“One day,” Kaye says confidently, “she will reveal what transpired and tell us beautiful things about heaven. She will bring people back to God through her miracle awakening. And if God takes me, He’ll have to make her better or take her with me. I trust completely that He will do what is best.”
But while Kaye is here with Edwarda, hope never even comes close to dying. Edwarda murmurs and smiles and occasionally reacts to the television set. She moves her head now, whereas once this was impossible. She opens and closes her eyes now, whereas once they had to be taped in order to close them. Kaye watches and observes every change in her daughter.
Kaye has been asked many times why she didn’t allow Edwarda to go to a nursing home, where the government would have taken care of her expenses, and life would have been much easier for Kaye. Her response was immediate and forthright:
“I knew she would never survive long in a nursing home, and so did my husband. I made her a promise that I would never leave her, and once you make a promise, you are morally and spiritually obliged to live up to it. I know she will wake up one day. I will be here just like I was on the 3rd of January in 1970, and she will know that I lived up to that promise that I made when she was just a little girl. You know, Doc,” Kaye said, looking at me through those beautiful, tired gray eyes, “a promise is a promise!”
I know what she means.
What We Can Learn from Kaye
and How We Can Apply It
There are five important lessons that I have gleaned from my association with Kaye O’Bara. I suggest that you consider them as you continue reading this miraculous saga. You may want to apply these lessons in your own life. When Kaye knows that her struggles have benefited others in any small way, she feels that all of the struggle has been worth it and that she and Edwarda have been doing God’s work.
1. Unconditional love means without conditions. Love the significant people in your life in a way that asks for nothing in return. Do not ask to be thanked or rewarded in any way. Simply serve, and give your love as Kaye has done over these past 26 years.
This unconditional approach has many built-in rewards, but essentially it is the very force that keeps us attuned to our higher selves. When we tame the ego and reach out without conditions, our lives are enriched immeasurably.
2. Put your own troubles into perspective. In the light of the daily load that Kaye has assumed, most of your own troubles pale in significance. When you are distracted, angry, hurt, or full of self-pity, bring the image of Kaye into your consciousness, and notice how your “troubles” diminish in importance.
It is the ego that causes you to view your problems as situations that may overwhelm you. When you tame the ego by thinking of how lucky you are in contrast with those who have much greater burdens, you tune into your spiritual self. It is this sacred self that will bring you peace.
3. Be generous. Make a conscious effort to be generous by taking time to give of yourself and your resources to those in need.
Kaye has lived with indebtedness ever since she resigned her teaching position in 1970. She lives by the generosity of others and still has accumulated a mountain of debt. Yet she always practices generosity when it comes to dealing with others, particularly with her daughters. We have committed ourselves to helping Kaye remove debt from her life by writing this book for her and her family.
If you would like to help Kaye, even in a small way, you may contribute a tax-deductible donation to The Edwarda O’Bara Fund at the address at the end of this book. Kaye responds to every donation that she receives.
4. Never give up hope. This is the theme of Kaye O’Bara’s life. Hope is one thing that Kaye clings to. She has a deep and abiding faith in God that has never been shattered, even for a moment. She knows that as long as Edwarda is alive, there is hope.
Remove yourself from the influences of naysayers, and know within your heart that the universal law that has allowed any miracle to ever take place in the history of humanity has not been repealed. Miracles do occur. They are much more likely to occur when you keep your faith and refuse to give in to pessimism. Remind yourself that no one knows enough to be a pessimist.
5. It is an honor to serve others. This is the greatest lesson of Kaye’s life. She sees herself as privileged to carry out this mission of service, regardless of how trying it has become. Adopt the attitude that Kaye demonstrates daily.
Rather than feeling sorry for yourself and going through life with an attitude of pity, practice doing what you love and loving what you do in the service of others. Be thankful, as Kaye is, for being blessed in such a way. When you are given the opportunity to serve others and to let go of your own self-absorption, you will feel purposeful and peaceful.
Be in quiet commerce with God from a position of gratitude for the strength to serve anyone who requires your assistance. Think of Kaye, rarely sleeping, being on duty 24 hours a day for a quarter of century and never complaining or being angry. Remind yourself of Kaye’s “theme song”: “God never gives you something you can’t handle.”
Treat serving as an honor, and remove the pain and anguish from your life, replacing it with a heartfelt sense of unconditional love—the sort of love that gives you the strength to carry out your mission of service. Continually remind yourself that you are being honored in all of your service to others—and not being punished.
This is a brief synopsis of Kaye O’Bara’s way of life. I could have written hundreds of pages on this remarkable woman and all that she has accomplished in her lifetime. I have chosen to keep it short and describe the basics of this saintly woman.
Now, I would like to introduce you to Edwarda.
Chapter Two
Edwarda
Dearest Edwarda,
You rest in the loving hands and heart of our Lord. We do not question His motives for your long earthly sleep, but bow only to His holy will. We place our trust in Him and know that our faith will be rewarded in His good time. Jesus loves you very much, and through you, many have come to know Christ and themselves better. Through your devoted mother’s care for you, many of us have come to know the real meaning of sacrifice and love for one another.
In wishing you a very happy birthday, we beg our Lord to grant you your fondest wish, and His choicest blessings on you and your heroic mother.
May you find peace in the arms of Jesus.
— Fred
(A man well into his 90s who is a
devoted writer to Edwarda.)
After 26 years, the tendency is to think of Edwarda as the young girl who has grown into a woman while being in a coma. She has become labeled as the miracle woman who has survived all of these years against all odds while being in a state of sleep, and she’s had stories written about her called “Edwarda’s Long Journey” and, as I mentioned previously, “Her 25th Christmas in a Coma.”
Writing about her this way is a natural tendency, since Edwarda’s experience of being comatose for over a quarter of a century is mindboggling, and when she awakens she will set a record that will be even more astonishing. But Edwarda is much more than the girl/woman who has remained comatose for so long. There is a deeply spiritual story here, and Edwarda is at the heart of this story.
There have been visits from the Blessed Mother, which I will recount in the following chapter. There are miracles taking place around this profoundly sacred woman, some of which I have related in the final chapter. Edwarda O’Bara has lived a life that can teach all of us something about applied spirituality.
I have spoken with the key people in Edwarda’s life, and I have read everything that has been written about her. I have spent many hours talking to Edwarda and observing her mother doing the same. I have prayed with Edwarda, and I have observed her with Marcelene and our children. I have seen her respond. I have seen her smile. I have seen her cry, and I have looked directly into her eyes and seen her awareness of my presence.
I know that Edwarda is much more than a body in a coma. I know because I have wi
tnessed first hand that Edwarda’s mission is being accomplished right now in this very moment, despite her immobility, and despite what we label as her sickness. This is a divine being, fulfilling her mission, just as each and every one of us is doing, regardless of our physical-world limitations. Edwarda is a soul with a body, a body that remains still while she teaches all of us the great lessons that she came to teach.
Kaye has said to me many times, “It is my honor to take care of Edwarda. She is doing so much more than just lying in her bed than others who are able to walk around are accomplishing.” When you discover just what kind of person this beautiful soul is, both before she entered the silent, temporary state of light sleep, and since that day back in 1970, you will see divine qualities that are rarely observed in any of us.
Edwarda’s is not a story of medical terminology. It is not a story of coma data and lingo, nor is it about the prognosis that medical experts provide concerning the stages of a coma. Edwarda’s story transcends the material world and makes scientific predictions irrelevant. Edwarda is a rare, saintly person who has been this way since she arrived here on the 27th of March in 1953.
Early on, she possessed qualities that marked her for a heroic mission that was rooted in spirituality, rather than this material world of possessions and self-absorption. She personified the idea that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but that the reverse is more accurate: we are spiritual beings having a human experience. In all that I could find out about Edwarda, she seems to be first and foremost a spiritual being having a human experience. Her human experience is more attuned to those we describe as saintly or sacred.
This, then, is Edwarda’s story. As you read about this remarkable girl, and about the role of the Blessed Mother, you will have a clearer picture of Edwarda—a picture that makes her comatose state a minor part of this astonishing story.
Edwarda was a baby who always had a smile, according to Kaye. “She was happy and friendly with everybody. Later, as a toddler, she loved to sing and dance. She rarely, if ever, cried.” Eighteen months after Edwarda’s birth, her sister Colleen came into the family. “When I brought Colleen home from the hospital, Edwarda was completely thrilled. She only wanted to be with Colleen, to take care of her. They were absolutely inseparable,” Kaye told me.
During those early years, Kaye was taking care of her sick mother, and she noted one key thing about Edwarda—her incredible compassion. That’s a word that always came to mind when Kaye thought about her young daughter. Edwarda seemed to care deeply for everyone she encountered, and she showed an enormous amount of pathos for her grandmother, who was suffering with cancer. “I think that’s where she got her compassion, when she was sitting with my mother and saw her so sick,” Kaye recalled.
When Edwarda started school, Kaye began to notice that she was not at all like the other children when it came to this quality of compassion. Kaye illustrated this point with the following story:
There was a little boy in her class who was slightly retarded. Others would say he was badly retarded. And there was also a handicapped little girl in the class. She went to them as soon as she started school and got to be friends with them. Some of the other kids would make fun of them. Edwarda wouldn’t bother with the ones that made fun. It got to where those two were accepted throughout the school. She stayed friends with them right up until the ninth grade, and she made it a point to see that they were always included and accepted by everyone else.
Edwarda’s story as a young girl is one of almost unbelievable service to others. She displayed Christlike qualities in virtually all of her encounters, and I did not hear anyone dispute this observation. Edwarda would stop what she was doing and assist people crossing the street if they had a cane. She babysat for the neighborhood children and refused to take money. It was her natural instinct to serve others.
Her sister, Colleen, was the more talented singer and dancer, so when they performed, Edwarda’s reaction was always: “My sister can do this better than I can.” It never bothered her for even a moment. She was proud of her sister. There was simply no rivalry because Edwarda was always so happy about the success of others. This was true in her relationships with virtually everyone. One particularly compelling story was related by both Kaye and Colleen:
“She was always good,” Kaye told me, “almost beyond belief. One time she was up for an award in her class at school for being first in the class, and there was another little girl in the class who never received anything. She went to her teacher and said, ‘She knows the material better than I do; she’s just afraid to say it.’
“The teacher said, ‘Well, she’s second, Edwarda, but you’re first.’
“‘Can’t I please refuse it so that Mary Lou can get the award?’ Edwarda pleaded.
“The next day,” Kaye continued, “the teacher announced to the class that Mary Lou was the one who was supposed to receive the award. It was the only award that this child ever got in grade or high school. Edwarda knew that it meant more to make Mary Lou happy than to have her own award.”
This is the kind of child that Edwarda was during all of her school years. She displayed qualities that set her above the rest and was on a spiritual path without it being labeled that way.
When Edwarda saw other children her age drinking and smoking, she refused to judge them, but she felt compelled to help them. One time she asked Kaye if it was all right to go to the parents of a friend so she could help this girl without getting her into trouble.
“I guess you could call her a snitch,” Kaye told me. “She tried first with the kids to get them to quit. Then if they wouldn’t quit and she really knew the family well, she would go to her girlfriends’ mothers. One time a mother was furious. ‘Not my Ricky. She would never do drugs.’ But when Edwarda told her, she immediately went to school officials and reported that her daughter was involved with drugs at school. She said, ‘I never believed it until Edwarda O’Bara told me. I know that Edwarda never tells a lie.’”
In fact, Edwarda was a child throughout all of her waking years who was incapable of telling a lie. She would not exaggerate a truth. She seemed to innately know the value of honesty, and she lived that way.
Edwarda’s compassion extended beyond her immediate family and school friends. She showed remarkable love for others, never faltering, regardless of how others treated her. If she had 20 cents in her pocket, she would automatically give it to someone who was begging, even if that money would have bought something she truly wanted. There was no middle ground for her.
If it was cold, she took an extra sweater with her to give to a street person. She would give away anything she had to anyone. It was her nature to be giving and to not think about herself. “Colleen would spend money when they went shopping because she knew that Edwarda would give her whatever she had left,” Kaye explained.
Her compassion was evident when she and Colleen went to the stables. Colleen loved to ride horses, and Edwarda loved being around these animals. Edwarda seemed to be fearful of riding, but her primary interest at the stables was to help other people take care of their horses. Kaye described Colleen and Edwarda’s visits to the stables:
Colleen would be out riding, but not Edwarda. She just wanted to help—whether it was to clean up the stables or to assist the younger children. When Colleen was getting a pony as a gift from her father, Edwarda only wanted to talk about Colleen’s pony. All she was concerned about was that Colleen got her pony and got what she wanted. Joe thought that we should get Edwarda something. But Edwarda insisted that she was just happy that Colleen got her pony. After they picked up the mare, Colleen spent all her time riding the horse, and Edwarda spent all of her time cleaning and waiting.
I asked Kaye if Edwarda ever gossiped about other kids, as all teenagers seem prone to do. Kaye adamantly replied, “Absolutely never. If someone would say something bad to her about someone else, she would stop it right there. She wouldn’t let it go around. I never heard her talk ab
out anybody. The kids all say they never heard her talk about anyone either. She never found fault with anyone.” Kaye interrupted herself and called to Colleen to come into the room. As Colleen entered, Kaye asked her if she ever heard Edwarda say anything bad about other people.
Colleen didn’t hesitate to affirm, “ No, never. She wouldn’t do that. She was always more concerned about others than herself. If someone hurt my sister, she would just let it go and walk away. I was the physical one. I always fought for my sister because she wouldn’t do it herself. Once a kid knocked my sister down on a bicycle, and I grabbed the kid. All I knew was that he had hurt Edwarda, and that’s all that mattered to me. I was beating him up bad, I was so mad. But Edwarda would just let things go.”
Edwarda appears to be a child that was almost too good for this world—a child who was living the spiritual principles taught by all religions, and who seemed to be doing so without any prompting or instruction. She exhibited the qualities of spiritual consciousness from the very beginning.
As a youngster, Edwarda appeared to be fragile and frail. She was afraid to go on an escalator unless someone held her hand. She eschewed any and all arguments and fights. She never spoke unkindly about anyone. She always displayed a quality of love and tolerance for everyone she encountered. She was an excellent student, but avoided the spotlight. She seemed to know that it was not appearances that mattered in life, but substance. That must be why she would ask to have her name removed from the honor roll. It brought her unwanted attention.
A Promise is a Promise Page 3