“Thanks for making me wait out here on your doorstep, Ms. Albright,” he said with a smile.
“Sorry about that.”
“In the cold.”
“The place is....” She gestured inside the house, her hand fluttering about.
Barnes grinned. “I’ve seen the place.”
“Oh, right. The maid still hasn’t shown up.”
“Well, somebody looks real nice.”
She glanced away. She was probably blushing. Barnes pulled out a bouquet of mums and daisies from behind his back.
“Oh.” Jesse was sure she was blushing. “That was... Well, you didn’t have to...”
“Why don’t you go ahead and put them in water? I’ll wait here.”
“Really? You don’t mind waiting? Again?”
“Waiting on you will be my pleasure. Go ahead, now.” He shooed her with his hands.
Inside, she grabbed a pitcher. She put water in it, stuck the flowers in, and placed it on the kitchen table. She closed her eyes and took a few more deep breaths. After patting Saint Anthony goodbye, she shut the door and started walking ahead of Barnes toward the driveway. She looked at his yellow VW Bug, shook her head, and chuckled to herself, “Now that vehicle is downright ridiculous. I’ll drive.”
Barnes didn’t protest, and they headed for her truck.
“Jeez,” he said as he opened the passenger door. The inside of her pickup was nearly as cluttered as her house, filled with finds that hadn’t made it inside her house. He brushed the pile of papers and junk on the passenger seat onto the floor, trying not to touch much. “How do you think with all this clutter?”
She laughed. “Too messy for you?”
“Well, yes.”
“What are you? Some kind of Zen detective?”
“Clutter represents the state of one’s mind. I like breathing room. I guess that may be different from your setup.”
She shot him a look. “It’s not my setup, Detective.” She started the truck and drove off. “I know clean. I know neat. I’ve done them before.” She took a deep breath and gripped the wheel, staring straight ahead. “Sometimes life is messy, and you have no control.”
He touched her hand gently. “Ms. Albright, I’d like to understand. Really.”
She concentrated on the road ahead.
They drove in silence for a few minutes, then Barnes said, “You know, there’s this Native American legend I’ve read about. It’s called ‘soul keeping.’ There was a father whose son died. He wasn’t ready to let go of him. So he took some of his son’s hair and put it into a little bundle. Then he placed it in a special tepee. That’s where the child’s soul was.”
Jesse didn’t blink or say a word. She just drove on, loosened her grip a little, and listened.
Barnes continued, “This special soul keeping was a time of contemplation. A time of atonement. And at the end of this period, when the father was ready, the soul would be released in a big happy feast. I like this story. I’ve told it to some of my clients whose children were missing, usually runaways who didn’t want to be found. Some of them did their own soul-keeping ceremony. I think rituals are real important. Whatever it takes. Grief is a strange emotion. It makes you do crazy things.”
Jesse glanced at him. “Thanks for the touching story and your armchair psychology, Mr. Social-Worker-to-Be, but I’ve done enough grieving for a lifetime. I’d like to relax for once and have a little fun. Let’s not talk.”
Barnes nodded, and they were silent for the rest of the drive through Canaan. Trees were at their autumn peak. Yellow and red leaves covered the sidewalks. The town was packed with people and cars. Jesse parked at the Book Barn, a bit out of the fray. They got out and walked over to Main Street, which had been blocked off to traffic. The shops had little white twinkly lights in their windows, along with Halloween decorations. And pumpkins were everywhere. Whole pumpkins, carved pumpkins, and pumpkins already lit with candles. The whole town glistened, pulsating with excitement. Jesse looked all around at the festivities. Even though it was hokey, she had missed the community gatherings. Sharing them with family and friends. She had always held Canaan, the little jewel of a town, close to her heart like a secret. She felt a sadness deep in her chest, the air seeping out of her. She felt homesick.
She stopped walking and turned to Barnes. “Listen, I’m sorry I snapped at you before. You know, touchy subject.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He looked out at the crowd up ahead then back at Jesse. “Ready?”
She took a deep breath and nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”
He reached down and gave her hand a comforting little squeeze.
Chapter Twelve
“Welcome to the 26th Annual Canaan Harvest Fest,” read the banner strung across Main Street. Under a big white tent, tables were loaded with home-baked pies, fresh cider, and baskets full of apples. Kids ran shouting through a corn maze in the field across the way. And people lined up at pumpkin-carving stations, where orange chunks flew everywhere.
Jesse and Barnes walked toward a crowd where a scaffold five stories high stood in the town green. It held row upon row of jack-o’-lanterns, their funny and spooky carved faces all lit up. Below, a group was taking photos with cell phones. Barnes laughed when he saw a row of pumpkins glowing from within, each carved with a different letter. They spelled out: Ruth marry me luv Roger.
“What a romantic guy,” he said to Jesse.
The sights, sounds, and smells brought it all back. She remembered the last time she’d been to this festival, the year before That Day. Her family had fun participating in the carving contest, going through the corn maze, the works. Although Sophie had enjoyed the festivities, spotting a great horned owl with its large ear tufts, eerie yellow irises, and stern gaze had thrilled her more. Jesse remembered the expression of wonder on Sophie’s face.
“He’s a melt bird,” she’d told Jesse and Cooper.
“A what?” Cooper asked.
“You know,” she said, “a bird who disappears into his habitat.” She lowered her voice. “They’re all around us.” When involved in her favorite subject, Sophie could be a delight, so enthralled by her feathered friends. “Birds make me happy,” she had said to Jesse once.
Jesse stopped, lingering over the memory. Staring off at a tall evergreen, she wondered if Sophie had become a melt bird, hiding in Canaan in plain sight? Some birds are elusive and particularly difficult to find.
“Ms. Albright? Jesse?”
Snapping out of her daze to see Barnes, she was embarrassed at being caught daydreaming.
“Shall we move on?” he said.
She nodded and walked on.
They followed the throngs of people heading for Earl’s. The doors were open, and the old-timey bluegrass tune of a fiddle and mandolin wafted out into the night. Jesse looked inside the packed place, seeing many familiar faces, and her heart leapt then galloped away. Why did I need to come to this thing, anyway? To prove to herself that she was fine. That she could put her life back together and do normal things again. Like Cooper? To extract a bit of revenge on Gary and show him he couldn’t get to her anymore?
She turned to Barnes, and he again took her hand. A wave of warmth slid through her body. She remembered why. To step out of her comfort zone. Go out on a date with a man she liked.
Jesse followed him. The place had been transformed from a cheery café to an atmospheric party space that glowed with candles and more lit pumpkins. Bunches of orange and black helium balloons were gathered on the ceiling. Matching streamers spiraled down in long curlicues. It was wall-to-wall bodies. Jesse spotted costumed guests, a few wearing masks. A vampire. A cowgirl. Charlie Chaplin. Frankenstein. Everyone was dancing, drinking, and talking above the din.
She took a deep breath to gird herself then straightened her shoulders. “Let’s get a drink.”
Barnes pushed his way up to the bar and turned back to Jesse. “What’ll you have?”
“Beer.” She realize
d that the rather large body huddled next to her was none other than Peggy, the nosy realtor she’d seen with Gary the other day. Jesse gave a small nod then turned away from her, imagining what rumors Peggy might already have spread about her and Gary. And Jesse had arrived with a handsome black man, somebody new for Canaanites to gossip about.
Barnes reappeared and handed her a bottle of beer. She clinked his glass with it. “Cheers.” Then she saw that Gary was working behind the bar, helping Jill. Seeing him again cranked her anxiety up another notch, and she guzzled her beer.
He looked surprised and not all that happy when he spotted Jesse. He mouthed hello to her. And when he noticed she was with Barnes, Jesse was sure she saw a flicker of jealousy cross his face.
Across the room, Blue and Beth Silverman, dressed as Sonny and Cher, were talking with Carol, who wore a black cape and pointy witch hat. They spotted Jesse, smiled broadly, and waved her over. She turned to Barnes and nodded toward her old friends. Even though she really wanted to run home, she pushed her way into the crowd, and Barnes followed.
“Jess. You came. So good to see you. You look great,” Beth said and hugged her, the long hair of Beth’s Cher wig swishing about.
Carol was next. Her witch hat tilted at a funny angle as she hugged Jesse. “I’m so glad you came. We’ve missed you at book club.”
Jesse managed a tight smile. Avoiding Carol had made Jesse feel as though she wasn’t really hurting anyone with the affair. More denial. She had missed her friends, but seeing people from her old life was cringingly painful. They always gave her a pathetic look: tilted head and furrowed eyebrows. Then they would say something inane like “How are you doing?” with great concern. How in God’s name did they think I was doing? She was a total wreck, barely hanging on. It had been easier not to deal with anyone. Easier for them, too, she was sure.
Blue came up next to her, and she couldn’t help but laugh at his costume. The fur vest was too small, and he looked ridiculous in his wig. The bangs covered his eyebrows. Not to mention his graying beard ruined the real Sonny’s clean-shaven look. He stuck his hand out to Barnes. “I’m Blue.”
“Hey, great costume,” Barnes said. “The beat goes on, right?”
Jesse realized that was her cue. Introductions. She knew how to do that, but she froze.
“Call me Tuck,” Barnes said, rescuing Jesse before there was any awkwardness, and he shook Blue’s hand.
Jesse finished her beer. Then, like magic, a waiter walked by, carrying a tray high above his shoulder. She grabbed two glasses, took a big gulp of one, was surprised it was vodka, but finished it anyway. She was aware of conversation and laughter around her. She downed a second vodka.
She gazed about the party, feeling oddly disconnected from her body, as if observing it all from above. There were parents and teachers from Sophie’s school. Kids who had been classmates. Neighbors. Nosy Peggy.
Professor Pollen was two bodies away. He smiled at her and lifted his drink in a toast. When a woman seated in a corner lifted her Sigmund Freud mask from her face, Jesse saw it was Lila, her therapist. Well, ex-therapist... Jesse could have sworn Lila winked at her, but maybe she’d imagined it. She gazed around. It didn’t feel like a party to her, more like a bizarre dream or what she imagined an LSD trip would be like with strange-looking celebrities, friends, and acquaintances co-mingling. One of them could have followed Jesse and Sophie to the mall and snatched Sophie. She could be hidden in their basement, chained up in their attic. The town was scoured early on, nearly everyone interviewed, but some sicko could have slipped through the cracks.
Jesse heard Blue ask Barnes, “Where’d you two meet?” But she didn’t hear his answer. Suddenly, she felt claustrophobic, hot and dizzy. Completely panicked. She couldn’t seem to get enough air into her lungs. She rummaged in her purse and found her pill box, but it only contained some old Advils. She’d forgotten to refill it with Xanax. She must have been crazy, trying to attend a party like a normal person and without meds.
She turned to Barnes. “I’ll be right back.” Before he had time to respond, she pushed between the bodies, maneuvered up to the bar, got two more beers, then shoved her way out the front door. She leaned against the building, sucking in oxygen, letting her head fall back against the wall. She took a few more deep breaths. On the stoop next to her was a carved pumpkin with a wicked grin that seemed to be mocking her. She drank some of the beer and slowly started to relax a little. The vodkas and beer were starting to kick in. She was definitely feeling a buzz.
“Two-fisted, huh?” came from a familiar voice.
She looked up to see Star Silverman standing behind her. Star wore skinny jeans, a baggy shirt, and lots of dark eye makeup. She looked like a cross between a goth rocker and a raccoon. Jesse couldn’t tell whether that was her nod toward a costume or her regular rebellious teen getup.
“Oh, hi,” Jesse said, devoid of emotion.
Star nodded at the two bottles of beer Jesse held. “Multitasking?”
Jesse nodded then took a long swig from one. She slipped down until she was sitting on the stoop. She set one beer on the ground. “Have a seat.”
Star looked down at the step, seemed to think about it for a minute, then plopped next to Jesse. “So you’re here with that cop?”
Jesse shook her head.
“You’re not here with him?”
“I am. Sort of. But he’s not a cop.”
“Whatever.”
“He wanted to check it out, so I agreed to tag along. It’s no big deal.”
“Yeah, right.” Star grinned. “You’re kind of all dressed up.”
“I just put on lipstick,” she said defensively.
“It’s okay. You look good. Pretty.”
“Oh. Thanks.” Jesse picked at the label on her beer, thinking she used to talk to Star all the time and have real conversations. She could do it now. “What are you up to?”
“Nothing. Waiting for my friend, Ruby. Last time I saw her, she was stalking the food table. She can’t stop eating those gross mini-quiche thingies. She’s, like, obsessed with them.”
Jesse smiled. “Maybe they’re good.”
“I wouldn’t know. I don’t do cheese products.”
“Really? Not even pizza?”
Star shook her head.
“You used to love pizza. Both you and Sophie. It was your favorite food. Remember that New Year’s Eve you slept over? We watched Sleepless in Seattle and ordered three pizzas and ate them at midnight. Then Cooper and I let you girls have sips of our champagne.”
“Well, those days are gone.” Star looked away. “Besides, I’m vegan now. I don’t eat pizza anymore. It makes me want to vomit in my mouth.”
Jesse raised her eyebrows. “Nice.” Her eyes welled up. Nothing was the same. Not one lousy thing. Not even her daughter’s best friend. Not even pizza. “I still like it,” Jesse said so softly, she wasn’t sure Star even heard her. “I saw your parents.” Jesse wanted to say, They still eat pizza. At least she hoped they did. “Great costumes.”
Star laughed. “I don’t know when they had time to dredge up those outfits. They’ve been super busy carving pumpkins for days. This is like the event of the century for them.”
“A lot of hubbub over some big orange squashes.”
“Exactly.” Star abruptly extracted her cell phone from her rear jeans pocket and began texting like a maniac.
“How do you do that so fast?” Jesse tried to imagine a teen Sophie texting inane conversations. Or more likely, she would have her own bird blog. Her ringtone would be the song of a whippoorwill. Maybe she would be the star of a bird-watching reality show and have become famous. It just wasn’t fair.
“Like I tell my parents all the time, my generation was born with speedy thumbs. I don’t get why you guys are so obsessed with it. It’s just what we do.” She looked back into Earl’s, craning her neck. Then spotting her friend, she waved. “There she is. I’m outta here.” She turned back to the party then l
eaned in to Jesse. “By the way, that dorky bee guy, Professor Pollen, was looking for you. Still with the red bowtie. Boy, is he lovesick.” She flashed a smile that reminded Jesse of the old Star. The sweet, good-natured kid she used to love being around.
“If you see him, tell him to buzz off,” Jesse said.
“Ha. Good one.” Star laughed.
“Buzz bzzz,” Jesse said, giggling to herself as Star headed toward her friend, who was wearing a Kim Kardashian mask. Jesse threw back the rest of one of the beers then started the next one. She was breathing much easier. Definitely no pain. As she looked back into the party, she felt bad about deserting Barnes. She couldn’t see him anywhere and was wondering where she would find him when she felt someone tapping her shoulder.
“Hey.”
She turned and saw Gary standing beside her, holding a beer.
“Hey, yourself,” she said.
His eyes roamed over her body, up and then down. “Wow, you look great.” But he looked sad.
“I clean up nice when I try.”
“I didn’t think you’d come.”
She shrugged. “I changed my mind.” She grabbed his beer and chugged some. How many drinks have I had? She’d lost track. A lot.
“Oh. Okay. That a friend of yours?” He tossed his head toward the crowd.
She wasn’t sure who he was referring to, but she nodded anyway. “Yep.”
“Listen.” He glanced around, probably checking where Carol was, then dropped his voice. “I’m sorry about the other day.”
“No, you were right,” Jesse said.
“I’m sorry about everything.”
“It’s okay, really.” She didn’t want to rehash things with Gary—not while making an attempt at moving on. She got up but nearly fell over, and Gary held her arm to steady her. Using the wall to keep herself upright, Jesse realized she was full-on drunk. Time to find Barnes and get out of here. At least I tried. ‘A for effort’ and all that.
She wobbled back inside the party. She pushed her way into the middle of the room, back into the loud, headache-inducing commotion, crushed between partygoers.
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