Chapter 4
THE BOWEN HILLS
COUNTRY CLUB
Next morning for breakfast, the members of the band all met up at the Last Crumb café on the Wynnum seafront. Once they had ordered their meals, Bluey told them that he was going to try and find out more about the Boondall Entertainment centre Gig, that they were told about at Toowoomba the night before. During the night, he had not sleep as the subject was constantly nagging his mind. There was just no way that he was going to let it rest, whatever the consequence he had made up his mind that somehow he was going to be on that gig. To Bluey, playing at that venue was the stuff that dreams were made of. If it were possible, this was going to be his crowning glory of a very long career. Going as far as to tell them that if he had to tread on toes, well so be, then he would tread on toes.
Since climbing out of bed, he had already made a couple of phone calls and had found out that the event was being held in just three weeks time. While later, he had a couple of other people to ring and would let them know more once he had something to tell them. However, in the mean time if any of them and had any ideas on the subject then he was willing to listen.
Just then, their manager Dorian Legger walked in and pulled up a chair beside of Bluey, asking how everybody was getting on. Bluey greeted him with a couple of sarcastically remarks to the fact that they would be feeling a little better if he were to send them to some descent bookings where they could hang on to their hard earned fee. After a couple of minutes, the waitress appeared carrying a plate of eggs and bacon, and placed it on the table in front of Dorian. He then asked her if she had any condiments, to which she told him that they were in a machine on the wall in the gent’s toilet. Nicky could not help giggling to himself, and digging Bluey in the ribs, adding that he could get him a couple while he was in there. However, Dorian became very embarrassed and tried to talk himself out of the hole that he had just dug himself. Having to get up and go over to the counter for a cup of coffee that the waitress was about to bring to him.
Once Dorian had sat down with the cup of coffee in his hands Bluey proceeded to tell him about the gig the night before, and that they had to back a stripper while play country and western music. Why didn’t he tell them all about it before they went on the booking, so they could have rehearsed a couple of numbers beforehand? Instead, the poor girl had to peel all her clothes off to the botched up version of, Put Your Sweet Lips A Little Closer To The Phone. Had it not been for the fact that everybody was looking at her assets, they would not have got away with it. They would have gone down about as well as a pork chop at a Jewish wedding. Dorian just laughed at Bluey telling him that he knew he was a true professional and would manage to come up with something. Bluey added that not only that they had to play the damn thing eight times, just so they strung the show out. Dorian told them that they must have gone down well as the organiser had already rung him and they were delighted with the night's entertainment.
Bluey then told him about the Boondall gig and that he had made up his mind that by hook or by crook they were going to be on that booking. After talking about dates, Dorian looked at his diary and revealed that they already had a booking on that particular day, it being at the Anala ladies institute and crochet club. In no uncertain words Bluey told him, that they were going to be on the Boondall show that night and so Dorian had better get his pencil out and cancel them by sending another band.
Once Bluey had got off the subject of the Boondall booking, Dorian then informed them that there had been a change at the venue they were expecting to play that night. Bluey butted in asking if they had been cancelled out, that if they had he would ---. Dorian stopped him in his tracks before he made a fool of himself, by telling him that the booking was still on, only they have asked us if we would drop in with some of their revised plans. They had decided to make the event a full fancy dress evening, working along the lines that if everybody were already dressed up and looking funny, then the evening would be in full swing right from the start. As with most of these gigs it usually took a little time for the audience to get warmed up and drunk before they started laughing at each other. This way they would be laughing and in the mood right from the start as they walked through the door, or at least that’s what the organisers were hopping would happen.
The Bowen Hills Country Club had decided to make the event a full fancy dress night with nobody excluded from joining in, and that included the band and bar workers. They felt that if everybody were involved it would help to get the evening off to a flying start. Furthermore they had decided to call it a “Mash” evening, and that everybody was expected to dress in anything that they thought was connected in some way or with the American hit television war series Mash.
The band members just looked at each other in bewilderment with nobody knowing what to say next. As was usual it was Bluey who asked the first question that would have been on everybody’s lips, where the hell were they going to get some military gear with this late notice. Dorian told Bluey that he would think of something just like he usually did. With that, he got up to leave, telling them that he had to go and find another band for the little old ladies of Anala. As he walked out Bluey called out that he recon they would enjoy the sounds of AC/DC unplugged.
Bluey ordered them all into the van and he drove around to the council yard to see Harry, and to pick up their list of jobs for the day. Harry gave him a piece of paper with some written orders and told them to clean up the area around the vicinity of the rubbish transfer station. For some reason everybody, choose to dump their rubbish in this area rather than to drive inside where they had to pay. It seemed crazy to him that people even wasted money driving to that area in the first place, when in fact they could have secretly dumped it anywhere near where they lived. Just trying to make a statement Harry, they’re just trying to make a statement, even if it costs them money. Adding that who would want to dump it near their own house, so it became an eye sore for them. No, rubbish is meant to be kept together, so it’s all in one place, at least the public don’t spread it around
By the way where’s your crazy little Mini driving friend, we haven’t seen him around lately, Harry enquired. No idea he seems to have dropped out of site, he hasn’t been near us for a couple of days but we are expecting to see him tonight at our booking at Bowen Hills. Why don’t you bring the missus and come along, you’d make a damn good Sergeant Major.
Bluey suddenly stopped as a thought rushed through his head, and he asked Harry if the Council had ever thought of sponsoring a band for a charity gig. Harry was quick to reply that the council did not sponsor anybody. It's all public money and you know how they feel if their money is being wasted. It would not be wasted Bluey told him. The money all goes to some sort of charity; it would let everybody see that the council at least has a heart. I think they would much prefer to have a cleaner place to live in Bluey, so the answer is no, no, no just watch my lips N, O. However, he was very keen to know why Bluey needed to be sponsored in the first place. Therefore, Bluey explained every minute detail to him trying to wet his appetite further. Although he was interested, it did not seem to alter his previous decision, as he once again said no to Bluey.
Once they arrived at the rubbish tip, Bluey ordered Terry, Claudie and Ruhti out of the van and gave them a few large plastic bags, telling them that he and Nicky would be along in the afternoon to pick them up for the booking that night. Until then they had a couple of courier jobs to do and that later, they would see what they could rustle up for the fancy dress party that night.
With that Bluey got behind the wheel and they headed over towards Stones Corner to meet up with Betont, to pick up a couple of what they thought was very small important packagers that where to be delivered around the city. However, they were in for a bit of shock as Betont took them around the back of his premises, to show them what they had to deliver. There in front of them were three large pallets of ceramic floor tiles that had to be delivered, to three different lo
cations. Bluey was about to explain that he was not taking them in the van, when Betont cut him off, explaining that there had been a change in his plans. He told them that if they wanted the money that was all he could offer them today, knowing full well that Bluey could not say no, as he need the money.
They were lucky that Betont loaded them up using his forklift truck; otherwise they would have been there all day, just loading it by hand. As the last pallet was pushed into the back of the van, the front wheels almost came up off the ground. On a lighter moment, Betont told them that they could borrow a couple of his small sack barrows, which they did, adding that once they got in the front, it would give the van a little more weight over the front wheels to keep in on the ground, while laughing as he finished the sentence.
The first drop was right in the middle of the city, but halfway up one of the high-rise offices blocks that were having a refit, for a firm of top class solicitors known as Open, Frank and Robust. However, they were lucky and found a ten-minute parking area, just in front of the next tower block further up the road. There they had to hand load every single tile onto their barrows and push them down the road to their office block, then into the lift and up fifteen floors. However, things did not go as planned, because as they wheeled both barrows into the lift, a bell started to ring as it became over loaded. Therefore, Nicky had to wait for the lift to come back down for him.
Once Bluey had unloaded every single one off his tiles by hand and restacked them on the floor by the main door, he then had to wait for the lift to come back up for him. Both he and Nicky had to make each trip eight times, before the order had been delivered to the office. One of the builders in the room signed a docket for Bluey, accounting for every single one of them. He then proceeded to tell him that they would have to move them all away from the door, as they were a safety hazard. Bluey beat Nicky by a millionth of a second, telling the builder that it was no problem, that they were just going to the toilet first, after which they both beat a hasty retreat back to their van, where they found a parking ticket neatly tucked under the windscreen wipers of their van. How about that said Bluey the ticket is for twice the money we will earn if we deliver all of the tiles around the city, I just don’t believe it.
The next place where they had to stop was at another high-rise building that was connected with the Queensland Government. This meant that three quarters of an hour was wasted while they had to get clearance to enter the area. However, they were lucky enough to park near the building, but they still had to use a lift as the rooms they wanted were on the tenth floor.
Bluey used this time to make a couple of phone calls to find out a little more about the charity gig. He then had to explaining to Nicky that apparently, one of the local music shop managers was running the event. Knowing most people in the city who professed to be musicians, and that they all thought that they were the best in their field. Bluey added that is where some of them should be standing right now, and that’s out in the middle of a field as a scarecrow, protecting the crops by scaring the birds away. Nicky added, so that’s what Ruhti is, a scarecrow, after all he’s always scaring the birds away from us at the bookings. Bluey had to stop him before they got bogged down by revisiting a lot of their old jokes that were always the norm for them. Anyway, this manager had invited any company who had a band that was made up of its own workers, to enter. He had set an entrée Fee of $3000 that was to go to charity, along with other money that was to be collected on the night for the use of tables that were to be set up in the auditorium in a nightclub like setting. Any other money that was made from drinks and car parking etc, would also go to the Charity. Each band would be allowed to sing four songs on the night, and the winner who was to be chosen by a clap-meter, would win $3000. He went on to tell him that so far twenty company’s had entered.
Bluey was very excited because all they had to do was to borrow $3000 and that they could repay it with the winnings. Gee, your confident aren’t you, are you sure; we are good enough, Nicky asked. The way I see it Nicky, it’s a cinch, we should come out of the experience all square, but at least we will have achieved my ambition of playing at the Boondall Entertainment centre.
Hang on Bluey, how the hell can we enter we don’t have a company, we are nobody’s. Had a thought about that one too, we’ll use Betont’s company, or failing that we will form our own. Hey, that’s more money Bluey, Nicky added, and we are as poor as church mice.
The Fabulous Spawlszoff Brothers Courier Company, or TFSBCC for short, Bluey said. Like I said Bluey that costs money and its money, we don’t have.
With that, they were suddenly brought down to earth as they were given clearance to make their eight trips to the tenth floor with their fully laden sack barrows. It was heart-breaking work and their hands became very cut and sore. Bluey exclaimed that he had made a big boo-boo, thinking it was an easy job. They should have swapped jobs and been collecting the rubbish, this was more like Ruhti’s and Terry’s type of work.
If they thought that the first two jobs were back breaking work, it was nothing to what a waited them at the third drop off point. The office block did not look to bad, as it was only four stories high, unfortunately they were ordered by its owner to use the stairs at the back. Which is precisely what they did, only using one of the barrows, they bumped the sack barrow up each individual step, with one of them pulling while the other pushed. Many times some of the tiles came off and they had to repack them on the barrow. It was hard work and almost brought the boys to their knee. However, it had to be done and besides they had to still somehow find some cloths for the evenings gig.
At Vincent De Paul’s main recycle shop, deep in the heart of New Farm, Bluey parked the van and both he and Nicky entered an Aladdin’s cave of clothing. There they were confronted with row upon row of second hand clothing that the public had discarded, allowing each pre-loved item to be recycled and to be given a second chance in life. The system that St Vini’s as it was known, had devised was a great idea, as it allowed the less fortunate people to have access to cheap clothing, while the proceeds also helped the needy. However, over the years even the wealthy had discovered the delights of being able to buy cheap clothing, while keeping up with the latest fashions. In some cases, they were the enervators of returning an old fashion back into style. This was a location where you stood the best chance of being able to purchase any particular fashion that you desired, and in most cases, the items were almost brand new.
Bluey and Nicky proceeded to walk along the many rows of cloths looking for something to wear at the gig that night. They could not help stopping every now and again and taking items from the rack, while laughing and joking as they tried a few items on. Even though it was not what they were looking for, it gave them a buzz just to try it on and to stand in front of the many mirrors that littered the premises. Some were fashions that had long since come and gone, while others had only just arrived. Then after a time they reached the Ladies section, which for some reason did not stop Bluey taking items from the racks and trying to fit into them just for a laugh. However, he soon had a small gathering of young females watching his every move as he donned each item, with the result giving most of them a good laugh.
Bluey was in his element of playing to a crowd and loved every minute it, as he would parade in front of them wearing each chosen garment. He strutted up and down the aisles acting like one of the many fashion models that always seem to be constantly on television nowadays. Bluey also tried to involve Nicky into the charade that he was participating in, but he was having nothing to do with it. Feeling a little embarrassed he tried to hide himself amongst the many dense rows of clothing. While Bluey’s choice of clothing became wilder and wilder. However, he soon scared a few of his admirers away when he picked up a bra and placed it around his chest. At that moment his audience dropped by fifty percent, as one of the girls called out to him he was nothing but a pervert. Nicky told them not to worry as he was just a rock and roll singer, and that it we
nt with the job, to which a few of the girls agreed, before moving on.
As they reached the Military section, they were confronted by rows and rows of the stuff, which ranged from the red tunics of the Queens Grenadier Guards, to the German swastikas adorned battle dress uniforms of the German Army. There was so much gear on display that they had a problem in trying to choose something. Nicky reminded Bluey that in some way it had to be connected with the Korean War that was fought way back in the early 1950s, or at least it had to have a medical theme. They patrolled up and down the rows taking items from each rack and holding it up to each other calling out, what about this then. The problem was that they had too much to choose from and were constantly changing their minds. If there had only been a couple of items that would fit their needs, they would have been out of the place within ten minutes. As it was they spent over and hour in the building before leaving in a hurry, when they realised that they were running out of time to get to the booking.
Bluey managed to find the other members of the band by the side of the road that lead to the dump. They were talking while sitting on the large plastic bags that were by now all full of rubbish, while Claudie was in his usual pose having a cigarette butt hanging from the corner of his mouth and looked out of this world. They raced back to the house to load up the gear and to clean themselves up. Once most of the gear had been stowed onboard, Bluey ordered them to also load up the couple of bags of horse poo, that they had picked up a couple of nights before. Although he was also told by all, that it would stink the van out. However, Bluey was having none of it telling them that he had a home for it and that it wouldn’t hurt them, as it was only a smell.
By the time that they all climbed on board, the smell within the van was quite strong and over powering, so they all started smoking just to try and block out the terrible odours that seemed to have settled in every corner of the van. The only person who seemed not to notice it was Claudie who just took another puff of his specially roll up butt and laid back on the gear to enjoy its contents.
Instead of the usual laughter and trivia questions that normally filled the air while in transit to the booking, today it was replaced by the constant complaints about the smell. While Bluey kept telling them that it was just a lovely country air smell and that it was good for them. Adding that hadn’t they heard of enjoying the fresh country air, that some people spent thousands of dollars on while trying to experience it.
When they finally arrived at the booking the first item that was taken out of the van, was the horse poo and it was stacked up against the wall of the venue just by a large metal structure. Unfortunately, they did not realise that it was the intake for the clubs air-conditioning. The band then went through their usual ritual of setting up the gear, while Bluey sort out the manager to talk over the events of the evening, while trying to con a free beer from him.
The manager introduced himself as Sandy Beech and started telling Bluey about the evening and how he had come up with the idea of the Mash night. He thought it would be a good idea so that people were in a good frame of mind right from the moment they first walked into the room, in this way he was also hoping to sell more beer. Therefore, he asked if they could dress up right from the start, as they came out on stage for the first bracket. However, he went on to tell Bluey that there were other events going on in other areas of the country club, so he was hoping that it was going to be a good night all round.
As the band appeared on stage, they certainly looked a little different than usual. As Nicky positioned himself behind the drums, he was wearing a camouflage singlet and khaki shorts with a set of dog tags around his neck, and green special services beret perched on the top of his head.
Terry was next to appear wearing a long blonde wig and a kaki singlet under which he was wearing a padded bra, giving the impression that he was well endowed and of the female sex. To add to the charade his lips were smeared with a very thick covering of lipstick that was way over the top. He was also wearing a pair of very tight khaki shorts, more scant than any hot pants that the boys had ever seen before, which showed off his very black hairy legs. With this regalia, Bluey was hoping that he would portray himself as “Hot Lips”, one of the girl surgeons in the hit television show.
Next was Claudie who was wearing a very long olive green smock, the type that surgeons wear in the operating theatres, the complete front of which had been covered with what looked like blood. On his head he was wearing a white steel helmet, with the words Mash wrote across the front in felt tip ink.
Ruhti suddenly appeared in front of the stage to take up his position behind the mixing desk wearing a very tight bright blue dress, a black wig and make up that was completely over the top, showing his lips to be twice the thickness that they actually were. While trying to look like the guy who was trying to work his ticket out of the service, pretending that he was changing sex and a little unbalanced up top.
Bluey was the last to walk out on stage, wearing a full American Army Majors uniform along with rank buttons on his shoulders. Upon his head he had an American Army peaked cap. He marched up to the microphone and clicked his heels as if coming to attention, in front of the crowd.
Unfortunately, there was no crowd, because Bluey found himself staring out towards a complete empty room. He turned to look at the other members of the band not knowing what to say next. For once in his life, he was completely lost for words and at a loss what to do next. After a couple of seconds he explained that they had been ordered to play no matter what happened, and so that’s what they were going to do. The manager had wanted them to start-up, so that their music would draw the patrons in as they entered the building and walked past the room they were performing in. Bluey suddenly realised that it was going to be some sort of competition as to who drew the crowd that night, while they were not sure what or who they were up against and in competition. They suddenly felt a little silly standing up on the stage dressed in very funny clothing and with nobody to play to, wondering what the hell was going to happen next.
Anyway, Nicky counted them in, and they struck up with their first song of the evening. However, no matter what they played or sang every one of them had their eyes glued to door, watching to see who was going to be first to enter, and to what their reactions was going to be. As they started to progress through their repertoire of songs a few people went by the door, but none seemed to want to come in. Then a couple actually stopped and put their head inside the door, but seeing that the room was empty, they beat a hastily retreated and carried on walking past. One thing that Bluey did notice was that not one of those passing was wearing any fancy dress clothing. He turned to the band and told them that it was going to be one hell of a long night. It also became evident that some of the patrons were actually going the other way and so they must have been leaving.
They finished the first bracket of the evening playing to a completely empty room, and they all felt a little dejected as they left the stage and made their way to one of the tables where Sandy was waiting with a tray of drinks for them. His first words to them were that it was a bit of a quiet start, but that it would pick up later. Bluey wanted to wait until somebody came into the room before they went back on. However, the manager had other ideas, he wanted them to go back on as soon as possible so that their music could attract the patrons in, adding once again that it was going to be a good night. He went on to mention that they were having trouble hanging onto the patrons as there was a terrible smell that seemed to be right through the whole country club premises, and that everybody was complaining about it, with that he got up and left.
Bluey remarked that up until then the smallest crowd they had ever performed in front of was one. To which Nicky added that on that occasion Bluey had asked if anybody in the audience wanted a request, which brought a smile on his face.
Terry mentioned that he could still smell the horse poo, and that it must be on their cloths. Maybe it was the smell that was keeping them away.
; None of them did in fact realise that it was the same smell that the manager had mentioned earlier. Although somehow the odours had not filtered into the room they were playing in, or was it because they had all gotten used to the smell of their clothes, to them there did not seem to be problem.
They returned to the stage and started playing the second bracket of the evening, once again to an empty room. However, it soon became blatantly obvious to them all, that although all of the patrons entering the club were walking past their door, not one of them was wearing any form of fancy dress. The manager had earlier informed them that anybody coming in to dance to their music had to be in fancy dress. Therefore, it was a safe bet that they were not going to be playing to a large audience that evening. Looking down the other end of the room even the bar staff was looking bored. Sandy must have known that there was some kind of problem, because he had even thinned them out, sending a couple off to other areas where they seemed to be doing a brisk trade.
The second bracket turned out to be quite boring as they progressed through the songs, in an erratic way not really placing much of an effort into each of the songs. Half the time Bluey did not even bother singing, turning around to talk to Nicky while still playing. However, by the end of the set they were all sure that the smell of the horse poo seemed to be getting stronger, as it became the topic of conversation. It was also noticeable that more and more people were leaving the premises, and so the morale of the band dropped considerably.
During their second break Sandy, the manager came to see how they were getting on, and Bluey was quick to ask if it was worth carrying on with the gig. In no uncertain words, Sandy was adamant that they kept playing, that if they didn’t then he would not be paying them. As far as he was concerned it did not matter whether there was an audience or not. He had booked them to play for four hours and four hours they were going to be playing. Bluey tried to explain to him that it was hard to stand up there on the stage wearing their silly fancy dress cloths, and singing to an empty hall. It just did not feel right. Nicky was all for packing up the gear and telling Sandy to stick his money. However, Bluey reminded him that it was him who had to fork out the money to buy the clothes and that if they walked out now, he was going to be out of pocket to the tune of more than $100, plus the petrol money to get to the venue. Then there would be the money they would earn for the nights work. They were going to need that to help finance the Boondall gig that he was trying to get on. Bluey convinced the band that at all costs they had to see out the gig, whatever the remainder of the night had in store for them.
Someone did mention that the foul smell seemed to be getting stronger and what if everybody walked out of his club, what would he do then, to which he told them that the band would still be playing.
It was quite plain that Sandy was not a happy chappy, and that his temper was beginning to get the better of him. What with the terrible smell that by now seemed to be in every corner of the club, and was making many people feel sick. Then the fact that nobody had turned up in fancy dress, as that had been one of his so called brighter ideas. It was all becoming a little too much for him, and he was starting to crack up, jumping down everybody’s throats at every opportunity.
While the band was playing the third bracket, Bluey was taken by surprise as a very young couple popped their heads through the door to take a look inside, and to see where the music was coming from. Bluey was quick to stop singing and invite them in. He could see that they were a little apprehensive at first as the room was completely empty and that there must have been a reason for that. However, Bluey tried to persuade them in, by telling them that the smell was not so strong and that the band would give them something special to dance to. To the bands, amazement the young couple took up his offer and entered the room to order a drink even though they were not wearing fancy dress. They made their way to the front of the room, and sat at a table just in front of the stage. Bluey suddenly became a changed man and asked if they had any requests. Which they played with added zest, putting everything into the number that was possible. After each song, he spoke to them trying to get a conversation going, as they began answered his every question. They were not drunk, just a little merry and were having a good time enjoying themselves. However the young couple became very interested as to why the band were dress the way they were, thinking that it was the bands normal stage gear.
Bluey tried to explain the best he could, while trying to keep the music going just in case they got up and walked out. After completing one of the songs the guy walked up to the stage offering Bluey a camera, and asked if he would take a couple of photos of them, as they were celebrating that they had been together for one year. Bluey agreed and took the camera from him. He then proceeded to take a few photos of them from different angles. Handing it back Bluey asked if they could take a couple of the band, as they wanted to be reminded what a fabulous time they had at the club that evening, crossing his fingers behind his back, knowing that he was lying to them.
The band then started posing for the photos, undertaking all of the usual silly positions that all band go through at times like this. The band them took a break and sat with the couple who introduced themselves as Tommy and Pamela. Terry started the band introductions by saying Hi I'm Terry, Claudie followed with a Hi I’m Claudie, to which Ruhti added Hi I’m Ruhti. Nicky said Hi I’m bored and Bluey came up the rear with a Hi I’m Knackered. With that they all started laughing the ice was thankfully broken.
So your been together now for one year, Bluey asked. Do you know the magic never went out of my parent's marriage, as my father was always disappearing for a couple of weeks at a time? Tommy laughed and told them that they all seemed like they were having a good time. Yeah, Bluey said the evenings about as funny as a gynaecologist with hiccups.
During the conversation, it became evident that Pamela was pregnant and Tommy was quick to confirm their suspicions. As he stared telling them that she had just had an ultra sound, and so they were celebrating the event. Bluey asked if it was some type of new music recording experience, Nicky added that he thought it was some type of new wave music that he had heard on the radio by Pink Floyd.
Bluey then proceeded to tell them all a joke, about a teacher in a junior school who asked the class if they could make up a sentence using the word Lovely. To which little Mary at the front put her hand up and told the teacher that the other day her father had given a lovely box of chocolates to her mother because it was her birthday. Then Trevor who was a couple of rows back from the front, put his hand up and told the teacher, that Father Christmas had left him a lovely bicycle sitting under the Christmas tree. Next to put his hand up was young Billy who always sat at the back of the class, and he told the teacher that he had overheard his older sister telling his father that she was pregnant, the which his father said that’s lovely, that's just bloody lovely.
Tommy was interested to know if they all made music as a full time job. To which Nicky told him no, that they worked for themselves selling Tupperware coffins, so that they kept you fresh, just in case the doctor got it wrong. Once again, the table burst into laughter as each tried to outdo the other with a string of jokes that helped the evening pass as comfortable as possible. Nicky asked Tommy what type of work he was in, and he told them that he was a shoe salesman. Then before Nicky could answer, Bluey burst into song giving his rendition of, There’s no business like shoe business, once again raising the laughter level around the table. While all this time Terry just stayed in the back ground quietly drinking his beer. Until Tommy pointed out that, he seemed one of the quieter ones of the band. Bluey joined in telling him that he used to be a comedian as well, unfortunately he died a slow death at his very first engagement, and it was at an Irish wake.
In the end Bluey ordered them all back onto the stage before Sandy came after them, threatening to dock some of their wages once again. However, Bluey invited Pamela to go with him up on the stage. Once in position by his microphone he placed the bass
guitar around her neck and told her to start hitting the strings while he stood behind her with his left hand holding the neck of the guitar, fingering the frets for her. Nicky joined in giving her a beat to play to, closely followed by the rest of the band as they all joined in. By the time they had finished a five-minute jam session Bluey told her to just hit any note she felt like hitting, placing her left hand on the neck of the guitar. He then counted in the band and left her standing on the stage on her own, and retired to sit with Tommy at the table in front of the stage.
Terry took over the singing side of things, giving it a nice bluesy edge, while making up the words as he went along. How does he do that Tommy asked, I mean how does he make up the words as he goes along. Well it’s usually the same old sort of stuff that every blues man sings about. For a start, I bet you have never heard of a Blues singer who did not sing about waking up every morning. Tommy laughed thinking that Bluey was pulling his leg, until he told Tommy that it was true, they always sing about waking up each morning. Next time you go and see a blues band you listen closely to his words. As Terry sang his heart out, somehow the song progressed along quite nicely with everybody playing their part. That is all except the bass that seemed to be all over the place, Pamela was finding notes that even Bluey did not know existed. However, it did not seem to worry any of those present in the room as Pamela looked to be enjoying it immensely. Today was her day, it being the very first time she had ever stood on a stage. It was also a good guess that it would probably be her last. Bluey took the camera from Tommy and snapped several photos of the event, so that they would always be able to remember the evening.
For the next number it was Tommy’s turn as Bluey coached him onstage and to sit behind Nicky’s drums. Before Tommy completely realised what was going on, Bluey counted in the band and they were away, or at least Terry and Claudie were. The powerhouse of the band, it being the bass and drums department, seemed to lack a little coordination and rhythm as they both hit the odd note now and again. Somehow, the song progressed along slowly, while Bluey took the opportunity to take a few more photos for the couple.
It was not long before the rather unusual sound that was coming from the room reached the ears of Sandy, who by now had entered the room, to be confronted by the crash bang wallop sound that was coming from the stage. Even he had to laugh, seeing the funny side of things, as to him it sounded like one awful jumble of sounds. He did not have to stop them playing as the band automatically stopped expecting to be order from the stage and premise.
Okay Bluey you win, he said, pack your gear up. I’ll admit defeat and you’ll get your money in full, at least you tried your best for me. There was no way that he had to repeat his words; as far as Bluey was concerned for them the gig was all over. However, he did allow the couple to play a few more of bars of Eagle Rock so that they could tell all their friends that they had actually been on stage and played one of the all time great Australian Rock in Roll standards along with the Fabulous Spawlzoff Brothers.
Leaving the boys to pack up the gear, Bluey reminded them not to forget to load up the horse poo back on board, and that he was going to try and get them a sponsor for Boondall. With that he headed out of the room and made his way to the main bar room to talk to Sandy. However, Bluey was out of luck as Sandy told him that he was not interested, adding that he did not sponsor events like that. Had they thought about approaching the Police, he asked, yeah but I didn’t get past the thinking part Bluey told him, and with that he left.
They were in such a hurry to get out of the venue, and to get home, that nobody bothered to change out of their fancy dress gear. Instead, they just loaded up the gear along with the horse poo and piled straight into the van taking up their usual positions on the equipment.
As the boys were about to drive away from the country club, Sandy came over to the van and stuck his head in the front window to once again thank the them for persevering with the evening, at least they had gotten into the spirit of things, trying to make the evening a success. He continued to tell them that it was not their fault and that he had since found out that one of his staff had forgotten to place an advert in the local press, and so they had not received any advertising what so ever.
Suddenly he backed away from the van window saying, Gee it even stinks in your van, I wonder what they hell it can be. While he continued to tell them that tomorrow he was going to get in touch with the health authorities to try and do something about it. Terry called out that at least this time you couldn’t blame Bluey, because it wasn’t him, adding that it's probably your drains need flushing out.
That was the first time that that they all suddenly realised that it was their horse poo that everybody had smelt during the entire evening, but how it got inside the building nobody knew. As far as Bluey was concerned the sooner they got away from the Bowen Hills Country Club the better, as he told Ruhti to put his foot down on the accelerator, and not to spare the horses.
On the way home they made a slight detour, taking them past Sloans Saddlery Company that was located right beside the main highway near Tingalpa. The premises had a very large car park right in the front of the shop, and in the middle of the park stood a full size concrete statue of a horse that was positioned about six feet up in the air on a steel pole. The horse looked almost life like in colour and detail, its crowning point being a real horsehair tail that was sticking up in the air. It was so large that it could be seen a couple of hundred meters either way up the road from the shop. During the evenings, it was constantly being illuminated by a couple of large spotlights. To those in the area it was a well-known spot and the horse became the topic of conversation during many drinking bouts in the local watering holes.
As they pulled into the car park and parked right next to the statue, Bluey ordered them all out of the van. It soon became evident that you did not have to be a brain surgeon to realise just what Bluey had in mind, all that is except Terry, who wanted to know why they had stop at that particular spot. However, to any passing motorists it must have looked a little odd at the sight of two half dressed females that were accompanied by military personnel one of which was wearing a doctors operating smock playing around in a car park of a Saddlery company after midnight.
Bluey ordered Nicky to get the plastic bags of horse poo from the van, and to empty the contents into a big heap on the ground, under the raised horse's tail. Even though it was late at night, there were still a lot of vehicles on the road, and passing close to them. Every time a passing car lit up the car park, they would all run for some kind of cover, not wanting to be seen what they were up to. As one such car passed Terry was in such a hurry to get out of the way, that he broke the heel off of one of his high heeled shoes, leaving him sprawled across the car park in front of the van and in full view of the passing cars head lights. As Nicky went to help him back to his feet he could not help remarking that he could see the following mornings newspapers headlines reading, Transvestite band members, end up in the poo.
Once the deed had been carried out, they then beat a hasty retreat before somebody else saw them at the scene of the crime. Bluey might have had a bit of a problem trying to talk himself out of this little situation.
Back in the van they were all laughing at their deed, all that is except Terry who kept asking why they had dumped the stuff at that particular spot. Bluey told them that he had been wanting to do that for a long time, and recon that a few people would get a laugh in the morning when they turned up for work. All on board were just pleased that they had got rid of the foul smelling bags from within the van, although they agreed that it would take weeks for the smell to go away. Nicky was more worried how he was going to get the smell off his hands, while Terry was worried about how he was going to repair the heel on his shoe.
A little further up the road Bluey ordered Ruhti to pull into an all night café known as the Road Kill, and parked the van right under a large sign proclaiming all you can eat at the Road Kill Cafe. As they made their
way towards the front door of the café, they past a cattle dog that was barking at them, that belonged to the Café owners. Bluey told them that its name was Out, and that it was used to fetch the fresh food from the roadside to be served up during the day. Terry was the only one to respond, telling Bluey that he did not feel hungry anymore.
The Fabulous Spawlszoff Brothers Page 4