“I have no other choice,” he whispered, at last, as he tried to hold back his own tears. “I have to let you go, Lettie. I am sending you back to England. While you are there, I will draw up the divorce papers, and after a year of disillusionment, I will sign them.”
He waited for her to respond. Anything. Beg him to let her stay, confess she loved him and would stop her crazy activities, plead for him to change his mind. But there was nothing. She stood, staring at him with those brimming eyes, not even letting one tear escape, eyes that would be burnt into his memory for years to come. And when he couldn’t stand to see the pain in those eyes any longer, he slowly turned back to the door.
“I will send Tillie up to pack your belongings. I suggest you say good-bye to the slaves. We will be leaving as soon as your trunks are packed.”
Leatrisha did not go out to say good-bye to the slaves. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. She couldn’t even bring herself to say good-bye to Theodore. He would feel at fault for confessing, she knew, but she suddenly felt dead inside. It was like James dying all over again, her future torn away from her in one fell swoop. She knew she couldn’t stay, because nothing would stop her from helping the run away slaves, not even the risk of destroying everything for herself and Rand. It was a drive that went beyond fear, or need, and she wouldn’t give it up now, either.
Leatrisha, went and hastily changed her clothes into her boys clothes, escaping her room, just before Tillie came to pack her trunks. Quietly, she hurried down the back stairs, running out to the stables, throwing a bridle on Black Magic’s head, and then swinging up, heading recklessly up the road towards the woods. Let him divorce her, she cried inside, as the tears finally spilt over the brim of her eyes. Nat would help her. They could go to the other end of the line, like he had suggested before she had married Rand.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
“Miss, Lettie! Miss Lettie!”
Leatrisha turned, and looked over her shoulder. Theodore was galloping up behind her, on his horse, trying to catch up with her.
“Go back, Theodore. They will accuse you of running away,” Leatrisha insisted, as she slowed Black Magic and let him come up abreast with her.
“I belongs to you, not Mr. Rand,” Theodore pointed out. “Sides, Mr. Rand knows I’z come to be with you. He says ta takes good care of you.”
“He is not going to try and stop me?” Leatrisha asked in astonishment.
“He says the devil himself couldn’t stop yous if he tried,” Theodore informed her. “He done washed his hands of you, he tells me, and says since I’z your slave, I’z could go with you.”
Leatrisha’s feelings were mixed. Rand was allowing her the freedom to run away, and didn’t even seem to regret losing her, but then he was the one who was going to send her away. At least this way he would save money on her passage, she grumbled to herself. But the fact that he sent Theodore after her, made her realize that he must care about her on some level.
Theodore leaned over and handed Leatrisha a pouch. “He tells me ta give this to ya,” Theodore mumbled.
Leatrisha knew what was in the pouch. He had given her money so she wouldn’t be completely destitute. Still feeling responsible for her, she thought almost angrily to herself, even though she appreciated the gesture and the money.
“Where we goin’?” Theodore wanted to know.
“To find Nat,” she told him.
Leatrisha guided Black Magic down from the woods into Huntsville, as Theodore followed closely behind. She was glad to have Theodore’s company. She just wondered what Nat was going to do, when she showed up at where he worked. She didn’t even know where he lived, she thought alarmingly to herself. In fact, she didn’t know much about Nat at all, except for what he told her, and the fact that he had been friends with James.
This time she went around back where the wagons were usually loaded, to see if Nat was working. She let out her breath, when she saw him.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, when he turned and saw both her and Theodore.
“Rand found out that I killed the bounty hunters,” she whispered.
“I heard about them, and wondered if you had done the deed,” he responded.
“Anyway, he was going to send me back to England, and divorce me, so I left. He sent Theodore to catch up with me, so he knows I took off on my own, and doesn’t seem to mind. He told Theodore he had washed his hands of me, so I am a free person. I am not indentured to him any longer, and in a year I will be divorced from him as well,” she told him.
“What are you going to do Lettie?” Nat asked, looking worriedly at her.
“You offered to help me run away once. You said we could go to the other end of the line and help the slaves from there,” she reminded him.
“Lettie, I can’t leave right now. There is no one to take my place to take the slaves through the woods. With you and Theodore on your own now, it will be even harder to take them through, but I am all they got.”
“But you said you could take them down the river instead,” Leatrisha reminded him of his suggestion.
“Maybe I spoke too soon. I did want to help you. I still want to help you, but winter is coming on, and we need to get as many slaves out before the bad weather, as we can. I tell you what though, I have a houseboat on the river. Go to the cargo landing and talk to the man there. Tell him I am a friend of your’s and said you could use my houseboat. He’ll take you to it. At least it will be shelter for you, and when the bad weather hits and we can’t move any more slaves during the winter, I’ll come and figure out what to do from there.”
“I left the plantation so I could help with the slaves,” Leatrisha insisted. “I could have gone back to England, but I chose to stay here without any support, in order to take my part!”
“You can’t help here, though. Everyone knows you are Rand’s wife. If you ever get caught, it will implecate him. I’m sure you don’t want that, after all he has done for you, Lettie,” he reasoned. “Besides there is only a couple more months of good weather, and you are going to have a baby. What are you going to do when you have the baby, Lettie? You won’t be able to hire a nanny to take care of it now. You should have gone back to England. It would have been better for you!”
“You are right,” she said quietly. “Rand said I never bother to think about the future. I’ll go stay at your houseboat until I can figure out what I am going to do,” she mumbled, turning her horse back up towards the woods. She wondered if she could ask her father for money, but then the truth would come out, and he would probably disown her, the same as Rand.
“Lettie. Wait there until I come. If you need help, ask Gus. He is a friend of mine. He lives in another houseboat not far from where my houseboat is moored.”
Leatrisha did not bother to answer. She had counted on Nat. He had acted like he would gladly let her run away with him, when she told him about having to marry Rand. He hadn’t been concerned about her carrying a baby back then. At least he offered her the houseboat to stay in though, so she should be grateful for that, she told herself. Now she felt more alone than ever. She was glad Theodore had come with her, after all.
“We’ll stay in the cave tonight,” Leatrisha told Theodore. “There are blankets there, and there might even be some food. Then in the morning we will head towards the cargo landing.”
She continued to wend her way through the woods as her horse’s hooves crunched through the deep blanket of leaves that covered the ground. Her thoughts were confused. Rand hated her, and was going to divorce her. Nat couldn’t help her, except to give her shelter to live in, and what would she do when the money Rand gave her ran out?
She could not be a help to the Freedom Train, which was the main reason she refused to go back to England. When the baby was born she would be alone, homeless, penniless, and still couldn’t help the Freedom Train. Now her only purpose for living was to remain alive, and keep Theodore safe, or was it him keeping her safe? She wasn’t sure.
&nb
sp; In the twinkling of an eye, everything had changed, the very way it had suddenly changed for her when she had talked Rand into bringing her to America.
Rand was right. She was young, and silly, and never planned ahead, but her stubbornness refused to let her back down. She would never go back to Rand and admit she had been wrong. She would sooner die first! Besides, she did not believe in slavery. How could she agree to be married to someone who owned slaves? It was beyond her!
When they reached the cave, the sun was just starting to cast long shadows through the trees, and the chill in the air seemed to feel colder than before, or maybe it was just because she felt so cold inside, Leatrisha reasoned. No one was searching the woods for slaves, so it was safe to build a fire in the cave. She gathered twigs to get one started, as she found the tin of matches that was part of the supplies, left in the cave.
The small fire, cast eerie shadows on the wall, dancing in a disjointed rhythm about her. Her life was like that, she thought, swaying one way and then the other, leaping and falling, and eventually dying out to embers. In spite of the fact she was so tired, she couldn’t seem to fall asleep. The look on Rand’s face kept haunting her, as he kept repeating over and over in her head. ‘I have no choice, Lettie, I am going to have to let you go.’
When she finally lifted her head, she was stiff and cold, and could barely drag herself up, to swing onto Black Magic’s back. There had been a few hard pieces of bread that she and Theodore knawed on, as they road along the trail to the river. Theodore was unusually quite, as he seemed to pick up on Leatrisha’s mood. He had never seen his mistress looking so beaten before.
When they reached the river, the cargo barge, was just getting ready to shove off, but the owner, held back so Letrishia and Theodore, could bring their horses aboard, as she told him about needing transportation to Nat’s houseboat. She offered to pay him, but he shook his head. She looked desperate, and worn. At first he thought she was a young boy, but now he realized she was a young woman, and he took pity on her.
An hour later, the Barge was pulling over to a small landing, the owner pointing towards a houseboat, moored amoung a few other houseboats, most of them looking abandoned for the winter. Only one looked lived in, so that must be where Gus lived, Leatrisha thought.
There was a lean-to shed built on shore for the horses, and Leatrisha took Black Magic to it, and tied him up, and Theodore followed suit. Then she walked up the plank that led to the houseboat, and went inside. The houseboat was a single room affair with a double bed built into the wall, with another bed above it that was smaller. There was a table which was attached to the floor, and two chairs. A pot bellied stove, a counter with a metal dishpan setting on it, cupboards up one wall, drawers, a clothes press, and a cushioned bench against another wall.
Leatrisha opened the cupboards to find dishes, pots and pans, some jars of home canned food, sugar, coffee, cornmeal, lard, and some other supplies, that she didn’t bother to look at. She realized that she didn’t even know how to cook. How was she even going to feed her and Theodore?
The room was chilly, and she sent Theodore out to find some wood to put in the stove, as she rummaged through doors looking for matches, but couldn’t find any.
“I’m going over to see if our neighbor has any matches,” she told Theodore, when he passed her in the doorway, bringing in the wood.
She started along the shore, as the sound of water lapped against the pebbles and sand. Woods stretched out away from the shore line, so at least there would be plenty of wood to burn in the stove over the winter, she thought. She wondered where the closest place to purchase food happened to be? There was a trail that led up through the woods, so she assumed that was the way out to civilization.
Leatrishia walked up the plank to the only other houseboat that looked lived in, with smoke coming out of the stack, and knocked on the door. It opened almost immediately. A man with long hair, and a beard answered, and Leatrisha blinked, and stepped back.
“Where in heaven’s name did you come from, young man?” he asked.
“I am a friend of Nat’s. Are you Gus?” she asked, not explaining that she was not a young man.
“Gustove, but you can call me Gus.” he mumbled. “And what should I call you?”
“Lettie,” she told him. “I am staying in Nat’s houseboat for the winter, and I was wondering if you had any matches to start my fire?”
“How is Nathen doing?” he asked, ignoring her question.
“Very well, the last I saw of him. He said he would come when winter sets in, then you can catch up on news with him.”
“And you are the only one staying in his houseboat?” he questioned.
“I have my slave with me,” she told him.
“You own a slave? I thought only wealthy plantation owners owned slaves,” he looked at her a little closer.
“I used to be living on a plantation, but I have left, and since Theodore was my personal slave, I took him with me. I own him legally,” she informed him.
“Do you now? And what would a young feller like you need with a slave?”
“Actually, I am not a young feller,” she smiled. “I am a young woman, dressed as a boy. Easier to ride a horse that way, you know.”
“Is that so?” he knocked her hat off, and her braid fell down her back.
“Do you have any matches?” she asked.
He scratched his beard, and shrugged. “Come on in,” he said at last. “You look hungry. You want something to eat?”
“My slave is waiting for me,” she said, as the tempting aroma of stew hit her nose.
“Go get your slave, and bring him over,” Gus instructed.
Leatrisha raised her eyebrows, but obeyed, heading back out the door, to fetch Theodore. A few minutes later, she appeared at the door with Theodore in tow.
“Sit down, sit down. Haven’t had neighbors ever since Nat headed into Huntsville. Those other houseboats are just moored here for storage where I can keep an eye on them for the owners. Their owners come and get them in the spring to wander along the river selling their trinkets and whatnot during the summer season. I myself am a trapper, but I won’t go out until the dead of winter, when fur is thickest on the critters I trap. Then I’ll take my pelts into Saint Louis come spring,” he told them.
Gus dished some stew up into bowls and put them down in front of the two. “So what brings you here?” he asked.
“My husband has turned me out, for misbehaving. Nat is a friend, and he said I could use his houseboat,” Leatrishia explained.
“Just threw you away, then?” Gus wrinkled his forehead. “A pretty thing like you? The man must be plum crazy!”
“I did something terrible he couldn’t forgive me for. He wanted to send me home to England, but I chose to stay in Americia, and he didn’t stop me. He even let me take my slave.”
“What thing could you ever do that a man in his right mind wouldn’t forgive you for?” he asked.
“I am certain there were many things. They just kept adding up to a point where he couldn’t take my wayward ways any longer.”
“Humph! What kind of sissy man is that?”
“Someone who values everything he has worked for all his life. If I threatened to ruin your business, I am sure you would send me packing as well,” she reasoned.
“I’d think twice first though,” he chuckled. “And why would you be threatening your husbands livelihood, in the first place?”
“I wasn’t doing it on purpose. I mean what I was doing, I did on purpose, but not because I wanted to cause my husband problems. It just sort of turned out that way, but I really don’t want to talk about it, if you don’t mind.”
“Fine with me. It is just that I haven’t had any company for so long, I’m just starved for news,” he apologized.
“The stew is very good,” Leatrishia, said, and then she suddenly dropped her spoon.
“What’s the matter?” Gus asked.
“Something is wrong,” she
whispered, as she put her hand to her stomach, when she felt something warm flowing between her legs.
“Is it the stew?” Gus asked, when he saw her hand go to her stomach.
“No, I think…” she stood up, and looked at the chair that was covered with blood.
Gus came to her side and saw the blood as well. “Is it your monthly course?” he asked. “Don’t be embarrassed. I have some rags you can use,” he told her.
“No…no…I am going to have a baby. I shouldn’t be bleeding!”
“Heaven’s girl. Come lay down,” Gus instructed.
He grabbed up some towles, and threw them on the bed.
“Take your britches off!”
Theodore, stood up wide-eyed.
“You better leave us, son,” he said to the boy, and Theodore ran out of the Houseboat.
“What’s happening?” Leatrishia asked frantically, afraid to pull her britches off.
“You may be losing that little one, if what you say is true. You’ll have to remove the britches, sweetheart, and lay down on these towles, so it will soak up the blood. There’s no doctors about these parts. I’m all you got here!”
“Do you know what to do?” she asked.
“Nothing to do but wait it out,” he told her. “It’s not going to be easy. There is some pain involved. Almost as painful as birthing, I’m told.”
“What did I do wrong? Is riding a horse what did it?” she asked franticly.
“I don’t think so. Indians ride horses right up to the day they have children. Sometimes it just happens.”
Leatrisha was pulling her britches off, smearing blood over her legs.
“Lay down and I’ll clean you up,” Gus offered.
He went to the side board and rinsed a rag in a pan of water, then came back to where Leatrisha was laying, and gently started to wash the blood off of her legs. Then he pulled a sheet up over her.
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