by Read, Calia
Étienne swore underneath his breath. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I didn’t even consider that.”
A heavy silence filled the foyer. I did what they asked. I spoke to Nat, and then reported back to them. Yet, once more, I found myself speaking on Nat’s behalf. “I think Nat should stay here.”
Étienne and Livingston looked at me. Livingston appeared mildly amused, and Étienne lifted a brow, almost surprised by my remark.
“I apologize if I’m intrudin’ on a family matter, but it’s apparent she’s fond of the life she has here. I think if she were to go to New York, it would only exacerbate matters.”
More silence. Étienne crossed his arms and appeared to be mulling over my words. After a few moments, he gave a curt nod. “We don’t want her to leave. Havin’ her stay with Aunt Christine was merely a suggestion. I thought it would be in her best interest.”
“I understand. But maybe, the best interest for the three of you is to stay together.”
“The three of us?” Livingston’s lips fought to stay in a straight line. “Are you forgettin’ that Étienne and I are grown men? We don’t need to stay with anyone.”
“I realize that. And even though Nat may be a child right now, she’s the heartbeat of the family. I think you both need her too.”
Neither Étienne nor Livingston answered me. I didn’t know why I said what I did. It was truthful and seemed appropriate. Nat was their only sister and all they had left. If that wasn’t enough, she had the power, even at the age of twelve, to keep the peace within her family. That stood for something.
Étienne cleared his throat, while Livingston kept his gaze on the ground and itched his chin.
“If Nat truly wants to remain at Belgrave then of course she can,” Étienne said.
When I walked away from Nat, I didn’t know what the outcome would be when I spoke to her brothers. That she didn’t have to go gave me relief. This was exactly what she wanted.
“Wonderful to hear,” I said.
Livingston gave the front door a pointed look. “Are you goin’ to tell her?”
Laughing beneath my breath, I shook my head and clapped Livingston on the back as I walked past him. “I have work to do with Étienne. Besides, you’re a grown man, and she’s just a child. There’s nothin’ to fear.”
Livingston nodded, but still didn’t approach the front door. I walked with Étienne back to the sitting room, with more confidence, because I was making good on my promise to Nat. I was going to protect her and keep her safe.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Juliet
Changing yourself for each person you meet in your life is remarkably easy. I prefer to think of it as wearing clothes. Some may fit, others are too loose or too tight. At times, the characters are unflattering. For me, I settle for nothing less than perfect. That’s what I attain to be in life.
I’ve carefully observed people to see what they prefer and what they dislike. I remain patient and calm because I know my attentive observations will lead to everyone being none the wiser.
Yes, transforming yourself is easy. It’s being yourself that’s far harder. Shedding the traits that define your identities and becoming bare is lonely and vulnerable. Akin to standing in front of the mirror without a stitch of clothing and staring at your flaws.
If I could, I would never be bare. But I’m not strong enough to face what I see, and I never have been.
Perhaps Asa can sense my ever-changing self. Maybe I am not as careful and precise as I think and that’s why he doesn’t love me. I saw him at the dress shop and at Alex’s birthday. I am no fool. Asa still loves Nathalie. If he thinks he’s concealing it from me, he needs to do a far better job. I didn’t expect Asa to love me at first sight. But something would be nice. Can I say I love him? Of course not. But I see the expression on his face when Nathalie is around, and I want it for myself. Everyone desires warmth and comfort.
“He will never love you.” At the sound of his voice, I close my eyes, but the scent of blood pervades my nostrils. I know if I open them, I’ll see his reflection in my vanity mirror. Flecks of blood will splatter his clothes, and appear up his neck. He’ll be standing beside me, whispering the words softly, yet managing to brush the hair back from my ear.
“You’re a stupid twit,” he continues, and I suck in a sharp breath. “You know better than to want his kindness. You’re here for one thing. Remember that.”
My eyes flash open, and I’m all alone in my room with only his words echoing in my head, and the lingering scent of blood in the air.
Outside my room, the house continues to run as it normally does. I can hear the maids carrying on conversations, and it reminds me how alone I feel here. The awful staff doesn’t care for me, though. I can sense their unease as I walk past them and in how they avoid my gaze. I had no chance of earning their favor. Especially after what occurred in the dining room. Apologizing was humiliating and degrading. I was no better than the dirt beneath my fingernails. And everyone in the dining room saw it. I wanted to lunge at Asa, claw at his face and unleash all my anger on him for hurting me in such a manner. Couldn’t he understand that what I was doing was for the betterment of this house? A home needed to be ran with a sharp eye. If you want perfection, you can never settle for anything less.
But the hurt surrounding my heart isn’t because of him. Hurt such as that takes longer to cultivate than from one demeaning experience. No, that hurt came from years of fury.
My hands curl into fists so tightly, my nails dig into my skin. I press so hard, my entire body shakes with pain. I don’t relent, because memories from my past continue to play in my head. I close my eyes, but over and over, they unfold in my head at a sickening speed. I know if I fight it, the recollections will find me at another time when I’m less prepared.
And as swiftly as the horrid memories sweep over, do they recede. My fingers slowly flex, and my body stops shaking. I take a deep breath and open my eyes. Everything in my room is as it should be. As I gradually collect myself, I feel stronger than before.
Your responses are growing smaller and smaller. The past has far less control over you.
I smile at the thought. It’s the truth and that means I’m growing stronger and need to focus on what I came here to do.
Finish it all, Juliet.
Emboldened by those words, I take a deep breath and walk over to one of the windows. My room faces the street. I’m afforded the perfect opportunity to watch people come and go. My view is quite possibly the one thing I enjoy about Charleston and this home. I like to observe everyone and their characteristics. The way they move and how they laugh. Sometimes I’ll imitate what I see in front of the mirror to remember how common people behave. How I once behaved.
Once I’ve accomplished everything I need to do here, all will be peaceful in my life.
And I’ll never need to pretend again.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Nathalie
“Number, please.”
“Young lady, lady! Stay on the line,” says a deep voice. It’s a thick, yet remarkably fictitious English accent. It can only belong to one caller. I’ve dubbed him ‘the Duke.’
“Number please,” I repeat, my tone cordial as though this is the first time we’re having a conversation and not the sixth since I’ve been working as an operator.
“I need the number to the White House.”
Oh, this one is new.
“I know the date when the world will end,” the Duke announces.
“Is that so?” I say, my tone amiable.
“Yes, I’ve known for quite some time, and no one has listened to me, therefore I need to speak with President Wilson.”
“Of course,” I say in agreement. “Central or eastern time?” I ask.
“Central, of course.”
From the corner of my eye, I look to the clock on the wall. I have five minutes until my shift ends and it can’t come soon enough. My lower back is aching in places I didn’t know it
could hurt. My buttocks went numb hours ago. I’m fairly certain if I stand, my legs will wobble for half a second before I get my bearings. Tension gathers in the back of my neck and travels up my skull. I know I’ll be falling asleep with a cool cloth over my eyes tonight. And when I do, I will feel a sense of satisfaction because I went out and did something productive. I know I’m not on the exact path I should take, but I’m keeping one foot in front of the other and that’s far better than what my existence was at Brignac House.
“Bother it! It’s far too late now. I shall call back tomorrow,” the Duke says. Without a goodbye, the line cuts off.
With a brief shake of my head, I remove the line from one jack and place it into another and flip the switch. “Number, please.”
As I listen to the caller, I watch the switchboard and the lights. All day it remains this bright. You would think closer to the night it would dim, but people come home for the day. That’s when they want to make their calls. We receive more calls at night. I think that’s the overwhelming part. You can answer a hundred calls in a day and it’s not enough.
For not one second will I admit that Étienne was right.
This job is excruciating.
And it only took me two weeks to come to that conclusion.
Quite honestly, I’m surprised I’ve lasted this long. I believe it’s determination to understand every requirement of this job that keeps me going. Like everything, the newness is wearing off. And the realization that I will have to do this, day in and out, for hours is sinking in.
But if I quit, I can clearly see Étienne’s smile. He can be quite smug when he is right.
Serene’s words echo in my head, loud and clear, The greatest act of rebellion a woman can make is knowing her worth.
I am worthy of this work. Every protest from my muscles is proof of that.
Besides, there is a part of me that is far too stubborn to quit now. I still need to win the approval of Louise. She leaves no room for error. When you think she’s not looking, she still manages to see your mistakes. How? I don’t know. She doesn’t take kindly to having to repeat herself, and I’m convinced she was born with her light brown hair pulled back in a tight bun, and brows drawn together.
However, she says nothing to anyone if everything runs smoothly. I’ve begun to realize those days are few and far between and when they happen, I should cherish them.
I take two more calls before I hear Louise’s voice. “Shift change.”
If ladies are taking calls, they remain in place; if not, we take off our headsets and push back our seats, making as little noise as possible.
The moment I stand, my entire body uncoils and sighs with relief. I roll my neck and stop myself from sighing. Leaf, who looks just as tired as me, stands beside me. We follow the rest of the operators, passing the ladies who will take our positions for the night. The moment we’re out of the large room and in the hallway, conversation erupts.
Leaf immediately turns to me. “I think I might fall asleep on my walk home.”
“You are not givin’ me much hope that this job gets easier.”
“Because it doesn’t,” Susan dryly chimes in.
Crossing her arms, Leaf leans against the wall and yawns. She looks as though she’s going to fall asleep right there, before she jerks upright.
“Are you walkin’ home with us?” Leaf asks me.
For the past week, I’ve been walking home with Leaf, Susan and her cousin, Judy. Livingston takes me to work and offers to pick me up, but I feel as though I am a burden.
“Of course.”
“Although, your brother can pick you up if he feels ever so inclined,” Susan says. Beside her, Judy nods, with wide eyes.
Leaf nudges her. “Her brother is an engaged man, you hussy!”
Susan smiles wickedly. “He’s engaged. Not dead!”
“Ladies, over here!” Louise raises a hand and snaps her fingers. We all quiet down as Louise quietly begins to pass out envelopes to each of us from her trusted clipboard. When she stops at me, I’m so exhausted that for a moment I accept it without knowing what it is and then it occurs to me. Another paycheck.
Around me, the ladies begin to disperse, but I’m far too excited not to see what’s inside.
I rip open the envelope, my lips curving into a small smile. I look at the amount. It’s the same as last week.
Fifteen dollars.
My smile fades. I worked over eleven hours a day. I’ve had one day off a week, for the last two weeks, and I only have thirty dollars to show for it. My bones feel heavier than they did sitting in front of the switchboard, on the uncomfortable chair.
“Should be fifteen dollars a day,” I mutter to myself.
“You think so?”
I turn around so fast, I become off-balance and stumble to my left before I right myself. Asa stares at me solemnly. His briefcase in one hand and suit jacket in the other.
Quickly, I look down at the measly sum on my paycheck. “No, no.” I wave my check and smile. “Fifteen dollars is perfectly reasonable for the week.”
When I raise my head, Asa’s brows are puckered. “You just said you believed it should be fifteen dollars per day.”
I put the check out of sight by placing it in my handbag. I give him a friendly, yet distant smile. “Well, I don’t know what I’m sayin’ because I’m delirious from exhaustion.” Before Asa can say a word, I point a finger at him. “Say a word to Étienne and I’ll deny it.”
He lifts one hand, palm up. “I will say nothin’.”
Most of the ladies from my shift have left, apart from Leaf, Susan and Judy. As Leaf puts on her coat, she turns to me. “Nat, are you still walkin’ with us?”
“I’ll take her home,” Asa volunteers, his eyes on me.
My three friends turn in unison. They look between me and Asa with wide eyes. At that moment, I want the floor to open up and swallow me whole. I see the questions in their eyes. They’re more than curious. I can’t explain the relationship I have with Asa or how I know him. There’s not enough time in the world for that.
I take the lesser of the two evils and point to Asa. “He will be takin’ me home.”
Susan hooks her purse strap through her arm, her eyes twinkling as she looks at me. “Have a pleasant evenin’, Nat.”
“Good evenin’, ladies,” I reply, pointedly evading their stares and grins.
Once they’re gone, I look up at Asa. “You don’t have to take me home.”
“I insist. If Étienne discovered I let you walk home, he would execute me.”
“One could argue that if Étienne was so worried about my transportation, he would pick me up and take me home himself.” The moment I say it, I realize that if Étienne does catch wind I’m walking with my friends, he will more than likely do just that.
I sigh. “All right. But don’t you tell Étienne how I get home each night.”
Asa lifts a brow at my bargain before he nods. “Very well.”
I gesture down the hall. “Let me get my belongins’ and we can leave.”
My heels click on the floor, falling into rhythm with my rapid beating heart. I don’t know why I’m excited. It is chivalrous what Asa is doing, but nothing else. If this was Rainey or Serene, he would drive them home as well.
He’s married now, Nathalie.
I grab my coat and purse from the sitting room, and hurry down the hall. When I see Asa is where I left him, I almost feel relief.
“Okay,” I say, “I’m ready.”
Asa turns to me; his eyes sweep me up and down. Even though his face remains impassive, his eyes nearly burn. My grip on my purse tightens. Perhaps I’m better off walking home alone.
On the way out of the building, I’m painfully aware of Asa’s presence. Even the slightest brush of his shoulder against mine makes my stomach clench. When he opens the front door for me and lets me walk in front of him, I feel the barest touch of his fingers on my back. I stop myself seconds before I gasp, although I could say i
t was the cool air that brought it out of me.
After working inside for eleven hours, the cool fresh air feels amazing. I close my eyes and tilt my head back.
This is why I relish walking home with my friends. We talk and laugh, and those minutes I have with them are a wonderful reprieve before it all begins again.
When I open my eyes, I find Asa intently staring at me. I exhale a shaky breath.
He’s married now, Nathalie.
Seconds later, Asa breaks eye contact. He looks around the street. “I’ve changed my mind. Let’s walk.”
“But it’s a thirty-minute walk to the Lacroix House,” I protest.
“But it’s December in Charleston and there’s a nice breeze coming from The Battery. How often can we say that?”
As much as I would like to put an end to time spent alone with Asa, I can’t dispute his words. And after the day I had, I need the cool air against my skin.
“Very well. Let’s walk.”
We set off down the brick sidewalk. Streetlamps are lit, casting the streets of Charleston in a dream-like haze. Cars and horses mingle on the road. Very few people walk on the street at this time of night, and as Asa and I walk, I comfortably look at the shops closed for the night and the homes lining the street. The windows glow from within, and I can imagine how comfortable and cozy families are tucked in for the night.
After we turn the corner and head down Logan Street, I look at Asa. “They’re goin’ wonder,” I comment.
“They are?”
“Most certainly.” I clasp my hands together in front of me, and my voice goes up two octaves. “‘Nathalie, why did you leave with Mr. Calhoun?’”
A reluctant smile tugs at Asa’s lips. Just for a second. Then, he’s back to being solemn. “You tell them the truth. I’m a close family friend.”
“Then they will say I got the job because of you.”
“You did get the job because of me.” Before I have the chance to interject, Asa quickly says, “But you’re keepin’ the job because of your hard work. Do you know how many young ladies have quit or been fired?”