by Raine Miller
“Why? Who else is here?” Sebastian, looking more satanic than usual, entered, parked his umbrella and, after looking at Cal’s shoes and socks, took off his own.
“Cal. He was just about to tell me what’s wrong with his sub. Coffee? You take it black, right?”
“Thanks. Hi, Cal.” Sebastian waved.
“Sebastian.”
“You did a great job last night, for a first-time Dom.”
Cal laughed. “Thanks. I think.”
Mac tsked-tsked. “I’ll throw you both out if you don’t play nicely.” He handed Sebastian his coffee.
After they were seated, Mac said, “Who’s going first? Cal, you might as well take advantage of having two experienced Doms to talk to.”
Cal opened his mouth but Sebastian said quickly, “Yeah, what’s the deal with you? You were vanilla until the rich uncle left you a fortune and a dungeon?”
To his credit, Cal just laughed. “Pretty much. I won’t deny it, BDSM has some aspects I like and some I don’t like.”
“What’s not to like?” Sebastian seemed determined to taunt Cal into—something. A fight? A “whose dick was bigger” show-off? Who knew with Sebastian.
“The discipline. I definitely didn’t like that.”
“Wuss,” Sebastian said. “That’s the best part. The sub’s pushing your buttons, she knows the rules, you get to make a point. She enjoys it, you enjoy it. It’s all good.”
Cal pursed his lips. “I’m pretty sure neither of us enjoyed it. I can tell, though, that it was an important part of her relationship with my uncle.”
Mac looked over at Sebastian. Which one of them should tell Cal? Sebastian lifted a shoulder and looked away.
“Cal.” Mac pulled in a deep breath. “When Bruno first brought her, Sara was barely manageable. I gather she was doing well at work, but at The Club, she was resentful, mouthy, insolent. We had more than a few meetings to discuss whether she should be kicked out. Bruno insisted there was a wonderful sub inside the wild woman. To his credit, he was right.”
Cal whipped his head around from Mac to Sebastian. “Sara? But she’s perfect.”
Sebastian shook his head. “Didn’t used to be. I gotta be honest with you, man, she was hot when she was getting punished, but I know that sort of D/s relationship is full-time. Bruno put a lot of work into it.”
“So you’re saying BDSM has made her what she is today?”
Mac tilted his head from side to side. “I wouldn’t put it quite that way. She’s a lovely, poised woman who had some real demons inside her. Don’t imagine that Bruno exorcised them all.” He drank some coffee. When Cal didn’t say anything, Mac asked, “Why did you come today? I assumed you two would be in a good place after last night.”
“I don’t know what happened.” Cal turned his mug around and around in his hands. “I thought what you thought—that we’d have a nice day together. As soon as she got dressed, though, off she went. She claimed she had work to do. On a Sunday? And without having breakfast?”
Sebastian snorted. “What did you do to fuck it up? Jesus, a great sub like Sara is wasted on you.”
Mac expected Cal to get angry at Sebastian’s tone, but Cal had an impressive reserve. He acted like Sebastian was offering pearls of wisdom.
“I figured she was sore from last night, so I picked her up—literally—so she wouldn’t have to sit on the edge of the bed. We had sex in the shower. She came, I came. All good. Then she towels off, makes a token gesture at the clock and swears she has to run. It was like she got her days mixed up and thought it was Monday.”
“Hunh.” Sebastian sat back, his face devoid of its usual sneer. He glanced at Mac. “I don’t know. Do you?”
Mac stared out the window at the rain. “Doesn’t sound like a D/s thing. Have you guys had a fight recently?”
“Are Doms allowed to fight with their subs?” Cal asked.
Sebastian folded his arms in disgust. “Let’s get something straight, firstie. There’s romance novel BDSM, and then there’s real life. Yes, dammit, in real life Doms and subs fight.”
Mac laughed at Sebastian. “Where do you get off talking about real life? You haven’t kept a sub for longer than three weeks.”
Sebastian flushed. “Doesn’t stop me from watching others get it wrong. Anyway, you’re one to talk. At least I’m still getting it on. You’re in some weird sexual deep freeze.”
“Yeah, what’s that about?” Cal asked.
“We’re not talking about me.” Mac refused to get off topic. “You’re saying you and Sara didn’t fight.”
Cal shook his head.
“You two have only been together for a couple months,” Sebastian pointed out. “How much of a Dom are you?”
“Seb—” Mac started.
“No, I’m serious,” Sebastian said. “Maybe firstie here isn’t really committed to the scene. Maybe it’s playtime for him and Sara can tell. Makes a difference, you know.”
Mac cocked an eyebrow at Cal. “Well?”
Cal leaned his head against the back of the sectional. “Here’s what I love about BDSM. I’m in complete control. I don’t mind the responsibility and I love the performance aspect. Plus, I love making her come. We negotiated most of what we wanted and I think—”
“Wait. What did you—” Sebastian said.
“Did you say ‘most’?” Mac said at the same time. When Cal lifted his head, Mac went on, “You said most. What didn’t you get in the negotiations?”
“I want her to sleep with me. She said that was a hard limit.”
Sebastian whistled. “She said no to that?”
“Yeah, why? Is that weird?” Cal asked.
“Hell, yeah,” Sebastian replied. “They’re subs but they’re still girls, you know? They still want the hearts and flowers. That’s part of what makes BDSM hard to pull off in a long term relationship. Yes, I know.” Sebastian held up a hand to stop Mac from saying anything. “I’ve no credibility on this topic. Just because I haven’t managed it yet doesn’t mean I don’t see what’s involved.”
“So what’s involved?” Cal asked.
“Jesus, what isn’t? It’s all the stuff in a regular relationship plus mind reading. You can’t exactly get upset with a sub when she’s not done anything wrong, so you have to figure out how to solve problems before she’s even said they’re problems.”
“Read her mind?” Cal threw his hands in the air. “How am I supposed to do that?” He looked over at Mac, maybe for confirmation, maybe for reassurance. Hard to say.
“I think Sebastian’s overstating things a bit.”
“Am I? And when was the last time you had a sub stick around?” Sebastian demanded.
Mac didn’t need this. These idiots had come to him, not the other way around. He looked over at the dining room table, with its hours of blissful legal reasoning. The law was so much more concrete than relationships. Why the hell had he agreed to be Bruno’s executor? Because it never occurred to him that Bruno might die?
Mac tried to think of anything Bruno had ever said about Sara that could help here. Mac couldn’t repeat anything Bruno had told him in confidence, but if there was something, some nugget of insight…
Mac waved Sebastian off. “I’m not the topic here. Cal, you want to sleep with Sara?”
Cal nodded.
“And she doesn’t want to?”
Cal nodded again.
“If we accept that sleeping together is a sign of trust and acceptance, her reluctance to take that step might indicate that she has an emotional reserve where sex is concerned.”
Mac paused to see if Sebastian had an argument to make, but both men were looking thoughtful.
“So I suppose there’s a disconnect between the nature of the relationship you want with Sara, and the one she wants with you.”
“Or the one she thinks she deserves to have,” Sebastian said suddenly.
Mac’s surprise was echoed on Cal’s face.
“What did you say?” Cal asked Se
bastian.
“I’m telling you, man, she was fucked up when Bruno first brought her. I remember worrying she was going to be one of those weird-assed masochists—you know the ones I mean, Mac?”
Mac nodded.
Sebastian looked at Cal. “They go into subspace, which is all fine and good, but when they return to terra firma, it’s like they resent the hell out of reality. No amount of aftercare works on them.”
Cal frowned. “Was Sara like that?”
“No,” Mac answered. “She calmed down after a couple months. She behaved more appropriately. Still, Sebastian has a point. I’ll admit, I’m surprised to hear that she and Bruno weren’t sleeping together. I knew they weren’t in love, but there’s no reason why a Dom and sub can’t snuggle together.” His smile grew large. “And I can think of a few reasons why sleeping together is very nice indeed.”
Sebastian chuckled. “Yeah, me too.”
Cal looked like he could get whiplash going from Mac to Sebastian. “You guys want to share that inside knowledge with the newbie here?”
Sebastian’s grin was positively wolfish. “So you have a nice pre-bed scene, right? Afterwards, she cuddles in your arms, then falls asleep. When she wakes up, assuming you haven’t overslept, she can find herself already restrained. Early morning sex, when she’s still sleepy and warm? Definitely worth setting the alarm for.”
Mac smiled at Cal’s expression. He looked like they’d just told him about the Promised Land.
Then Cal’s face fell. “She’s said it’s a hard limit, though.”
Sebastian shook his head. “That’s just wrong. You have to get her to budge on that score.”
“Any idea how I should do that?”
Sebastian folded his arms. “You’re on your own there, jack.”
“Speaking of being on your own, Sebastian, you never did say what brought you here this afternoon?” Mac couldn’t resist the chance to tease him.
Sebastian stood up. “Fuck you, Lyon. Whatever it was, it can wait. Cal’s problems sucked all the wisdom out of the room as it is.”
Cal rose. “Thanks, guys. I know what I need to do. Can’t say it will work, but at least I have to try.”
Mac saw them out and watched as they drove away. He still didn’t know if he was Dear Abby or The Lawyer to the Doms, but he was surprised to realize that he’d enjoyed the break from his Supreme Court case.
CHAPTER 14
Sara got home so late, it was already dark. She’d stayed at the office for nearly twelve hours, working on a report that wasn’t due for another six weeks. In fact, she’d almost certainly need to rewrite it as the numbers changed. She shook her head as she unlocked the door and let herself into the kitchen. She’d been hiding from Cal…and she had no idea why.
Well, she could guess. Her feelings this morning, after their shower, had been so huge they’d choked her. She couldn’t speak to him, and it wasn’t just that she didn’t know what to say. It was also the feeling that the world had grown impossibly large, while at the same time shrinking down to Cal. Her world had become the universe of Cal, what he wanted and how he made her feel when she was able to please him.
She stood just inside the door, listening for him. The house was quiet. Her heart ached at the silence.
Maybe it was time to repack that bag and move into a hotel after all. Either she left or she admitted to him that she’d fallen in love with him. Or maybe both.
Who was she kidding? She couldn’t pull off a romantic relationship. Cal didn’t want a broken girlfriend. Hell, he might not want anyone now. Maybe all this—she looked around the immaculate kitchen—had been a brief sojourn for him, a walk on the wild side while waiting for the estate to get through probate.
She found his note on the hall table. Have you eaten dinner? If not, go make yourself a sandwich or salad and eat that. Then come to the master bedroom. Clothing optional (I’ll just take it off you if you’re still wearing it.) C. ☺
Sara had eaten some leftover pizza out of the office fridge, so she wasn’t hungry. She was, however, curious why she had to meet him in the master bedroom. Bruno had never played with her there. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in the room.
She climbed the stairs slowly, worrying her bottom lip. She wanted to see Cal, of course she did, but she was afraid of his reaction. She’d basically disappeared all day—hell, she was tempted to run away now—and he might be really mad at her.
At the landing, she paused. No reason for crazy thinking. Cal was a good guy and a good Dom. He wasn’t going to punish her for running away. He just wanted sex. Why he wanted it in the master bedroom—trust your Dom, Sara—well, she didn’t know. What mattered was that it was Cal and she wanted to please him.
The master bedroom was at the back of the house, overlooking the courtyard garden. She walked through Cal’s sitting room, which she didn’t think he used much, then down the hallway past his bathroom and walk-in closet. The bedroom was massive, dominated by a large four-poster bed with carved posts. The walls were silver, against which the black walnut furniture and dark blue drapes looked dramatic and masculine.
She looked around. Change the bedding and drapes to a silvery damask, though, and the room would suit a woman as much as a man.
Cal stood against the far wall, near the French doors leading to the balcony. His hands were in his jeans’ pockets, his bare feet slightly apart. His shoulders looked massive. She flashed to the first morning when he came downstairs barefoot and she’d longed to worship him, arouse him with her obedience.
She looked up, trying to read his expression. Stern? Maybe, but not angry. Well, of course not. He was an excellent Dom. She couldn’t imagine him losing his temper.
She hadn’t stripped yet. Did he want her to do that now? Sara couldn’t tell, so she knelt on the carpet and waited.
“Before we get started,” Cal said, using his Dom voice. “Would you care to explain why you ran away this morning?”
Tell him that she was in love with him? No. No. No no no. “I would prefer not to say.” She stared at his feet.
“All right. You may keep that to yourself. I’d like you to take off your clothes now.”
She scrambled to get naked, then sank back to her knees. She didn’t want to look at the bed looming to her left. Something bad was going to happen there.
“What’s your safe word, Sara?”
“Red, Master.”
“And if you need me to go slow?”
“Yellow.”
“Very good. I want you on the bed, face up.”
He went around to the far side of the bed and yanked at the covers. It was warm in the room. He must have a window open—Sara could smell the scents of the garden, washed clean after the rain.
She climbed onto the bed and lay back on the silky-smooth bottom sheet. She watched Cal’s face, but he was fussing with her hair and wouldn’t meet her eyes. She had butterflies in her stomach. She wasn’t scared, not exactly. But something about the way Cal was behaving made her want to crawl out of her skin. She closed her eyes. Cal’s hands smoothed her hair so it wasn’t bunched up under her head.
“I’m going to put your earbuds in, all right?”
What? “Uh, okay.”
He fitted them into her ears. He must have snagged her MP3 player while she was at the office.
“Tell me if the volume is okay.”
Music started to play. A solo piano piece that she didn’t recognize. It was beautiful, notes rolling around like marbles on one of those ball chases she’d seen in the airport. Up, down, spiraling in a circle. The music made her want to cry, and she wasn’t sure why.
Cal touched her shoulder and her eyes flew open. “Volume okay?” he said. She could barely hear him, but it was easy to read his lips. She said yes and smiled.
He smiled at her, a beautiful curve of his gorgeous mouth. She wished he’d kiss her.
“I’m going to blindfold you now.” He must have spoken up because she could hear the wor
ds this time.
She nodded. “Okay.” She worried her voice had come out too loud.
The blindfold was black and soft. She suspected it was one of Bruno’s.
The music stopped.
“Oh,” she said, disappointed. She hadn’t meant to speak, but she’d been enjoying the piano piece so much.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart. It’s coming back, I promise. Just relax, okay?”
“Okay.”
She listened in case she could tell what Cal was doing. All she heard was the very faint bird song from the garden. She loved the garden, especially in summer. It was sheltered and shady. Last summer she and Bruno had eaten Sunday brunch out there, sharing the newspaper and behaving like an old married couple. She wanted to do that with Cal this summer. Which was why she had to keep her feelings locked up and stuffed away. Telling him how she felt would be the worst pain. She’d rather spend the night in the cage.
Cal picked up her left hand, caressed it and then fastened a cuff around her wrist. She could feel the slight tug as he tethered the cuff to the bed. Next was her left ankle, then her right foot and finally he pressed a kiss into her right palm, closed her fingers around the kiss as if she could hold on to it, then restrained that arm as well.
The languor she felt when restrained battled with a heart-pounding awareness of Cal—his skin, the warmth of his body, the tingle his breath left as it brushed her cheek.
“Sara?”
She started.
“I’m going to start the music again, from the beginning this time. Are you okay with that?”
She nodded.
The piano piece began to play in her ears. It was slow at first, a simple melody that repeated, looped around, grew more complicated, went faster, louder, more insistent.
Before she could get lost in the music, Cal started to touch her. He had something slightly abrasive on his hands, loofah mitts or something. The mattress dipped then settled. He was straddling her hips, stroking her arms with the scratchy surfaces. Not hard. It felt odd, electric, intoxicating. It merged with the piano music to overwhelm her senses. Between her ears, her skin and her nose—still picking up that light scent of Cal’s soap—she was lost to the real world. Cal was her world.