by Tara Brown
“Shit!” I shout and lift her up again, carrying her to the car as she screams in my ear and squeezes my arm so hard she’s ripping flesh.
The smell of the water she’s peed everywhere is stuck in my nose so the fresh air outside is welcomed. Even if it’s cold enough to be winter still. I forget my wallet, the baby bag, her hospital bag, and every single thing we rehearsed. I’m panicking and driving, trying to get the car to listen to me as Nat screams over my commands. Finally, the phone catches a name in all the screaming and calls someone.
“Hello?” Carson answers his phone. “Brady? Why are you calling me? What is this, the nineties?”
Nat screams again.
“Brady?”
“The baby’s coming, Carson. Tell everyone and meet us at the hospital!” I hang up the phone and focus back on her. My heart’s racing so hard I’m certain this is how I die. A jammer in the car on the way to the hospital. It has a nice Coldwell ring to it. Something my old man would’ve done.
“It’s okay, baby. You’re gonna be fine.” I gag as she starts dragging her soaking wet pants off and flings them into the back seat, flicking my face with the water.
“I hate this, Brady!” she wails. “It hurts. I want it out. I want it out now!” She stands on the seat and squats like she’s going to take a crap on the front passenger seat while staring at me.
“Wait!” I scream like a girl and hit the OnStar button on the ceiling.
“Good evening, Mr. Coldwell. This is Miguel at OnStar, how can I help?”
“She’s going to give birth in the car!” I squeal my words and the tires as I turn the corner.
“What? Oh my God. Okay. Stay calm. Take your next left, it’s the fastest route to the hospital. You’re under five minutes to the emergency doors.”
Nat screams again and I speed up.
“Four minutes,” Miguel counts down. “Hang in there, Mrs. Coldwell, four minutes. You can hang on for four minutes.”
“I can’t,” she cries. “It’s coming.” She’s gripping the oh-shit handle and the headrest, standing on the seat and squatting like she’s riding the waves of the ocean she’s dripping all over the car I’m going to fucking burn when this is over.
“Two minutes. You can do anything for two minutes.” Miguel’s tone takes a turn and he rages, “You can keep that baby in for two more minutes!”
“Okay,” she sobs and grunts.
“Don’t you push, Mrs. Coldwell. Don’t push. Just hang on for one more minute. Floor it, Brady!” he screams and I do it.
Nat’s yelling.
I’m shrieking.
Miguel’s barking orders.
And as we make it to the emergency doors, I slam on the brakes, forcing Nat to hold on tighter which makes her louder. I put the car in park and jump out, screaming my face off, “Help! Help! She’s about to burst!”
People come rushing from the doors. Paramedics and nurses and someone with a stretcher. They’re ready for anything.
But not this.
The door opens and it’s midway. Nat’s bleeding everywhere, crying and touching between her legs.
Things happen in flashes.
She shoots fluid everywhere as she pushes.
Miguel screams the word “No,” for a whole minute.
A nurse puts her hands between Nat’s legs and grabs the little brown thing.
Vomit splashes my already soaking wet feet as I bend over and lose my lunch everywhere.
Nat’s dying, still squatting in the car.
Miguel’s moved on to cheering and motivating her.
The nurse is saying something about one more push.
Nat doesn’t want to.
The nurse yells and Nat pushes.
A human being comes slithering out of Nat’s vagina into the arms of the nurse. She’s cheering. Nat’s still shrieking. Miguel sounds like he might be crying.
More blood and a thick, ropey science fiction movie thing is sticking out of my favorite place in the world.
I throw up again.
“Mr. Coldwell!”
More throw up.
“Mr. Coldwell!”
Nat’s in a chair, wheeling away with the thing still hanging out of her like a doll’s pull chord gone very wrong. The entourage is gone.
It’s chaos and then silence.
Miguel speaks again, “Brady, you okay, man?”
“Nope.” I wipe my face and stare at my socks. “This is hell.”
“Did you barf, bro?” Miguel’s lost all the telephone voice.
“Yup. And I didn’t grab my shoes and Nat’s water broke on my feet.”
“Oh, my dude. Okay. Strip the socks off. Move the car into a parking place. And go inside and meet your baby. You got this.”
“I don’t.” I shake my head and stare at the car. “I think there’s a shit on the seat. It looks like a murder scene, Miguel. I can’t get in there.”
“Okay. Give your keys to a paramedic and ask them to move it. You have got this. It’s okay.”
“I’m a dad,” a sob tears from my throat as the reality of the last fifteen minutes hits me.
“Yeah, you are. Go and get that baby and kiss your wife. She’s a fucking champion, man!”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.” I close the door and walk through the emergency room doors. It’s insane but I follow the trail of filth on the floor to a room where Nat’s on a bed. The baby is on her chest, wrapped up in a little pink blanket. Nat stares at me, savage and sexy and disgusting.
“Look at her, our baby girl,” she sobs, tears streaming her face. “She’s so perfect.”
Everything is erased. I rush my wife and my baby, kissing them both as if the horrors of this are gone. She smells like Nat. She’s so tiny and pink.
“Take her. Take Kara.” Nat holds her to me. Kara Lillian Coldwell.
My hands shake and I’m scared but the moment the tiny bundle is in my arms, everything in the world is all right. “Hey, you,” I whisper and kiss her cheek. “I’m your dad.”
She grunts and smacks her perfect lips.
“She looks like you,” Nat says weakly.
Tears flood my face as I sit and stare, mesmerized by the beauty before me, both of them. I lean into Nat and kiss her. “Miguel said you’re a champion.”
“Whose Miguel?” Nat scowls.
It makes me laugh. But she’s focused on the baby girl we made. I place her back on Nat’s chest.
“How’s the car?” Nat asks, wincing.
“We’ll light it on fire and never talk about it again,” I say firmly.
She laughs and wipes her face. “They said this never happens. First time deliveries never do this. They said it will be even faster next time.”
“Next time!” I gasp. “We’re a one-kid family, Banks. I can’t live through that again.”
“You’ll be fine. But you need to call our parents and friends. My mom and Sami will be furious they weren’t here.”
“Trust me, no one will be upset they missed your vagina’s version of the exorcist.”
She hits me gently as a doctor comes in. “Mrs. Coldwell, you might have set a record with that one. When did the contractions start?”
“I didn’t know they were contractions. Yesterday, I was getting some mild cramping but it wasn’t anything serious.” Nat glances at me. “Remember when I said my belly was getting hard, and I thought it might be getting close?”
“No.” I don’t bother lying. I’m in the aftereffects of shock, a type of exhaustion from the adrenaline.
“Okay, well we have to get that placenta out and you need some stitches. There was some tearing.” She pats Nat on the calf. “And Mr. Coldwell, while we do this part, do you want to go with the baby for her weighing and bath?”
“Sure.” I nod and follow the nurse who takes our daughter from Nat.
The baby doesn’t want to be away from Nat. She starts to cry as soon as we get out, like she knows what’s coming.
She hates the bath.
<
br /> Detests the scale.
And her little body shakes with rage.
I’ve never been as angry as she is.
When they wrap her up again, she is completely pissed.
“It’s good for the lungs,” the nurse says casually as we walk back to Nat’s room.
“Brady!” Sami shouts my name.
I turn and see them all in the hallway. Sami, Matt, Lori, Jenny, Carson, and Rich.
“Hey!” I manage to get out before Sami assaults us. “Oh my God, she is so perfect.” She leans over the carrier as it cruises by to Nat’s room. Sami hugs me tightly. “Nat’s just getting her stitches. We can go in, in a minute.”
I shudder.
“What happened?” Matt asks. “You’re pale.”
“She gave birth in the car. Fifteen minutes of labor. Ten minutes of pushing in the car.”
They recoil in horror. Carson gags.
“I threw up.” I look down at the booties the nurse offered me. “I don’t know if I closed the door to the apartment. I ran. I brought nothing. No baby bag. No clothes. No shoes. She went from giving me a blow—we were messing around and then it hit.” I earn a disgusted look from Jenny and Sami. “Her idea. I said no. Her stomach looks like Aliens.”
Lori snorts.
“And then it just happened.” I can’t relive it.
“Where’s the car?” Lori’s voice is low.
“Emergency parking lot. A paramedic moved it for me. I’m getting it towed.”
“It can’t be that bad—”
“No,” I say weakly, cutting Matt off, “it’s a kill it with fire situation.”
“Did she poop?” Sami asks.
My expression answers that.
“Yup, fire,” Lori agrees.
“Sweet Jesus,” Carson mutters.
Rich crosses himself.
“What do you need?” Matt asks.
“The hallway at the house, it’s ruined. Throw that carpet out. Get a cleaner in there. If you could grab me some runners and a change of clothes. Nat has her bag and the baby’s packed. It’s in the nursery. My wallet.” My brain.
“What the fuck?” Lori whispers.
“It was so fast.”
Jenny pales.
“I’ll go and get the stuff and deal with the car,” Matt says.
“I’ll come.” Lori leaves with him. They’re fleeing and I don’t blame them.
“You can go on in,” the doctor says as she leaves the room, smiling wide as if this is all normal.
Sami bolts into the room with Carson and Rich on her heels. Jenny gives me a look. “You okay?” She’s never this nice to me but she’s being serious today.
“No. I’ll never stop seeing that chord hanging from her—” I gag again.
“Okay, let’s just shut that down.” She pats me on the arm and walks past me, her belly leading the way. “I can’t believe I still have to do this shit,” she grumbles. Even though she’s pregnant with twins, her belly is smaller than Nat’s was. From behind, you wouldn’t even know she’s pregnant.
Jenny and I stand awkwardly off to the side as Sami and Nat cry and Carson stares at the baby Rich is holding.
“Look how tiny she is,” he whispers, mesmerized by my girl.
Sami and Nat hug and kiss and cry. “Girls are weird,” I mutter to Jenny who nods along. “Where’s Bev and Geoff?” I ask.
“Driving here as fast as they can. They weren’t going to make dinner, they were out doing photography in some park.” Jenny shrugs. “Bev’s pissed Nat went into labor early.”
“I’m not!” Nat says with a deep sigh. “My butt is broken, and I don’t know if my poor vagina will recover, but the feeling of not being pregnant anymore is bliss.” Nat beams at Jenny.
“It took three months for things to feel better, completely better,” Sami adds. “But having Eli in my arms made the pain fade a lot right away.”
“Where is he?” Nat asks.
“Mom and Dad came to the house to take care of him so we could come here. He’ll have to meet his new cousin Kara tomorrow.” Sami sighs. “We’re mommas together now.”
“Yup.” Nat sounds exhausted, like she’s hovering on the verge of tears. “Jenny, do you want to hold her?”
“Oh, uhm, actually—”
“You don’t know how, do you?” Sami smirks. “I know that feeling. Trust me, the moment they hand you your own baby, it changes.”
“I can’t believe how tiny she is.” Carson isn’t moving on. He glances at me. “Are you stressed out with her out here in the world, this small and delicate?”
Instantly, I’m gripped by fear. He’s right. She’s so tiny and fragile. Anything could happen to her. And what about when she’s older? What if guys are mean to her or try to touch her? Fury fills me.
Nat sees my face and reaches for me. Her eyes are watery sapphires. “Come here.” Her voice stops the all-encompassing panic. I walk to her and take her hand. “One day at a time.” She squeezes and pulls me to kiss her. She still smells like home in my heart. The scent is soothing. Even as she yawns and snuggles into me.
“Well, we won’t stay.” Sami takes the hint from Nat’s yawn. “Your mom’s on her way. I called, she’s panicking. Brady your mom and the crew will be here tomorrow.” She stands from Nat’s bed and hugs me. “Take care of my girls.”
“I hope you get some sleep, Nat,” Jenny adds.
“Me too,” Nat says, yawning again.
“Text me later, Coldwell.” Carson whacks me in the arm and kisses Nat as Rich takes one more look.
When it’s quiet in the room, just the three of us, I sit in the chair with Kara in my arms and watch Nat sleep. But my stare doesn’t stay on her long, it flickers between her and our little girl. I lower my face to hers again, smelling her the way I do Nat.
A strange feeling overwhelms me, similar to the moment I realized I needed to be with Nat. It’s a completeness, like a piece of a puzzle has clicked into place. Except I had no idea the piece was missing until now. I run my finger gently over the soft brown hair on her head and wonder if Dad felt this. Did he hold me and Andy as babies and just know love? It’s not the same as my love for Nat. In some ways it’s stronger. I hope I’ll be a good dad like he was, how Andy is.
“Hey,” Nat whispers, staring at me from the pillow. “How is she?”
“Sleeping,” I murmur.
“Looks good on you.” She sits up, wincing with discomfort. “Being a dad.”
“How are you?”
“I’m not gonna lie.” She pauses and stares at the blankets, waving her hand in a circle over her groin. “That will need some work. Apparently, there’s a bath that will help.” Her cheeks flush. “I can’t believe the car.”
“Yeah, you went fully savage on it.” A chuckle escapes my lips.
She covers her eyes. “I’m so embarrassed.”
Lori and Matt knock softly and walk in with our bags and things.
“Thanks,” I say and stand up slowly, trying not to move Kara too much as I lay her in Nat’s arms.
“So we saw the car,” Matt smirks.
“No!” Nat gasps.
“Dude, it looks like a jellyfish died in there.” Lori shakes his head. “It’s being towed now. We emptied everything from the glove box and trunk.”
“You touched the glove box?” I ask quietly.
“Yeah.” Matt nudges Lori. “Someone lost at rock, paper, scissors so he had to.”
“It wasn’t so bad,” Lori lies.
“Oh my God. I’m so humiliated.” Nat covers her face with her free hand.
“Speaking of which, you guys need to do me a solid. There’s a guy working at OnStar today. Miguel. Can you track him down for me and get his number or something? The guy honestly saved my life. I need to send him something.”
“Yeah. I’ll get on it,” Lori says as he turns to Nat. “How you feeling?”
“Like a human crawled out of my butt, Lori,” she groans. “So much for the birth plan, huh?”
“No birth plan could have prepared me for that shit.” It still makes me wanna heave but there’s nothing in my stomach. “All those hours spent rehearsing the baby coming and breathing techniques wasted. I’ll never get them back.”
“Your life is hard. Anyway,” Nat interrupts, “I need some Korean noodles with that spicy chicken from that place by the park.”
“What?”
“I’m not eating hospital food, Brady.” She lifts an eyebrow at me.
“Yes, ma’am.” I chuckle and walk to her, kissing her. Then I place a small kiss on the head of my sleeping baby girl. “I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll give you a ride.” Matt slaps me on the arm and he and Lori walk out. I follow, pausing to pull on my runners. In the doorway, I turn and watch them, my girls.
Nat has never looked more beautiful. She’s glowing from the inside out. And for the second time since I met this girl, I know nothing is ever going to be the same again.
And I’m grateful for that.
35
Family reunion
Thursday, April 12
Jenny
There are no words.
There is nothing to describe the level of hell that was. It’s been three days and I’m still not over it.
And my vagina will never be the same again, or my poor boobs.
But Lori standing over their crib, watching them snuggle the same way they did in the womb, soothes something inside me. Not my vagina though.
The baths Nat recommended are working, but I think we might be at plastic-surgery level of help needed to make it all okay again.
“There’s someone here to see you,” Millie calls from down the hallway that now leads to the bedrooms from the living room where the office used to be.
Waddling, I make my way to the elevator in the foyer. My heart lands in my throat seeing my dad. We’ve talked a few times, but I haven’t seen him since Josh outed him for his betrayal. It’s put a hole in my heart that I don’t know how to heal. Him standing there with that sorrowful look on his face is a start.
“I hope it’s okay I’m here,” he says.
“It’s okay.” I want to walk to him and hug him but I don’t. For my mom.