Shane was silent for a moment and then he said, “I’m not going to talk about this right now. I know you mean well, but this just proves what a danger Snookie is. These infections can be life-threatening.”
“And if she hadn’t been so afraid of having Snookie taken from her, she wouldn’t have hidden her injury, and she would’ve gotten proper treatment in the first place. I’m not trying to blame you here, but I am saying that you cannot make good on your threat to take that horse from her.”
“That’s exactly what it sounds like to me,” Shane said. “I’m doing what’s best for my family. Someone has to be man enough to do the right thing, even if it’s hard.”
The other man’s words stung, reminding him of their earlier argument. Maybe Fernando was a coward, but Shane wasn’t much better, refusing to see sense when it came to this horse.
“I’m not the only one who needs to do the right thing here,” Fernando insisted.
“Enough!” Leah’s voice echoed through the truck. “You two do your idiotic manly garbage on your own time. But, Shane, you need to focus on the road so that you don’t kill us all before we get my sister to the hospital. And, Fernando, you can save your lectures for when he won’t be too distracted to hear them. You’re both being a couple of jerks right now, and the only thing we need to focus on is getting Nicole safely to the hospital for treatment.”
She had a point, and Fernando felt guilty for arguing with Shane while Shane was trying to drive. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about Nicole, and the desperation that got her to this point.”
“We’re all worried about Nicole,” Leah said. “But blaming each other and arguing isn’t going to get her any better. I agree, we will need to discuss the fact that Nicole felt it necessary to hide her injury from all of us. But let’s get her well first.”
The tears in Leah’s voice were evident, and as Fernando looked down at Nicole again, he prayed that she would realize just how deeply she was loved—by all of them.
Chapter Twelve
Nicole woke feeling groggy, like her sleep hadn’t been restful. When she lifted her arm to rub her eyes, she realized she was hooked up to an IV.
She must have really been sick. This was some virus.
As she rubbed her eyes and looked around the room, she noticed Leah was sitting beside her.
“Good. You’re awake. You probably have realized that you’re in the hospital. You’ve got a nasty infection from the horse bite you were hiding from us.”
Nothing like a sister to be direct. But at least now she knew that everyone knew. Which meant there was no saving Snookie. Tears filled her eyes.
Leah took her hand. “None of that. I told Fernando and Shane that they aren’t allowed to discuss it until you’re well, and that if I hear any more of their idiotic manly posturing over you, I’m going to send them to bed without any supper.” Leah gave a firm look to Fernando, who was standing on the other side of the room.
Then she grinned. “Okay, maybe that wasn’t a very good threat. But they know I mean business, and that your well-being is what’s most important here. But I did want you to know that we know the truth, so you can stop hiding things and focus on getting well.”
“And Snookie?”
“I have half a mind to send her to bed without any supper, too.”
The tears that had filled Nicole’s eyes began to fall, and Leah gave her hand another squeeze. “Can’t you understand that you and your safety are most important to us?”
Nicole shook her head. “None of you understand just how much she means to me.”
“I get it,” Leah said. “But you could have died.”
“I didn’t think I had any other choice,” Nicole whispered.
Fernando came around the other side of the bed and touched her arm gently. “I would have helped you. I would have advocated for both you and Snookie if you had just told me the truth.”
“Like you told me the truth about your past? You didn’t tell me until you had no other choice, which is what I did.”
She hadn’t meant to hurt him, but the wounded look on his face made her feel bad. But that was just it. People expected things of her but weren’t willing to give the same back.
“That’s different,” Fernando said. “But apparently, Shane knew all along. He ran a background check on me.”
As Nicole tried processing Fernando’s words, Leah turned, and Nicole could see Shane standing in the background.
“You ran a background check on Fernando?” Leah asked, sounding annoyed.
“I’m not going to let just anyone stay on your property, given that so many people I love live there. Besides, I run them on everyone I hire.”
Leah’s posture softened, but Nicole could tell that the couple would be discussing things later. Maybe her sister didn’t always side with Shane just because they were engaged. Maybe she should have tried talking to Leah or Erin.
Then Leah looked over at Fernando. “What’s in your past that’s so scary?”
“I learned to train horses in prison,” he said. “People don’t respond well to hearing about my felony conviction, so I only share it when absolutely necessary. I’m sorry if that makes you uncomfortable, but I promise I’m not a danger to you or your sons.”
Nicole reached up and took Fernando’s hand. “None of us would believe that of you.”
He nodded, like he knew she was telling the truth, but there was still a barrier between them. She remembered, from shortly before she passed out, him expressing his deep hurt at the fact that she hadn’t confided in him. And maybe she should have. But she was trying so hard to keep her distance, knowing that he was unwilling to love her the way she needed to be loved.
If only it didn’t hurt so much to have him hold her at arm’s length.
“I agree,” Leah said. “I don’t have all the details, but whatever happened, you’re clearly a good man now. And even though I’m not sure I agree with Shane’s decision to run a background check on you, if there had been anything disturbing in that report, Shane would have told us. Still, we all have to figure out a way to trust each other and not keep so many secrets.”
A fresh wave of tears trickled down Nicole’s face, and Fernando brushed them away. “Please don’t cry. I’m sure that if you knew then just how much everyone loves and supports you, you would have made a different decision about hiding your injury. But we can’t go back. So let’s find a way to move forward and make better choices.”
She’d have liked to have trusted in his words, except that he wasn’t living them for himself. He was making choices based on past bad experiences, and they weren’t making life any better for him, or the people who loved him.
Leah squeezed Nicole’s other hand. “I completely agree. I want you to know that I support you, no matter what. And it pains me to think that you couldn’t trust me to help you.”
Then Leah turned her gaze back to Shane. “I love you. You know that. And even though I love that you love my family as your own, you’re not the boss of my family. We work together to solve our problems, and you don’t get to dictate how things go all the time. Surely you can’t have forgotten the lesson you learned in making decisions for me in the past. Don’t do it to my sister, either.”
Shane’s jerky nod only made Nicole’s tears flow faster. All this time, she’d been thinking that she was somehow losing her sister to him. And that their plans as a family no longer mattered. But now, she could see that Leah would still always be there for her.
Why had it taken getting so sick for Nicole to realize it?
She looked up at her sister. “I’m sorry for not trusting you. I was just worried that with as close as you and Shane are, you considered his opinion above all others. Especially since you said you fully trusted his judgment when it came to Snookie.”
Leah bent and kissed her on top of her h
ead. “You will always be my little sister, and I will always love you. No matter what, I am here for you. And you have to believe that I always have your best interests at heart. Shane is right to be concerned about Snookie’s behavior. But I would never ask you to give up an animal you so desperately love and have spent your whole life waiting to have without exhausting all other options. I should have spoken up sooner, but I believe in you and in Fernando’s ability to rehabilitate Snookie.”
Then Leah looked across the bed at Fernando. “I still do.”
Shane moved closer to the bed. “I never said I didn’t. And I’ll admit I might have been hasty in making that threat. But Snookie is still biting, and that behavior has to be addressed.”
Leah gave Shane the glare that Nicole recognized as being the one she gave her boys when they were acting up. “We agreed not to discuss that right now.”
It was actually kind of funny, watching Shane squirm under Leah’s gaze. Nicole felt bad for not giving her sister enough credit for having a mind of her own. She might be in love, but Leah wasn’t going to let anyone push her around.
Still, Nicole would rather have the discussion now, so at least she knew what she was coming home to.
“It’s okay,” Nicole said. “I need to know that we’re going to resolve the situation with Snookie. Based on what happened, and what I’ve been reading about, I came to Snookie in an emotional state she didn’t understand. I was hurting, brokenhearted over Fernando’s unwillingness to even talk to Ricky. I clung to her, sobbing, and it scared her. Snookie had this weird version of me hanging from her neck, and she was frightened, so she acted out. I was wrong. I should have remembered Fernando’s lessons about horses feeding off our energy, but I was so caught up in my own pain that I forgot and acted inappropriately around my horse.”
As she gave voice to the conclusions that she’d come to, it only made her feel worse about the situation. Even though she now knew she could confide in her sister more, it still hurt that her best friend was a horse, and even that horse couldn’t be what she needed her to be.
Fernando squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you with my decision. But can’t you understand that it was just as difficult for me as it was for you? Yes, I would love to be a horse trainer. But you don’t realize how many times I have tried, only to have that dream torn from me.”
He turned to Shane. “You might call me a chicken, and maybe you’re right. But a man can only be beaten up and broken so many times.”
Nicole had no idea what Fernando was talking about, but as she saw the expressions exchanged between the two men, it was clear they’d had some harsh words over Fernando’s decision. And even though it still felt like Fernando was abandoning her by not even trying, the pain in his eyes made her realize that it had probably cost him more than she could ever know.
While it hurt that Fernando wasn’t willing to take a risk for her sake, she now realized that this truly was about Fernando and his insecurities. It wasn’t about her not being enough for him, but about him believing himself not enough for her. She’d done her best to convince him differently, but until he realized it for himself, nothing she said would make a difference.
Whatever Fernando’s journey needed to be in the situation, it was his journey. She couldn’t force that on him, nor could she take responsibility for that failure upon herself. He might say he was doing this because he loved her, but until he learned to love himself, he wasn’t capable of loving her the way she needed him to.
And suddenly, the pain of losing Fernando didn’t hurt so much anymore. Keeping him wasn’t her responsibility. If he didn’t want to stay, she had to let him go. And she had to pray that wherever the journey took him, God would keep them both safe.
The only thing that was her responsibility was herself. And, if she could convince the rest of her family of it, Snookie.
* * *
“All right, then,” Nicole said, pushing the button to raise the bed higher. Fernando wasn’t sure what had just happened, but whatever it was, he was looking at a different Nicole.
“What are we going to do about Snookie?” she asked.
They all looked at Shane.
“What?” he asked. “You’ve all made it clear that I’m the bully who wants you to get rid of your precious horse. I’m not so unfeeling as that. I understand how much you love her. But how am I supposed to make you all understand the importance of safety? You’re all new to this, and I’ve spent my whole life on a ranch. Why can’t you trust that I have your best interests in mind?”
Then Shane turned to Leah. “You asked me to trust you, but just like we both learned in the past, that trust has to go both ways. You have to trust me, too.”
Nicole had told Fernando that when they’d first gotten the ranch, Shane had bought some cows out from under them to save the sisters from making a mistake and buying a diseased herd.
Clearly, working through trust issues didn’t involve overnight solutions but was a lifelong process in making a relationship work. And maybe he wasn’t necessarily in a relationship, but Fernando could learn a lot from watching this couple continue to work through their problems.
Shane turned his attention back to Nicole. “You and Fernando have done a great job with Snookie so far. And I know, in you accepting responsibility for your role in getting bitten, you understand much more about horses and their behavior. But clearly you still have a lot to learn.”
At least Shane sounded like he was going to give Nicole another chance with Snookie. Fernando sent up a silent prayer of thanksgiving that Nicole’s mistake hadn’t cost her everything.
Then Shane looked over at Fernando. “Which is why I’m counting on you to stick around to help her. You told me you would do anything so that Nicole can keep her horse. And now I’m about to see if you’re a man of your word.”
Somehow, Fernando knew, without Shane having even given his terms, Fernando wasn’t going to like it.
“What do you want from me?” Fernando asked.
“You can’t just be a weekend trainer. Snookie needs daily work, and it’s clear that Nicole is not ready to take on training Snookie on her own. I know you can get Snookie to where she needs to be. The question is, are you willing to do it?”
Fernando did the mental math, trying to figure out how he could do a two-hour drive each way every day. The expectant look on Nicole’s face made his heart ache. He’d made her a promise. Shane was calling him on it.
Looking down at Nicole, Fernando said, “I didn’t get a chance to tell you. My uncle needs me to start work on Monday or I will lose the job. It’s a two-hour drive each way.”
“That’s not your only option,” Shane said.
Fernando shook his head. “You can’t be sure that Ricky would offer me the job.”
“You won’t even talk to him,” Shane countered.
Did Shane understand exactly what he was asking of Fernando? From the challenging expression on the other man’s face, it was clear that he did. And from the hopeful look in Nicole’s eyes, Fernando understood why.
They all wanted him to stay. And while it felt good to have so many people behind him, they also didn’t understand what it looked like when things went bad.
But he had promised Nicole that he would do whatever it took for her to keep Snookie.
He just hadn’t understood that every ounce of his pride would be the cost.
Nicole had muttered something in her delirium about no one loving her the way she loved them. Loving her had already cost him so much in terms of making him face his fears. And now he’d be giving her his everything. Even though he would never be able to tell her.
Shane might be able to manipulate him into applying for a job with Ricky, but that didn’t mean he was going to put Nicole’s future at risk by pursuing anything with her. If Shane thought this was the ticket to Nicole’s happily-ever-afte
r, then he still had a lot to learn about what happily-ever-after looked like.
“I promised you I would do whatever it takes for you to keep Snookie, and I meant it,” he said to Nicole. “So I’ll talk to Ricky, apply for the job, and if I don’t get it, I’ll make the drive every day if necessary.”
The look in her eyes was the same one she had the last time she’d tried to kiss him.
“Don’t mistake this for love,” he cautioned, hating himself for having to crush her hopes. It had to be enough that she could keep her horse. “I meant what I told you about us having no future. Please don’t take my decision about Snookie as anything other than my keeping my promise to you.”
To Shane and Leah he said, “Don’t let her get her hopes up about me. I’m here for the horse, and because I made Nicole and Snookie a promise. I’ll be respectful of her feelings in not leading her on, but there will be no romantic machinations from the two of you or anyone else.”
Shane nodded slowly, like he realized that he’d been caught at his own game. It felt good to know that despite all the harsh words they’d shared, Shane obviously thought enough of Fernando that he was still trying to get him and Nicole together.
But that was the thing about love.
Loving someone meant letting them go, even if it took ripping out your heart to do so.
Chapter Thirteen
Fernando shifted uncomfortably, hat in hand, as he stood in the foyer of Ricky’s large ranch house. He’d known that the other man had money, given that he owned a ranch large enough to have a string of seventy-five horses and employ so many people. But looking around at the entryway leading into an expansive great room, filled with what had to have been very expensive cowboy art, he had to wonder what he’d gotten himself into.
A wiry old man entered through a set of double doors on the side of the great room.
“You must be Fernando,” he said. “I’m Ricardo Ruiz IV, but everyone calls me Ricky. My family has owned the Double R Ranch since before Colorado was a state. However, I don’t have anyone else to carry on the ranch. So I turned this place into a way for people to fall in love again with the cowboy lifestyle.”
The Cowboy's Faith Page 14