by R. S. Elliot
I didn’t need this. I didn’t need someone who ran hot and cold in an instant.
Wasn’t that the whole point of me using the matchmaking service to begin with? I wanted to remove all the drama from my life, not add to it. Avoiding the mixed signals that came with dating and expediting a match was part of the reason I’d agreed to this. Plus, there was the added bonus of dating someone who wasn’t potentially seeing twenty other people at the same time, with all of us vying for her attention and ultimate exclusivity.
That wasn’t how dating should be. It should be natural, led by romance and passion.
I sighed.
Which still wasn’t something I’d find from the matchmaking service. Maybe I wasn’t meant for any of this. I wanted an algorithm to find me the perfect match without any of the grunt work that came from meeting the candidates one on one. I wanted someone ready to commit, who fit my lifestyle in every way while still expecting to find that spark at will.
I wanted simplicity without any of the risk.
It was a fantasy—pure and simple. One I was never going to attain if I didn’t rearrange my thinking. I needed to give myself more time with the matchmaking service and with the women Lyndsey set me up with. There was bound to be someone who fit everything I needed in my life while also creating that near-mythical spark.
Though the idea of more time gave me no ease whatsoever. It meant more time wasted, less time fulfilling my duties as head of the family. It meant more time spent with Lyndsey, watching her happiness unfold with the new man in her life—if he even existed. Either way, it meant spending more time with a woman I couldn’t have, all the while pretending I wanted someone else.
“You look terrible, Hunter,” my mother said.
“Nice. Is that how you greet all your guests?” I asked, stepping past her and over the threshold into my childhood home.
“Only you, sweetheart. You need to hear it. What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t voice my concerns?” She shut the door behind me and moved to stand in front of me. Her shrewd gaze inspected me thoroughly. One hand joined in her probing quest to discern just what was amiss in my life, tipping my head from side to side as if examining me like a patient. “You need more sleep. Are you getting enough sleep? How about water?”
I took hold of her hand, bringing it close to me in a reassuring grip. “Mother, I can assure you I am properly hydrated.”
“Then sleep. What is this nonsense Vanessa’s been telling me about with the matchmaking service?”
I groaned. Of course, my sister mentioned my search for a wife.
Had she nothing better to do than discuss meaningless gossip about others? “It’s not nonsense. It’s just like any other dating service.”
“No, sweetheart. It is not the same,” Mom said, moving down the hallway toward the living room. “That’s for people with money, who want to meet other people with money—or people looking for arranged marriages.”
“That’s not all it’s about. It’s about finding the right person. Someone who wants the same things I do.”
“And do they?” She rounded on me, peering back with those incredulous eyes that knew me far better than I knew myself. Not this time. I’d made up my mind already. Whether through Vanessa’s service or some other way, it was time to settle down.
“Do they, what?” I asked anyway.
“Do they want the same things you want?”
I shrugged.
The last date I went on seemed to want marriage even more than I did. She definitely wanted kids in a hurry. Yet, we still didn’t seem to be on the same wavelength. “I haven’t really given it enough time to find out.”
“Do you even know what you want?” Mom asked.
Of course, I knew what I wanted. I wanted to start my own family, to build roots and a life with someone who wanted a family of their own, to fulfill my promise to my father, and to make him proud in the one way I still could. It would be the best way to honor him, wouldn’t it?
Then why did all of it make my stomach turn?
I should be leaping for joy, excited at the prospect of this new stage in my life. The one thing I shouldn’t be feeling was regret. I hadn’t even made a decision yet, hadn’t even agreed to more than starting the process of finding a wife. And already, I felt trapped. There was no turning back, no jumping ship now. Not without upsetting everyone, especially Vanessa. I’d set all the wheels into motion.
So, why did it feel so wrong?
“Mom, you don’t have to worry about me,” I said, smiling despite the quagmire of thoughts now swarming about my head. “I’m doing what makes me happy.”
“No, you’re doing what you think makes me happy,” Mom corrected and took a seat in one of the sofas in the living room. “What you think would make your father happy. Not what makes you happy.”
“Mom…”
She raised a hand for silence. “I know you and your father had some sort of guys arrangement, but I don’t think he would have wanted this.”
“Wanted what?” I held out two arms in confusion. “I’m looking for a wife, not selling a kidney on the blackmarket.”
She patted the seat beside her. It was the international signal that I was in for a long lecture. Reluctantly, I joined her on the sofa.
“I just want you to find someone who supports you and who you love,” she said. “Someone who suits you the way your father and I did, not just someone to fill the space.”
“That’s not what’s happening here.” That was exactly what was happening here.
I was settling for someone who fit, no matter what I felt about them. Sure, I would be given some time to get to know them, but ultimately passion and love were out of the question. Isn’t that what Vanessa had said? Wasn’t that all just fairy tales and nonsense anyway?
I had tried to go down the path of passion. I’d given into my feelings of desire and need, and where had they gotten me? The woman I wanted put even further distance between us, reminding me that what I wanted wasn’t always what I would get. Those feelings of love and connection were a myth—one that had no place in the reality of establishing a healthy marriage.
“I’m not just set up with someone and that’s it,” I said, trying to rationalize my decisions to more than my mother. Perhaps, I still needed a little convincing. Though, I resolved myself to this being the best solution. “I meet a few people first, then make my decision from there. If a connection happens, then it happens.”
Her hand flew out to grip my arm, pressing it with a loving squeeze before releasing me. “And what if there isn’t a connection? There’s no need to rush into any of this. You have plenty of time.”
“I think our ideas of connection vary a little.”
They didn’t. But I couldn’t keep running from this. These fears were all the machinations of cold feet. They weren’t reality. People didn’t marry for love anymore. That wasn’t still a thing. Was it?
“You need someone who makes you feel warm and wanted.” Mom continued. “Someone who you can’t wait to see when you walk through the door. She looks a mess and slightly terrifying because she’s completely stressed out with the kids. But you see all the love and work she’s put into your life, all the sacrifices she’s made by being with you, and you know your life would never be the same without her.”
My chest tightened.
I wanted that. I wanted the love I knew my parents shared for one another. I knew I could give that kind of love to the mother of my child and could be there for her no matter what it cost me. That kind of love grew with time. It didn’t need to be perfect at the beginning—nothing earth-shattering.
Or so I told myself.
“I’ll make the right choice,” I said, once again speaking more to myself than to her.
My mother cupped my cheek in her palm, staring up into my eyes with those cool, gray eyes. “I know you, sweetheart. You’re impatient and want things done in a rational manner, which is not how finding a wife should be. You’ll make t
he best choice. Even if it isn’t the right one.”
“What if I don’t find someone who lights that spark within me?” I asked. “What if that person never comes, and I lose out on my chance of having a family?”
Her head tilted to the side, regarding me with that motherly smile. “Surely, you can see the greater mistake would be rushing into something for the sake of having a family, only to lose out on that connection when it appears in the future?”
Again, came that tightening in my chest. No, I didn’t want to miss out on an opportunity. But there was no guarantee that opportunity would ever come. The closest I’d ever come to feeling that way about anyone…
I ignored those thoughts.
Any thought about Lyndsey Saunders was enough to give me a headache. Sure, the opportunity to feel the way I did with her might arise with someone else, but what if it didn’t? It was all about taking risks, wasn’t it? That meant seizing my moment when I saw it. Finding the best candidate among the group, even if it meant never finding anyone who set my pulse racing quite like Lyndsey did.
I could still taste her on my lips and still felt her body within my embrace. No. There was no way anyone would ever make me feel the way she did. So, what was the point in even trying?
The door slamming echoed down the hallway like a roar of thunder. As if being announced in a whirlwind of nature’s power, Vanessa materialized in the doorway. “What did I miss?”
“You told Mom I signed up for the matchmaking service?” I asked, holding nothing back.
She shrugged, unphased and indifferent. “We needed something to talk about other than business.”
“Isn’t that still technically business?” I asked.
Our mother nodded beside me, reaching up to squeeze Vanessa’s hand. “Honey, you really should try out a hobby.”
“I like working.” Vanessa flipped an errant gesture through the air. “Look, I came here to check in on you. I didn’t come for a lecture.”
“Check in on her?” That was rich. Vanessa never checked in on our mother unless she wanted something. I was always the one responsible for her. Vanessa only cared about herself. “Yeah. That sounds like you.”
Vanessa scoffed, glaring at me across the coffee table now separating us. “I can come visit our mother whenever I like. I don’t have to run every visit by you first.”
“My God, please stop,” Mom said. “I feel like one of those people in an old folks home whose children talk about them like they’re not even there. I have news for the two of you. I don’t need a babysitter. I don’t need someone checking in on me, and I certainly don’t need this stress that you’re bringing into my house.”
Mom stood, waving her hands at us in an attempt to shoo us out of the house. Neither of us stood.
“Now get out,” she added. “So, I can burn some sage and start my morning over.”
“Mom, stop,” I said.
“Then the two of you better behave.” She turned toward the door in the direction of the kitchen. “Now just sit there and play nice. I’ll bring out some sweet tea.”
Silence lingered between us. Only one thought reigned in my mind. Though, how did anyone start an accusation of arson when it was directed at their sister?
“So…” I drew out the word. “Start any fires lately?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Vanessa asked. “You just go around asking people stupid questions like that? Is this a fireman thing?”
“No. Vanessa, I was with Lyndsey when she received the note.”
She peered back at me through the thin slats of her glare. Her head jerked in little agitated jolts. “What note?”
“She got a note from someone threatening her,” I explained. “It said, if she didn’t leave town, something worse than the fire would happen to her.”
Vanessa’s eyes widened.
She poked a hand into her chest. “And you think I had something to do with that? You’re even crazier than I thought.”
“You’re ambitious, and Kyle is the truly insane one.”
I wouldn’t put it past either of you to torch a place and then lie about it.
In the least, they’d capitalize on the tragedy by sending a note that made the fire look like more than it was. “Put the two of you together, and there’s no telling what might happen.”
The wide eyes of disbelief transformed into a murderous rage.
Her jaw tensed, the muscles buckling beneath her tightly clenching teeth. She hunched forward, darting one challenging finger out to me. “Look, I’m not sure what Lyndsey has told you, but I have no idea what you’re talking about. And, if someone is threatening her, then she brought it on herself. I don’t know if you think she’s pretty, or you’ve just fallen into that whole charm of hers, but she is not exactly innocent. Lyndsey gets exactly what she deserves.”
She couldn’t be serious. I’d spent more than enough time with Lyndsey to know she didn’t deserve any of this. And no matter how rich anyone was, she certainly didn’t deserve to be terrified for her life.
“She didn’t deserve to have her house burned down,” I explained.
“You mean my house?”
“It was never your house.”
Vanessa eyed me suspiciously, as if I’d accidentally revealed something without knowing it. Heat rose to my throat suddenly, choking me without warning.
“Do you like her? Is that what this is all about? She should really keep you out of her personal affairs. This is a business relationship the two of you have—nothing more. Otherwise, I might have to have a talk with little Miss Lyndsey.”
Great! Trying to help wasn’t making any of this better. Instead of getting to the root of the truth, I was about to get Lyndsey fired. I waved a hand out in front of me to deflect suspicion. “She didn’t volunteer the information, Vanessa. I was one of the people who put out the fire at the house.”
Her anger gave way to confusion. “So, you met her before?”
“Yes. Though I didn’t realize it was her at the time.”
I hadn’t known in that first moment, or even that second moment, that the woman I was slowly growing attached to was the one woman my sister hated more than failure. “And, we were discussing how my date went and what to improve when she came across the note. She was pretty shook up about it.”
“I bet she was.”
A wicked little smile played across Vanessa’s lips. She was enjoying Lyndsey’s misery far too much, though it still didn’t mean she was capable of sending the note. “Something doesn’t go right in her life just once, and the spoiled brat can’t even handle it.”
“She’s not spoiled, Vanessa.”
She rolled her eyes. “Please, tell me you’re not falling for her little sob stories. Look, Lyndsey is fine. She gets whatever she wants, one way or another. You really can’t feel sorry for someone like that.”
“So, you’re telling me you have no idea what I’m talking about?”
“What? With the note?” she asked, playing the part too well to be lying.
There are twenty-five years of history between us, and I would know by now if my sister was telling the truth or not. She appeared genuinely confused, even if thoroughly entertained by the idea of Lyndsey’s suffering. “No. I mean, we’ve all heard about the fire by now. I guess, I just didn’t realize you would have been there. Though, it makes sense.”
Even if Vanessa wasn’t involved, that didn’t necessarily exclude her husband. Kyle could have orchestrated the entire thing without Vanessa knowing. Though she had said they were a team. They did everything together, sought the same goals, and worked toward them in tandem. He wouldn’t go behind her back when it came to something so colossal.
Would he?
There had to be someone else. Someone they were missing entirely. Someone who also wanted revenge. Though Lyndsey claimed she’d lost touch with most of the people in town since she’d left home, it was still possible someone hadn’t forgotten her.
I needed to
see her. Needed to explain Vanessa’s confusion and ask if anyone else could be involved.
Though the truth was, I just wanted to see her again. She looked so shaken up after I left her, and not just from our brief moment together.
Our mistake, she’d call it. Though for me, it was the first thing I’d done right in a long time.
I needed to check on her and check on the house—anything to bring this jumble of thoughts into order. I left my house shortly after, regrettably leaving my mother alone with Vanessa. I arrived at Lyndsey’s house, surprised to see another car already in the driveway.
Perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea.
What if she was with her supposed boyfriend? What if she was with a client? I should have called first. I hadn’t thought things through. I’d been so blinded by my need to see her, I broke all boundaries and protocol to come here.
So what do I do now?
It’d be even creepier if I sat here in my car, watching the house.
I was just about to get out when the front door opened. A tall man with jet-black hair stepped out. Lyndsey followed close behind him. They exchanged a few words, both too close to one another to be in a professional relationship. She leaned forward to kiss him, whether on the lips or the cheek, I couldn’t tell. I was too far away to see clearly. Though the intimacy between them was unmistakable, regardless.
So, there was a man. Good looking and fit. Just the sort of man I’d expect a woman like Lyndsey to be with. All this time, I thought she needed me for support, needed someone to rescue her from her feelings and the problems overpowering her.
She already had her knight in shining armor, though. Someone to lie beside her at night when the monsters started to descend.
The thought should have comforted me. I didn’t have to worry about her being alone here, having to face some unknown assailant by herself in the middle of the night.
But it didn’t.
I wanted to be the one Lyndsey ran to for help—not this man. Despite all my coaching to believe otherwise, I wanted Lyndsey for myself.
In other words, I was screwed.
Chapter Fourteen