by Tara Brown
I park at the door and burst inside before Sorel can get it for me.
“Jenny!” I shout as I take the stairs two at a time but the bedroom is empty. Her things are gone.
My fingers are shaking as I press her contact to call. It goes directly to messages.
“Fuck!” I turn and run back down the stairs. “Sorel!”
“Sir?” He meets me in the foyer.
“Where is she?”
“She and Miss Sukii left before the wedding. She seemed rather distressed and they were quite adamant they needed to get to the airport. Leslie dropped them off and said Miss Snowdon’s brother was able to secure them flights off the island. That was six hours ago.”
“Come on.” I sigh heavily and contemplate how to fix this. “Have the jet readied. I’m leaving for New York tonight, and if anyone asks I’ll be back mid-morning for brunch with everyone.”
“Very good, sir.” He nods and vanishes as I rush out to the limo and drive myself to the airport with a desperate ache trying to slow me down.
17
Not my pee stick
Sunday, July 30
Jenny
Finding the email from the moving company informing me of the delay in moving my shit is the highlight of my night.
My apartment in Woodlawn is so hot I can barely stand it but at least my stuff is still there. I’m lying on my unmade bed in underwear and a tee shirt and sweating. I don’t know if it’s anxiety sweat or normal but it’s making me crazy.
Seeing the four am on the phone, I wince. I haven’t slept yet. His face haunts me; I can’t stop thinking about him or his deadened stare when he asked if I was trying to trick him. It sickens me and yet I keep tormenting myself with the image.
A sound interrupts my piteous thoughts, it sounds like footsteps in the hall. They’re followed by a knock which is close enough I worry it’s my door.
It happens again.
Relief floods me, it has to be Josh. He said he was coming right away, but I didn’t expect him to fly in the middle of the night.
I jump up and hurry to the door, through the sea of boxes, opening it, but the sight before me hits me hard enough I stumble back.
“Jenny!” Lori rushes inside and closes the door. His eyes lower to my stomach. “You left before we could talk.”
“I didn’t have anything to say after you accused me of being the kind of girl who tricks rich guys into being a baby daddy.” It’s petty considering he flew here in the middle of the night to talk, in his wedding tux which has to be killing him in this heat. But I am out of fucks to give.
“But I do—have something to say.” His eyes are wide and his face has that sweet expression I love on it. He fishes the pregnancy test from his pocket. Making me contort. “Not ours?” he asks, saying ours.
“No.”
“Okay, gross.” He walks to my small kitchen and places it on the counter, washing his hands and struggling out of his jacket and loosening his shirt. “Seriously, it’s hot in here. Is that good for the baby, to be so hot?”
“Yeah, I think it’s fine.” I can’t help but laugh nervously at the question. He said baby like he’s talking about a puppy neither of us own.
“Just tell me what is going on. Start at the beginning, the whole story.” He paces the kitchen a bit, rolling up his sleeves.
I want to shout at him and hit him and be angry, but I’m too hot to fight, so I explain, “I went to my appointment for my birth control shot.” The empty words fall from my puffy lips, “I don’t take the pill, I use the Depo shot so I don’t get my period because I basically hemorrhage—it’s bad, and I used the shot for the Olympics and I liked it so I stayed on it. It’s been years without an issue.”
His lips twist as he recoils on “hemorrhage.”
“At my clinic, they do a pregnancy test every time you go for your next shot, just in case. It’s not good for babies.”
“So you had no idea when you went in? No symptoms?”
“No,” I whisper. “It’s way too early.”
“But how? We used condoms and the pill—shot thing?” His fingers clench and unclench like a nervous habit as he processes.
“My doctor said stress.” I close my eyes for a heartbeat. “So the situation is my fault. This is all my fault. You did your part with the condom, and I doomed us both with all my stress.”
“Well, clearly I didn’t do my part every time if you got pregnant.” He pauses. Tilting his head as a horrified realization fills his wide stare.
“What?”
“The hockey game. Hide and seek.” He isn’t making sense.
“Are you having a stroke?” Because that’s just what we need to add to this moment.
“No!” He bursts. “Fuck! The condom in my garbage can after the game, it was shredded. We were so into it—we must not have noticed.”
I sigh, hating us both for this carelessness. “I guess you don’t need to ask or insult me again, it’s yours. I had an ultrasound, it’s like three weeks along and the game was just over three weeks ago.”
“I didn’t mean to insult you—”
“Well, you did. Did you honestly think I was having sex with you knowing I was pregnant with another man’s baby and not telling you? Or worse, did you think I was having sex with you and other men at the same time?”
“I’m sorry.” He is, I see it in his face.
But I’m not in the mood for sorry. “This is why I’m moving home to Canada. I can’t afford to have the baby here. I need a job and benefits and stability, and you don’t want to be a dad.” The statement kills me but it’s correct.
His mouth parts like he wants to say something but I don’t give him the chance.
“I’ve been thinking about it all week. We’ve had fun but we’re nowhere near having a kid together, especially if you don’t know me well enough to know I would never trick you.”
He swallows hard but it’s obvious he doesn’t disagree with the statement.
“And it’s not how I want to start a relationship.” I’m dying but I keep going, “I don’t want to worry that you’re with me because you got me pregnant. And I’m sure you’d rather not be with someone you suspect is with you for the money and easy life of living in the Versailles mansion apartment.”
“I would never think that—”
“Well, seems like you already did. Because I—”
“Jenny, stop! I’m too hot and exhausted to fully grasp what’s being said. Before you assume anything, I’d like to say how I feel.” He takes a breath. “I do know you well enough to know how you feel about handouts. And I would hope you know me well enough to know how I feel about you. And what I said back there was shock. I blurted in shock and I want to take it back.”
“You can’t.”
“Too bad, I am. And you’re not leaving me. Give me a damned minute to digest this.” He isn’t taking this lying down, regardless of the conflicted stare he’s giving me. “I wasn’t lying when I said you have my heart. You do.” He lifts a hand and brushes my sweaty hair from my face. “So I’m not letting you leave.”
“Letting?” The word isn’t my favorite.
“Letting,” he confirms. “We have something I’ve never felt before and just because we’ve accidentally gotten pregnant, doesn’t mean I’m about to let you ruin the beginning of what might become the best thing to ever happen to us both. And I do want to be a dad to my own kid. So thanks for assuming my feelings, but you’re wrong. I like you. I want to be with you. How does us adding our own kid to that equation suddenly mean I want to break up?”
“You sounded so—”
“Shocked? I was.” He’s visibly exasperated. “Now that I’ve digested it, I realize it’s not ideal but it could be much worse. We could hate one another. We could be poor.”
“I am poor.”
“You know what I mean. We’re two healthy people who are surrounded by good friends. This is not the worst thing that’s happened in my life. Not even close. And who kn
ows, maybe it will end up being the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I already think you might be.”
He does it again. He says something that batters my hard-earned opinion of guys like him, forcing me to come to terms with the fact there are no guys like him. He’s one in a million. Billion. The lump in my throat moves up, brimming my eyes with tears. It’s too hot to cry.
His hand carefully rests on my stomach. “This is not what either of us wanted, but Matt asked me tonight, if you weren’t pregnant, could I bear to not see you again. And I knew right away, the answer was no. I can’t bear for you to leave. I need you with me. And if there was no baby, my answer would be the same.” He smiles like a light’s been switched on inside him. “I don’t know how to do this. How to have a kid. But I do know that the moment you entered my life, it changed. And now I can’t live without the difference you make.”
“Lori—” I plead.
“No.” He grabs my face and kisses, ignoring the sweat on both our faces and tears streaming my cheeks.
The kiss is so different from any I’ve ever felt. There are words spoken in the movements and trembles of fear.
“Stay with me,” he whispers. “I know you don’t want to be taken care of. You want to be your own woman and conquer the world like you did hockey and paintball and music and everything else you’ve ever done. But I want to help you if you need it.”
He pulls back and wipes my tears.
“I know how it feels to not like the idea of needing people. We share that. Which is why you have to understand that when I say I need you, it’s the biggest statement I’ve ever made. In my life.” His eyes bore into mine. “And until the day I die, I’ll regret how I reacted seeing that test. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
“Okay.” I believe him.
“And you have to promise we’ll talk, like adults, and not run away anymore. I’m not Ben. You don’t get to ghost me. Even if, for the record, you’re right, I don’t want you to think I’m here for the baby, and I never want to worry that you chose me because it was easier than doing it alone.” He runs his thumb across my lips and blinks slowly. “But we have to leave here right now. I can’t stay in this apartment for another minute. I’m getting lightheaded.”
His words take a second for me to process and a laugh slips out when I realize he’s being serious. It’s killing him to be here.
“Who would have guessed you’re such a delicate flower, Lori?” I ask. “I’ll meet you in the car, let me get some clothes on. We can finish talking in Versailles.”
“No more talking, it’s sleep time.” He nods before walking out.
It takes me a moment for my feet to move.
I can’t believe he flew home in the middle of the night because he needs me. A tiny grin creeps along my lips and cheeks, and after a second or two, I’m beaming like a sweaty idiot in my crappy apartment.
I hurry to get clothes on and grab the bag that’s still packed and rush out, locking the door and racing down the stairs to where he stands outside his fancy black sports car.
His face lights up when he sees me, making my insides flutter with excitement.
He swoops me into his arms when I get close and kisses with that same expressive passion, then he buries his face in my neck and inhales.
“Sorry, I smell awful. I’ve been a mess since I left your place.”
“Nope, you smell like cherries, spicy cherries.” He kisses my neck and walks me to my side of the car, opening the door for me.
“I’m sorry I left,” I whisper, trying not to cry again. “I was just so humiliated, and I knew I’d end up ruining Nat’s wedding. I couldn’t bear it. I didn’t want you to find out that way—”
“I know. Bev said Nat’s mom found the test?”
“She did and the look on her face was terrible so I said it was mine. What did it matter if I took the blame? I am pregnant so it wasn’t a lie. I thought I could throw it away and wash my face and everything would be fine. But when I came around the corner—”
“We are just never going to get lucky.” Lori laughs, shaking his head slowly. “The way we met was funny but it’s not exactly the sort of story you tell a kid. Now this. I’m starting to think God hates us.”
“Or thinks we love a funny story with a heart-wrenching twist?” I kiss him once more and cling to him a little, leering over his shoulders at the dark and quiet street. “I need you too,” my voice is lost in the fear the sentence invokes. I hold him so tight he can’t pull back and look at me. “I’m scared,” I admit the hardest thing in the world for me.
“I’ve got you, Red,” he whispers back. It makes me cling a bit tighter. I’m not sure how I managed to stumble upon this man, but I can’t imagine ever letting go.
It’s terrifying and exciting but my heart whispers that maybe we’re up for the challenge.
18
A family home
Lori
“We’re here,” I say and nudge her carefully.
She wakes with a start. “Oh God, I’m so tired. Remind me to stay and yell at you next time you act like a jerk,” she grumbles and tries to roll over on her seat.
“Come on, Sleeping Beauty.” I lift her up and carry her from the jet.
Leslie is waiting with a forced smile. Surely, she was concerned about the midnight flight to New York and now the ten am return. “Morning, sir.”
“Morning, Leslie,” I say groggily, also exhausted, and place Jenny inside and sit next to her, holding her to me.
She stretches and snuggles into me, her movements bringing the subtle hint of cherries to my inhales. “What time is it?”
“Ten. Brunch is at eleven with the gift opening, so we have just enough time to get ready. I promise you the longest nap in the history of naps directly afterwards. We can sleep for days.”
“Okay.” She rubs her eyes and blinks a few times. “Sukii’s gonna kill me when she realizes we went back without her.”
“No, Cap’s leaving this morning to go back. He isn’t staying for breakfast. Not that many are. Should be intimate.”
“What, only fifty people?” she mocks me.
“About that.” I chuckle and kiss her fluffy head. We showered and crashed when we arrived home after nearly dying in the sauna she called an apartment. Her bedhead is something I couldn’t have expected after always seeing her so done up. It’s curly and locked in thick waves of ropey hair.
She’s beautiful in the morning.
Peaceful and soft.
When we reach the house, I take her hand and pull her to the bedroom, making little noise, hoping no one noticed our absence last night.
She flops onto the bed and moans, getting under the comforter with a mess of red hair spread around her.
“We don’t have time for a nap.” I climb into the bed and hover over her, kissing her delicately.
“We don’t have to sleep,” she mumbles and wraps herself around me.
“Is that safe to do with the baby in there?” The idea of it is weird.
“Don’t be stupid,” she says and pulls me to her, rubbing her chest against mine and forcing my mouth down on hers.
There’s no convincing needed. Her soft skin and the feel of her against me has me achingly hard. My fingers knead and squeeze her ass, lifting her as she pushes me onto my back and climbs on, undoing my pants and dragging them down.
She pulls off her underwear and lifts her dress.
“Condom,” I say and we both pause.
She tilts her head and scowls. “You worried about twins? Because, while I know nothing about babies, I can assure you that’s not how they’re made.”
“No smart-ass.” I sit up, holding her in my lap. “I know how babies are made. It’s just habit.” I grin. “And actually, now that we’re talking about this, I’m kind of excited to have condom-less sex for nine months.”
“Shhh.” She kisses me and positions herself again, easing herself slowly onto my cock. Our hands and mouths can’t get enough of each othe
r, and before I realize it, we’re fucking savagely as if she isn’t in a delicate way.
My mind and body are conflicted. I want to be gentle and careful but she’s rocking my world. She orgasms, her lips pressed against mine as she moans into my mouth, whispering, “Fuck, fuck, oh fuck.”
It’s the end of my restraint. I grab her hips and thrust, pumping into her until I’m practically blind from the pleasure. She collapses on me, but I force her to stay still as I twitch into her. “Fuck,” I gasp, ignoring the slight cramp in my glutes from the workout.
She presses her face against my cheek and kisses messily. “See, I feel more awake now.” She pats my chest. “Thanks.” She climbs off and walks to the bathroom.
I’m not quite recovered when I hear the shower. I haven’t had bareback sex since I was fourteen.
It takes me a minute to get up and strip but when I reach the bathroom, my heart is hammered with what I see through the glass doors of the shower. Her tall, pale body and shocking red hair through the filter of watered glass is something from a gallery. She tilts her head back and her hair falls to her perfect ass.
She’s beautiful. And when she turns to the side, I imagine how it will be when the baby’s bigger. The oddest sensation comes over me. It’s possessive and has to be linked to our primal history, but I’ve never wanted to protect something more fiercely in my life. Not just because she’s my happiness or because she has my heart, but there’s something about that baby, my baby, being inside her body that changes me. It rewrites who I am. And instantly I understand what Matt meant. I can’t imagine making the mistakes our parents made.
When I step into the shower, fully aware of the love I feel for this girl and the little seed I put inside her, my heart is bursting with emotions I don’t know how to process.
She turns to me, scowling. “You’re stealing all the water. I didn’t want to tell you, but you’re too big to shower with.”
“Then it’s lucky we have this,” I say flatly as I turn the wall jets on and transform the shower into a water park.