by Nerys Leigh
“Don’t worry about me. You’ve got two new babies to worry about.”
He looked down at the slumbering twins. He’d been like that once – new, innocent, a whole life of endless possibility ahead of him. Before he destroyed it all.
“You and Dan and these two mean everything to me,” he said softly. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
Sara touched his arm. “I know that.”
He nodded, not moving his eyes from the twins’ faces. He meant it with all his heart. He would do anything for them.
Even give up whatever was left of his future.
~ ~ ~
Will threw himself into his work, but it didn’t stop him from thinking of Nicky all day.
He knew when Nicky’s birthday party began because he had the invitation he’d helped Nicky write for him. If it hadn’t been for Briggs, Will would have been there.
Nicky had been looking forward to his fourth birthday since, well, pretty much since his third birthday, and it broke Will’s heart that he wasn’t there. But he couldn’t lead Briggs back to Daisy and Nicky, so he stayed at the farm and worked until his back ached and it got too dark to work anymore. Then he returned to the house for supper and to hold the twins before he trudged back to the bunkhouse.
He sat on his bed and leaned back against the pillow, one leg stretched out in front of him as he stared at the brown paper-wrapped package tied with a blue ribbon sitting on the chest of drawers.
He should have given it to Daisy to pass on to Nicky, then there would be no reason for Will to go there now. The problem was, he wanted to go over there. He wanted to give Nicky the birthday gift in person, watch his reaction when he opened it, see his smile and hear his laughter. And he wanted to see Daisy. He so badly wanted to see Daisy.
Squeezing his eyes shut, he rubbed one hand over his face. “I’m no good for them,” he told himself, as he’d done countless times over the past few days. “All I can do is let them down and put them in danger. I should never have spent all that time with them. I should never have let Nicky get attached to me.”
But he’d wanted to be there with them. And now Nicky was attached, and Will had no idea how to fix that. The truth was, he didn’t want to, because he was attached as well.
But one day Daisy would fall in love and get married, and her husband would be highly unlikely to want another man hanging around his new wife and son. And Nicky’s heart would be broken.
No, that was wrong. Nicky was just a little boy, and Daisy wouldn’t marry anyone Nicky didn’t love. He’d have a new father, and Will would be forgotten. And it would be Will’s heart that would break.
Heaving a sigh, he swiveled his legs off the side of the bed and stood. He couldn’t stay away. Whatever happened in the future, there was a little boy right now who needed a birthday present.
~ ~ ~
“Just a bit longer, Ma,” Nicky said, in that pleading voice she found so hard to resist. He looked up from where he sat on the rug with the paper and pencils Gareth’s sister had given him. “I don’t want to miss him.”
“He’s probably just very busy at the farm. I’m sure he’ll give you your present tomorrow.”
“But he might still come. Please?”
Daisy sighed. She was going to kill Will. “All right, just a bit longer.”
Nicky grinned and returned to his drawing.
Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends… so many people came to her son’s fourth birthday party that she’d had to hold it in the back yard to fit them all in. But the one person who hadn’t shown up was the one person Nicky wanted the most, and it broke Daisy’s heart to see him run to the door each time there was a knock, only to be disappointed.
She was going to kill Will for this. If he didn’t want her, she could deal with that pain. Eventually. But to do this to Nicky was unforgivable.
A knock startled her.
Nicky scrambled from the floor. “It’s him!”
“Nicky…” she began, intending to try to soften the blow if it wasn’t, but her son was already running for the front door.
Sighing again, she rose and followed him into the hallway in time to see him turn the key and pull the door open. Relief flooded her at the sight of Will clutching a parcel wrapped in brown paper and tied with a blue ribbon.
He smiled at Nicky. “Hey, kid. Sorry I’m late.”
Maybe she wouldn’t kill him yet, but he definitely deserved some maiming.
“I knew you’d come,” Nicky said. “Ma said you were busy at the farm, but I knew you’d come.”
Will gave her an apologetic smile and she almost groaned out loud. Why did he have to be so ridiculously handsome?
Nicky’s eyes went to the parcel Will held. “Is that for me?”
Will looked at it in surprise, as if only just noticing it was there. “Well, I don’t know. How about you let me in and we find out?”
Giggling, Nicky took his hand and led him into the hallway.
Will mouthed, “Sorry,” to Daisy as they passed.
It took a heroic amount of restraint to not slap him.
She closed and locked the door and followed them into the living room.
Will sat cross-legged on the rug, looking around at the remains of the party Daisy hadn’t had the energy to clear up yet. “Looks like you had a fun day.”
Nicky sat in front of him, his eyes on the gift he held. “Yup.”
Will handed him the parcel. “I guess you should open this then.”
Daisy sat on the settee to watch.
Nicky untied the ribbon almost reverently, laid it aside, and pushed back the paper. His eyes lit up as the contents were revealed. “A train!” He picked up the red and green wooden engine with its metal wheels and two cars. “Look, Ma, it’s a train!”
She smiled. “I see that. It’s a beautiful train.”
“It’s not just any train,” Will said. “This is a special train. This was my favorite toy when I was little. My pa made it for me. Back then there was no railroad through Green Hill Creek and I’d only ever seen pictures of trains, but I really wanted to see a real one. So my pa made that one and promised me that he’d take me to see a real train one day, just as soon as he could. When I was older, he took our whole family to San Francisco and I saw lots of trains, but this was always my favorite.”
Nicky gazed at the train in awe. “It’s my favorite too.”
It took Daisy a great effort to keep her voice steady. “What do you say?”
He pushed to his knees and leaned forward to hug Will one-handed, the other clutching the train to his chest. “Thank you.”
Will wrapped his arms around him, closing his eyes for a moment and then kissing the top of Nicky’s head. “You’re welcome.”
Daisy stood abruptly. “I’ll go get that slice of cake we saved.”
She rushed to the kitchen, wiping at the tears spilling down her cheeks and back to wanting to kill Will, although for entirely different reasons this time.
Leaning over the sink, she pumped out some water to splash onto her face. The last thing she wanted was for Nicky to see her with puffy eyes.
Will walked into the kitchen as she was patting her face dry with the dishcloth. “Are you all right?”
She looked beyond him for her son.
“He’s playing with the train,” Will said. “What’s wrong?”
How could he not know? “First you don’t turn up for his party,” she hissed, “and then you come in here with that train, and you ask me what’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry about the party. I couldn’t…”
“No excuses.” She took the slice of cake Nicky had insisted on keeping for Will from the cupboard and thrust it at him. “Here. Now go and play with my son.”
He stared at her for a moment then took the cake and returned to the living room.
Daisy slumped against the cupboard.
Why couldn’t he just be horrible? Why did he have to be so nice while he was breaki
ng her heart?
~ ~ ~
Will and Daisy played with Nicky for over an hour, until he was yawning roughly once every ten seconds and could barely keep his eyes open.
Will carried him upstairs to his bedroom and tucked him into bed.
He leaned down to kiss Nicky’s forehead and pulled the quilt up over the train that he refused to let go. “Goodnight, Nicky. Sweet dreams.”
Nicky was asleep almost instantly, the train still clutched to his chest.
Daisy stood in the doorway and Will frowned as she wiped at her eyes. It was the second time he’d seen her cry since he arrived, and knowing he was the cause of her tears was like a punch to the gut.
He reached out for her, but she turned away and walked from the room. With a final glance back at Nicky, Will followed, and they returned to the living room.
She waited for him to close the door before quietly yelling at him. No one could whisper and yell at the same time like Daisy. “Where were you?”
He lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry.”
“Nicky waited all day for you to come. Do you have any idea how much he wanted you to be here? Do you even care how close you came to breaking his heart today?”
He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and dropped onto the settee. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “The last thing I want to do is hurt him, or you. This is all my fault.”
He felt her sit beside him.
“Just because you’re too stupid to see what’s right in front of you doesn’t mean he should suffer. He adores you. He looks up to you.”
Releasing a deep breath, he lowered his hands. “I’m the last person he should look up to. I shouldn’t have spent all the time I have here. I shouldn’t have let him get attached to me.”
“Then why did you?”
He rubbed his forehead and slumped back against the cushions, not looking at her. “I didn’t have the strength to stay away. I liked being with the two of you too much. I was selfish.”
Her hands clenched, as if fighting the urge to wring his neck. “If you like being with us then why won’t you tell me what’s changed?”
He shook his head. “If you knew the things I’ve done, you wouldn’t want to marry me.”
“I know about the saloon and the gambling and the women, and I know you stopped all that when Daniel was injured. It’s been a year. How long do you plan on punishing yourself?”
If only punishment was all this was about. He could get past that. “There are things you don’t know. I’m not the man you think I am.”
She looked like she wanted to scream. Or punch him. Or both. “I wish that was true. I wish you were the worst man on earth. Then this wouldn’t be so hard.”
“I don’t want this to be difficult for you. You have to believe that.”
Pressing her lips together, she shook her head and turned away. “Tell me you don’t care for me. Just tell me you don’t feel about me the same way I feel about you. Tell me you don’t want me.”
He wished he could. He wished he didn’t want her with all of his stupid heart. He wished he could lie to her, just this once. “I can’t.”
For a few seconds she didn’t move. And then she whirled back to him, grasped his head, and crushed her lips to his.
The kiss was so sudden and so fierce that at first he couldn’t do anything but sag back against the arm of the settee with the force of it. And then instinct took over, and he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him as if he would never let her go.
Her lips broke free of his, but she didn’t move away, and her gasps for breath brushed warm and soft against his skin. Her eyes found his, gazing at him so deeply he thought she must be able to see every one of his secrets.
“We belong together, Will,” she whispered. “Why can’t you see that?”
His heart saw it. His mind didn’t.
He closed his eyes, because he knew that if he kept looking into the face of the woman he loved, he would tell her everything. “If I ask you to do something, will you just do it without any questions?”
“That depends on what you ask.”
Opening his eyes, he sat up and gently moved her back from him, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do. “I want you to take Nicky tomorrow and go to your folks’ house and stay there until Sunday. Can you do that?”
A frown creased her brow. “Why?”
“That’s a question.”
“I never said I wouldn’t ask any questions. I said it would depend. Why do you want us to go to my parents?”
“That’s another question.”
“Technically it’s the same question. And stop trying to avoid answering.”
He couldn’t tell her. If he told her, she’d forgive him. He didn’t want her to forgive him. He wanted her to be angry with him, to give up on him.
It didn’t help that he’d just kissed her. Why did she have to be so tenacious?
“Please, Daisy, just do this. Promise me you’ll do it.”
She pressed her lips together, staring at him as if she could read the truth in his eyes. “You’re scaring me, you know.”
“I don’t mean to.”
She sighed. “All right, I’ll take Nicky to my parents. But on Sunday, you’d better tell me what this is all about.”
He didn’t reply. Right now, he couldn’t think that far ahead. First he had to get Briggs out of his life, one way or the other.
He stood to leave, while he still had the strength.
“Will?”
He stopped at the door to look back at her.
She rose to her feet. “Are we in danger, Nicky and I? Do I need to be worried?”
He managed to smile. “No, you don’t need to worry. You and Nicky are just fine.” He turned away, walked a few steps, then turned back again. “But lock all your doors.”
She threw her hands into the air. “Oh, well that doesn’t make me worried at all.”
He chuckled softly. “I’m sorry. You should always lock your doors.”
“I always do.”
“Good.”
She was smiling now, the half smirk that made him want to grab her and kiss it from her face, and then keep kissing her until his breath ran out.
He turned away quickly, before he did.
Once he was out of the house and Daisy had closed the curtains, Will circled around to the back to make sure the door was indeed locked, and that all the windows were closed.
He would have told her to go to her parents now, but he didn’t want to frighten her more than he already had. So he found a hiding place in the bushes in Daisy’s back yard and settled down for the night.
Until he knew she was safely with her parents, he wasn’t letting her or Nicky out of his sight.
Chapter 18
An entire night was a long time to spend sitting on the ground amongst the bushes. By the morning, Will was chilled and tired and very, very bored, but at least he knew Daisy and Nicky were safe.
He waited until they left for Daisy’s parents, who lived just outside of town, followed them at a distance until they were safely there, then made his way back to the livery to fetch Ginger.
He got home somewhere around nine.
Daniel was putting Pea into the field. He glanced at Will but didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to; his expression said it all.
Will unsaddled Ginger, trying to decide what to tell his brother. By the time he’d finished, he still didn’t know.
He left her in the field with Pea, River and Rosie, and walked into the barn where Dan was busy cleaning the stalls.
He didn’t look round when Will walked in.
“It’s not what you think.”
“Isn’t it? Because you look like a man who’s been drinking all night.” Dan stopped to look at him. “What’s happening with you lately? Everything was going so well. I thought you were finally happy. It’s been a year. Why would you throw it all away?”
And there it was – the disappointment Will neve
r wanted to see on his brother’s face again. This was why he didn’t want to tell anyone about Briggs.
Shaking his head, he turned and strode from the barn, before his brother saw the tears of shame burning at Will’s eyes.
Daniel caught up with him as he reached the bunkhouse, dodging in front of him to block his path. His eyes widened at the sight of the moisture clinging to Will’s lashes.
When he spoke, the anger in his voice was gone. “Please talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong.”
Will swiped the back of his hand across his eyes. “I wasn’t in the saloon. I haven’t been drinking.”
“Then where were you?”
“I was at Daisy’s house.” When Dan’s eyes opened even wider, Will shook his head. “Not in her house. I was outside, in the bushes in her yard.”
Dan frowned in confusion. “All night?”
“Yes. That’s why I look like this. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol. Here, smell.” He huffed a breath in his brother’s face.
Dan recoiled, waving a hand in front of him. “Stop! Brush your teeth first, at least. And where was Daisy while you were in her yard?”
“Inside, asleep.”
“So why were you out there?”
Will rubbed both hands down his face. This was too hard. He needed to tell someone. He needed help.
He needed his brother.
He glanced at the house, wondering if Sara was watching them. “All right.”
They went into the bunkhouse and sat side by side on Will’s bed, and Will told Daniel everything, about what happened to Briggs and his family after Will won his money, about the threats that weren’t threats and Will’s terror that Briggs would do something, about the high stakes poker game he wanted Will to play in.
And when he’d finished, Will waited for the condemnation and disappointment.
He wasn’t prepared for the punch.
He clutched his upper arm. “Ouch! That hurt!”
“You idiot!” Dan shook his head. “I swear, sometimes you are so stupid I wonder that you can tie your own shoelaces.”
“Hey!” Will knew his brother was probably right, but he was indignant anyway.