by Hart, Cary
“Oh yes.” I nod. “So, needless to say, when I finally chose for us to go for ice cream, I had to open the door.”
“I really should have paid closer attention to the tweets.” CJ gets out her phone and pulls them up. “Here is the one of you guys in the limo.”
Clover Kelly @UnLuckyInLove_13
This smile.
“Oh! Here is the ice cream shop where you are holding open the door.” CJ zooms in and flips it around for Mal to see. “Look, there he is at the counter with his hands in his pockets.”
Clover Kelly @UnLuckyInLove_13
Insta-scoop or Insta-love?
“Where’s the good night one?” Mal takes her phone and scrolls until she finds it. “Here it is.”
Clover Kelly @UnLuckyInLove_13
Getting lucky? Not tonight. #unluckyinlove #hotlinehookup #sorrynotsorry #luckisnotthislady #sexyandsingle
“Daaammmn!” CJ snags her cell back. “Obviously, he was a dud. So, skip to baseball guy and how many bases he tapped, if you know what I mean.”
“Well…Lane West, hot guy in tights, right fielder for one of our hometown minor league teams, so eager to go on a date with me, he showed up in his uniform for the speed-dating round.”
“Right? It’s why you chose him—blah, blah, blah—get to the good stuff.” CJ lays her head on her hands and waits for the rest of the story.
“Here you ladies go.” Monica takes this moment for a welcome interruption. At least for me and Mal. “And CJ.” Monica glares while scooting her mug across the table.
“Monica! We were just about to find out if Clover scored a home run or not.” CJ sighs.
“Follow her tweets, CJ.” Mal suggests.
“Spoiler alert. She didn’t,” Monica blurts before she pivots around and tucks behind the counter.
“I thought,” I wave between the two, “you guys made up?”
“Oh, we did.” CJ waves her hand over her coffee cup like she’s Vanna White.
“That’s a middle finger,” I point out the obvious. “We have hearts.”
“Uh…hello?” CJ tugs on her shirt sporting the same frothy symbol with the hashtag #coffeesaveslives. “She gets me.”
“Okay then.” I can’t do anything but nod. Their friendship is strange.
“I’m going to ignore the fact that Monica spoiled the ending, so let’s pretend and you start from the very beginning.”
“Yes! What she said,” Mal agrees, both of their eyes on me.
“Fine.” I take a deep breath. This date is why I’m here. He was supposed to be the calm after the date number two storm, and instead, he brought the thunder and lightning.
“It started off with Owen calling me with a change of plans. Instead of meeting at the studio, the driver was going to take me to the stadium.”
“Interesting,” Mal chimes in.
CJ glares at her to shut her mouth.
“Once I got there, Lane greeted me in his practice uniform and walked us to the field where there was a picnic set up in center field—his position,” I remind them. “He packed a bottle of wine for me, water for him, subs, fruit, and veggies. It was…nice.”
“Sweet,” CJ comments.
Now, it’s Mal’s turn to return the glare.
“Anyway, we ate, and what I didn’t eat, he devoured.”
“Hold up.” Mal tosses CJ a look. “Sorry, but I have to know.” She turns to me. “You mean he ate your sub?”
“Um…yes.” I lean in. “I wasn’t even done, but I set it down to take a sip of the Chardonnay, which was apparently a gift to the coach he snagged up, but that’s another story. I took a sip, and he just snagged my sub and asked if I was done. I didn’t know what to say, so I just let him have it.”
“Holy cow.” Mal’s eyes and mouth are frozen open.
“I know, but it doesn’t stop there. After the picnic, we cleaned up and had a little batting practice.”
“Smooth.” CJ smirks. “This is where dude is about to make his move.” She nods, a devilish smile splayed on her lips. “I’ve fallen for this—willingly—a time or ten.” She winks.
“Well, you would think, but not so much. He set up the pitching machine and hit a few balls to show me how it was done. Then he called me over, helped me put on a helmet, which totally ruined my hair, and positioned me. I missed every single one.”
“Okay, so he helped, right?” Mal for waves me to continue.
“Yes, for a second, until he got frustrated and showed me how to do it again, and again, and again. I never got another turn because, apparently, his friend held the record for batting practice home runs and he just had this feeling he was going to top it—so he had me record him hitting since he was on a roll.”
“Oh snap!” CJ’s jaw drops.
“Yep. Then, after he was done, he took me on a tour of the locker and weight rooms. Which I thought was kind of cool.”
“Of course.” Mal tries to put a positive spin on this crazy story. “It’s like letting you into his world.”
“A little too much,” I mumble. “When we were in the weight room, he stripped off his jersey and showed me a few of his favorite exercises.”
“Hot damn.” CJ whistles. “Please tell me you tweeted that shit.”
“I did.” My lips twitch remembering how crazy sexy he looked with beads of sweat rolling down his perfectly delicious, lickable abs.
Even though this date sucked, Lane’s body is smokin’ H-O-T and watching him work out for a couple minutes was probably the best part. It’s the other fifty-seven minutes of lifting that was boring as hell.
“Here it is!” CJ bounces in her seat. “He’s kink-a-licious!” CJ licks her lips as she flips the screen around for Mal to see.
Clover Kelly @UnLuckyInLove_13
One-on-one session. Who’s complaining? Not me!
“Holy cow! I’m more of a back guy, but I would totally sit on those…” CJ trails off. “I mean, he definitely looks like he’s picked up a few heavy things…like a lot. So, I’m sure one hundred twenty-five pounds of this,” she straightens up a little more, “would be easy peasy.”
“Maybe if you can drag him away from the weight bench.” I roll my eyes. “He literally showed me his complete workout. Like, he actually stopped midway and asked if I minded if he continued. Said he needed all the extra workouts he could get in.”
“Well, he asked,” Mal says, taking a side.
“Mal, girl power remember? Clo is always right,” CJ reminds our friend. “Hoes before bros.”
“I’m all about sticking together, but I’m also about being honest.” Mal twists in her seat, tucking her leg under her while she leans back against the wall. “I’m just saying, you had the perfect opportunity to let him know it wasn’t okay. Guys get a bad rap for not knowing, but they aren’t mind readers.”
“What? Read that in one of your self-help guy language dating books?” CJ jokes.
“It’s called adulting,” Mal spits back. “You guys should try it sometime.”
“Whoa!” It’s like watching a tennis match between these two. “CJ, Mal is right.”
Mal’s smile says it all. She won.
Not so fast, girlie. “I could have spoken up, but, Mal, CJ is right too.”
CJ sticks out her tongue.
“I doubt he would have heard a word I said given the picnic and batting practice fail.”
Both girls sit there in silence.
“Did something happen between you two?” My eyes search theirs, trying to figure out what’s going on here.
“Nothing worth discussing,” Mal admits.
“Oh really? This girl over here needs to grow some balls and admit she has feelings for a certain someone,” CJ blurts out.
“Oh my God! I don’t have feelings for him.” Turning around, Mal leans over the table, and whispers, “And you
need to admit to your friend over here,” she points to me, “that you—”
“Yes, Mal?” CJ dares.
“That you—”
“You have nothing on me.” CJ winks. “Nothing.”
“That you—” Mal is about to spill her some tea. “That CJ—” Mal cocks her brow, and a slow devilish smile splays across her lips, “—wears granny panties on the weekends.”
“Noooo!” I gasp. Now, this wouldn’t normally be a big deal, but CJ swears by everything sexy and has even been known to go commando. “And you made fun of mine.”
“Of course. You aren’t getting laid.” She points out the obvious. “And you,” she waggles her finger at Mal, “be thankful I’m not spilling your secrets.”
“I have none!” Mal shouts, and everyone in the booths surrounding us turn around. “What? I don’t.”
“Keep tellin’ yourself that, sweets.” CJ smirks. “And as far as the granny panties are concerned…I have sex—lots of it. So, if I want to wear them around my apartment like shorts, then I can. Got it?”
I’m still not buying it. Something is going on here. This little argument is meant to be a distraction from the truth lying in there somewhere. I just nod, accept it, and move on.
“Good. Now, tell us what Mr. Homerun Derby did next.” CJ sighs. “Because this girl needs to know.”
“Well, after he spent an hour working out—by the way, it wasn’t as sexy as you may both think—he made this weird face every time he lifted.” I try to mimic his face where he puffed out his cheeks, then bared his teeth on each exhale. Except, when he did it, his top lip would always get stuck and he would have to run his teeth along the bottom of it to release it.
“OMG! That is so funny. Do it again!” Mal practically cries in a fit of laughter as CJ rolls around in her booth, gasping for air.
“I-I-I th-think I…” CJ fumbles over her words, “may have peed a little.”
“You and me both.” I join in the laughter. “Imagine me trying to hold this in every—single—time he did that. It was crazy, I tell ya.”
“Fast forward past the crazy and get to the good stuff.” CJ waves me on.
“Yeah,” Mal agrees.
“There’s nothing good. He showed me where he kept his lucky jockstrap and where they relaxed before a game, but after that? He literally stripped down in front of me, where I saw his very firm, you-can-bounce-a-penny-off-it ass, and hopped in the shower.”
“Sweet,” CJ coos.
Mal nods her appreciation.
“Yeah, it’s the second best part of the date,” I agree. “The worst part is when he took me to a dessert bar, paid with a gift card, and then asked me to leave the tip, because, apparently, in the minor league, you don’t make that much money.” I pause for a minute to let it sink in. “His words—not mine.”
“I can’t believe he did that,” Mal speaks up.
“Hold up now, why do the guys have to pay for everything?” CJ defends Lane.
“Since the station refunds the contestant for any expenses up to five hundred dollars,” Mal fights back with a little bit of information I wasn’t aware of.
“Oh my God! He turned in the receipt and basically exchanged a gift card for cash?” I throw myself back in my seat, shocked.
“What a loser.” CJ lifts her mug to her lips and downs the rest of her coffee. “I hope he loses his lucky strap.”
“Ha-ha.” Mal reaches over and high-fives CJ. “Good one.”
“I have to see these tweets.” CJ tries to swipe her phone to life. “Mine’s dead.”
“Here.” I scroll through my profile, find the ones from last night, and hand my phone over to my friends. “There’s really nothing to see.”
Clover Kelly @UnLuckyInLove_13
Let the thirsty tweets begin ;)
“Holy hell!” CJ feigns licking my screen.
“Can we see the pic without the winky face covering his backside?” Mal begs, wanting more of his pre-shower strip down.
“No. I deleted it. This pic was his idea,” I say, spoiling it for them.
“So, this is what Monica was talking about?” CJ pulls up the other tweet.
Clover Kelly @UnLuckyInLove_13
Lane West strikes out, but we still have another inning to go.
“Okay, so we have Motorboat Guy, Boring Guy, and Cheap as Hell Guy. When does date four happen?” Mal leans in, nudging my shoulder. “What’s his name? Nick?”
“Yes!” I shake my fists in the air. “Contestant number one—Nick Reed. They saved the best for last.” I clasp my hands together. “I’m so excited I can’t stand it.”
“Gurrrl, everyone in that room could feel the sizzle you were cooking up at that table.” CJ shakes her hand like it’s on fire. “So, when is this big date happening so we can be on Twitter watch?”
“Oh, right! I got so excited, I totally forgot to answer you guys. It’s tomorrow.”
“Do you need help picking out an outfit?” CJ scoots closer to the table. “Or shopping?” She waggles her eyebrows. “I’m thinking something black, sheer, sexy?”
“I have it covered.”
CJ lets out an exasperated sigh, and Mal whines.
“I grabbed a couple outfits when I was out yesterday. I’ll just get Austin’s opinion on which one to wear.”
“You really think my brother will help you pick out something sexy for Nick?” Mal pleads. “Just let us come over and we can get this knocked out in a matter of minutes.”
“I can’t, girls. Antonette is off today and I have a few houses to show this evening. Plus, whatever one he picks, I’ll just wear the opposite.” I wink.
“Aw, you’re not just a pretty face.” CJ reaches over the table and pinches my cheek. “Are you?”
“Real funny, CJ.” I slap her hand away.
“Well, speaking of work. I have an interview.” Mal hands me my purse, then grabs hers. “And if I don’t leave here in the next five minutes, I’ll be late.”
“I thought you loved your job?” CJ questions.
“I love clothes, but being an online stylist isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. Plus, when Austin mentioned an opening at the station, I thought, why not?”
“Oh, then you are a shoo-in.” I wave it off and stand, letting Mal out. “There is no way Austin won’t hire his little sis.”
“The interview is with Owen.” Mal stands and squeezes out of the booth. “And we don’t actually see eye to eye on things.”
“He’s actually really nice, Mal. I’m sure it will go great.”
“What’s the position?” CJ stands and lays a twenty on the table. “I’ve got this…unless you want to leave the tip.” The corner of her mouth twitches back a smile.
“Very funny.” I roll my eyes and turn my attention back to Mal as we all walk out together. “As you were saying?”
“Austin said Owen needs someone to filter through Hotline Hookup’s calls, interview guests, and maybe come up with new topics for future shows.”
“Mal!” I reach for her hand and give it a little squeeze. “You would be perfect for this job.”
“Well, she’s read enough books to be.” CJ cackles as she pushes through the double doors.
“True,” Mal and I both agree.
“I wish I could keep chatting, but I’ve got to get going.” Mal leans over and wraps me in an embrace. “Good luck tomorrow—and make sure to have fun!”
“I will.”
“And you.” Mal waggles her finger at CJ.
“I know. I know.” CJ holds up her hands.
“What the hell, guys?” I throw up my arms. “I feel like you guys are leaving me out of some secret inside joke.”
“You!” CJ wraps her arm around me as she hollers for Mal to run. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about that. You just focus on Nick Reed, date number four.”
“But
—”
“No buts. Go to work, make some money, and get some beauty sleep. Tomorrow will be here before you know it!”
“Fine, but only if you promise to fill me in later when this is all over.” I glance over at my friend, daring her to say no.
“I’ll think about it.” CJ slaps me on the butt. “Want to know something?” She doesn’t give me time to answer. “I got a modeling job. Actually, I’m on my way there now.”
“CJ!” I screech. “Really? I thought you said you would never—”
“It’s just a hand job.” CJ slaps a palm to her forehead. “A hand modeling job.” She flips me the bird. “Apparently, I have the perfect finger for what they need.”
“That you do.” We both laugh as we walk down the streets of New York.
“I have a secret too.” I contemplate telling my friend about the dream I had a few nights ago.
“Like a real secret meant for my ears only?” CJ digs.
“Yes. Like I do not want Mal to know this.”
“You fucked Austin!” CJ gasps. “I knew it!”
“No! Oh God no!” I make a face. “How could you even say that?”
“Because you guys live together, and you’re both attractive, and pretty people are supposed to procreate,” CJ says, as if this is no big deal. Like me having sex with Austin would be totally normal.
Wrong.
“I had a dream I kissed Austin.” I side-eye my friend, who’s walking beside me, not saying a word, nodding her head. “Well, I had a dream I asked Austin to kiss me because I was afraid I wasn’t kissable.”
“That’s your subconscious talkin’ right there.”
“I do not want to kiss Austin.”
“Okay, do you mind if I kiss him?” CJ teases, and I shoot her a look. “Only kidding.”
“CJ!” I turn to face my friend, grab her by the shoulders, and shake. “Focus here. Why on earth did I dream this?”
“Were you drinking?”
“Yes, I had a lot of drinks,” I confess. “I was a little upset after the motorboat date. I consumed a whole bottle of Cab, then fell asleep watching bad TV with Austin.”