“I do, just like I think you have an idea of what’s going on there. But I think this is one of those things no one should speak of, not yet. Wait for him to come to you.”
“Love…” Nevyn sounded wary. “His father…”
“Is why Varon thinks no one should get into it yet,” Bryn explained before Nevyn could go further. “It’s why I haven’t tried talkin’ to him, because we’re on this ship and his father could overhear. Not his baba’s business, not yet. Has he gone to ya?”
Varon didn’t answer, just turned away to break Bryn’s line of sight on his hands. It was a sign that Varon was trying to keep something to himself, a tell that was to stop other tells. Bryn leaned on his back between his wings. They had suspicions, dark ones. Things that could happen to a small male in a world of anger, where control was for the powerful and the weak were expected to get on their knees.
“Do ya think he’ll need ya?” Bryn asked softly. “Like I did.”
With that Varon turned back around, smiling sadly. “I think they’ll both need me eventually. When that time will be is for them to decide.”
“Even Mave?”
Varon just nodded. Bryn didn’t understand how Mave would ever end up needing the spiritual guidance Varon offered, but he didn’t doubt it either. When Varon believed someone needed healing and guidance, he was always right. It was just about the timing after that. It had taken Bryn a decade to accept Varon’s offer, Nevyn coaxing him into it. Hundreds of years later, when the nightmares were their worst, he still went to Varon and Nevyn, who let him slide into their room and bed for the comfort of Andinna he could truly trust.
He hoped, for their sake, that Mave and Rain both realized they needed it faster than he did, especially Rain. Bryn had let that sort of pain fester in himself before and it had nearly cost him everything.
“So, what are you going to do?” Nevyn asked, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“I was thinking we could play some cards. I have an afternoon workout with her. Then evening stretches. I can use both of those to get her talking to me, right? I’ve made a deal with her that I would translate Andena when people use it. I’m hoping that helps her.”
“Just keep doing what you’re doing.” Varon shrugged. “You are making progress. Not as fast as you’d like, but sometimes these things just go slow. It’s admirable that you’ve decided you want to help her. Don’t rush it.”
Don’t rush it. He wasn’t trying to rush it. He just needed to know that he was helping at all.
5
Mave
Mave was excited for her afternoon training in a way she couldn’t describe. Matesh noticed, chuckling at her as she put away her books. “What did Bryn do to make you act like this?” he asked curiously, considering her.
“He’s going to translate Andena for me when you all use it,” she explained. “Plus, I get to work out my wings now. Every day just brings me a day closer to flying. I’m good at physical work. Why wouldn’t I be excited?”
“He’s going to translate for you?” Matesh’s smile turned to a frown in a second. “I could do that for you. Why didn’t you ask me to help if you wanted that? I would have.”
She could hear how he was wounded, but didn’t really understand why. Certainly he should have been happy she was bothering someone else to help her. He did enough for her. She could chase him away by being needy and desperate for his help, and she didn’t want that. “He offered and I said yes? It’s not a big deal. You’ll be working out with the Company and he’ll be over with me, so it makes sense.”
He nodded, looking thoughtful and somewhat pained. She didn’t know what else to say. She hadn’t thought this would offend him. When she opened her mouth to say more, he shook his head.
“I’m fine. You’re right. This will help you in the long run.” He tried to offer her an easy smile again, but she could see it was a little strained. She didn’t understand. What if she asked Rain instead? Would he be okay with that? He stood there, nudging a pillow into a particular spot and didn’t stop until he seemed satisfied. “All right. Let’s get out there.”
She didn’t say anything, just leaving the room as she tried to figure out why that exchange hadn’t gone the way she thought it would. Matesh was supposed to be the male she understood, and now he was acting strange.
She didn’t slow until she was on the deck, and even then, she was to the side trying to stay out of the way of the males who were already beginning to stretch. Brynec was waiting for her near the rail, waving.
“Ya ready? I was thinkin’ of what exercise I want ya doing today.” Brynec grinned, motioning for her to come closer.
“And what will that be?”
“Ya will extend yer wings, flap them twice, then bring them back in. Repeat. Ten times. But first, extension stretches. Get to it. Ya can do those without anyone needin’ to monitor ya now.”
She took a deep breath, listening to the training happening behind her begin. She went through the extension stretches with ease now, feeling looser than she ever had before. Whatever Brynec had done in the morning was the cause of how good her wings and back felt. He had magic in his hands, she was sure of it.
“Sita!” Alchan snapped.
She tilted her head at Bryn, who narrowed his eyes on the Company.
“Means…submit, or submissive. In this case, submit. Alchan’s pretty pissed at someone if he’s tellin’ them to drop their eyes.” Bryn continued to watch, but she didn’t turn around. She didn’t want to seem like someone who needed to watch drama. She wanted to, desperately, but she resisted. “Something happen between you and Matesh?”
“What?” She had no idea where the question came from.
“Nothing. Male things, I bet,” Bryn muttered, shaking his head. He refocused on her. “Get to work. They’re talking about Mat being in a bit of a mood. He eyed Alchan hard enough that Alchan got pissed.” Bryn snorted. “Not hard to do, mind ya. Alchan despises eye contact. He won’t get snarly with a female for it most of the time, but he won’t submit even if it gets him killed. Another male? The other male is asking to get his ass whooped. The only males I’ve seen get away with it have been Luykas and Leshaun. He won’t fight with ‘em, but he has to really try not to. Leshaun for his age, and Luykas because he’s family. Everyone else is fair game.”
“What’s his problem?” she asked. “He’s an ass.”
“He’s a bedru - a male too dominant by nature - and nothin’ he can do about it. Every male in his father’s bloodline had been one and every male will be. Quirk of his bloodline.”
“Luykas isn’t,” she retorted. She filed the new word away. A bedru. She would need to ask for more information about that later. She had never heard the term before. “He lowers his eyes.”
“Aye, but Luykas is half-Elvasi. Calmer people. Luykas is dominant enough to be a bedru, but he doesn’t have the temperament that makes bedru males such a pain in the ass.” Brynec eyed her carefully. “They’re dangerous, possessive, and solitary males. They’re everything we don’t want in our males anymore. They will keep a female, regardless of how she feels about being alone with a male, and kill any other male who attempts to join with her. Some make it work, but many don’t and will never join a mayara because they can’t control it.”
“What are you trying to say?” she asked. He was obviously trying to teach her something, but she felt like she was missing some key point.
“He’s just like that?” Bryn shrugged. “They’re like…a throwback. To how we were when we first were scrawlin’ on cave walls. Males like Alchan are the reason our society became completely matriarchal and gave females all the power. To protect ourselves from killin’ off our own people. Mind ya, we should have always been that way, since the royal family always was. We made mistakes as a young race.”
“You want me to be careful around him,” she mumbled, realizing what Bryn was saying.
“Everyone should be careful around Alchan. He dislikes other Andinna in gene
ral, and aye, he especially doesn’t like really dominant ones like you.” Bryn snorted again, shaking his head. “Get to yer exercises.”
“So there’s no chance Alchan will ever like me.” Something in her felt defeated before it ever got to fight. She began to extend her wings, pushing through the exercise. Physical work always cleared the mind.
“No…” Bryn was thoughtful. “Not that bad. I would just focus on ya finding a way to be comfortable in the Company without worrying about him. Ya two will always butt horns, even if you become friends, 'cause it’s both of yer natures. I wouldn’t say yer enemies either. He doesn’t know how to deal with dominant females without it becoming a fight and ya don’t know how to deal with males like him.” He shrugged after that. “We Andinna are weird compared to other races.”
“And here I am, more weird than most…” She curled a lip at the words. She knew where she stood.
“Actually, ya aren’t. If anythin’, yer pretty normal past the stuff like not knowin’ Andena or much else. Needin’ to learn doesn’t make you weird. Just means you got to catch up.”
“Explain,” she demanded, wondering what he meant by that.
“Mave, Andinna love dominant, strong females. Even when ya aren’t warriors, ya females are always orderin’ the rest of us around. Ya do it, like just now. Ya don’t think to ask, ya just demand an explanation. Something in you says it’s yer place to expect a male to drop his eyes. Now, other races would say we males are weak, but it takes strong males to handle strong females, to support and serve females with strong personalities and dominant natures. Plus, who’s going to say someone like Mat is weak? Or even Rain? He’s small for an Andinna male because he’s a raki, but he’s bigger than most humans, Elvasi, and clan members.” Bryn reached out and patted her shoulder. “Yer not weird. Yer pretty normal, really. Ya just don’t know it yet. Ya haven’t seen much to go by to know how it all works.”
“Raki means mutt,” she muttered, showing him she knew what word he’d used but hadn’t explained. She didn’t know what else to say about the rest. Andinna females are expected to be dominant and strong? He’s right. I need to see more before I’ll be able to come to terms with that. I’ve never even met another female in her prime, and the one old female I knew didn’t speak to me nearly at all.
“Keep goin’ on with your exercises,” he suggested, looking away from her with a smile. “Anythin’ else you want to know?”
“What are they talking about now?” she asked softly as she went through the cycle for the third time. Her curiosity was piqued now and it felt like there was no sating it. He was giving her all sorts of information she hadn’t expected. Leshaun was worried about her formal education, and Matesh helped him, but Bryn? Bryn was giving her so much more now.
“What do ya hear?” he asked back.
“Um…” she listened in and heard a few keywords she knew. Evening, uncle, nephew. “Something to do at night with…Leshaun and Matesh, at least?”
“They’re talkin’ about an idea they have for when we get into port. It’s a surprise for ya, so I’m not goin’ to ruin it.” He grinned at that. “Sometimes it’s nice you don’t know the language yet. We can do these sorts of things.”
She reached out to smack his chest, much like she did to Matesh and Rain when she was annoyed. Bryn was laughing, jumping away, and she ended up missing. Something felt easier between them, and she was quickly forgetting all the reservations she had built over three weeks of avoiding him. It felt like those first easy moments of meeting him, when he gave her the copper star and then the gold sun. It felt good.
“Finish yer exercises,” he ordered her again, chuckling.
“Of course.” She composed herself and went back to it. She needed seven more cycles. Each one burned a bit more than the last, but they all felt good. When her wings were fully extended, she grew accustomed to the wind hitting them, letting her feel how sensitive they were to the air. When she flapped them, she felt powerful, like she could take herself off the ground and reach the skies.
Soon. I’ll fly soon. I might not succeed at anything else, but I will learn to fly.
“All right, ya hit ten. Stretch them a couple more times, then yer done for the day.” Bryn was leaning on the rail, and she watched him yawn. “I’m going to nap before the evenin’. I’ll be givin’ ya another full back massage before ya lie on them. Hopefully, ya won’t be as stiff startin’ tomorrow.”
She was excited for that full back message. His hands are magic, I’m certain of it.
When she was done, she left him to head inside while he joined the rest of the Company. Before she got inside, someone called out for her, making her turn. It was Zayden, and he was walking fast in her direction. His eyes locked on hers and she bared her teeth. Just like that, his eyes dropped, a momentary defeat, before coming back up in a more peaceful manner, less challenging.
“If you see my son, tell him to get his ass up here for training. He knows better than to skip.”
“If I see him, I’ll let him know you want him up here. What he decides to do is on him. He is an adult.” She turned away from the angry father, rolling her eyes. He was always making demands on Rain to be somewhere or do something. She wasn’t sure if it was because he was strict or what, but it was annoying.
But his request made her curious. Why wasn’t Rain at the afternoon training? She frowned and went towards the cabin she knew he shared. She peeked inside but didn’t see him. Shaking her head, she went deeper into the ship, even checking the sailors’ sleep bay.
She didn’t find him until she was at the bottom of the ship in the cargo hold.
“Rain?” she called, seeing the tops of his deep blue wings.
“Yeah, Mave?” he called back. She could hear something shake in his voice. It made her step faster. She didn’t want to say anything until she was seated next to him, wrapping her arms around him. Even then, she wasn’t sure what to say. “What do you need, illo amyr?” He wiped his face, pulling away from her.
“You didn’t show up for afternoon training. Your father asked me to come find you-”
The string of curses in both Common and Andena surprised her. “Why can’t he just let me have a few days off? It’s not like we’re required to be there right now. Alchan and Luykas don’t care since we’re not getting back to work the moment we get on dry land.”
“Rain. Why were you down here?” She didn’t care about the drama between him and his father, but she knew this had little to do with it. She and Zayden kept a wide berth. He was a cranky shit and she just didn’t have the patience for it. But she would always worry about Rain.
“I haven’t been sleeping,” he admitted. “I came down here to try and nap where no one could find me immediately.”
“Why haven’t you been sleeping?” She knew the answer. They hadn’t spoken of that awful day since they were running out of the Empire. She hadn’t wanted to bug him about it, and she knew he was trying to hide the leftover pain. Countless times, she had seen this. There had been a time when it was her. Where she had wallowed in the pain. She grew past it, but it had been hard and lonely.
“I keep closing my eyes and…seeing them,” he whispered.
“They’re dead.” She had made sure of it. She could remember how they fell, cleaved open and bleeding, the life drained from their eyes. She could remember every single one of them and how they died. “They’re not going to come after you again.”
“They haunt me, and I don’t know how to make them stop.” His words shook, so she pulled him close to her again. Gingerly, she opened her wings and wrapped them over them, rocking slightly as he curled closer, his wings held so tight to his back that they weren’t in the way. She wrapped the tip of her tail around his and pulled them both closer to their legs.
“You should talk to someone,” she said gently. “I wished for a long time to have someone to talk to. Matesh would listen. Or me.” She had never told anyone that she had wished for it, but she had. Every
night. Every private moment. Then she would bury it again.
“I’ll get over it,” he mumbled. “I’ll be okay.”
“Rain, I’m worried about you. Please don’t think you have to do this all by yourself.”
That made him pull away, shaking his head. She opened her wings so he could leave. “You did it by yourself. You were strong enough to do it. I’m not some weak little boy who needs to be coddled.”
She jerked her head back at the animosity of his words. They hurt in a way she didn’t expect. “I have never considered you a weak little boy,” she snapped back. “I’ve seen you fight off males with centuries more experience than you. I know defeating a gryphon in combat without aid or the ability to fly is only possible by a true warrior. I know you’re not a boy.”
“But I’m still weak enough to need someone’s help with this.” He was growling now and she didn’t know who he was really mad at. Her, his father, himself.
“I did it alone because I had no one. You have people,” she reminded him. “Rain, I just wanted to check on you. You don’t need to tell me anything. I thought offering you some comfort would help.” Now she was backtracking, hoping he would calm down. She hadn’t wanted to upset Matesh and Rain in the same day. This had started as such a good day.
“Well, I don’t need to be coddled,” he snarled. Then he turned and stormed out, leaving her reeling and confused. Her heart felt like it was going to break as she listened to her illi bodyr stomp up the stairs.
She sat down on a crate, unable to move.
What did I do wrong?
All she had wanted to do was help. She knew how bad the hurt was. How it took hold of the heart and crushed it. She was over it, for the most part, but seeing him in that much pain? She felt herself being dragged back into the dark, a dark she had left behind long before she met Mat and Rain. Truly alone, truly vulnerable and violated. Dark times in her life, very dark.
The Mercenary's Bounty Page 6