But she wanted Bryn and his summer-sky-blue eyes, too. His touch of darkness, like her own, and how he kept telling her in some fashion that they were both strong for surviving.
She needed more time to figure this out. She knew it was natural. She had seen Senri and her two husbands, obviously friendly with each other. Kian fit in there somehow. She had seen them around the village. She had glimpsed others who wandered by while she worked. This was normal.
I’m just getting used to having one male. How do I even talk to Bryn about it? How do I admit that I’m attracted to him too? That I want him around Mat and I?
Will it hurt Mat?
She didn’t have the answers for herself, and on a mission wasn’t the time for these sorts of problems. She wasn’t going to distract everyone with it. It would have to wait.
36
Rainev
Rainev watched his family leave, desperately wishing he was with them, long after they disappeared from view. When he’d asked for the time off, he’d been hurting, fresh out of the pits. Now? He wanted to feel strong, and the only way to do that was to fight. He wanted to test the Elvasi with the Company. He wanted to watch them burn.
He didn’t want to be alone, either. Leshaun was still in his healing sleep. The old male probably wouldn’t wake up for another couple of days, and that was the only person Rain had.
“It’s good see you back, Rain,” a male said kindly, walking up to him.
Rain hadn’t moved from his spot since the Company left. He continued to watch the road, knowing they were long gone now. “Hi, Cartesh,” he said softly, not looking at the attractive young male beside him now. “What can I do for you?”
“I was hoping we could hang out and, uh…well, you were gone and we all thought the Company might not get you back. I was worried.”
Rain nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.” He stepped away and continued walking, hoping Cartesh wouldn’t follow him. He didn’t want to see Cartesh or any of his other friends, really. He wanted to be with the Company. He wanted to be out of the village, burning some damned Elvasi in his armor. The lust for vengeance was running in his blood, and he wasn’t out there because he was weak enough to say he would take time off.
Too damned weak. That’s all I am without my wyvern.
He took off, flying high to the home he shared with his father. He should have moved out a century ago, but then he and his bodra would be put in the community building for the Company, which wasn’t much better. As long as they wanted to live as a family, they had a private residence. They all called it a community building for singles to live, but really, it was military barracks. Full of males, all hoping any single female gave them a glance. The females always got their own residence, a space to grow. The males, not so much.
“He’ll kill me if this place is dirty when he gets back…” Rain looked around at their dust-covered furniture, the kitchen in shambles. He knew his father tried to clean up a little bit, but didn’t have a lot of time before leaving again. Rain knew he wasn’t the kindest to his baba anymore. Maybe this would be a sign to his father it would be okay in the end.
I hope it’ll be okay, anyway.
Rain got to work, starting with the dusting. His father always swept the floor first, which was always a bad move. He had a faint memory of his mother telling him to dust first, so the dirt could all be swept up at once, but his father was always stubborn about it. He would clean the way he wanted to clean, if he was being forced to.
The memory made Rain smile just a little. Maybe some time at the village would do some good - away from the pain, so far removed from the danger the Company always put themselves in.
He cleaned for the rest of the evening, but there was a point when he knew he needed to go find something to eat. They had been away from home so long that they had nothing in their own pantry. He had nothing to eat without going to the hall.
He groaned, looking at the progress he made. It would work. He dusted, swept, and cleaned off the furniture. It would be all the work he could get done. Tomorrow he had to start on patrols, which would be his life every other night until the Company returned.
He left his work there and jumped off his platform, landing easily at the hall where others were flooding in for the community dinner. It was mostly used by singles who had no space to keep their own food, but it was also a meeting ground. The males who were in charge of it made sure to have offerings for each meal of the day, except on holidays. Then there was a never-ending amount of food for everyone all day.
He walked in quietly, hoping not to draw attention to himself, but it didn’t work. He was blue; it never worked.
“Rainev!” Senri called out in Andena. Now that Mave was gone, no one would be speaking Common. “Come sit with us!” He sighed and saw the female waving him down with her two other husbands. He dutifully went, accepting the plate dropped in front of him immediately.
“I’ll get more.” Willen patted his shoulder before leaving.
Rain looked over the plate, seeing it was completely untouched. He called a thank you after the youngest of Senri’s husbands then dove in, ignoring the stares he was getting from Kian’s family. Like many of those attached to the Company, they treated him like family, the only child born to any member yet.
“So, you didn’t go on the mission with them. They probably could have used you, but I’m glad to have you with me, no matter.” Senri’s comment sounded innocent, but from Senri, it was anything but. She was fishing for information.
“I needed some time off.” He didn’t really know what else to say. He wasn’t going to spill his guts to Senri, of all people. She was one of those mother hen types, but with a battle axe. That combination was terrifying.
“Well, it was your first mission and it all went wrong. I’m glad you decided to spend some time at home and not out there with them.” Senri’s smile was warm and endearing. “Young males like you shouldn’t be off getting hurt. Let the older boys do it.”
Rain nodded absentmindedly. It wasn’t a secret that she didn’t like him joining the Company. She never outright told him his decision was wrong or bad, but she always made comments. Loving, motherly comments about him staying home, helping the village. Being a warrior here where he could be under her watchful eye.
She’s not even my mother.
Rain hated how bitter the thought sounded echoing in his head.
“So, how long until the Harvest Day?” he asked, pushing the conversation in a different direction.
“A couple of weeks. Probably before the Company returns,” Willen answered as he sat back down. “Harvest Day. By far the worst festival we ever have.”
Rain chuckled. It was. Every able body was expected to help pull in crops, help salt meat for stores through the winter. A big community event to prepare for long, cold winters. With how tight their lives were in Olost, the old feasts he heard about on Harvest Day no longer happened. They saved everything for Winter Solstice and the Spring Festival. Harvest Day was a day of work.
“I’ll put you on patrol that day,” Senri whispered to him with a wink.
“Thank you.” He hated being roped into Harvest Day. None of the Company enjoyed it.
He kept eating as they began talking about what had gone on with the village while he was gone. Gossip mostly. Allaina lost a male from her mayara, which was somewhat surprising. The split wasn’t amicable, which meant the male moved on to a smaller village to get away from the female.
“She offended him and thought it was okay. He didn’t, so he left.” Senri shrugged.
“Sometimes things don’t work out,” Willen agreed softly, nodding.
“It was her fault, and she knew better than to try and keep him but never apologize for the offense.”
“What was the offense?” Rain frowned, looking between them.
“He was injured back in the War. That one. She teased him harshly one day in front of several other warriors. They had been together since before the War. It was finally t
he straw that broke the wyvern’s back.” Senri shook her head, pursing her lips in distaste. “You never tease a warrior, male, female, lover or not. Warriors are respected. You don’t laugh at the wounds of battle.”
Rain felt the sting of what Allaina could have possibly said and he didn’t know what it was. To drive away a lover of over a thousand years with an offhand, rude joke? He couldn’t imagine how cruel she must have been.
“What else is going on?”
“Leeli rejected Cartesh only a few weeks ago.” Gentrin began to chuckle. “The young male was so put out. They had been doing really well, but Leeli didn’t think it was going to grow, or so she told most of us.”
Rain tried not to think of that one. Before he left with the Company, he and Cartesh had been casual lovers, something to scratch the itch. When he left, the other male told him that he wanted to pursue a female he had feelings for.
Now I know why Cartesh was so quick to see me once my family was gone. Damn.
Rain wasn’t interested. He once hung out with several males, all around his age, but now, the idea of joking and fooling around didn’t appeal to him. He felt like he was over that stage of his life, and over Cartesh.
He finished eating as they kept on with the gossip, only jumping in to make sure they knew he was listening. “I’m going to head out. Senri, what time do you need me tomorrow?”
“Dawn, but feel free to be late. There’s no reason to rush to get you to work.”
Oh yeah there is. The King expects me to be working while he’s gone. Rain didn’t say that, though, only heading out after handing in his plate and spoon to the male on duty.
He had little to do. He hated it, after months and months of having a strict schedule, even on the ship - always moving, always working.
Now he was by himself. The world seemed too dark, even under the near-constant glow of the red moon. He wanted Mave there with him. Matesh, or even his father. Any of them would work. Shit, even Luykas or Alchan. Just some sort of company.
He headed out towards the spring, grabbing his supplies at home along the way. He could bathe and then get back to work in the house. That was really his only objective, keeping himself busy.
The male spring was crowded, and although Rainev was gay, he couldn’t go to the quieter female spring. That had been established when he was entering adulthood. He was male, and if they made an exception for him, they would have males coming over all the time. The line needed to stay defined.
He stripped, ignoring the others, and slid in on a deeper end, sighing as the heat sank to his bones. This was something he’d missed. The hot springs. Mave had the best bathing in the pits, but the spring water in her pool had been cold. The hot springs were life.
“Rain! Good to see you again!” a younger male called out, waving.
He only waved back, unable to find the energy to start yelling over the other conversations going on. Like everything the Andinna did, bathing was a social activity. If anyone wanted privacy, they needed to come when everyone else was probably asleep or working.
“He’s an Ivory Shadow now. Too cool for us?” Another friend threw his hands up, looking particularly offended.
“Tired,” he called back, not wanting any bad blood. “You try being captured by the Empire and see how much energy you have when you finally get home.”
“Oh, the raki has a comeback!” An older male began to laugh. “Leave him be. New warriors always need some time to themselves when they get their first time off. You all will see when you get your first taste of blood. You got blood, right, Rain? Is it time to update your tatua?”
“It might be. I saw blood. Too much, even by our standards.” Rain sighed, leaning his head back on a rock. “Elliar is a nightmare. The Colosseum? It’s a nightmare.”
“Ah, that’s right. You all brought back the so-called Champion too.” The older male moved closer. Rain couldn’t remember his name. “Is she as good as the rumors we always hear?”
“Better, but there’s a lot the rumors got wrong, too.” Rain couldn’t stop a small smile. “And she’s my illo amyr now. Adoptive, of course, but who’s counting?”
“Ah, that’s nice. If you can see her as family, then I see no reason to get up in arms like the females seem to be.” The older male chuckled.
Rain didn’t respond, letting everyone go back to whatever else they were doing. New tatua. It was that time, wasn’t it? This last adventure would probably add detail to his back and chest. He wasn’t going to try and guess past that. The magic of the tatua did whatever it felt it needed to do.
He wondered who to ask. Leshaun had done his coming of age, and everything since. Rain could technically learn to do his own, but he never cared to train past the basics of being a Blackblood. He knew quick healing techniques, the ability to speed the healing of others, but really, he was already a wyvern in Andinna flesh. Blood magic and the centuries of training many put into it wasn’t on his list of things to do. As long as he knew how to control it, no one would force him to learn more.
Late in the night, he was practically alone in the hot spring. He was finished bathing and needed to get some rest if he wanted to meet Senri at dawn.
He was nearly back at his home when Cartesh flew up next to him. “Come hang out!” Cartesh called.
“Not in the mood.” Rain landed on his front platform, shaking his head as the other male landed next to him.
“Come on, Rain. It’s been months since you left with the Company and we should reconnect.” The attractive male stepped closer, forcing Rain to open his front door and move inside so he wasn’t pushed against the door.
“Cartesh-” He was pushed against a wall and their chests pushed together. The other male’s mouth came down on his, and Rain knew he was in the mood.
A year ago, Rain would have given in, enjoying the forceful nature. Once, he liked how he and Cartesh could go at it. How the other male could bend him, make him want to submit a little, even though he could shift into a wyvern. It was natural, not because he was gay, but because young males liked to test their wills against each other, finding out who they were, and where they ranked with each other. It led to explorations in sex that they would need for when they were with females. Not all males were into it, but Rain had yet to meet a male besides Matesh that had never fooled around with another male.
Now, a bolt of fear ran through him. He shoved, growling, sending Cartesh into the other wall.
“Get out,” he snarled.
“Don’t play games with me, Rain. You said I was always welcome to come back if things with Leeli didn’t work out.” The male filled his space again. “You’ve always liked a bit of force. Leeli didn’t. She wanted her males a little softer in bed. A little less demanding.”
“Get out!” Rain demanded, shoving again. He resisted the urge to grab a blade hanging on the wall in the main room. He resisted collapsing as the smell of the pits filled his nose. His hands began to shake. “Get out! You can’t have me!” He shoved again, this time pushing Cartesh closer to the door and out of it. He felt the wyvern trying to take him, to destroy the threat in front of him, partially shifting as his fangs grew longer and he knew scales began to show up on his flesh. “I won’t be owned! I’m not weak!”
Cartesh paled and jumped off the platform, leaving when he realized this had nothing to do with him.
Rain was left alone in the front door of his home, the memories slowly leaving. A reality sank in. Cartesh, if he’d been a real friend, would have backed off and tried to find out what was wrong, what had set Rain off. Instead, he didn’t get what he wanted, didn’t want to deal with Rain, and left.
I want Mave. I need my big sister.
She would have never just left. Or Matesh. Or any of them. They would have stayed. He closed his door and collapsed. He never made it to his bed to sleep, closing his eyes as the silent tears fell and the memories assaulted him all night.
37
Brynec
It took just over a
week for them to reach their destination. Bryn spent the entire week focused on all the wrong things. He should have been focused on their mission. They were there now, able to eye the estate they were about to raid. They were tucked in the woods off the property under the cloak of a red night. Much of Olost was heavily wooded, which proved useful most of the time. Bryn needed to focus on the cleared property he could see now.
But then there was Mave.
She consumed his thoughts. He stuck close and was honest about why. Seeing her get grabbed by those Elvasi had made him fearful. It had made him angry. He wasn’t going to let it happen. He wanted to remain close to her, protect her, even as she jumped headlong into battle. Such was the life of a male Andinna. The urge to protect, serve, and follow, no matter what the female did.
He knew it was hopeless for him. That first night on the road, he’d nearly stolen that kiss. Every night after, he was plagued by the sight of her without a top on or in the springs. He’d seen her nude before, glimpses on the ship, but this had been so much more. The water wrapping around her hips, and how close he got when he helped her with the top. How deceptively smooth her skin was, even covered in small scars from battle. He could still feel her when he’d accidentally brushed against her.
What is wrong with me? Any other female. One who wouldn’t mind that I’m smaller than the rest of them. One that didn’t have the same terrors I did.
No, I had to fall for her. Of course I did.
He groaned as they all started jumping off their horses, Alchan gesturing for them to stay close. They were just out of the range of the patrol for the estate. This was a place they had watched many times before, thinking it was too big to hit. They had gone after smaller places owned by the same Elvasi, always on his tail, but never this place, his home and base of operations. The fact that they had been considering it before they were attacked was risky.
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