“I hated the other Andinna more than the Elvasi,” she admitted softly. “The Elvasi, I understood. Their cruelty was easy to deal with. The Andinna…”
“Ya don’t need to tell me,” he cut in. “I might hate the Elvasi a lot more, but I know what the Andinna are capable of when pushed too hard by the cruelty in their own lives.”
“Maybe next time I’ll say more,” she said, chuckling darkly. “I’ve never voiced a lot of this. When Matesh and Rain showed up, I was in charge of the pits and these are all distant memories. No one could stand against me on the sands, and no one would attempt to hurt me in the pits. I should have known the games would give them a chance to strike.”
“They still are distant memories, but they’ve festered. Ya ever think that the hurts they gave you are the reason yer havin’ a hard time here?”
“I know that’s why,” she answered. “I’m not foolish. I know that’s my problem. I need to keep reminding myself that males who are free are like Matesh and Rain, not…”
“And me. I’m not like those males in the pits.”
She turned to him and wanted to say he was once one of those males in the pits but couldn’t bring herself to say it. He’d once admitted to disliking her from a distance, while he was still a slave, but they had never met. He had never been in Elliar, in her Colosseum. But the way he said it, she knew he was saying he never treated other Andinna the way she was treated.
He was saying he was once treated the same way she was.
“No, you aren’t like those males in the pits either,” she agreed softly. He visibly relaxed, as if her judgement really mattered.
“Would ya like to play some cards and keep talkin’?” he asked, seeming nervous.
“I would,” she agreed, smiling a little. “Dining area?”
“Aye, it should be quiet down there by now.”
Together, they walked inside and found only Alchan and Luykas sitting in the dining area. She nearly turned around to leave again, but Bryn just stopped and looked at her, a questioning look on his face.
She shrugged. She knew she needed to start getting more acquainted with everyone and there wasn’t a massive group, which always made her feel lonely.
It was just Alchan and Luykas.
“You two should be heading to sleep,” Luykas noted as they drew closer.
“We’re goin’ to play some cards and talk. We just got done with her evenin’ stretch.” Bryn slid into a seat, leaning back nonchalantly. She took a seat across from him. “No money.”
“Of course, she doesn’t have any for you to swindle from her,” Alchan muttered. The comment made both Luykas and Bryn chuckle, but Mave wasn’t sure what was so funny.
“Does Bryn swindle many people?” she asked, looking between them.
“Everyone,” Luykas explained. “He takes everyone to task playing cards. Don’t expect him to go easy on you.”
“Aye, but think, I’m the best person to teach her this.” Bryn grinned, turning it on her. It was boyish in an attractive way, not a youthful Rain sort of way. She hadn’t been expecting it, not after everything they had just talked about. “What are ya two plottin’?”
“What we need to get done in port.” Alchan looked at her thoughtfully. “Want to hear about it? This will end up being important to you as well.”
“I would. Thank you.” She tried her best to not meet his eyes and make a scene but failed. Luykas sighed as Alchan’s lip twitched, revealing a canine as they stared each other down.
“Stop it, both of you. There’s no need for it.”
Mave tore her eyes away first, realizing the mutt was right. There was no reason for her and Alchan to get into it, none at all. She mumbled a quick apology, looking down at the papers between them.
“Sorry.” Alchan had a bite to him, but he said it. “Mave, maybe it’s time to explain-”
“I already explained to her what ya are,” Bryn cut in. “Ya two need to work it out now.”
“Ah, the curse of our family,” Luykas said in a pained way.
“Moving on,” Alchan growled. “We’re planning what we need to do when we hit port. We’ll be entering Olost through Namur, a port city in Southern Olost.”
“Namur is the home to the most pirates in Olost,” Bryn added nonchalantly. “Captain Sen lives there when he isn’t on a boat.”
“It’s also the closest port city to home.” Luykas sighed. “So, a lot of Southern Olost is mountainous and just a bit colder than the rest of the continent. It’s the furthest from Anden we could get, but it’s…as close to home as we could get.”
“And that’s where the village of Andinna is?” she asked.
“One of them, the biggest. Well, we filled up those mountains, really. You’ll see. It might as well be the Anden of Olost.” Luykas gave her a small smile. “You’ll like it there I think.”
“Back to what we’re doing in Namur,” Alchan said quickly. “We need to supply for the two week trip to the mountains. We need to grab gifts for back home as well. We can’t return to them without supplies for winter; they’ll throw a damned fit.”
“We’ve got time for another job before winter, so there’s no reason to worry about stocking up just yet for that.” Luykas groaned. “We’re going to winter there this year, Bryn. Be ready for that. You’re good at numbers, so when the time comes, I’m going to need you to look over what sort of job we’ll need to take before the first snow to make sure we’re good.”
“Ah, and when were ya going to tell the rest of the Company?” Bryn pulled out a deck of cards, smiling. “I have no problem, but ya know Matesh is going to be put out by it. He hates wintering there.”
“He’ll live,” Alchan growled. “If I have to deal with it, so can he.”
“Why would Matesh have a problem? And why are we wintering there if people don’t like it?” She leaned forward, wanting to know more.
“Matesh will have to tell you why,” Luykas said at the exact same time Bryn also gave an answer.
“Matty,” was all the rogue said, with an ominous note. She curled a lip. She hated that nickname for Mat and she remembered the origin of it. A previous lover. “Think about it later, little miss. No reason to get possessive right now.”
She schooled her face, feeling the warmth of embarrassment heat her cheeks.
“We’re wintering in the village partly so you can meet other Andinna,” Luykas explained. “Also, we need the break from working all the time. We don’t winter with them every year, but sometimes we just need to settle for a few seasons. After the adventure we just had, we’ll do one more job before winter hits so we have the finances covered, then settle in.”
“There’s a lot of reasons we need to winter there this year.” Alchan waved at her. “You’ll see. You’ll fit in there, I bet. There’s a lot of females like you that you’ll fall in with.”
“Thanks for the confidence in the matter,” she retorted. “You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”
“It’s not,” he conceded. “If Bryn explained to you what I am, then you should know I’m the strange one in this case. A bedru like me? I just don’t fit. I can’t kneel to the females in charge, which throws off everything in our society. It makes me a bit of an ensam with females. Males are fine. We have our own pecking orders outside of what you females do.” He bared his teeth in a bad smile. “Look at it this way, Mave. A normal Andinna finds how dominant you females can be to be the most attractive thing they’ve ever experienced. I don’t find it appealing at all. I have an urge to be in your place, controlling, owning, and the strongest. It’s a curse on the family Luykas and I were born to, and a blight on Andinna society.”
“Well, maybe I should talk to other Andinna about this.” She turned away from him, looking back to Bryn for help. She didn’t know how to go on from here.
“Let me teach ya how to play cards,” he said nonchalantly, saving her. “We can save all of that for later.”
Quietly, Bryn told her about the c
ards. She had learned some of this from Zayden already, but it was nice getting even more information now. He explained Andinna poker, even dealing Luykas in while the brothers worked on their plans.
She tried to pay attention to both and ended up losing every hand to Bryn, as she struggled to keep up. Finally, Bryn just started laughing, taking her hand and playing for both of them as he tried to explain better. She stopped listening to Alchan and Luykas bicker about what inns were the best to stay at, what shops were the best for raw materials, and other things she had never really considered before. She wanted to know what Bryn was trying to teach her.
“I’m heading to bed,” Alchan finally declared, shaking his head. “Bryn, get Luykas to figure out this mess. I have a suspicion he wants to spend more money than we have.”
“He always does,” Bryn replied, chuckling. “Aye, I’ll deal with it. Luykas, give me all of that and play with Mave while I clean up this mess ya’ve probably made.”
Mave looked at the mutt warily. He seemed frustrated, shoving all the papers to Bryn. When he caught her staring, something changed. He dropped the frustration and focused on her with the sort of expression that made her feel like he was sizing her up for a duel.
“I think I’ll just go get some sleep,” she said quickly, putting her cards down. She didn’t want to have Luykas’ attention, not even for a second. The double heartbeat in her chest became apparent as she stood up. Her body didn’t like the idea her mind had, leaving when Luykas was finally this close. She had gotten so good at ignoring it over the last three weeks and now it was too obvious, like the day she first noticed it.
“Wait,” Luykas said with a begging note. “We haven’t talked or-”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she replied quickly. She was nearly away from the table when something wrapped around her ankle. Looking down, she found Bryn’s tail.
“Stay, please. I won’t be long.” He nodded his head back to her seat. “We were having fun.”
“I can tell you more about your family, if you don’t want to talk about the blood bond,” Luykas suggested. “Please. I don’t like being avoided, not by you.”
She slowly sat back down under the weight of both their requests. “Tell me about them,” she ordered. He put talking about her family on the table, and she was going to take that opportunity.
He knows exactly what to say to get to me. Prick.
“Where do I start? Do you want to know about your father? What about your mother? There’s also both your brothers.” Luykas waited for her answer with such an anxious expression she wasn’t sure how to handle it.
“My mother,” she answered with a tentative beat of excitement in her chest.
“She was a warrior like the rest of your family. She and your father met as grunts, common soldiers, when they were stationed in the same war group, a svamor.” Luykas chuckled, looking away from her. He seemed lost in memories for a second. “They told everyone that they fell in love right off the bat, but she made your father work for it, and work hard. She was incredibly dominant like you and only the best males ever had a chance with her. Or that’s what everyone would say, anyway. Kelsiana Lorren, second in our military only to your father. He ran most of the military, but your mother? She was in charge of tactical svamors that would do all sorts of madness. Her warriors were called the somaro, or the elite warriors. Once, we found a camp of Elvasi penetrating the mountains, and she had us blow a cliff up and crash it on them. No survivors. She was a genius in her own right.”
“Why wasn’t she completely in charge if we’re matriarchal?” She was suddenly very glad she’d stuck around.
“She didn’t want it.” Luykas shrugged. “She just didn’t want it,” he repeated softer. “Sometimes, Alchan and I will wonder to ourselves how the War would have gone differently. We were winning, but it was taking so long, and the Elvasi just kept throwing short-lived humans at our mountains. They were developing more ways to kill us.”
“And what would you have changed, to help us win instead of lose?” She knew what she thought.
My mother should have never had me. None of this would have happened.
“Keeping you in the camp with everyone else. Thousands of soldiers would have protected you better than a safe house. At the time, we agreed with your father and mother. Plus, your capture was just one piece of the nightmare that the end of the War was. There were better ways to handle the situation, but your father had just lost his blood-bonded amanra, and you were taken. The Empress planned her schemes well.”
“So…what did you and Alchan decide?” She noticed that he hadn’t changed his answer.
“That trying to change the past is futile, and we shouldn’t try. We can only make do with what we have. The War is over, our people are enslaved, and the few of us free? We just need to survive the next winter.”
He finally says something I can relate to, and it’s the most fatalistic thing I’ve ever heard. Do I sound like that to other people?
“What about my brothers?” she asked, trying not to think too hard about the end of the War. She knew her place in that chain of events.
“They were good males. Hertesh was the older one. He was…” Luykas frowned. “Somewhere around two thousand when he died. Seanev, the younger one, was in his fourteen hundreds. They were like older brothers to me. They were so excited about you, by the way. They couldn’t wait to teach you everything they knew, including how to make your parents upset.” Luykas coughed, thumping his own chest with a fist. “They made Alchan and I promise to help protect you, to pass on the big brother affection they had given us. Sadly, we all failed in the end.”
She looked away at that, not knowing what to say. Who failed? Her? Her mother? Them? Everyone?
Or maybe they were all just victims of the cunning bitch who ruled the Elvasi.
She knew better than to dive too far into the past. All day now, she had been haunted by her past. First thanks to Rain, then Bryn. Now Luykas, going back even further, to things she couldn’t even remember.
“I think I will get some sleep,” she declared. “I’m tired. Thank you for talking to me, though. I appreciate it.”
“Any time,” Luykas said, standing. “I mean that. I’m more than willing to tell you…everything I know about them, and more.” He looked down and tapped his fingers on the table before saying more. “I just want to talk to you. There’s no reason we should be making this blood bond harder on ourselves.”
“You did this,” she reminded him, reaching out to poke the scar on his forearm, the one matching her own. It was a scar she would never lose, and a constant reminder of the soft second heartbeat in her chest. Normally, it was so faint that she had to concentrate to notice it. “Don’t forget that.”
With that, she turned and left the room, finally done with everything for the night. The day felt like it had been too long, too full of things. Less than three weeks on the ship and she was ready to get off it. Now she knew why the sailors muttered about cabin fever.
She nestled next to Matesh where he lay, already asleep. She hadn’t realized she was back to the room so late. He groaned and she sighed as the emerald eyes opened to see her.
“Done hanging out with Bryn?” he asked.
“I am. Sorry for waking you,” she whispered. “Go back to sleep.”
He wrapped an arm around her, cuddling up with a possessiveness she normally didn’t feel from him.
7
Rainev
Rain sat quietly, hoping no one found him again. He just needed to be alone. Why couldn’t anyone understand that?
Well, Bryn understands. Thank the Skies for him.
Without Bryn, Rain would have never gotten a space where he didn’t have his father breathing down his neck, trying to figure out what was wrong. Rain couldn’t bring himself to tell his father or anyone else. And he was trying not to be angry with whoever told Bryn what was going on. He couldn’t believe Mave, Matesh, or Luykas would betray him like that, even i
f it got him a private place to hide in for the rest of the trip.
A soft knock at the door made him snarl and Bryn’s head poked in.
“Just checkin’ on ya,” the calm young rogue said.
“Who told you?” Rain demanded immediately. It had been on his mind since Bryn had come to him.
“No one, not really. Mave said ya were withdrawn, how she failed ya, but she never gave me any details. I won’t make assumptions about yer plight, but I think I know what’s riding ya. Ya just stay in here until yer ready to deal with people. No pressure.”
“They didn’t rape me,” he growled.
“Good.” Bryn watched him, narrowing his eyes. “So-”
“But Mave and Matesh had to save me.” Rain looked away, covering his face. “I need to get stronger so I don’t need to be saved, Bryn, but I don’t know how.”
“Ask for help,” Bryn answered. Without saying anything more, he closed the door, leaving Rain in the dark silence again. Rain stared at the door in shock that he was left there with such simple advice. That was it? Ask for help?
Rain shook his head. Asking for help would be admitting that his father was right. He was too weak, too young, and too vulnerable to be in the Company with everyone else. This had been his first mission, and look at what happened. Look at what those other gladiators did to him.
Rain curled up, resting his head on his knees.
He just kept thinking about it. Was there anyone in the Company who would help him? He could talk to Varon and Nevyn, but he knew the priest would make it a big deal and want to help in ways that Rain wasn’t sure he could handle. Varon was a priest of their love, fertility, sex, art, and music goddess, after all. He was a strange male. Nevyn would only point him to Varon, which didn’t help.
Luykas wanted him to talk it out with his father. Mave just wanted to cuddle and coddle him. Matesh was just being an annoying uncle, also thinking he should tell his father. He didn’t really see how telling his father would help, so Rain refused to.
That left fewer options. Brynec, Kian, and Alchan. Kian was off the table. He would just tell Zayden immediately, and there’d be no stopping him. Bryn was the one who told him to ask for help, and Rain knew Bryn had lived through similar things. They never told Rain the graphic details, but he could talk to the rogue at least. When he was ready.
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