by Karen Woods
Was this down to her? Had she made him feel like he couldn’t tell her? He’d had to find love wherever he could because, let’s face it, she worked long hours and his father wasn’t around. Who did he have to show him affection? Who did he have to comfort him? Clare had a single tear running down the side of her cheek, a big, fat one. Could she have loved her son more, showed she cared more? Yes, she could have. A gay son didn’t bother her but his dad would disown him, she bet. He was always slagging off anyone who dared do anything a little bit different, couldn’t get his head around how two blokes could love each other, he said. Sausage jockeys he called them. Clare read through the pages on her phone – she didn’t know any gay men. Had no one to ask for advice. How should she act towards him now? She sat staring into space, thinking, stressed. Maybe she could phone a helpline to discuss this with them.
Ged rolled out of bed around ten o’clock. It was the weekend and he liked to have a lie-in when it wasn’t a school day, but he was up earlier than usual today. Frankie was still well away, snoring his head off. Ged looked over at him and smiled. He’d got stoned for the first time and they’d talked for hours. Frankie was even going to go with him to the big house so he could see his dad. How cool was that? His dad would be buzzing to see him. He’d only ever visited once before with his mam, years ago, it scared the living daylights out of him. Screws everywhere, body searches, so many criminals under the one roof. It wasn’t a nice place to be. Frankie said he’d do the journey with him, hang around while Ged saw his old man, show his mum he was old enough to see his dad by himself. He said he was going to buy some new trainers for Ged too, said he’d hook him up until he got some cash of his own. Ged had confided in him that he was on his arse and he wouldn’t be able to pay the money back any time soon, but his new friend insisted – he was helping a mate out.
Ged sauntered into the front room in his boxers, bare-chested. His mam rushed in from the kitchen, scanning the room as if she was looking for somebody. She was acting strange, he noticed it straight away.
‘Do you want a brew or some breakfast?’
Ged slumped onto the sofa, pulled the cushion up over his chest. ‘Nah, not hungry.’
Clare sat down at the other end of the sofa, fidgeting; she couldn’t keep still. What was up with her? Ged could feel her looking at him, she was doing his head in, making him paranoid. ‘What’s up, why do you keep staring at me?’
Clare swallowed. ‘No reason,’ she paused. ‘Erm … I came in your room earlier, who’s that in bed with you, Son?’
Ged played it down, didn’t want his mam to know how grateful he’d been to find someone to talk to, to hang out with. He picked up the control for his game and turned the TV on.
‘That’s Frankie, he got his head down here last night. He’s a mate. He’s sorted, he looks out for me.’
Clare’s eyes were wide open. What was that pop group back in the eighties called? Frankie Goes To Hollywood. There you go. She studied her son as he set the game up. She had to know. ‘So, where has this Frankie come from? You’ve never mentioned him before?’
Ged kept his eyes on the screen; he was in no mood for a full-blown interrogation. ‘Fucking hell, Mam, he goes to the same school as me. I’ve already told you he’s sound. Why, is there a problem?’
‘No, stop being snappy. I just asked a simple question, that’s all. No need to speak to me like that, is there? And sort your language out, how many times have I told you about swearing?’
‘Wow, you always peck my head when I’ve just woken up. God, I had a friend stay over, it’s not a big deal.’
Clare steeled herself. She needed to know if her son was into lads. She needed to ask the question. Had to go for it.
‘Are you gay, Ged?’ she blurted out.
Ged turned his head slowly, as if he wasn’t sure what he’d just heard. ‘You what?’ She repeated herself and held her breath waiting for the answer with one hand held to her chest. She’d already decided she was going to be understanding, she was going to support him, she just needed to know.
Ged looked confused, then pissed off. ‘What the fuck, Mam? Have you really just asked me that?’
She sat up straight and put her hands on her knees. ‘Yes, well, I go into your bedroom and you’ve got a guy in your bed. You’ve never mentioned him before, so what am I supposed to think?’
Ged laughed. ‘OMG, you are off your napper, you, Mother. Frankie asked if he could stop over. It was late and we were chilling on the game. I like girls so stop thinking random shit like that about me. Wow, you need to get more sleep or something. Why on earth would you ever think I like guys, tapped you are, Mother.’
Clare gasped. ‘I’ve been out of my mind, I’ve even researching it online. I’ve been that stressed out I can tell you – I thought you were keeping secrets from me, that I didn’t even know my own boy. I don’t care if you’re gay, I just want you to be happy – but I want you to be able to share stuff with me, love.’
Ged laughed out loud and even Clare started to see the funny side of it.
‘You are on another planet, Mother. You come out with some shit sometimes you do.’ It was nice to see his mother laughing, she looked so pretty when she smiled. It was a shame she didn’t do it more often.
At that moment, Frankie walked into the room and nodded at Clare.
‘All right? Nice to meet you. I’m Frankie.’
Clare returned the greeting while surreptitiously looking him up and down. He had that kind of confidence some kids seem to carry off. Why on earth was he bothering with her son? With the best will in the world, Ged was a geek, a gamer, a loner.
‘Do you want some breakfast Frankie, or a drink?’
‘Nah, I don’t do breakfast. I’m going to get off soon. I’ve got a few things to do. Are you coming, Ged, or are you staying here?’
Ged didn’t need asking twice. Dead right he was going with him. ‘Yeah, I’ll just get some clothes on.’ He ran to get ready, which gave Clare the opportunity to grill their guest.
‘Where do you live Frankie?’
‘Collyhurst. Lived there all my life. It’s quiet where we are. A good neighbourhood.’
Clare stuck a fag in her mouth and sparked up. ‘Ged said you go to the same school as he does.’ There was no point beating around the bush. ‘Why was you kicked out of mainstream school, then?’
Frankie knew she was interrogating him. But he had the gift of the gab, had no problem making sure he ticked all the boxes.
‘I’m not really academic. Never have been. So I never paid attention in class till I got to Second Chance. I like hands-on stuff. I’ve got a work placement at a garage and hopefully I should have a job at the end of it.’
Clare was impressed. She’d been worried about the types of student Ged would fall in with at Second Chance. But this kid had goals at least, maybe even a job soon. This was just what Ged needed in his life. Somebody to help him, show him the way. The interview seemed to be over. Frankie followed Ged upstairs while Clare sat smoking, looking out of the window. She dipped her hand in her purse and pulled out a fiver. She’d made some good tips last night and she was happy to be able to pass some of her good fortune over to her son when he came asking for money.
Ged rushed back into the living room clutching his trainers. This was the quickest she’d ever seen him get ready; usually he would doss around for hours. He sat down on the sofa and started to put his shoes on. Clare chucked the note over to him, happy that she had money to give for a change.
‘I’ve got a fiver for you here, son. You can grab some food when you’re out.’
Frankie stood in the doorway and smiled. ‘It’s my treat for food today. No need to give him any money. You save it for yourself. I’m taking Ged down the market to see if he can get some work too. I work there helping the traders, unloading and packing away, and I’m sure I can get him on. It’s good mon
ey and it’s only a few hours after school each day.’
Clare couldn’t have been more delighted to hear this. Seemed this Frankie was a great role model for her son, just what he needed in his life right now.
‘Oh, that would be great, Frankie. I’ve told him before to look for work but he’s never off that bleeding game. You’ve done me a favour. I’ll tell you, most days I need a crowbar to get him up off that bed. No motivation that one.’
Ged was mortified. Why did she need to be going on like that? He had to shut her up and quick.
‘Mam, go and get back in bed and stop waffling. I’m looking for work so you can relax. You might even get a little treat if I get a job.’
Clare arched her eyebrows. ‘I won’t hold my breath. The proof is in the pudding, son, seeing is believing.’
Ged was ready to leave. Frankie gave him the nod then turned and faced Clare. ‘Nice meeting you. I’ll look after your boy, don’t worry about him, he’s in safe hands with me.’ He walked towards the door, Ged right behind him as Clare shouted, ‘No kiss then?’
Ged stomped back and pecked her on her cheek. Mothers, eh? They were so fucking embarrassing.
Frankie kept his head down low as they left the house. He was edgy, looking over his shoulder and checking everything out. ‘So, what time are you going to see your old man, then?’
‘The visit is two o’clock, but I have to get there at least half an hour before.’
Frankie nodded. ‘I know a few kids who are in the big house too. Johnny Weston got five years shoved up his arse last month and Roy Jennings got an eight stretch. They’re both in Strangeways too. You might even see them. Top lads they are too, fucking ruthless.’
Ged was intrigued. ‘What did they get sent down for?’
‘Drugs, they got caught, banged to rights, they were lucky with their sentences too, they could have got a lot more time. They got off lightly if you was to ask me.’
Ged walked at Frankie’s side, following his lead and looking behind him every now and again. Frankie moved in closer and spoke.
‘I’m going to get you started up with your own phone later on. You’ll be smashing it in a few months. You might need to go out of town though. That’s where the money is. You can take some gear with you and meet my team in Blackpool. They will give you some wedge to bring back too.’
Ged was confused. ‘What do you mean? What about the work at the market?’
Frankie brushed his question off. ‘I’ll tell you properly later, but for now we’re going to get you some new clobber – trainers and a trackie. You’re one of my boys now and you need to look the part. You can bin them old trainers, I’m not being funny but they’re shite.’
Ged nodded his head in agreement. This was music to his ears. New clothes were something he only got on birthdays and at Christmas. He wasn’t turning his nose up at any free ones, no way in this world. Maybe he’d been too quick to think he couldn’t run in Frankie’s world. After all, he was a mate now.
Frankie was as good as his word; the two of them were in the city centre at a sports store. Frankie knew what he was looking for and led Ged to the trainers. He pointed at the rack of sport shoes. And not the ones with the sale stickers where Ged would have looked.
‘Check them out, fucking mint mate, do you want a pair of them?’
Ged picked them up and clocked the price tag. One hundred and seventy pounds, surely Frankie didn’t know what they cost. Ged whispered over to him. ‘Have you seen how much they are?’
Frankie nodded. ‘Yes, pretty cheap if you ask me.’
Ged was used to spending sixty pounds on his trainers, seventy at a push. These sneaks were something he’d only dreamed of. Frankie took the shoes from him and shouted the assistant over.
‘Yo, boss, have you got any of these in a size,’ he nudged Ged, ‘what size are you?’
‘Eight.’
Frankie continued talking to the assistant. ‘A size eight, mate.’
This was really happening, Ged was getting kitted out just like Frankie had promised. They both sat down and waited for the shoes to arrive. Frankie turned to face Ged, his expression serious. ‘You tell fucking no one who bought you these. This is kept on the low. Tell your mam you got a job, hide the sneaks for a few weeks and blend them in with your old ones. In fact, tell her I give them you. The last thing we need is anyone asking questions.’
Right then, Ged would have agreed with anything Frankie said as he tried the trainers on. He was buzzing.
Frankie nodded. ‘So, no time like the present. After we’ve been to see your old man you can get the train up to Blackpool and drop some gear off. The lads will pass you some cash and your job is to get it back here to me without any bother. Easy-peasy really, isn’t it?’
Ged was still focussing on the trainers. ‘Yeah, sure,’ he mumbled. He didn’t have a clue what was going on, he was lost in the moment and admiring his new Nikes in the mirror. His dad would be impressed; he’d show him that he could fend for himself. He needed nobody to look after him anymore, he could make his own way in life now that he was going to be grafting and earning a few quid. A chip off the old block.
Fifteen minutes later, Ged carried his new gear in his bag; a black Nike tracksuit as well as the trainers, even some new socks and boxers. He felt like a million dollars. His confidence was sky high – for the first time in his life he felt like a somebody. He no longer wanted to be invisible, he wanted to stand out from the crowd and let people know that he existed. He had a voice now, and people would listen and take notice of him. He was one of Frankie’s boys now. One of the crew.
As Ged sat waiting for his name to be called in the prison visitor centre, some of the morning’s confidence began to wear thin and the nerves kicked in a bit. He was jumpy, on edge.
‘Ged Grey…’
At last it was time to go over to the main jail along with the rest of the visitors. Bleeding hell, there were some sights here today. The women were dolled up to the nines, short skirts, caked in makeup, stinking of perfume. They looked more like they were on a night out. Ged walked over towards the main building with caution.
There were a couple of men in front of him, he’d seen them while they were hanging about outside. Frankie had elbowed him, ‘Couple of junkies them two. I bet they are doing a drop.’
Ged didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.
Frankie realised that he would have to explain what he meant – the kid was so wet behind the ears, it was untrue, he seemed to know nothing about the real world and how things worked. ‘They’ll be bringing drugs into the jail. Usually the inmates pay someone to bring some shit in. These crackheads don’t give a toss about their freedom and they are willing enough to get slammed in jail for a few ton. Honest, you mark my words, keep an eye on them.’
Ged steered clear as he entered the main jail. There was an eerie silence as the visitors got searched. Shoes off, belts off, watches off. Fuck me, he thought, what a palaver. You would have thought the visitors were the criminals here today. Ged showed his ID, went through the metal detector, looking flustered as he came eye to eye with one of the screws. The officer had disposable gloves on, and asked Ged to stand on a wooden box so he could search him. He never spoke a word as he felt up and down Ged’s body; you could see he was on a mission and he was going to let nothing get past him today.
‘It stinks in this place,’ one of the women said loudly. The visitors had gathered in another room. There was just one last search by the dog and then they would be free to see their loved ones. Ged could hear it barking in the distance. He loved animals, was intrigued how they could be trained to smell drugs on a person, couldn’t get his head round it.
‘Aww, it’s a springer spaniel. I love them dogs. Look at how giddy it is, I defo want one of them when I get my own gaff.’ It was the loud woman again.
‘Nah, fuck that,
you need a pit bull or a staffy; spaniels are for pussies,’ the bloke next to her replied.
Ged kept quiet. He liked spaniels best of all. His nana had had one when he was a kid. They were loyal, easy to train. He knew what Frankie would say though, he’d said it when they passed a dog earlier. ‘Pit bulls every time – keep you safe. If someone’s trying to boom your front door down, you want an animal who will rip the fuck out of them, don’t you?’
Ged had never thought about stuff like that. He could see Frankie’s point, but who would ever be kicking his front door down?
As Ged walked into the visitors’ room he looked up and down for his dad. He could see a man waving his hand up in the air at the back of the room – his old man. He swallowed hard trying not to cry. Bloody hell, his pops looked rough. A big bushy ginger beard, and hair stuck up all over the show.
His dad was on his feet now, couldn’t wait to hold his son. It had been too long since he’d seen his boy. You could see the pain in Kevin’s eyes as he gripped Ged tight; he was emotional, a lump in his throat.
Ged wriggled free. ‘Come on, Dad, you never used to be like this, stop embarrassing me. Sort it out.’
Kevin ruffled his son’s hair and sat back down. He was happy now, never took his eyes off Ged. ‘You look the business, mate, you’re really filling out. You’ve gone taller too. I’ll have to watch myself now, you’ll be knocking me out if I give you any shit, won’t you?’ Ged threw his head back and laughed out loud. His dad was proud of him and that was all he wanted.