The forest sounds began returning around us now that the rain had stopped for a while. I listened while I thought, trying to sieve complete thoughts from the riverbed of my emotions. I sighed in frustration. “You are Ludan, not Terran. You say I would be enough for you? Did your head go soft? I don’t want to be first wife, much less an only wife. My education was on the streets of rotting Bittertown. I don’t know how to carry that weight, and I don’t want to. Leading a team is one thing, but I couldn’t even keep a relationship until I met you.
“We are rotting orb-Bonded. I may be a little ignorant about some things but I know that we are going to live a long time, like, there is a lot of life left to go if we don’t go and get ourselves killed. The odds of staying low in the settle tank while we have our ‘Bonded ranks is not likely. Thato Jacobs said the nasty thing about power and time is that mixing the two creates responsibility. Well, he said something like that, I think.”
I ran my hand through my hair. “I loved you, I will probably always love you. You are a great man and I heard your father’s dying words. There is a lot of history here, but I don’t think I was in love with you. At least, I never felt like I couldn’t be without...I don’t know how to say this.”
The night sky was still just a blanket of darkness as I let my head roll back. There were no stars to be seen. The taste in the air made it feel like it might rain again. More rain would suit my mood.
“I was never unfaithful. When you got...angry at me, and you questioned that, you shouldn’t have been surprised that I’d push you for it. I don’t like being accused of things I didn’t do.” I paused, then continued softly. “I’m sorry for that. I never should have touched you, but the way you kept ignoring what I was saying, ignoring my decision to keep giving more reasons you should get what you want...it thumped my relax switch.”
With a low growl, I sat back and crossed my arms. I studied the sleeping man for another couple minutes, fat water droplets falling from the tree limbs above us. Then one landed on Benjamin’s face and he twisted his nose.
I narrowed my eyes. “If you are awake, I am going to kick you in your testicles.”
Without opening his eyes, Benjamin muttered, “Didn’t you just apologize for punching me earlier? You know I could have gone to the chain of command for that.”
My stomach sunk but then I clenched my teeth. Figures. I just could not seem to catch a break in life. “I didn’t punch you. Plus, reporting me wouldn’t have done anything. They just would have split us up. We technically weren’t supposed to have been courting in the first place. If we hadn’t been ‘Bonded, it wouldn’t have been overlooked, but we are, so it was, so—” I petered off before forcefully asking, “How long were you listening to me?”
“From the beginning.”
Anger rose from my stomach, thick and ugly, but I suppressed it. “And you thought it would be fun to, what, to play dead and listen to me make a fool of myself?”
Benjamin finally opened his eyes, as clear and untroubled as usual. “See, this is part of the problem. It took us fighting for our lives on an airship against dozens of bat men, then falling from the sky, and then me looking unconscious for you to finally talk to me about...us. Now was it really that bad?”
“What do you mean, finally talk to you?” I threw a stick on the campfire and said, “I talked to you before.”
“No, we had a fight where we both said some bad things, and then we had to work together again. There has been...tension.”
“Well, I guess,” I said lamely.
“And like I said, we haven’t had this talk until now, when I am busted up from a fight, you are covered in blood, and we’re in the middle of nowhere in a storm. This is not normal, Nora. Other people have conversations over tea.”
“Yes, well, I’m not rotting normal.” I showed him my teeth in a smile even as my eyes burned a bit. For the first time I was glad for the water falling from the trees. “I’m just a broken woman from the streets, given power by a demigoddess like a windup doll.”
“Yukkashit,” cursed Benjamin. His eyes held mine—I couldn’t look away. “You always do this. Don’t get me wrong, Nora, you have your faults. Creator, I should know. But you flip from pride and confidence to this...whatever you are doing. You need to fix that.”
“What else do I need to fix, oh wise and educated Benjamin Tremblay, son of the Energy Fox?” My voice dripped sarcasm. “While you’re at it, maybe you should tell me how to be a shiner, and be popular like Jessica.”
Benjamin shook his head. “Well, you can start with not hitting people. One of these days you are going to try that stuff with the wrong person and it’s going to backfire on you. But seriously, you have a strong personality. Some people are going to dislike you. But you should focus on the fact that even the people that don’t like you usually respect you, Nora.”
“Yeah, because I’m orb-Bonded,” I muttered.
“No. I’m orb-Bonded. Does everyone respect me?”
I eyed him sideways. “Yes.” He gave me a flat look and I amended, “They respect your abilities, but...okay fine.” I hadn’t thought about Arren, my best friend from Bittertown, in a while, but this conversation was starting to remind me of her. She’d always said things similar to what Benjamin was slinging. I thought I knew where it was heading so I decided to get there first. “Fine, so I’m hard on myself, and I don’t see things as they really are. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”
Benjamin stared at me for a few breaths before finally saying, “No, I think that was enough.”
“Are you sure?”
He face wrinkled up in what could be called a tired smile. “Yes.” He scratched his head and looked away while he spoke next. “You know that I was still in love with you, and hoping that you would give us another chance, right?”
“Yes.” It would have been hard to miss, I silently added.
“Well, this is what I needed. Closure.”
I rolled my eyes. Men could be so emotional about relationships. “Closure. Okay. Well, I’m glad you got it.”
Benjamin shook his head. “You just don’t get it sometimes, Nora. You can be so kind sometimes, but then you can be as abrasive as sandpaper. You also don’t deal well with personal confrontations. The night you ended our relationship, you didn’t really explain anything to me very well. That’s why I thought you might have cheated or had someone else who was courting you.”
“Oh.” I had to admit that I could have handled that better. The days had passed and it had grown harder and harder to tell Benjamin what I needed to say, so I’d drunk some rotgut liquor in camp. In hindsight, that hadn’t been a great decision.
“I kept thinking that maybe you would change your mind, but now I know you won’t. I won’t pretend to completely understand, but I think I know you well enough to let it go.” He flashed a roguish grin at me. I knew him too, so I could still see a ghost of pain behind it.
I twisted my nose. “So we are okay now? No more weird pauses, or awkward looks?”
“Yes.” Benjamin chuckled. “Everything is still not perfectly alright, but we were friends from the beginning, and we can be friends, now.”
“Correct,” I said.
“So.” Benjamin’s voice changed and he forced good cheer. “Now that we have made up, would you like to share my bedroll for the night? One more for old times sake?”
I pointed the miniaturized Eneus at him and gave him a flat look. “You are a fool.”
Benjamin shrugged and said, “Can’t blame a man for trying.”
“Go back to sleep.”
“Yes, Captain.” Benjamin gave me an extra big smile before he lay down again. I could still see the sadness behind it, but I think maybe deep down, he’d recognized we weren’t right for each other either. Maybe now he’d accepted it like I had. He looked different now—maybe he would be okay.
Maybe we both would be.
Without Reservation
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?�
�� asked Benjamin. We stood in a small shopping plaza near Fort Jupiter, the closest civilization we’d been able to find. Luckily, actually getting here hadn’t been too difficult.
As it turned out, I’d been right that the airship had been attacked right past the Border Mountains. We’d been stranded on the West side of the Stem River, which made sense—the airship had been traveling to Khargosh.
Once Benjamin had healed up, we’d been able to travel quickly. He’d actually had two full monstrous forms that could traverse the wilderness quickly, and he’d even picked up another form one night while he had been on watch. I’d never asked the particulars about that one. Some aspects of the man’s power were strange.
While we’d traveled, since I could fly, choosing our path and finding Fort Jupiter hadn’t been too difficult. Spending so much time with my ex had still been a little awkward, but the tension from before had been mostly gone. We might never be super close again, but at least we could be friendly, and Benjamin seemed to have accepted the way of things.
The days to reach Fort Jupiter had passed quickly. Thankfully, now we were here and Benjamin was safe. I had to admit I felt a great deal of relief. I had no regrets for the choices I’d made, but it would feel really nice to travel on my own like I’d originally intended.
“I’ll be fine,” I said for the tenth time. While we had been courting, the man’s obvious concern might have made me feel good. At the moment, I was just finding it annoying.
“But you’ll be alone, and you can’t—” He paused, and I knew he’d been about to say fly in public. Thankfully, he recovered quickly, finishing, “—travel forever. Even you need to take breaks. Who is going to watch your back?”
I didn’t try to hide my sigh and I lifted an eyebrow.
Some of the hawkers and merchants around us at small stalls paused to watch. I got the feeling that Fort Jupiter didn’t get a lot of visitors. This close to the Border Mountains and near the Reaching Mountains where the most dangerous monsters came from, it wasn’t exactly a tourist spot. The only people who lived here were probably all related to the operation of the fort somehow.
My instinct was to just fly off, but I couldn’t for several reasons. It was a shame I didn’t have a less flashy way to travel. Air mages that could fly were so rare, some murderous would-be bounty hound might figure I’m orb-Bonded even without a mask on. Still, in the middle of a shopping area like this, I didn’t expect anyone to stab me in the back, much less while I was in the air.
No, while Benjamin was annoying me, I had admit part of that was because of my own issues. He really was a good man, and he’d been making an effort to...create distance between us. We had a few years of history now, and I owed him a proper goodbye. He was not just a past lover, he was a teammate. I hadn’t always treated him well, especially toward the end of our relationship. That was a bitter root to swallow, but it was true.
I never knew how complicated relationships could be.
Benjamin’s eyes narrowed a fraction and he quickly glanced around. The tips of his ears turned red the way they did when he was embarrassed. “Oh,” he said. “Sorry.”
“Benjamin,” I said, trying to be gentle but quick. I had a suspicion that I’d failed and I probably sounded gruff. Well, nothing to do about it, I thought. I forged ahead, “I’d like to get started while I still have daylight. You should be fine here, and I promise I will be fine too.”
In a matter of fact tone, he said, “Yes, honestly, you’ll probably be better off without me to hold you back.” He didn’t try to save face by laughing, like it’d been a joke. The man had the courage to see the truth and even say it out loud. I’d always respected that about him.
“It’s good you understand. But watch yourself. It’s been a long time since you were in Berber and this place can be dangerous.”
“I will,” he said. Then he abruptly bent at the waist, bowing like...like...a hero in a story book, or nobility. He said, “I apologize for everything. I also forgive you for everything. Please be safe, and keep inspiring those you lead.”
My eyes suddenly misted, and I didn’t know what to do or say. I had not been expecting this. Not at all.
With a sudden flash of insight, I got the feeling the man’s eyes might not be completely dry at the moment, and I was a bit moved myself. “Thank you,” was all I could manage. “You are forgiven too.” Then to save us both further embarrassment, I turned and walked away. The eyes of strangers watched me go, but I barely registered them. The finality of the moment weighed on me, and I felt burdened, but also lighter, free. It hurt like ripping a bandage off a wound.
I felt like a chapter of my life had finally ended, but now I was finally beginning something new. After I’d walked out of town far enough to enter the nearby forest, I took to the air and didn’t look back.
***
I’d bought a pack at Fort Jupiter before I’d left, and as I traveled, I cursed the loss of my bag of holding. It had been silly-looking, but had also been one of my most useful pieces of gear I’d owned over the last few years. The loss burned—I’d had it since I’d passed through Hell’s Favor in Tolstey. Someone on the airship was going to do pretty well if the pack hadn’t fallen and they could claim it. Lucky them.
What I had in my new pack wasn’t fancy, and I didn’t have a lot, but it would be enough. Not for the first time, I wished I could spend more of my money, but I couldn’t. I had debts to pay.
An hour after I’d flown from Fort Jupiter, I took a rest. At max speed flight, I tired out quickly and could only stay in the air for a little over an hour at a time. I didn’t want to push it when I’d just started, and I needed a plan.
My destination, Staulip, was basically directly East, but if I went that way, I would need to pass over Rose Lake, and I’d heard too many wild stories about that place. If I could have flown over the entire thing without touching down, it would have been more of an option, but I grew up in Berber. I wasn’t taking any chances. Regional warnings usually existed for a reason.
Instead, I decided to head north to Fort Monad, then go East, crossing the wilderness directly south of the Berber farmland. I’d shoot for Nameless, a small town on the Berber road, then head Southeast to Staulip.
“Okay,” I muttered. I gnawed on some of my meal, a skewer of sharp claw miniature stinging shoal demons. Apparently, a few brave souls fished the rivers feeding Rose Lake and supplied the shoal shrimp to Fort Jupiter and Fort Monad. They’d been wrapped in wax paper and kept in my pack for over an hour, but were surprisingly delicious.
I took one last look at the map, chewing thoughtfully. “Best get to it. Not much time left in the day.”
***
That night, I benefitted from my traveling experience. When I’d been in the Tolstey Army, I’d been part of a team, but we’d all learned various ways to keep ourselves safe in monster-infested Ludus wilderness. My go-to was usually just to sleep in a tree, but Berber made me nervous. As a result, I spent a little extra time finding a resting spot and preparing it.
For me, it wasn’t very pleasant, but the safest way I could create shelter for myself was to hover near a sheer cliff, and use Vib-blade to carve a shelf out of the rock. I could start wide with Eneus, and switch to a knife or dagger as I moved. If I kept the height of my little shelf low, and I wedged myself in far enough, there wasn’t much out there that could both reach me, and get high enough up on a cliff to even try.
If I felt nervous enough, I could even keep spare rubble inside the little coffin-like sleeping space to cover the opening with.
The first night I was alone, I thanked the night that I’d kept my little hand torch from Dingeramat, the first dungeon I’d ever been in. Before I’d gone to sleep, I’d taken one last look at my map.
Luckily, the night was uneventful, but I’d been prepared to blast the opening of my little woman-made cave if anything so much as disturbed the rubble I’d closed myself in with.
The next day, and the days that followed, I p
racticed my new abilities while flying, or resting between flights, and every night I was fortunate to find a cliff suitable for a shelter.
I learned a lot about my new Air Element abilities. On top of learning to push my body more effectively with wind, I also developed a wind screen for my head. This became necessary as I kept pushing, growing my speed. My new air abilities helped me steer, and even helped me avoid feeling queasy or...squished while I made tight turns. If I swallowed some air, I could actually move it through my body to cushion my organs, at least I was fairly sure that was how it worked.
The fight against the bat men had proved that Air Drills were effective, but I wanted to make them faster to throw, and even more powerful. Their maximum range was somewhat short too, so I needed to figure out a way to fix that.
I was already happy with my new shield ability, how I could blend Vibration and Air Element, but then on the second day I began to wonder if I could actually use it to layer the enchanted shield I kept on my arm. The answer proved to be “yes,” but it was tricky. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to actually use it in combat unless I prepared it first. The problem was that the layers didn’t want to stay together, so it took a lot of concentration to get the barrier right.
Time passed quickly, and I didn’t stay at Fort Monad for very long. I bought some simple provisions, and rented a room for the night. This allowed me to take a shower, which felt wonderful after being on the road. Flying was hard work too, and after a day of flying I always felt like I’d run for miles.
The rest of the trip was uneventful too. I just kept practicing, and traveled safe, not taking any chances or pushing myself too hard. I’d been curious about the nameless town, but it proved to be somewhat underwhelming. Legend had it that the residents believed that it was bad luck to put the name of their town on a map, and over the last couple hundred years, the belief had grown to the point that no modern map listed the location with a name, only a symbol.
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