by Karen Woods
I’m outside. Running late so don’t be long.
She hit Send and shoved her phone back into her bag. She kept the engine running and tapped her fingers on the dashboard, waiting. She was on edge today, even more than usual; twitchy, licking her lips a lot. It was the first time in a long time that she’d not reached for her secret booze stash to give her the kick-start that she needed to help get her through the day. She could do this, she told herself; she was no alcoholic. Everything was going to change for the better and once she had a baby in her arms her life would be complete. She just had to come up with a plan, find a way to get Chris on board. Tell him it was a private adoption. Something like that. He said he loved her, so surely he would want her to be happy? Together they could get through this. He would understand, he’d support her and everything in the garden would be rosy again. He’d just be happy that she was happy, and she would have the one thing her body had craved for so long, a child.
Tina twisted the blue plastic lid from her water bottle and took a large mouthful, wiping her mouth with the side of her hand. Where the hell was Nevaya? She checked her watch again and sighed. Her patience was running out. She banged the flat of her palm against the horn. So what if the neighbours were pissed off, looking at her through their windows, she was going to be late. ‘For crying out loud…’
Nevaya finally appeared at the gate looking as cocky and full of attitude as ever. Tina sat up straight in her seat, her hands gripping the steering wheel tighter as Wendy was walking behind her. She gritted her teeth. If the witch wanted beef, she’d give it her, the mood she was in. What the hell did she have to say for herself?
Nevaya opened the car door but made no move to get in, just stood talking to her mother; chit-chat, nothing of any importance. Tina was sure they were doing it just to wind her up. She sighed loudly, not one bit arsed if they heard her. She didn’t have all day.
Nevaya finally looked round, bending slightly to meet Tina’s eyes. ‘What’s up with you? I’ll be with you in a minute. I’m just saying goodbye to my mother.’ She stressed the word mother too. Like she was rubbing salt in the wound. Enough was enough, fuck that.
‘I’m going to be late, some of us have to get to work. If you’re not ready now, then you can make your own way to school. I’m not a bleeding taxi service. Or better still get your mother to take you.’
And suddenly there she was, mouth almighty – it was never going to be long before she made her presence felt. Wendy moved her daughter out of the way and stuck her head inside the open car door. ‘Don’t you be speaking to my daughter like that. No wonder she can’t stand the sight of you, acting like you’re her mother when the truth is, you haven’t got a maternal bone in your body.’
That was enough for Tina. She unclipped her seatbelt and leant over into the passenger side so they were face to face. The long months of frustration came rushing to the surface. Wendy was trouble, always had been.
‘Listen here, fucking Mother of the Year. Nobody asked you to poke your nose in, so take your sweaty arse back into the house and leave me to be the mother you could never be. You’ve been back on the scene for five minutes and already you’re causing grief, so stop filling her head with shit and crawl back under the rock you came from. Don’t mess with me, Wendy, because I’ll take you to the bleeding cleaners. Trust me, I’ll ruin you if you mess with me.’
Tina hadn’t finished yet. ‘And you, Nevaya, are you getting in or am I going without you? You’re either in or out.’ Wendy was doing her best to come back with some verbals of her own, but Tina wasn’t giving her any airtime. ‘Last chance, I’m going,’ she yelled.
Nevaya slouched into the car, clearly fuming. ‘How dare you talk to my mam like that? Who the hell do you think you are? You just wait until my dad hears about this, he’ll pull you down a peg or two, just you wait and see.’
Tina turned the radio up full blast and pulled out. Wendy was still stood on the pavement shouting abuse, but she rammed two fingers up at her and drove off.
What was happening to Tina? She never used to be like this. She was always so mild-mannered and good-natured. Maybe it was a case of if you can’t beat them, join them. Months of abuse from her husband’s kids had finally taken its toll.
Nevaya sat with her arms folded tightly across her chest, leaning against the passenger window, keeping as far away from Tina as she could, as if she was diseased. She was furious. The journey continued in complete silence. Not a peep out of her, nothing until Tina pulled over outside the school.
‘Money. I need some dinner money,’ she mumbled.
Tina huffed and dragged her handbag from the back seat. ‘I thought your mother would have given you your dinner money?’
‘I didn’t ask her for any, otherwise she would have. Listen, just give me the cash and I’ll be out of your face.’
Tina opened her purse and pulled out a fiver. Nevaya went to snatch it from her hand but Tina held on to it as she stared her stepdaughter out. ‘I can carry on like this for as long as you want, young lady, so be my guest. I’m prepared.’
Nevaya swallowed hard as she looked at Tina. Locked eyes, no words. Tina reached over and dropped the note into her lap. ‘Have a nice day at school, look forward to seeing you later,’ she said in a sarcastic tone.
Nevaya picked up the money – she couldn’t wait to get out of the car. She slammed the door shut, nearly taking it off its hinges. Tina wished she’d had that nip of brandy now.
‘Kids,’ she mumbled under her breath as she drove away.
Donny sat at his desk staring out of the window. His mind seemed to be all over the place this morning, he wasn’t on the ball like usual. He looked rough too, stressed. Tina came into the office holding two cups of coffee and passed him one.
‘There you go, you look like you need a caffeine fix. What’s up with you this morning?’
Donny shook his head, back in the moment. ‘Cheers, Tina, I was a million miles away then. Away with the fairies.’
‘I know. Anyway, back to business. We have the new lad, Dan, starting today, can you meet and greet him? His mam is bringing him about half ten.’
Donny turned away, pretending to read through his diary. ‘I’ve got to go and see Ged. But I’ll sort it, find someone who can do it. What else have we got on today?’
Tina watched him closely from the corner of her eye as she replied as casually as she could.
‘I said I’d take Amelia for some checks. She’s confided in me – thinks she might have a STD and can’t tell her parents. So, if it’s alright with you I’ll take her to the clinic.’
Donny ruffled through the paperwork on his desk. ‘Bleeding hell, what is wrong with some of these kids. Have they never heard of condoms or what? Make a note for me to bring this up in the staff meeting. They clearly need to be doing more in the sex ed lessons. You’d think these kids would be on the ball with stuff like that but, on my life, if brains were dynamite they couldn’t blow their bleeding noses.’
‘Come on, boss. You know what it’s like. They’re not thinking straight half the time. These aren’t normal teenage love affairs – most of them have only ever seen sex as a bargaining chip, or a power game. They’ve not exactly had many good examples around them growing up. That’s how they end up where Amelia is. So, book me out this morning, yeah?’
‘Yep, I’ll manage. Just make sure while you’re there that they have a good talk with her, give her enough condoms to keep her out of trouble. Otherwise next thing she’ll be getting pregnant.’
Tina forced herself to smile. ‘Leave it with me, I’ll get it sorted. Right, I’ll go meet and greet the students. You sort your head out and straighten your hair up. Honest, you look like you’ve been out on a bender.’
As Tina left the room Donny sat staring at his mobile, flicking through his messages with a grim expression on his face.
Ged was sat on the edge of
his bed when Clare walked into his bedroom. ‘How you feeling, love? I’ve rang school and told them you’re home now and Mr Knight said he’s coming to see you later.’
Ged went ballistic. ‘What the fuck are you involving him for? You’ve got a right gob on you. As if I need the school on my back. You know Dad’s getting out today and I just wanted to spend some time with him. His head’s been done in, he’s blaming himself for my attack, fuck knows why. He’s allowed here to see me, isn’t he, because if you say he’s not stepping over our front door again then I’m going.’
‘You’re not going anywhere. The doctors have told you that you have to rest. Ged, you were stabbed, all those stitches. You could have died.’
He looked at her, challenging her. ‘So, my dad is coming here, then?’ Clare swallowed hard, she was backed into a corner. If she said no, then Ged would be out of the house to go and see his old man. Her hands were tied. She paced about the room twisting her fingers.
‘He can come here, but Ged he’s not getting his feet back under the table. I’m telling you that now. I know him too well, he’s a piss-taker. A free-loader.’
‘I just want to see my dad. Stop dissing him and putting barriers there all the time. Just because he messed up a few times… He tried his best, Mam. He wanted to help us, you know, his family.’
Clare let out a sarcastic laugh. ‘Stop talking out of your arse. The man was always up to no good. He promised me the world and told me time and time again that he was on the straight and narrow. Bullshit, it was all bullshit. I can’t tell you how many times that man had me over.’
Ged hung his head; he’d heard this over and over. It was doing his head in. Maybe it was time to put his cards on the table and tell her how he felt.
‘I don’t care what he’s done. He might have messed up, but come on, Mam, how many times have you messed up? My dad told me about when you left him and hooked up with his best mate.’
Clare’s jaw dropped. What the fuck? How dare Kevin tell her son stuff like that. It was years ago. Ged seemed to be waiting for an explanation. She sat down on the bed beside him.
‘Your father had no right telling you stuff like that. It was before you were born, Ged. Your dad was out all the time and I was left by myself when he was doing whatever he was doing. He said he was talking business, but come on, Ged, you can’t believe a word that comes out of that man’s mouth.’
‘So, it’s true?’ he asked.
Clare was sweating now. She was quiet for a few seconds while she got her story together. ‘Sam was a lovely man, and yes he was one of your dad’s friends. I wouldn’t class him as his best mate but, yes, they were mates. I’d been seeing your dad for a few months but we were on and off. Your dad never turned up when he said he was taking me out, and Ged,’ she paused, ‘I was sick of being sat all dressed up and the cheeky bleeder never turning up, never rang me or nothing he just left me high and dry. He always had an excuse, oh yes, something had always come up but, in the end, there is only so much a girl can take. So when Sam asked me to go out, I said yes. It wasn’t like I was married or anything.’ She stopped for a moment, looked awkward. ‘In fact, I wasn’t going to tell you anything yet, but while we are on the subject, you should probably know I’ve started seeing Sam again. He came into the club a few months ago and we got talking.’
Ged was silent for a moment then spoke more softly than before. ‘My dad loves you and he always will. If he finds out about this, he will do you in. He’ll go back to jail, Mam.’
‘It’s not my problem. I have a life to live too and I’m not being dictated to by you, or your bleeding father.’
‘Slag.’ Ged whispered under his breath but not so quietly that Clare didn’t hear him. She asked him to repeat what he’d just said. He clamped his lips together and refused. They sat in silence for a few minutes, until Ged shook his head sadly. ‘My dad said you broke his heart.’
‘Oh, give me a bleeding break, Ged. It was over seventeen years ago so I don’t know why he’s still going on about it. He’s after the sympathy vote, why on earth he’s telling you this stuff anyway is beyond me. We’re done, I can’t change it can I?’
‘Yes you can, Mam, let him show you how much he’s changed. This Sam will never love you like my dad does. We’re a family, we can make it work.’ Ged was upset, he craved a proper family unit, truly believed that if his dad was back at home then all their problems would be over.
‘Look. I’ve said he can come and see you but don’t ask me to be part of it. I’ll go in the front room and he can come in here.’
Ged didn’t look at her. ‘Whatever.’
Chapter Nineteen
Amelia stood nervously waiting for Tina in the school kitchen. She kept checking the clock on the wall as she fiddled with the ends of her hair. Rita was watching her.
‘How you feeling this morning? Not feeling sick anymore?’
Amelia shook her head. ‘No, I’m fine now. It must have been something I ate.’
Rita was alarmed. ‘I hope you’re not blaming my cooking, I do everything by the book in this place. It’s bang on.’
Rita was beating eggs; she could see the girl trying not to gag and moved in closer. ‘Get a smell of them eggs, they’ll be ready soon if you fancy. Scrambled.’
Amelia covered her mouth as the colour drained from her cheeks; she looked like someone had poured a bag of flour over her head. Rita looked at her knowingly and walked away, calling behind her, ‘Yep, just as I thought.’ She carried on with her chores without another word.
Tina rushed in looking mithered and raised her eyes at Amelia. ‘Are you ready to go?’
She nodded and reached over for her coat.
Rita turned to face Tina. ‘So where are you off to?’
‘Oh, just an appointment. We should be back by lunchtime so put a meal out for Amelia please.’
Rita studied them both. ‘Are you sure she can stomach it, you know, with her problem?’ She flicked her eyes at Amelia’s stomach.
Tina tried to ignore her and started heading for the door, urging Amelia along with her. ‘See you later, Rita.’
The minute they got outside, Tina turned to her student. ‘What the hell have you told her?’
Amelia shrugged her shoulders. ‘Nothing, I’ve never said a word. What are you even on about?’
Tina got into the car and waited for Amelia to fasten her seatbelt. She carried on talking as she started the engine. ‘I’ve told you. If this is going to work you need to make sure that you don’t say a word to anyone. If one single person finds out about this, then you’re up shit creek. Right now I’m happy to help you and I will take the baby, but this will only work if it’s kept between us and no one else. Do you hear me, our secret?’
‘I never said a word, miss. She was just acting weird around me that’s all. She’s a mad one, Rita, everyone knows that, you’re overreacting.’
Tina drove along the main road, keeping her eyes fixed on the traffic ahead. ‘I don’t even know how this is going to work, but when we sit down in a minute, we can go over a few things.’
‘Like what?’
Tina swallowed hard – she knew what she was about to say would freak Amelia out. ‘I’m going to rent a flat for you out of the area. You’ll have to go missing.’
Amelia looked at her. ‘What, not see any of my family, or my friends?’
‘It might sound a bit scary at first, but you’ll get used to it soon enough and it’s not for ever. I’ll bring you everything you need. It’s the only way you’ll be able to hide the pregnancy from everyone. I’m not talking miles away, just out of Moston.’
‘Piss off, miss. There’s no way I’m putting my family through that. Imagine my mam if I just disappear, it’ll kill her. No, you need to rethink this. I’m not living in any fucking flat on my tod. I can’t even cook or use a washing machine. Ask my mam, she’ll tel
l you, I’m useless. Why can’t I just tell them I’m giving you the baby?’
Tina wasn’t going to let her fantasy go without a fight. ‘Are you stupid or what? Do you think they just hand out babies to anyone who wants one?’ She slammed the brakes on as she nearly drove into the back of the car in front of her. ‘You can tell your parents you’re pregnant then. You’ll just have to deal with it yourself. I’ve offered you a lifeline, but, if that’s what you want, I’ll ring your dad when we get back to school and tell him you’re having a baby and you don’t know who the father is.’ Tina hated hearing the venom behind her words, but couldn’t stop it flowing.
Amelia covered her ears with her hands, reality was hitting home. ‘No!’ she screamed. ‘You’re not telling them anything.’
Tina pulled into a side street and parked up. She turned to face Amelia. ‘Listen, this is not a fairy tale with a happy ending. You’re having a baby. You’re going to have to do what I say or go home and face the music. I’ll tell you something too, the minute this comes out I bet social services will be all over your family as well. You’ll be lucky to keep the baby even if you wanted to. It’ll end up in the care system. Is that what you want?’
Amelia sobbed. ‘I just want it to be over. Why can’t I just get rid of it? You said you would help.’
‘And I will help. But you’re underage and I have a duty of care to tell your parents if you have an abortion. This way they never need to know. Can you see any other way of this working? If you’ve got any better ideas, then let’s hear them.’
‘If we do what you want … can’t you come and stay with me? I don’t want to be alone.’
‘I have a family, Amelia. I can’t just walk out on them.’ She sat thinking for a few minutes before she carried on talking. ‘I don’t know. Maybe I could move in. If I’m being honest, things at home aren’t great. Some time out might be good. And at least if I was there with you, I would know you are looking after yourself and the baby.’ Tina felt a spark of excitement. Would leaving her husband be such a bad thing anyway? She was just a slave for them all and it’d show Chris this time, show him that she was sick of his shit and his unruly children. ‘Leave it with me for now. Let me think things through.’