by S. M. West
“He betrayed me…my family business.”
“What?” I stiffen.
“He worked for my abuelo’s company. My mother was one of two children, the other my uncle who currently runs the business. Miguel used to be the comptroller. Well, he got that position once he married me. And he used his access and power to embezzle from the family business.”
“What?” Every part of me itches to beat him as blood boils in my veins.
“Yes. It makes me wonder if that’s why he kept asking me to marry him, because he knew my uncle would promote him to senior management. This was likely his plan all along. When my uncle found out, he came to me, and together we came to an arrangement.”
“An arrangement?” If Miguel were here right now, I would punch him in the throat for using Eva.
“The marriage was a mistake. I don’t trust him and we’re no longer friends, but I didn’t want him to go to jail.”
“Wh—” I grit my teeth together, holding back my fierce words when a cool, soft tingling skates across my skin.
I glance down to where her fingers slowly run up and down my forearm. My taut muscles start to relax, loosen, as her slender fingers brush over the hairs on my arm. Air now moves easier through my lungs, the constriction nearly erased by her touch.
“It was more about the scandal to the company and attention upon my family and me, as his wife. The company and my family are well known in Spain. Very wealthy, and this kind of thing would draw a lot of media attention. My uncle and I didn’t want that.”
“So what did you do? Please tell me he paid.”
“He was fired, although the story was he took an early retirement, and Miguel had to agree to a divorce without any of the terms from our pre-nup.”
“Pre-nup? What, if you divorced he’d be entitled to money?” I snort, thinking I have it wrong, but she nods.
“Yes, like I said, our family is wealthy. But Miguel walked away with nothing. He wanted to fight it but didn’t want jail or the hit to his reputation. He still acts as if our divorce didn’t happen. That’s why I left Spain. There’s only ever been one person for me.”
Smoldering heat dances in her endless brown eyes, and her desire pushes me over the edge.
“Eva, you’re my world.” The heavy sludge weighing on my chest, remnants of the conversation with her father and Miguel, starts to dissolve as I bring her to me.
My fingers splay over the side of her face, and I slant my head, seizing her lush, sweet lips. A tiny whimper escapes her mouth at the force of my kiss. I want to keep kissing her, long and deep, and never let her go.
My tongue slicks over hers, lips melding, and she strokes my cheek, soft fingertips skating over my stubble. Angling her head and pushing onto her toes, she moans and deepens the kiss. Her tongue greedily explores my mouth.
I thread my fingers through her hair and tug her closer, one arm curling around her back and anchoring my fingers to her hip, keeping her in place.
Her tits crush against my chest, and I swear I can feel the wild pounding of her heart.
Fuck, I want her again, right now, but I came here determined to tell her everything. All of it ugly. But I must come clean even if it means hurting her. And shit, she may walk away.
I groan, breaking our kiss and resting my forehead on hers. “I’m glad as fuck you’re no longer married. There’s more we need to talk about.”
Her brow wrinkles and my heart trips. It’s now or never, Jared.
“I’m a drug addict. I’ve been clean for a year now.”
It never gets easier saying it, owning my greedy, violent weakness. Yet as hard as it is, there’s also something freeing about letting it out. The tight knots in my gut slacken, but the sinking in my chest remains, spreading, the longer she stays silent.
Please, say something.
Eva’s gaze shifts from blank to a solemn expression, and she tightens her grip on my waist. “I think it crossed my mind without knowing it did.”
A tender gaze, inches from my face, and a sweet and tropical scent fills my nose. Warmth flickers through me, a spontaneous response to her closeness, and I nod, understanding.
“I don’t even know if that makes any sense.” She blinks, shaking her head. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
A bone-deep exhaustion suddenly blankets my shoulders. This is a burden I’ll always carry, a truth I won’t ever be able to change or forget.
“There was so much to catch up on…there still is. I had every intention of telling you. I just didn’t,” I puff out a harsh breath, once again resting my head against hers. “I didn’t want it to be the first thing you learned about me after all these years apart.”
“Hey.” Her fingers lightly brush against the bristle of my jaw. “It doesn’t change how I feel about you. I only want to help you. Tell me how.”
“I need to do the work. There’s nothing you can do to help but just be here. After your death, I was lost and in agony. Even when things started to happen for the band, I had a hard time caring about our growing fame, caring about anything. And when money became no object, that’s when things went downhill for me, as if they could get any worse. I would lose myself in drugs, alcohol, and sex.”
Eva pulls back, wearing a blank expression and flexing her jaw as if trying not to grind her teeth. I can’t stop now. I need to be honest with her, tell her everything.
“I didn’t want to feel anything. I was bleeding and couldn’t take the pain. The problem was I had to keep taking more and more and more to go to that dead space. And everything was out of control.”
She looks away, and the back of my neck feels like it’s on fire. My humiliation is a real thing. A vile, appalling bastard. The monkey on my back and no matter what I do, I can’t shake him.
“I get why your father would lie, even if I hate it.” My urge to own my mistakes is a raging fire. Wild and persistent.
She tenses. “No, don’t make excuses for his actions.”
“I’m just saying I get why your father would want you with Miguel.”
“What do you mean?” She widens her eyes, dumbfounded.
“Miguel looks good on paper. An upstanding guy, or at least people think he is, and he comes from a good family.”
“No.” Now, she steps into my space, pushing her chest into mine and nailing me with a fierce gaze. “You deserve me. Miguel is not better than you. He’s a liar and a thief. And he can be controlling. There’s no excuse for what he did, for my father’s lies. I still can’t understand it.”
“Because your father wants better for you than some dumbass street kid with no future. Because he knew what I wasn’t willing to see back then—that I’m worthless. I’m not worthy of breathing the same air as you. Of being near you. And he wanted to keep us apart.”
“Stop it! None of that is true. Why do you hate yourself? You’re talking as if you’re to blame.”
“Because I fucked up our chance. I’m to blame for the stupid crash.”
“No, you’re not. You didn’t mess anything up. Life happened. I caused that accident, not you.”
“You did nothing wrong. I let you drive.”
“Oh my God, do you hear yourself? No matter who was driving, the other driver would have crashed into us. You know that, so don’t lay the accident and what came after at our feet. You are no more to blame than I am. And my father and sister are to blame for their part. Not you.”
Her small hands clutch at the sides of my face, holding my gaze steady. “I love you more than I love anyone else. You are life to me. My air, my heartbeat, my everything.”
A tear falls down her face, and she peppers me with small kisses over my lips and jaw.
“And I’m sad to hear you turned to drugs. I wanted so much more for you and I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through to get clean, but you did. No one else made that happen but you.” Her fingers curl around the front of my T-shirt. “Certainly not some street kid, is that what you called yourself?”
A p
layful smile dances at the corners of her mouth. “You’re clean. That’s huge, and what you’ve achieved while dealing with loss and sorrow is nothing short of outstanding. You are a great man. The best. And don’t you dare let anyone else tell you otherwise. You hear me? If so, you’re going to have to answer to me.”
She’s teasing but serious, and my eyes burn. I blink, trying to minimize the sting. “Oh, now I’m scared.”
A slight laugh tumbles from her mouth. “And I’m here to help you.”
“Eva, this is for me to figure out. I’m not saying it won’t touch you, but I’ve got to do the work. That’s what you sensed that night at the party. The entire scene brought back all the crap I no longer want in my life.”
“I got that feeling. I didn’t know what it was, but something had you on edge.” Her fingers are featherlight across my brow. “You could have talked to me.”
“I know.” My hands grip the sides of her face and I bend my head, my nose nudging hers. “Fuck, this is going to make me sound like a dog, but I wanted you so badly. Fuck, still do. Always. And I just didn’t want to derail our chance to sleep together by telling you all my shit.”
I bury my face into the warmth of her neck, lightly kissing the hollow of her throat.
“Ooh,” she moans. “You wanted to get in my pants, is that what you’re telling me?”
Her words shoot straight to my crotch, and I sink my teeth into her collarbone. A tiny squeak followed by a giggle releases from her, and just like that, I want to rip off her clothes and bury myself deep inside her.
“So, what are you going to do?” Her fingers tug on my hair.
“What?” I lift my head, still dazed with desire.
“You were uncomfortable at the party? That’s going to be around you all the time once you launch your solo career, right?” I nod and she tilts her head to the side. “Are you going to be able to handle that? What are you going to do?”
A lump forms in my throat. She isn’t raising anything I haven’t already thought about. “I’m not sure yet. I talked to my sponsor several times while we were in New York. Even on the way here tonight. I’ve got some difficult decisions to make.”
“Like what?”
“Like if I should even be starting a solo career. Triggers are everywhere for me when it comes to the music industry. I’ve got to figure out if it’s time to get out.”
I step back, the sober topic killing any mojo. Besides, we still have more to talk about.
“Really? If you did leave it behind, what would you do? Would the label let you out of your contract?”
“These are all things I need to figure out. If I had a fucking manager—” I mash my teeth together, anger burning through my veins at just the thought of Bianca. “I’ll figure it out. Eli has a lawyer friend who might be able to help.”
“Whatever you need, I’m here.”
I wrap my arms around her, unable to keep from touching her for too long, and I hold her small body tight to me. I wish this was done and I’d said all I needed to. But no. Talk about saving the worst for last.
Kissing the top of her head, I look down into her pretty face. “There’s one more thing.”
My heart takes off at a hammering gallop, and I’m sick to my stomach.
“Okay, you can tell me anything.” Her reassuring tone should help settle my inner turmoil, but it only serves to make me feel like more of an asshole. More undeserving of this woman.
I take her hand and lead her to the couch. We sit, slightly facing each other with our knees touching.
“Jared, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong? What do you have to tell me?”
The way my heart bashes against my rib cage isn’t a good thing. Dread sinks its teeth into the vital organ. I can withstand any blows to the chest, but if I lose Eva, I’m not so sure I’ll survive.
“Many years ago, in the early days of Trojan’s fame, I…I slept with Bianca.”
She gasps, suddenly pale, dropping my hand and shooting from the couch. “What? Were you together?”
Her gaze is wild and frantic. I jump to my feet, edging toward her, but she spins away, pacing with an arm wrapped around her waist and the other hand covering her mouth.
Her voice trembles. “Oh my God.”
“We weren’t together. It was one stupid time and we regretted it immediately.” The words are broken glass in my throat.
“I can’t believe this.” She shakes her head violently as if rejecting my words.
“I was so fucking high that night. We all were—Bianca, Silas.”
“Silas?” Her eyes glisten, brimming with tears. “What does he have to do with this?”
“It was the first and last time I had a threesome.”
Her neck snaps up, and her troubled gaze stabs me, piercing my already wounded heart.
“A threesome?” Her features are a sickly grey. “Is this a joke? You slept with my sister and Silas?”
My pulse races and echoes in my ears, arms aching to hold her. The emptiness still lingers since the day of the accident. The heavy, grim feeling of never being able to touch, smell, taste her again. Loss.
I just want to bring her close, and yet, with the way she’s looking at me as if she doesn’t know who I am and maybe no longer wants to, I fear the loss of her all over again.
28
Worth every demon
EVA
His disturbing and unfathomable confession whips through me like the force of a hurricane.
A blowtorch to my heart.
Slays me.
Body tattered and torn, tears sting the back of my eyes.
“I didn’t know it at the time, but I was trying to find you.” Regret and shame color his features. “Sounds fucking stupid and twisted, I know. The next day, when I woke up….shit, even before that. Almost instantly, despite being high, I knew I’d made the biggest mistake.”
Covering my mouth, I fight to keep down the bile and other vile things clawing their way up my throat. Tears sting behind my eyes.
“You were connecting with me?” I hear it, the disbelief in my own words, and I can’t help it.
I can barely believe this is happening. A shiver runs down my spine, and everything is twirling.
“Yes. She was the closest person, the only person that knew you…” His wounded stare is bruising, and I look away despite still being drawn to him. “It’s fucked up, I know. And like I said, I was high. I hardly remember it. All three of us regretted it.”
“Bianca…” My hand covers my mouth and everything, my vision and stomach, is swimming. “She…she knew I was alive.”
“Yeah, it’s fucked up. Eva, I didn’t…Eva, I don’t understand what Bianca did. It makes me fucking sick—” he presses his lips together, pausing to collect his thoughts.
Or is it to edit or alter what happened? Try to soften the vile truth of his betrayal?
He must see it too. Bianca knew everything and still did what she did. Why? How could she?
“We all agreed it would never happen again and never spoke of it. We all wanted to erase it. Regretted it.”
“I-I-I can’t do this.” I collapse onto the edge of a chair, staring into my lap. His words twist and coil in my stomach, nausea surging forth. Jared strides toward me, dropping to his knees in front of me.
Dark, strong features twist in worry and shame. He delicately rests his hands on my knees and I flinch at the contact, jerking my legs from him.
I don’t want this. Never before have I not wanted his touch, his hand on me, or his body close. Never.
What’s happening?
“Eva, I’m owning this mistake. I did it for all the wrong reasons. From what I do remember, I didn’t see anyone or anything but you. I wanted it to be you.” His voice cracks, and he curls his fingers into tight balls, trying to keep his hands to himself. “Even fucking stoned out of my mind, I knew it was wrong. It felt all wrong and as much as I wanted you, it wasn’t. Please forgive me.”
“I can’t—” I
push past him, covering my mouth with a hand as a rush of disgust and betrayal surges up my throat.
My hand slams the bathroom door wide open, and I fall onto my knees in front of the toilet, lifting the lid and retching. The acrid burn and taste only serve to bring home how ugly and disgusting all of this is.
“Eva.” Jared’s hands gently pull at my hair, lifting it away from my face.
Dropping my butt to the floor, I slide away from him, wedging myself into a corner between the toilet and the bathtub.
Horror and pain dominate his features, and he reluctantly takes a step back. With the back of my hand, I wipe my mouth, and my knees bend to my chest.
“You need to leave.”
His troubled gaze glistens and his lips wobble. “Let me help you. I’m so sorry.”
Instinctively, my hand rubs at my chest where the pulsing ache, eating through me, only intensifies, my heart already fragile from mourning him for a thousand lifetimes.
Words I uttered not too long ago trickle through my mind. This is his past. I can’t fault him for something he did when he thought I was dead. But I don’t know if I can get past this.
“No, please leave.” I rub at my temples.
His chin falls to his chest, and he stands there, eyes closed. As much as my heart still aches for him, I can’t be here with him. I just can’t.
Now on my feet, eyes wet, nose runny, I flush the toilet and storm past him. I’m barely hanging on and need to be alone. As I hoped, he follows me to the door.
“I can’t talk to you right now.”
He opens his mouth and I hold up a hand, steeling my spine for what I have to do.
“No, I can’t, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to get past this. I understand you didn’t know I was alive, but Bianca…she’s my sister. I’m not sure I can forgive.”
I open the room door, and a battering ram slams into my stomach at the sight of Bianca standing there.
“What’s…” She reaches for me, puzzled, and I wince, leaning away. “What’s wrong?”