide eyed, “Eleanor.”
“What about Eleanor?” Loboran asked.
“She’ll know, she knows everything now.” Zelia’s gaze fell and she could almost feel the weight on her soul.
“What do you mean? She may be powerful, but… unless.”
“Eleanor dug through Zelia’s mind since she wouldn’t open up,” Alrindel said.
“She did what!?!” Starling’s voice was sharp. “She could have killed her or destroyed her mind!”
“And I could have killed her and anyone else nearby. Feeling my pain alone could have killed her, but she did it anyway.”
“Zelia, you know she wouldn’t have done it if she thought there were any other way,” Skylar said.
“There’s always another way, ways that don’t endanger her life or Eleanor’s,” Alrindel snipped.
“Boys, it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done, now Eleanor and I both have to pay for it.”
“What do you mean?” Loboran asked.
“I relived everything that happened in the cave. I saw every face and heard their screams, even some I had forgotten. As for Eleanor, now she’s seen everything, and she blames herself for much of it.”
“So, that is why you did not want to open up to them.”
She shrugged. “I wanted to save them the pain of knowing, but I was blind. I didn’t see how much I was hurting them by not sharing, by making them watch me suffer alone. Though now they know and don’t know what to do.”
Alrindel’s breath steamed as he let out a sigh. “Eleanor told us as much as she could before we left, focusing on what is most likely to come up while we’re gone. She didn’t have answers for what to do for most things but being able to guess what’s bothering you helps more than you may think.”
“What exactly did she tell you?”
“To be there for you, to resist the urge to pull back when you flinch at our touch, that contact is the fastest way to bring you back when the memories take over. She also warned us that you might freak out until you realize where you are.”
Zelia wilted at the mention.
“She told you what happened with Eragon, didn’t she?”
Alrindel stopped unpacking his stuff and pulled her into a hug.
“Zelia, you stopped yourself, that’s all that matters. Eragon saw the truth, that’s why he went after you when you ran and why he would have done it again.”
“And then he followed me to war…” and gave his life in your place, only he saw it coming. She let out a long shaky breath and let Alrindel’s warmth envelop her.
“You’re cold again.” He rested his chin on top of her head. “I wish you’d tell us when you’re getting cold.”
“And you should know that’s not going to happen.” She pulled away and gave him a playful smile. “But if it makes you happy, I’ll go get the extra blanket from Skylar’s pack.”
She didn’t bother to wait for an answer. She headed to the horses who munched from their feed bags to the side of their little camp. Alone, the memory of holding a hand of flames in Eragon’s face when he shook her from her nightmares stirred to the surface. A flame jumped to life in her hand and twirled around her fingers and she sank down against a tree, as though lead weights pulled her down. Bête Noire nuzzled her hair, trying for her attention.
“Zelia, I know that hurts. Now stop.”
She jumped at Alrindel’s sudden appearance and the flame in her hand flared. She cursed herself, and it flickered.
“Alrindel, I’m sorry. I just ca…” she glanced at her hand and swallowed, “I just can’t help it. What is wrong with me? It’s as though it eases the pain of the memories.”
“Zelia, hurting yourself won’t bring them back, it won’t undo the past. And none of this is your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself for all the ills of the world.” He cupped her hand in his and folded her fingers over the flame.
Starling flitted around the horses. “Dinner will be ready in just a fe… are you okay?”
She nodded, but she knew he could tell otherwise. If nothing else, the tears that welled in her eyes would tell him the truth.
“We’re fine. We’ll be right over,” Alrindel said.
“Alright.” Starling lingered for a moment, then walked back between the horses.
“Please don’t needlessly hurt yourself. You don’t deserve that, even if you believe you do.”
“Everything alright? Starling’s acting weird.” The snow crunched and Skylar came up beside them.
She heaved a sigh. “Come on, let’s go eat.” She could feel Skylar’s stare, but didn’t meet it.
The glow of the fire was a stark contrast to the cold white light of the moon and she sat down between Nikolas and Linithion, seeking space from Alrindel and Skylar.
“One serving of soup to warm the soul and body coming right up.” Loboran ladled some soup and handed her the bowl.
“Are you alright?” Nikolas asked, and she flinched at the question.
“Would you guys please stop asking me that? You know I’m not.” She dropped the bowl in the slushy snow at the edge of the fire and stormed away.
She stopped just outside of view and fell to her knees, the sound of her blood, her emotions raging in her ears. The snow chilled her, and the cold air blew under her cloak. Why couldn’t I have just stayed dead? She could feel tears rise to the surface, but she couldn’t let herself cry. Some part of her remained tied back in that cave. She thought she had gotten past that, but maybe not. Instead she just sat there, shivering with her head bowed, the emotions caught as a lump in her throat.
Some part of her knew these weren’t just her feelings she felt, b
ut a mix of hers and Rogath’s. Still, she couldn’t help herself. She was on the verge of tears, yet angry with herself.
“Zelia, please come join us by the fire?” Skylar asked.
She shook her head with her teeth clenched to keep them from chattering. The wind picked up and her cloak shifted in the breeze. She couldn’t help but shiver.
“Too bad, you’ll freeze to death like this.” He knelt in front of her and took her hands, but she couldn’t feel his touch. “Zelia,” she could hear his teeth grind.
“I can’t freeze to death or get frostbite, remember?” her teeth chattered, and she spoke in short gasps. The warmth of his hand almost hurt as he pressed it against her chest to feel the dull, strained thud of her heart.
“Maybe, but your heart can’t take this.”
“But the cold can’t hurt me.”
“Zelia, it is hurting you. Maybe when you use your control of ice a lot it doesn’t, but right now it is.”
He rocked her back and scooped her up.
“Skylar, I’m sorry. I just—”
“Shh, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. Why do I keep doing this?”
“It’s okay to struggle so long as you keep moving forward.”
Alrindel was rubbing his middle finger and thumb together when Skylar set her down beside him. That was his tell when he tried to let his anger simmer out.
“She’s freezing.” He wrapped his cloak around her and pulled her close.
“Best to bring her back slowly so as not to shock her system,” Loboran said.
“Not if her heart gives out in the meantime.” Skylar warmed his hands by the fire, replacing the heat she had taken when he carried her.
“I’ll be fine.”
She rested her head against Alrindel and shivered. Her connection to Rogath pulsed, pushing self-hatred towards her that made her shudder as she tried to block it out. The heat from the fire and Alrindel made her skin prickle with the return of feeling. She closed her eyes and after a while a hand pressed against her chest. She focused on her breathing and heart rate, willing them to be close to normal so he wouldn’t worry.
He didn’t say anything, just rubbed her arm and took a deep breath.
“How about we get you that bowl of soup now, and don’t pretend to be asleep. I know better.”
She couldn’t help but smile.
“What if I was about to fall asleep?”
“Too bad, you need to eat.”
“Fine.” She pulled her cloak around her and sat up, shifting away from the warmth he had enveloped her in. She took the warm bowl of soup and ate it halfheartedly. The savory flavor warmed her, but did little to comfort her. She sighed and set it down.
“You should eat more.”
She shrugged and leaned against him.
“You guys get some rest. We will take turns keeping watch,” Loboran said.
“You two kept watch last night,” Skylar countered.
“Yes, but we will rest when we reach our destination, you guys will not. Now go on, get some sleep. We will wake you when morning comes.”
Skylar grumbled and Zelia rested her hand on his forearm.
“You know they’re right. Besides, the only dangers the trees speak of are many miles to the north and to the south.”
“The moods of the trees often lie here, they’re too cheery here in our realm to rely on,” Loboran advised.
“They may be cheery, but word still travels among their branches, you just can’t hear them.”
Her gaze scanned the trees, then rested on Loboran.
“Elves, they think they know everything,” the tree behind Loboran creaked.
Starling had been quiet for a while and Zelia could tell his thoughts turned back to his sister, how she had run off with Kafthry to face Kniteoff.
“Starling, we’ll catch up to her. They took off on foot, yes?” she asked.
“And you’ll be taking a barge, I’ll make sure of it,” Linithion stated. “He might not allow me to go with you, but I can convince father to lend you a barge. At least that way you won’t be falling into the Darkan’s tunnels.”
“I would not be so sure of that, but that is not for us to discuss. You all should get some rest.” Loboran walked off before they could ask him what he meant.
“What is Loboran talking about, Starling?” Skylar asked.
“Who knows? I have not been around King Erolith in a long while.”
Skylar rubbed his neck. “Fine, let’s get some rest.”
12
“Wake up little birdies,” Starling sang with a silvery voice.
Eragon? No, he’s gone. The snow crunched beneath her blankets as she sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
“What’s wrong? It’s a beautiful morning.” Starling spun around with wide arms, his head thrown back as he stared up at the snow-covered branches above them.
“Nothing, you just reminded me of Eragon.”
“You miss him, don’t you?” Alrindel hugged her, and she snuggled against him.
“Yes.”
“He’s the one I picked that up from, the ‘wake up little birdies’ that is. Come, there’s someplace I would like to show you today along the way, it was one of his favorite spots.” Starling pulled her to her feet.
“What? No breakfast?” Nikolas half teased as he brushed the snow from his blanket.
“Here, have an apple,” Loboran said and tossed him one, barely missing Linithion with it as she stretched.
“Oh look, my favorite. Here.” He shoved the shiny red apple into Linithion’s hands.
“I figured as much. Here, I snagged some jerky for you.” Linithion rummaged through the pack she had been using as a pillow and dropped the shriveled pieces of meat into Nikolas’s hand.
“Awe! Thank you.” He tore off a chunk with his teeth. “Mm, not bad.”
“A wolfblood with manners, you are strange. At least it’s not just a one-way street as Skylar rubs off on you, too,” Loboran said.
“Are you insinuating something, Loboran?” Skylar asked, acting offended.
“If he’s not, I am,” Alrindel spoke over Skylar’s shoulder, then ran off.
“Oh, I’ll get you!” Skylar took off after him, tromping through the snow where Alrindel skimmed across it.
“Who’s supposed to be watching whom here?” Zelia shook her head with a smile as they circled back around a tree, it seemed Starling’s demeanor was contagious.
“Hey look! There’s that smile of yours.” Alrindel skidded to a stop, and Skylar slammed into him as though he were a solid wall.
“Well would you look at that, it worked,” Nikolas’s sarcastic tone bled through his words.
“As if you all planned it,” Zelia said.
“We didn’t plan it, but we had hoped it would make you smile.” Skylar leaned on Alrindel’s shoulder.
“Great, so now I’ve become your doorframe?” Alrindel asked.
“When a door frame isn’t available to lean against, yes.”
“The two of you are in an awfully good mood this morning.” She glanced over them. “You haven’t been this cheery since we made our way back from The Hold.”
“You mean they were this way before you collapsed at The Tavern?” Nikolas asked.
“Yeah, someone here didn’t say how bad the infection had gotten,” Skylar said.
“And Eadon thought you were bad about hiding your pain,” Alrindel shoved Skylar.
“Like you don’t hide it, too,” Skylar said.
“It’s different when everyone is hurt, and you’re hurt less than they are. Both of you on the other hand have been shot and tried to hide it.” Alrindel crossed his arms and shifted his glare between Zelia and Skylar.
“You know why I hid it,” she gave a dismissive shrug, “you would have tried to keep me from the final stand, if you had known.”
“Of course, I would have, you’re my sister.” He brushed the hair from her face and pulled her hood over her head.
“I will always try to protect you.”
She wanted to lean against his hand as it lingered on her hood, but she pulled away. “You would have died if I hadn’t snapped.” She turned away, ashamed of how she had lost control when Eragon died, yet she whispered, “I couldn’t stand to lose you, any of you.” She crossed her arms and almost hugged herself, then found herself back in the dark cave instead of the snowy outside. The fear, the loneliness crawled in around her.
She jumped when arms wrapped around her from behind. “Shh it’s okay, it’s just me,” Alrindel whispered in her ear. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Her heart was in her throat. His words reached her ears, but the past still spun around her. You’re not going anywhere. A voice broke with a laugh. The cave now flickered with the blue glow of Asenten’s staff.
“Zelia.” Something warm and soft brushed her hand.
“No, Linithion.” Alrindel tried to pull Zelia away, but it was too late, Linithion’s hand grasped hers.
The world around her felt like a memory, while the true memory took over. Something lashed across her back and she ripped away from Alrindel, the snow replaced by cold stone beneath her as she fell to her knees.
“We need to get her to my Father, now. These are not just memories, someone’s trying to gain control of her.”
She’s right, this isn’t real. Zelia struggled to her feet. While her flashbacks felt real to an extent, this was something different. Where memories were fuzzy around the edges, everything here was sharp.
“I’m alright, I know it’s not real.” She took a step, something lashed across her back, and Alrindel kept her from falling back to her knees.
“You don’t have to be strong alone, not anymore.”
“She won’t be able to fight it forever. We have to get her to Father before they finish the spell,” Linithion said.
“And how long will that take?” Nikolas asked.
“A day, two days, maybe more. It depends on who’s doing it and to what end.”
“What do you mean?”
“She means they could incapacitate me, it’s easier to bind me when I’m essentially dead. They may already have what they need, I don’t know what they did with my body every time as sometimes they separated my consciousness from my body.”