by Read, Calia
Once we arrived at Asa’s car, he released our arms, opened the passenger door, and swept a hand toward the car. “Rainey, Nathalie. Allow me to take you girls home.”
“No need. I can walk.”
“No please. Allow me this honor. And while I walk you to your door, I’ll speak to your brother, Miles, or your momma.”
Rainey slouched in her seat and muttered something under her breath before he could finish his words.
“Pardon? I don’t believe I heard you.”
Rainey stopped morosely staring out the window and looked over at him. “I said you are the killer of all enjoyable moments.”
Asa thought over her words. “I don’t believe anyone has called me that before. But I much rather kill your dangerous enjoyable moments and see you safe.”
“You were a young person once, Asa. Surely you remember what it was like to have fun,” Rainey said.
Asa shook his head. “No, I don’t believe I was.”
Rainey snorted. “Of course. When you were a baby, you saw how dreadful the whole diaper and bottle exchange could be on your pride, so you demanded you skip the entire process and become an adult.”
One side of Asa’s mouth lifted upward. Just a bit.
To that, Rainey had nothing to say. And I remained silent during the entire exchange because I could only think one thing and one thing only.
You’re sitting beside him. You. Are. Sitting. Beside. Him!
My heart nearly screamed the words with glee. I enjoyed this moment because once Étienne got ahold of me, I would get the tongue lashing of my life and wouldn’t be able to sit by a boy, let alone a man, until I had gray hairs.
Promptly, some of my glee dwindled at the wrath that was undoubtedly waiting for me at Belgrave.
Asa stopped in front of the Pleasonton home and looked around me to Rainey. “Shall we?”
“This isn’t my fault,” Rainey stated. “I am a vessel for all of Nat’s bad ideas. If anythin’, I am as surprised as you are, Asa.”
With wide eyes, I pointed a finger at her. “You are a liar! You lie, lie, lie!”
Rainey blinked with wide-eye innocence. “I did no such thing.” She looked to Asa. “If you could tell my momma and Miles that I had nothin’ to do with this, I would greatly appreciate that.”
Fuming, I turned to Asa. “This was her idea. Don’t listen to her!”
“Jesus! Both of you stop talkin’!” Asa hollered. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “Rainey get out, I’m tellin’ the truth.” He opened his eyes and looked directly at her. “That you were involved just as much as Nat.”
Rainey watched him from the corner of her eye. “I do not care for you very much right now.”
At that, Asa chuckled. “I’m sure you don’t. Now let’s get you inside.”
I stayed in the car while Asa walked Rainey toward her fateful doom. Her momma would be upset and angry with Rainey as she always was. I wouldn’t see Rainey for some time, which would be a punishment more for Mrs. Pleasonton than Rainey. After days of Rainey following her around the house begging for freedom, Mrs. Pleasonton would relent, and I would have my best friend back.
Unfortunately, Étienne would not be as forgiving. I’d be lucky to see the light of day for my debut.
A short time later, Asa returned. As he got behind the driver’s seat, he sighed but didn’t say a word. The drive to Belgrave was silent. I tucked my hands beneath my thighs and stared out the window, even though the world was cloaked in darkness.
“Why do you listen to her?” Asa asked bluntly.
“Because she’s my best friend.”
“The two of you are children no longer.”
“You called us girls at the carnival,” I pointed out.
Asa narrowed his eyes. He knew I was right. “Be that as it may, the antics the two of you once got into as little girls is no longer acceptable. What you did tonight was dangerous.”
Quietly, I stared out the window. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my emotions at bay. I knew I would have to hear the same words from Étienne, and I didn’t want to. Neither of them understood what compelled me and Rainey to go to the carnival tonight. They would never understand.
I remained quiet the entire drive back to Belgrave. When Asa stopped at the front of the porch steps, I hurriedly got out of the car; if I was going to be punished, I might as well get it over with.
Behind me, Asa sighed and slammed his door.
“Nat, please wait.”
I stopped, crossing my arms over my chest.
Asa leaned against his car. “I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me. You know I have to take you home and tell your brother where you were.”
For several seconds I stared at the ground, struggling with my reply. “It’s… it’s that Étienne won’t be pleased and will punish me.”
Asa’s frown deepened. “You knew your brother would punish you if you were caught.”
“Yes, but… I need to speak to Mrs. Pleasonton.”
“Why?”
“Because… because…”
Asa lifted both brows.
“Because I started…” I managed to get out, and suddenly stopped.
“Started?” he encouraged.
My God, I didn’t know if I had ever been this uncomfortable. If the ground opened and swallowed me whole right at this moment, I would be eternally grateful.
“Because I started my monthlies,” I said in one giant rush.
I hadn’t intended to tell him, but I was willing to say anything for this to end.
“Oh,” Asa said with a solemn nod, and then, it was as though he processed the words because his eyes widened, and he gave a quick shake of his head. “Oh! Oh, God.” He regarded me with sheer terror. “Is that even possible? You’re just a little girl.”
I placed my hands on my hips, trying to look as tall and as confident as possible. From Asa’s unmoved expression, I knew I wasn’t very convincing. “I will have you know that I’m thirteen.”
He thought it over before he shook his head. “It can’t be. It just can’t be.”
“Well, it is. And I need to speak to her, or I truly will never leave Belgrave and it won’t be because of Étienne banishin’ me to my room.”
Asa crossed his arms. “Why? What’s wrong?”
With a quiet voice, I explained what occurred yesterday while I was in town with my friend. When I finished, Asa didn’t seem as horrified as he did when he heard about my monthlies. No, he looked furious.
“Nat,” he said slowly. “Those boys were bastards for laughin’, all right?”
Wordlessly, I nodded. Although nothing Asa said would make the humiliation go away. In this way, he reminded me of my brothers. Quick to dismiss the boys as fools and hoped my embarrassment faded.
This was when I desperately needed a momma. If I had one, I wouldn’t have bled through my drawers and humiliated myself.
I tried so hard to fight the tears, but they came on their own. Once Asa spotted them, his eyes widened, almost with fear. He held both of his hands up in front of him and hurried toward me. “No, no, no,” he rushed. “Why are you cryin’?”
Rapidly, I blinked my eyes as though that would help keep the tears from coming, but my efforts were futile. If I thought of Momma during a vulnerable moment, there was no preventing my tears. I dropped my face in my hands. “I miss her.”
“Of course, you do,” Asa said.
Stiffly, he patted my shoulder. I peeked through my fingers and saw Asa standing in front of me. He was as skilled at comforting and consoling as Étienne was.
“Um…um… why don’t we sit down?” he suggested.
I lifted my head as he guided me toward the front steps of Belgrave. Sitting down on the cool marble was refreshing during this dreadful summer heat we were having.
Asa sat beside me. Under most circumstances, I would have been elated, but then I remembered the events of the night and why he brought us to sit here. It would be a mirac
le if I could bring myself to look at him in the weeks to come.
With the rest of my tears gone, I smoothed my dress over my legs and drew my knees close to my body. Asa and I sat there in silence for quite some time. I looked at him from the corner of my eye and found him solemnly staring straight ahead, toward the driveway, surrounded by trees. I followed his gaze, and soon, my discomfort eased. I stopped picking at the material of my dress and lowered my chin onto my knees.
“Do you still think about cloud houses?” Asa asked.
The question was posed so bluntly that, at first, I didn’t register cloud houses. When I did, I thought carefully of my reply. “At times I do,” I started out slowly. “Not nearly as often as I did when they first passed.”
Asa nodded. “I’ve given it some thought, and I believe Rainey’s daddy is with your family. Don’t you?”
I found myself nodding before he finished his words. “I believe so. It would give me so much comfort if they were together.”
“I’m sure it would.” Asa paused. “If your momma was here now, what do you think she would say to comfort you?”
My heart pounded at his question because it was one I thought of several times. Not once did I think Asa would be the one to ask me about this. Rainey, perhaps, but not Asa.
“I believe she would tell me everythin’ would be all right.” It was painful to speak of her, so I picked at a nail that I couldn’t see in the dark of the night. “She always knew the right words to say at the perfect moments. I think all Mommas have that ability.”
Asa sighed and stretched his legs out in front of him. “Not all Mommas,” he murmured.
My brows knitted together at his comment, but I didn’t say a word. I knew if I asked, he wouldn’t elaborate.
“Your momma was rare,” Asa said.
Sadly, I smiled. “When I was little, close to five or six, I was terrified of the dark. I would wail every night, cryin’ out for her. She would come and lay with me until I fell asleep. As time went on, she would tell me to take deep breaths and name three things I could see around me. If I could, that meant the darkness couldn’t overcome me.” Nervously, my leg bounced up and down, but I continued with my confession. “It worked. My fear was only as great as my imagination would let it be.”
Beside me, Asa nodded. He didn’t say a word for quite some time, and then, “Name three things you can see right now.”
My gaze lifted from my lap. Skeptically, I looked at him and found him solemnly waiting for me to answer. I looked around, out into the darkness. “Well, I see the driveway.” I glanced at the sky. “I see the stars.” My eyes shifted to Asa. “And I see you.”
Even in the dark, I could see Asa smile.
“That’s good. That’s really good. Lady Gouldian, you are far bigger than your pain and fears. You always have been.”
I nodded, feeling warmth and comfort spread in my chest from his words.
Sighing, Asa stood. I knew we couldn’t remain outside forever. I had to go inside at some point, so I stood after him.
With his arms crossed, Asa regarded Belgrave. “You understand I have to tell your brother about your adventure with Rainey, yes?”
My shoulder sagged with defeat. “Yes.”
Asa gestured to the steps before him. “After you.”
I began to walk toward the front door when Asa called out, “Nat?”
Turning, I saw him at the bottom of the porch steps. “You may become frustrated with me at times, but I promise to always be here for you.”
I smiled. “I know that.”
Just as I imagined, Étienne did not react well when Asa explained why he was walking into his office late last night with me beside him. I was housebound for the next three weeks. When I said that was highly unjust, considering it was my first time ever leaving the home without his permission, he said, “Well, it’s eleven and I know you were in your room at seven this evenin’ so that means you left at eight. You had three hours of rebellious fun. Now you have the pleasure of spendin’ three weeks inside and recallin’ all that fun.”
And now I was here, sitting upside down on the settee in the sitting room and staring up at the details of the ceilings. I had come to many conclusions: if you put a pillow beneath your head, the blood doesn’t rush to your head quite as quickly. I’ve lived far too long at Belgrave to find this colossal estate anything else but prosaic. Yet within an hour this morning, I found myself walking the halls with uninteresting eyes. And for the next three weeks, I missed Rainey terribly. Yes, she had a wicked mouth that didn’t know when to stop. But she was so bold. I would’ve never let Belgrave last night if it wasn’t for her. I wanted half of her boldness. Oh, what I would do if I was in possession of such courage. I would tell Asa how much I loved him. How much I had always loved him.
I squeezed my eyes shut at the thought. No, I didn’t imagine I’d ever be able to say that.
“Dear girl, is this any way to greet a guest?”
I rolled off the side of the settee, my legs tangled in my skirt. When I sat up, I saw Mrs. Pleasonton breezing into the room with complete ownership. She stopped taking off her gloves and flicked a disapproving gaze toward me when she saw I was still on the floor.
Quickly, I stood up and hastily tried to smooth my skirt and shirtwaist. I didn’t take much care with my appearance today and chose my plainest skirt of navy blue and a white shirtwaist to match. If I knew company was coming, I would have chosen a nicer outfit. Confused, I looked to the doorway. Was anyone else here? Better yet, was she expecting to speak with someone else? Maybe she was upset at me and Rainey’s shenanigans from the night before and wanted a private word with Étienne.
“Are you here for one of my brothers?”
“Why would I ever come to visit them?” She gently folded her gloves in half and placed them in her clutch. Satisfied, she looked at me and smiled. “It’s lunch and I am famished.”
She didn’t wait for my reply and called for Ben. He was by her side at once. “Can you please see if the kitchen can make cucumber sandwiches for me and Miss Lacroix?”
Ben dipped his head. “Of course.”
With that business settled, Mrs. Pleasonton turned back to me. “Would you like anythin’ else?”
I still wasn’t entirely certain what brought Mrs. Pleasonton here, but she, along with Ben, watched me expectantly that I felt as though I had to answer. “I- um… last year I went to Kerrison’s Dry Goods and they made this banana split.”
Mrs. Pleasonton eyes lit up with understanding. “Ah, yes. I believe I’ve heard of this ice cream concoction.” She turned to Ben and before she could say a word, he nodded. “I will make sure it’s made.”
“Thank you.”
When he left, she placed her clutch on the end table and looked around the room before her gaze settled on me. “How are you, my dear?”
Thoroughly baffled.
“I am well.”
She shook her head and walked toward me. “That will not do. By the time I leave, I want you to be great. Yes?” Without waiting for an answer, she wrapped an arm around me and guided me to the settee.
“Let’s talk. About anythin’ that weighs on your mind.” She shifted and faced me. “You have my attention.”
A smile of gratefulness curled my lips upward. I didn’t know who spoke to Mrs. Pleasonton, but I knew one thing; she knew of my struggles. Truthfully, I didn’t mind. I wanted to speak to someone so badly about what I felt that her presence was more than welcome.
The humiliation and pain faded as I realized somehow, Asa Calhoun was involved with bringing Mrs. Pleasonton here today. I was certain that if I ever needed him in my life, he would be there.
That’s why I loved him so.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Nathalie
I haven’t seen much of Asa since he walked me home from work a little over a week ago.
Considering we almost kissed, I tell myself it is for the best. I don’t want an apology or profound regret, and wi
th Asa, that is bound to happen.
So why do I care so much that he is going out of his way not to see me? That I haven’t seen him once when my shift is over? That there hasn’t been another offer to give me a ride to walk me home?
Maybe this is the way it had to be. For both of us.
I already have enough to learn and focus my attention on while I’m at work. My call station is next to Leaf’s, and I like to think that because of her, I’m learning at a faster rate. I’m discovering that skill comes with trial and error. I make many mistakes, most of them small. But each time a misstep occurs, I try to spot what I did wrong. I’m determined that, someday, I’m going to be as fast as Leaf with her calls and each day, I get one step closer.
“Nathalie,” Louise says as she walks past me.
I know that’s my prompt to follow her. My switchboard remains active, and as usual, another girl comes over to take my position until I can come back.
I take off my headset and give Leaf a worried glance. She merely shrugs a shoulder. Neither one of us knowing why I was being called out into the hall.
Quickly, I hurry out of the room. I think this is the first time I’m anxious to get back to my call station.
“Hello, Louise,” I say once we reach the hallway.
Louise is all business and only dips her head in greeting before her eyes move to my hair. “You remember the dress code here, correct?”
Instinctively, my hands move to my hair. This morning I didn’t take great care in doing my hair. It’s in a simple low bun but wrapped around it, I can feel the silky material of the bright red ribbon.
I swallow and feel my heart sink to my gut. “Oh. Oh, no. Oh, I’m so sorry. I can take this out right now.”
“I’m sure you can, but I’m afraid I must write you up.”
Before she finishes her words, the said ribbon is in my hands. I stare down at it. Surely, she’s kidding. “For this?”