by Raine Miller
“I love you so much it scares me,” I whispered. “Come here, beautiful girl.” I pulled her up my body to lie on my chest, her breasts pressing against me, her cheek just below my shoulder. I trailed fingers through her hair and just held her. How in the hell was I going to survive ten months without her? I really couldn’t bear to think about it at that point.
This was one fact I did understand. Denial worked pretty well for me at times.
“I’ve loved you for so long a time it makes me afraid this is all a dream,” she said. “I’m so afraid of losing all of this with you, Neil.”
“No. You’re not losing me. I’m here right now, and when I’m gone away I’ll still be with you every day inside here,” I said, placing a hand over her heart, “until we’re together again, and I can have my hands on you.”
She snuggled closer and held me a little tighter.
“Do you believe me?” I asked carefully.
I felt her nod into my shoulder but she stayed quiet.
“What’s wrong? Just afraid?”
“Yeah.”
Something was on her mind I could tell.
“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you, Cherry, because I need to know.”
She traced her fingertip over one of my nipples, making a shiver roll through me, and sending my cock on the fast track to recovery.
“It’s nothing…I’m just selfish with you. I want you all to myself and I never want to share you with anybody.” She looked up at me. “I want it all. You need to know that I won’t share you, Neil. I can’t do it and I won’t.” Her voice was harder than usual and the meaning behind the tone worried me a little.
“What do you mean? Share me with…other girls?” I shook my head. “There’s nobody but you. Elaina? What is all this about?”
She shook her head again.
I gripped her a little tighter. “Tell me, darlin’, what has you worried about me?”
She swallowed and looked down. “Well, you’re—you are always so careful with us when we have sex. Always so careful about the condoms…and you don’t need to be that way. I’ve told you I’m on the pill and it bothers me that you—that you don’t want to be all the way close with me…like you’re afraid to make the commitment, or—or s-something with me.”
Silence.
I learned a valuable lesson in that moment. Never, ever, ever, assume you know what a woman is thinking in her head. That way leads to utter confusion and disaster. Elaina had read me all sorts of ways of wrong.
“Oh, Cherry, you want to know why I am so careful about wrapping up every time?”
“Yes.” She nodded with a sad look in her beautiful blue eyes.
“It’s not because I’m thinking of who next I might bang, because there’s nobody. I’m only thinking of you.” I kissed the top of her head. “Of how much I love you.” Another kiss. “Of how precious you are, and how determined I am to make our life perfect together.” I lifted her face up. “There’s nobody else I’m committed to, Cherry. Only you. I’m not going to fuck it up by getting you pregnant before I go off to war. That would hurt you. No unplanned babies for us. I won’t do that to you, and I won’t do it to an innocent child. I was one of those babies and I absolutely won’t do it to one of mine. What if something happened to me over there and I couldn’t come home to you? If you were left alone to raise a child without me. You’re too young for all that and it’s irresponsible of me to risk that. I will never risk you, Elaina. I love you too much.”
Her face cupped in my hands, she nodded up at me. “But I would want anything that came from you, from us loving each other. No baby of yours could ever be unwanted by me, Neil. Surely you know that.”
God, she was amazing. “I do now.” I smiled at her. “And some day we will make a few together, and they will be so beautiful with you for a mum.”
“With you for a dad,” she said with a gorgeous smile.
“Feeling better now that we’ve planned out our future together?” I asked.
“Yes.” She shifted in the water and brought her lips down to kiss my chest right over my heart.
The gesture did something to me. Elaina was my switch. Or more so, she was the person who operated my switch. She controlled me, and I was perfectly happy with that arrangement.
As her lips trailed over my chest and even lower for parts desperate to feel her touch again, I was lost. Lost and desperate to find my way back inside her. Driven to claim her body more times than I needed to, but she felt so good, I couldn’t stop myself from doing it.
So, that’s what I did for the rest of the morning…focused on my girl and making her come so many times, she just had to forget about the worries and fears that bothered her. She had me to carry that burden for her. I’d make sure my Cherry Girl never had to worry about anything. I’d always be there for her, loving her and taking care of her.
I fully intended to. My motives were sound, but my naiveté completely shrouded the twisting paths of fate and how it can rear up and take everything away from you in an instant. One should never underestimate what fate has in store for you. It has a way of gaining the upper hand and can hold onto that power for a long, long time.
I was that naive.
***
“Hold still, this is a great shot of you.” Taking pictures of Elaina was becoming my new favorite pastime. She was a magnificent subject anyway. The particular shot of her, under a flowering tree loaded with pale pink blossoms, was so perfect for her. We thought it was some kind of ornamental cherry tree from how the flowers looked. My Cherry Girl under a cherry tree. Cliché yes, but spectacular all the same, and I fully intended to have some prints made that I could frame.
“The blossoms are everywhere. It’s almost like snow.” She spun around with her arms out.
I took photo after photo while she indulged me, so grateful I’d have this beautiful memory of us there together on the last day before we had to head back home.
“So what do you want to do on our last day, beautiful girl?”
She made a face at me and circled around the tree trunk. “Oh, I haven’t told you my news yet.”
I lowered my camera. “What news?”
She peeked around the tree at me. “The news about how I’m not going back to London at all. I’ll be staying here under this cherry tree, and taking boat rides on Lake Leticia every day, and watching the dragonflies flitting over the water.”
I made my way over to her. “Really.”
She moved around to the other side of the tree. “Yes, really. I thought you should be aware of it since you’re going to be living here with me.” Her expression was deadpan.
I started to reach for her but she moved again, switching to the other side of the tree trunk. My sweetheart liked a bit of fun and games at times. “You want me to stay here with you under this cherry tree, Cherry?” I asked slowly, my eyes tracking, picking my opportunity to lunge for her.
She nodded and shifted again to the other side, keeping me at a distance, her eyes tracking me, just as much and I was her. “You have to stay here with me, Neil.”
“I do, eh? Because you love me so much?” I inched closer.
Her expression betrayed her because she couldn’t help the devilish gleam that appeared in her eyes when she shook her head. “No, I need someone to row the boat!”
I sprinted for her and she took off shrieking, both of us laughing when I got my hands on her, and pulled us down into the soft grass.
I trapped her beneath me and tickled first, getting lots of playful groping in between the kisses and general horseplay. She got some good digs in too, and damn if she discovered I was ticklish as hell in the ribs.
“Now, be a good girl and let me kiss you,” I warned, pinning her hands down to the grass so she couldn’t get at me with more tickling.
Her eyes flared and she tilted her head to the side a bit, her hair strewn out around the grass with a few blossoms already fallen down to land all around us.
The so
ftness in her expression, and the way her body melted into mine, I adored. She let me soak her up, and kiss her until we were both breathless, and wishing that time would just stop altogether.
***
We made out cloud shapes from the grassy bank with the cherry tree blossoms still floating down. By that time, we were covered in them, but it was futile to brush them away as more just kept falling. Neither of us seemed to mind and the blooms had just the barest light scent so they weren’t overpowering at all.
“I see a leaping frog at two o’clock just there.” I pointed. “See how his back legs are out and the webbed feet—”
“Oh look, Neil, don’t move!”
I froze. We both stared at my outstretched finger where one of those glowing blue dragonflies had chosen to land. I brought my hand closer very slowly, and miraculously it stayed on my finger.
“It’s so pretty. Just look at the colours of blue,” she said softly, as we both studied the insect. Seemingly unperturbed by our presence, the dragonfly extended its wings and lifted its legs to take a step or two.
“Amazing that the colour is from nature isn’t it?”
“It really is. Like a sky blue crossed with a metallic blue. I love it so much.”
“You said that sky blue is your favorite colour.” I felt the vibration of movement and then the dragonfly was off my finger and flying away.
“Oh, there he goes,” she said, “and yeah, sky blue is my favorite.” If I wasn’t mistaken I’d say there was some sadness to her comment.
“Why do you love the colour of sky blue so much?”
“It’s the colour of the sky when it’s beautiful on a sunny day.”
I nodded and looked back up at the sky, searching for more shapes.
“September 11 was a sunny day,” she said very softly.
I understood my girl so well. She had reasons for most of the things she did, and this was a very good example of that.
“The colour of the sky reminds you of your dad.”
She snuggled into my side. “Yeah. It’s so pretty and soft looking. I like to think of him up there in the clouds of heaven or something. It was the last place I know where he was alive and it was such a beautiful day…” Her voice trailed off.
I toyed with her splayed-out hair as we lay on our backs, content to touch its silkiness, until I heard a soft sound, and felt a small shudder, as she turned and wept in the crook of my neck. Telling me had brought out very painful emotions. I understood how that worked. You were okay holding onto your deepest feelings just fine, but as soon as you shared them with somebody, the flood of hurt came busting out.
“He’s there waiting for you, Cherry. He’s proud of you and happy if you’re happy. There’s no pain or sadness where your dad is.”
“How do you know?” she asked.
“I just do. I have to believe in something and I believe in that. For your dad and my gran—the good people—they are in a better place now. And we can miss them, but I know they would only want us to be happy.”
“I just love you so much,” she told me, her eyes still brimming with tears.
“I love you so much, and I’ll be coming home to you when I’m done with the army and we can start our life together. We’ve got nothing but time.”
“Okay then, I’ll be here waiting for you, right here at this cherry tree.” She tried to give me a smile with her little tease, but I could see it was still hard for her. The next months would be hard on both of us.
“I know. When I return, we’ll come back up here for our reunion weekend.” I pulled up her chin toward me and met her beautiful, sad face. “What do you say to that idea, darlin’? Back here at Hallborough, you and me, cherry blossoms, row boats and blue dragonflies.”
“Better make it a week, Captain. A measly weekend just won’t do for me.”
“Thank the blessed gods for that, because I’m going to need lots and lots of long baths in that tub together before I’m even close to recovered from being separated from you, Cherry.”
I held her close up against me and worried. I couldn’t shake the feeling of gloom that hung in the air and feared I might be losing my mind. I tried to remember, that as I left for my tour that time, I was leaving England with the girl I loved waiting for me back home.
Elaina would wait for me. She’d needed the reassurance that I would always be her man, but we’d worked that out. I’d promised her there was nobody else who could take my heart away from her and I meant it with everything I had in me.
I closed my eyes and held her and prayed. I prayed that everything would play out, and fate would be kind, and my beautiful girl would be here for me when I came home.
CHAPTER 12
Four weeks later
I woke with the weight of dread pressing in on me. I’d be returning to active duty in the morning so the day was our last one together, for more than ten long months of separation. The SAS might have me on a plane bound for Afghanistan within a day, but my heart would stay behind in London with Elaina.
The last twenty-four hours had been a marathon of emotional highs and lows and…sex, my need to claim her again and again, a compulsion that I couldn’t hold back and couldn’t bear to deny.
“How am I going to say goodbye to you at the station in the morning?” she asked in a soft voice, her hand brushing over my chest back and forth.
“I have no idea on this earth how I’ll walk away from you. I just know that if you don’t help me out by being strong, then the SAS will have an A.W.O.L. situation on their hands.”
“That sounds very bad.” She moved her hand up to my mouth where she traced my lips with her finger.
“Absent Without Leave is very bad.”
“I finally got a letter from the International Placements office yesterday. I’d been waiting on it for a while, and there’s a place for me in Italy. I was setting up to go away as an au pair before you came home on leave. You know about how I’ve been taking Italian and French in school, right? Well, I’ve been taking the courses so I could actually speak to my host family when I got a placement—”
“No. I don’t want you to go.” I moved over her and held her face. “Please promise me you won’t go to Italy.”
“Why, Neil? It’s just a job.” Her eyes searched mine. “And I’ll be busy while you’re away, and that’ll help me pass the time. It’s going to be dreadful here without you.”
I could imagine some Italian count or wealthy playboy sweeping her away just as soon as he got a good look at her. “Ten months, my sweet beautiful girl. That’s all I ask. I’ll be home and we can go wherever you want then, but please wait for me. I—I just can’t bear the idea of you not here waiting for me. I know it’s a lot to ask, but I want you here where I know you’re safe and with your family if something…happens.”
“Nothing is going to happen,” she said firmly. “Everything is going to be perfectly fine, Neil.” Then her blue eyes softened and she smiled at me. “Okay, I won’t go to Italy if it’s so important to you. I’ll find a job somewhere in the city. There must be a corporation that needs French and Italian because of international business.”
“Thank you.” I breathed out in relief before kissing my way down her body, pulling the sheet away with my teeth. The sheet peeled off, revealing her beautiful form in all its bare-skin glory.
“I need a picture of you like this to take with me,” I blurted.
Her eyes widened but then she relaxed, as if she thought about it and decided I wasn’t being a pathetic skeeve, but just a desperate bloke in love who was trying to hold onto her through any means possible.
“All right then,” she said shyly. “You can take pictures of me.”
So, I snapped some naked photos of my beautiful girl and would take them off to war with me. The pictures would help me to remember how sexy-beautiful and generous she was, how she smiled and how she spoke, how she smelled like flowers and looked like a Greek goddess, when I was alone at night with only my memories…and my h
and.
***
Elaina had stepped out to the shops to buy our dinner while I packed up my things. She would keep my flat organized for me and also had use of my car while I was away. I loved the idea of her being here in my place even if I wasn’t going to be here with her. It would help me to know we were together even when we weren’t.
The doorbell rang and I wondered who it could possibly be. My goodbyes had been said to anyone who mattered. My father knew I was going and had sent his regards in an email. Typical. We conversed via written text, never on telephone, and rarely in person. He usually commanded my presence to his house if he felt the desire to see me. I didn’t feel welcome in his home, so we were good.
Ian and his mum had already done a big send-off dinner for me, and I’d had the talk with him about Elaina, and how he needed to look out for her in my absence. And most importantly, keep that cocksucker, Tompkins away from her. My mates had been by to wish me off, promising pints in the pub upon my safe return.
I opened my door to find Cora standing on the other side of it and was really glad that Elaina had gone out. Seeing Cora at my flat would not make her happy. Not at all. Elaina really despised Cora and had made her feelings known from the very beginning that she was persona non grata. I got it. Tompkins was the same for me with her.
“What can I do for you, Cora?”
She smirked. “Where’s your baby girlfriend, Neil?”
“None of your business, and her name is Elaina, as you well know.” I wouldn’t even address her other comment with a response. Pointless. “Look, I’m very busy getting ready to take off, so what is it that you want?”
“Only what you owe me, legally.”
I’m sure my eyes popped out of my skull. “What in the hell are you talking about, woman. I don’t owe you anything, legal or not.”