She didn’t say that out loud for good reason. Leshaun would have whacked her with his cane again. She retreated as quickly as she could and went to the dining area, sliding into a seat next to Matesh. He put a plate down in front of her immediately.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“How was the lesson today?”
“Well, I didn’t make the rookie mistake of trying to read it sideways,” she answered, causing Matesh and half the table to begin chuckling. “Yeah, laugh at me,” she muttered, glaring. “Who in the world decided Andena needed to read from top to bottom and not left to right like every other language?”
That had Matesh in a fit, leaning over until his head hit the table, his unbroken horn scratching into the wood without care.
I should have kept my mouth shut.
“At least you’re getting better,” Luykas said from his place further down the table. “That’s good. By the time we reach the village, you should have a passing reading skill. Maybe we can start speaking more in Andena, though I think total immersion from the village will help with that.”
“I was thinking the same thing,” Leshaun agreed, sitting down with the brothers.
“Want to stretch your wings after you eat?” Brynec asked, leaning closer to her from his spot. She didn’t miss how Matesh straightened up quickly and tensed ever so slightly next to her. “Rainev was saying you’re making good progress, but he wanted me to get my eyes on them.”
“Say yes,” Leshaun ordered her from his spot. Then he nodded Bryn’s way. “That’s a good idea. You’ve got the most experience after me. You can bring me a progress report on how she’s doing with her wings. I haven’t looked at them in the last two weeks.”
She gritted her teeth but nodded. “That sounds good. I was hoping to start stretching them more often.” Damn it, Rain. You’ve thrown me to the wolves.
Finally, they all stopped talking to her and let her eat. This was just a day like any other, and she was only halfway through it. The Company males weren’t the males from the pits, but some part of her still felt the sting of what she used to be.
Ensam. A word she had learned that described everything she once and still was. An Andinna without a community, an outcast.
Even here, she still was one, and every time they laughed, she felt it cut deep to her bones, a reminder that while they weren’t cruel like the gladiators, she was still different. They launched into conversations in Andena and forgot she existed. She had no idea what they were saying and didn’t blame them for it. She just stopped listening, knowing she couldn’t figure it out. They spoke more in Andena the further they got from the Empire. It was their native tongue. It was supposed to be hers.
She had never felt so lonely.
“Let’s get started, aye?” Bryn grinned at her, spinning a finger to have Mave turn around. She did as he wanted, hoping they would be done with this quickly. Already, the rest of the Company was moving to get into their afternoon training. She had no idea why they enjoyed training during the worst of the heat, only that they did it every day. Personally, she spent years dealing with that and thought it was stupid. They could train at night and not have a problem with the overbearing sun or the shine of it on the waters. The sailors were always watching as well. She liked the men who worked the nights more. They were quieter, more out of the way than the rowdy day crew.
“How do they look?” she asked. He hadn’t even touched her yet and she was already tense.
“Open ‘em up and show me,” he replied.
With a steady breath, she did as he asked, spreading both her wings at the same time. There was an ache, but no cramps yet. She figured since this was her second time stretching them for the day, they were already loose.
“Look at that. Yer wings are lookin’ great. Now, I just need ya to relax. Think you can do that?” His voice was full of humor and patience. It was a simple request for her to relax.
“You know I don’t like being touched,” she said, feeling a bit snappy.
“I do,” he murmured. She wished she could see his face or what he was doing. His tone had changed with those two words. “Trust, remember? Ya can trust us.”
“I do,” she mumbled. She thought she did, anyway.
How does someone just trust? I mean, I don’t think they’re going to kill me in my sleep. That’s trust, right?
“Okay.” He ran his hands over her wings after that, touching every muscle, every tendon, and feeling out every bone. “Yer wings are weak, but that’s normal. I think yer ready for workouts, though. Ain’t no reason to hold off. If ya can do an extension without cramping, ya can start working them.”
“I still cramp at the beginning of the day. It’s not like I can do this without help all the time.”
“Ya won’t be able to until they’re flexible and strong. We’ve been building the flexibility since it had to come first, but now we need to work on both. Build flexibility and muscle, so the muscle is flexible.” Bryn ran a hand over her left wing. “Ya have no scars or deformities. We’ll have ya flying in less than a year.”
She believed him. Every second he touched her, something eased that fear she had. Her shoulders relaxed.
“Ya will now flap your wings. Steady pace, until I say stop. If you can only do ten, ya stop. Hear me?”
“Yeah.”
“Get started.” He pulled his hand off her, leaving her bereft of anyone’s help in case her wings cramped and took her down.
The movement felt both natural and unnatural. Her wings did exactly as they were supposed to, extending, flapping in the air, kicking up a small wind, and then smoothly moving into the next. The problem was, she had never experienced the feeling. Her wings had never moved this much. She felt like they were huge, and clumsy. She wasn’t sure if she was really doing it right, only trying what felt natural.
“Three.” Brynec kept count from behind her. “Four.”
She closed her eyes, ignoring the burn in her back and wings as those unworked muscles worked for the first time in a very long time. At six, her right wing tensed up, but she pushed on. Physical work, she could handle. This was just like working any part of her body. She could remember when she was young and in the pits. Every exercise had hurt, but it was pushing past the burn that made her stronger. Physical strength was just overcoming the signs the body sent when it felt too weak.
“Ten. Eleven.”
This felt like more progress than she had in weeks. She might never learn her own language, but she could become stronger - and she would. She held that belief to her as she pushed on, as her body began to shake from the exertion.
“Fifteen. Stop.”
She did exactly as he asked, panting. She let her wings close back up, looking for a position they were comfortable in. Tight to her back, like normal.
“Good job, Mave!” Bryn walked around her, grinning. “Fifteen is more than I could do in a month. I told ya that ya would move faster than me.”
She grinned back, feeling an indescribable pride. She was making progress. Three weeks ago, she couldn’t open her wings. “Thank you, Bryn. I know you and Leshaun set out this schedule for me…” It was why she was progressing. She might not have let him help her before, but she knew he had a hand in it.
He waved a hand dismissively. “Ah, nah, Mave. Yer the one who needs the credit. Now if we could just get you speaking Andena. If ya need any help with flyin’ or that, ya know where to find me.”
He said it lightly, without any pressure. Just a simple comment, but something about it tore her short-lived good mood into pieces. She could only nod and turn away from him again. Turning only confronted her with seeing the entire Company, with Alchan and Luykas giving them orders in Andena as they went through a rough afternoon training. She knew she should go jump in, remembering what Leshaun had said, but she didn’t feel up for it. She didn’t feel up for confronting the fact that they would need to switch languages for her to understand, and how that special need would make her fe
el.
“I’m heading in,” she told Brynec quickly, walking away before he could stop her. She ignored how he called out her name, confused. She was inside and going below deck as quickly as she could. Every step was ridden by the same thing it was every day. She was still a damned outcast, but now it wasn’t because they forced her out for who she was. Now it was because of her own idiocy.
She went straight to her room and decided to work on what she could deal with. Elvasi and Common. She worked on Common before breakfast so she went Elvasi this time. It made her feel dirty, being better at it than Andena, but she could at least do it.
Every second she worked on it, she felt the gap growing between her and the men upstairs. Every single word she knew and could write in messy letters was another piece of her that was too different.
3
Matesh
“Ahae, bodrya,” Matesh greeted his uncle in Andena as the older male walked out from below deck. Matesh was lying back, enjoying the sun with the other males. With afternoon training done, they weren’t really sure what to do with themselves. Ships were always the worst for the Company, as they grew stagnant, bored from trying to find things to do.
“Ahae, nephew,” his uncle greeted back. “Do me a favor.”
“Yes?”
“Stop stealing my extra pillows. I’m old. I need them.”
Matesh groaned, letting his head fall back to the wood as the others began to laugh and call to him to stop stealing theirs as well.
“Anything else, uncle?”
“Yes…” Leshaun looked him over carefully. “Mave didn’t train with you all, did she?”
“No. She walked away after I finished givin’ her wings a workout. Seemed in a bit of a mood,” Brynec said from the shade. Mat had thought he was asleep, but apparently the rogue was just pretending.
“Hm.” Leshaun tapped his cane against the deck, a sign he was thinking about something. “I had wanted her out here with you. Matesh, why didn’t you go get her?”
“Because she deserves her own time?” He frowned. “She comes and works out before the sun is up. We all know that. Why would I force her to come out during the hottest time of the day? She’s lived that for a thousand years.”
“Because I want her to be out here spending time with the Company.” Leshaun growled, a cranky old man growl. “I want her absorbing you all speaking Andena and trying to learn. It’s why I’ve asked you all to start using it during meals and workouts. So she can be immersed in it.”
“Instead, she’s shutting down,” Bryn accused. “Good thinking.”
Matesh raised an eyebrow. He knew Bryn was feeling some sort of kindred thing with her, wanting to get to know another gladiator, someone who went through things like him. He hadn’t been expecting that sort of thing to come out of his mouth.
“You are a conniving old man,” Zayden accused. “I mean, I like it, but fuck. Don’t ever let me get on your bad side.”
“You’ve been on my bad side since the day you and Matesh decided to be friends,” Leshaun retorted. Mat started laughing as Zayden grumbled and growled, saying Mat was the bad one getting him into trouble, not the other way around.
“I’m worried about her when she gets to the village,” Alchan commented. “If she can’t fit in with us, then she’s going to have a hell of a time with the other Andinna.”
“She’ll be fine,” Matesh growled. “Just have some faith in her.” He didn’t like how Alchan always went to that. How she would always be some ensam. She wasn’t anymore. He was in her mayara. She had him. She had Rain. She wasn’t an outcast. Just because she didn’t fall in and become friends with everyone didn’t mean she was an ensam. She didn’t need to be all community-oriented. He liked her the way she was.
Plus, she would never leave him if she continued like this. He knew it was a selfish thought, but he was dreading going to the village, having her meet all the other Andinna. What if she decided she didn’t want the Company? What if she decided she didn’t want him?
I’ll just keep making her a comfortable bed. It’s all I can do right now.
He knew the rules. Males were supposed to bring things back to prove they were worth more than their bodies in bed. He had to prove to her that he was worth keeping, irreplaceable for what he offered her.
It hadn’t been something he worried about before. He’d never wanted to be in a mayara, tied to a female until she grew tired of him. He had fun, enjoyed the company of a female, then moved on when she wanted something more serious. Now he was with a female he wanted to stay with and she could drop him at any time.
His uncle poked him with his cane. Mat groaned, pushing the wooden stick away. “What was that for?”
“Don’t growl at your commander,” his uncle ordered. “You know better.”
“He’s feeling prickly because he’s thinking with his prick,” Alchan cut in. “I’m willing to ignore it for now.”
“I’m not,” Leshaun snapped. “He knows better.”
“Wait. I can’t growl at Alchan but you can get snappy with him?” Matesh spread his arms in a confused gesture. “Really? I thought we were past these double standards, bodrya. Alchan knows I would never challenge his authority.”
“See? Your boy is fine.” Alchan yawned. “And has a point.”
Leshaun just continued to glare down at him. Mat bared his teeth in response. In the pits, he’d been older than Mave and Rain, the experienced male they could lean on. Now he felt like a boy, and it annoyed him. He didn’t need to be treated like this. The only comfort was that Leshaun treated everyone like this, constantly giving them all a hard time.
“Varon says we should do something with her when we get off the boat. Take her out, let her experience the city before we move on to the village,” Nevyn suggested for his mute lover.
“He means we should get her drunk and see if she relaxes. Varon, that doesn’t sound like you.” Luykas groaned. “That sounds like a terrible idea.”
“Because it is, but we normally go out when we get back into Olost. No reason to rush back to the village just because we have her.”
Mat looked over to Alchan, frowning. He was confused until he realized what Alchan’s game was. He was worried about her fitting in with the other Andinna, so he was willing to do anything to put it off. The Company already had a hard time in the main village, and it only grew worse in the more remote communities. Having Mave was going to make things tense. He didn’t want to deal with it yet.
Matesh was thankful for Alchan’s avoidance. It meant he had time to get her more comfortable with him and being together. He wanted to hear her say the words, the acknowledgment that he was part of her mayara and she could rely on him. He wanted that security before they made it to the village. Before he had to deal with other females and she was introduced to nicer males who would see her for what she was: a beautiful Andinna female with a body to die for and the pure Andinna soul she tried to hide.
“Fine.” Luykas moved to stand up. Mat watched the white-winged male walk closer to him and his uncle. “Speaking of things. Why haven’t you pushed her into blood magic training? We had a deal.”
“I decided her Andena was more important. We’ll begin with her on blood magic later. She’s making no attempts to use it and she’s focused on her communication situation. I’d like to not distract and confuse her.” Leshaun shrugged. “Deal with it.”
“She won’t speak to me unless it’s a lesson and she hasn’t needed one of those from me since she stole all my Common and Elvasi books to work on by herself. The sooner she understands some of the rules of blood magic, the sooner I think she’ll be more understanding about the blood bond-”
“Don’t rush her training to fix your problem, Luykas,” Leshaun ordered. “You made that decision, and now you have to live with it.”
Luykas looked down at Mat. He just shrugged in response to the stare. The mutt’s problem wasn’t his. He didn’t make Luykas’ life easier, and no one was stupid enough t
o ask him to.
I’m not giving up her bed every night to make you feel better, Luykas. Figure out how to deal with it or get used to your hand.
He wasn’t going to say that out loud, but he knew Luykas got the message from his inaction and silence. Grunting, the mutt walked away, heading inside.
“You should be nicer to him…” Rain finally said quietly, breaking the silence over the company.
“He saved her life and I’m grateful, really, but that doesn’t mean I have to cater to his every need. He’s uncomfortable. He needs to stop being uncomfortable. We’re Andinna. We have sex because it’s nice and it eases the temper when other outlets wouldn’t be acceptable. His being an accidental third party isn’t my problem.” Mat refused to back down.
“You don’t need to fuck her every night,” Zayden muttered. “He’s not the only one losing sleep.”
Mat reached out and slammed a hand onto Zayden’s wing, causing his friend to curse and pull the wing away. While he didn’t like his friend telling him to quit, he felt a warm pride that he was still pleasing her so well every night.
“Mat’s right,” Nevyn commented lightly. “It’s not his responsibility to make sure those blood-bonded are comfortable. That’s up to Luykas and Mave. If she’s shutting him out, he needs to talk to her or deal with it, not expect her bodanra to fix it by stepping away. He should know better.”
“Thank you.” Mat was grateful someone saw his side of things.
“It’s not like Varon and I lose any sleep. We’re busy too. You two just make more noise.” Nevyn grinned his way. “Speaking of, I’m bored. Varon, want to head in?”
Mat heard the mute stand up and knew exactly where those two were headed. He watched as they passed, Nevyn throwing an arm over his lover’s shoulders and curling a wing over him to block the sun. They didn’t separate until they had to get through the door.
“Those two are like rabbits,” Zayden muttered.
The Mercenary's Bounty Page 3