by Kishan Paul
He braced himself, understanding the direction this talk veered.
She turned to him, gripping his one hand in both of hers. “There is another option. It’s called a haplo-compatible match. We need a biological parent for such a match to happen. Wassim.”
The information she shared wasn’t new to him. He’d read all the emails and listened to every message she’d sent. Once he caught wind of Jayden’s diagnosis, he’d done his own homework. It was the reason his goals for Wassim changed from neutralize to capture. Eddie considered his words. “We’re looking at leads, but I don’t want to get your hopes too high because it seems like every time we get close, he digs himself deeper in to whatever hole he’s crawled into.”
“You’re not offering him what he wants.” Her words were whispered, but she might as well have screamed them.
He shook his head before she even finished. “Don’t.”
“I’m the one person in this world he hates enough to risk his safety.”
His gut twisted at the truth and desperation of her words. Both of which he needed to squelch. “He wouldn’t risk his freedom for you. He’d have someone kill you and bring him your head as proof.”
Eddie hated everything about this situation. That he hadn’t been able to give her Wassim. Hated that he hadn’t been able to ease the weight she carried and the worry creasing her eyes. That no one else seemed to grasp how dangerous this plan was. But most of all, he hated the fact she wouldn’t give this topic up. All of which meant he needed to get his and Raz’s asses out of there before she pushed too hard. “We will save your son without risking your life. Raz and I will be heading back soon, so how about you let us work a few leads before you go offering up your head to Wassim?”
Raz returned to the porch, closing the door behind him.
“How soon will you two leave?” Her attention was glued on her son.
Eddie’s focus was on Raz as well, silently telling the kid to keep his mouth shut. “In the morning.”
She winced. “I assumed you would come with me and your brother tomorrow. We’re leaving early for Jayden’s doctor appointment in Seattle. It’s a hard trip. It would mean a lot to him to have his bhai with him.”
With the way she played with her fingers, how her cheeks turned a deep red, it wasn’t just Little Bear who needed Raz.
“I’ll be there.”
Eddie’s scowl deepened at the kid’s response, while her shoulders relaxed, and an appreciative smile flashed across her face. “Thank you. It’ll lift Jayden’s spirits to have his brother by his side.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE FERRY RIDE
Ally sat in her parked SUV while they sailed across Puget Sound. Positioned in the very front of the cargo level of a large, white, two-story ferry, they had the best view of the mountains and the waters. The ride was short, but one of her favorite parts of the trip. Not only because of the scenery, but because it gave her time to center her mind. The mountains with white peaks and the clear waters helped her do exactly that, and if they were lucky, an orca or dolphin would glide by to say hello. They were regulars on the ferry, and since the owner understood Jayden’s situation, three days a week, he opened the docks a little early just to make sure they acquired the coveted front of the boat.
“Momma.”
“Yeah, baby?” She pulled her gaze from the waters and looked over her shoulder at Jayden and the ever-present white surgical mask covering his mouth. His face stuck to the electronic device in his hands, he’d sprawled himself across the back seat. Apollo lay partly beside and partly on top of the child, with his head resting on Jayden’s stomach. “I don’t want Bhai to come with us to the appointment.”
His words sent a surge of dread swelling within her. “Why? I thought you’d want your brother there.” She tried to make her voice sound a lot calmer than she felt and gripped the steering wheel.
He shrugged but didn’t meet her gaze. They dreaded this particular appointment. He still had nightmares from the previous two times they’d done the procedure. She’d have thought he’d want his big brother by his side, and the fact he’d waited until they were alone to make the request wasn’t lost on her. “Jayden?”
Big green eyes met hers. “I don’t want him to see me like that.”
Her chest tightened. She returned her focus to the waters so he wouldn’t see the pain on her face. “Then I will tell him not to come.” She plastered a grin on her lips and turned her body around to face him. “He can spend the time we’re away planning your ‘I Survived Hell Day’ celebration. Maybe a burger and cake even?”
“That would be awesome.” Jay grinned.
As awesome as he said it would be, they both knew that by the end of the appointment, he’d be exhausted, would eat very little of whatever food was presented, and sleep most of the evening away. “Can his friend come too?”
“Of course, Eddie Uncle can come. It’s your party. You’re the boss.”
He put his device down on his lap and met her gaze. “Momma?”
“Yes, boss man?”
“Is it okay if I call him Rambo Uncle instead of Eddie Uncle?”
She scrunched her nose and tilted her head in confusion. “Rambo Uncle?”
He angled his screen to show her a movie graphic of a long dark-haired Sylvester Stallone. The muscle-bound man wore a sleeveless shirt and bandanna, dirt streaked his body, and he held a machine gun in his hand. “He’s this cool soldier man. I just downloaded one of his movies so Bhai and I can watch it together on the way to Seattle.”
She pointed at his screen. “See the yellow banner with the R rating on it?”
His face fell. “But it’s R for—”
“I know what it’s R for so, no,” she cut him off. His shoulders slumped, his head dropped, and although the surgical mask hid his mouth, she knew he pouted. Apollo licked his cheek as if trying to clean away his despair.
Ally stared up at the ceiling and shook her head. The kid had mastered the art of manipulation, and it worked on everybody else on the planet but her. “How do you even know who Rambo is?”
After a drawn-out sigh, he tipped his head toward the window. “Uncle told me about him,” he mumbled.
Everything became clear. “The delivery alert email I got this morning about a package waiting for us at the Seattle house has something to do with Rambo, doesn’t it?
All thoughts of the R-rated movie he wouldn’t be able to see vanished. His eyes brightened in excitement. “Cool! They had same-day delivery, but I didn’t think it would get there so fast.”
“And Rambo Uncle paid for it?”
The master manipulator shifted in his seat. “He said he wanted to,” he whined.
“Jay…”
“I didn’t tell him to buy it.” His eyes doubled in size as he pled his case. “He just took the tablet and typed in his credit card number.”
“The same story you had for all the other army guys on your shelves.”
He shrugged and scrolled through his tablet. “There are a lot of nice people in the world.”
Ally stared at the ceiling. “Yes, there are, but there’s also a little boy who’s really good at sweet-talking nice people into doing things for him.”
He didn’t respond. Instead, he focused on his screen.
“Jayden, look at me.”
Big green eyes, as well as the pale blue ones of the dog beside him, gazed at her.
“No buying anything online, especially if it’s with someone else’s money, without my permission. If you do it again, I’m going to take your tablet away from you. Understood?”
After another sigh and drooped shoulders, he nodded. “Okay, Momma.”
Apollo let out a soft howl, promising to do the same.
Long after he was lost on his device, she stayed fixed on him. For such a young, barely sixty-pound kid, he’d experienced so much loss, so much pain, and yet he showed so much strength and resilience. Jayden was a survivor. There was nothing she wouldn’t do
to make sure he stayed that way. But most of the time, she felt helpless, like she stood on the sidelines, an observer to his misery.
While he laughed at something and rubbed his dog’s head, she pondered the unfairness of life. If they didn’t find a match, she might be burying another love of her life. She forced herself to look away, fixed her attention on the waters, and worked on calming her mind, reminding herself to focus on the things she could control. For a while, she did, until movement outside caught her attention.
Two pairs of feet appeared on the metal steps to the side of the boat. Soon the legs and the rest of Eddie and Razaa’s bodies descended into view. They’d strolled upstairs earlier to whale watch, check out the view, and grab snacks. As they approached, the serious expressions on their faces seemed to intensify the more they talked to each other. Eddie slid onto the front passenger seat and handed her a cup of coffee. She turned to find Razaa sliding in the back. He handed his brother a bag of chips before putting on the second set of headphones connected to Jayden’s device. The two sat together staring at the tiny monitor.
While tension oozed from the men, alarm bells rang in Ally’s head. “What happened?”
“A slight complication.” Eddie stared out at the water. “Nothing we can’t handle.”
The coffee was strong, black, and scalding—exactly what she needed. She savored the burn as it flowed down her throat. Ally checked the rearview one more time, making sure Jayden’s headphones were on, and he was distracted. She expected her oldest to listen to every word and wanted him to hear it. He and his Boss were keeping secrets, and she deserved to know what they were.
“I understand why Razaa came home…” Her oldest tensed at the mention of his name. “But why you came, I don’t get. I asked you this already, and I don’t remember getting a real answer.” She pinned Eddie with her gaze. “So tell me, Boss, why are you here?”
He paused mid-drink, looked out the window, and then proceeded to take a gulp of the coffee. His attempt to stall, to come up with an answer, an excuse he’d use to distract her from the topic.
He flashed her a cheesy grin. “I figured you could use a friend?”
Ally rose her brows at the stupidity of his response. “And you appointed yourself as the friend I could use?”
He leaned back in the leather chair, his grin widening, and took another swallow of his coffee. “Maybe.”
She turned her body to face him, inched closer, and kept her voice low. “Thank you for thinking of me, but I’m fine. I can handle…”
“Really?” Eddie side-eyed her before continuing his observation of the waters outside. “Because that’s not the impression I’m getting at the moment. You look like you’re about to explode or implode or something.”
His assessment grated at her. She pasted a smile on her face and tried to feign calm. “Well, you’re wrong. I’m okay.”
“Obviously,” he muttered before putting the cup against his lips for another sip.
She grabbed his wrist and lowered it and the cup he held.
The muscles in his arm flexed under her grip. His gaze fixed on their connection. “Yup, totally okay. No sign of crazy in you at all.”
“Eddie, I’m…”
“Don’t.” He leaned in close and put the same smile on his face that she knew she had on hers. “No more of this ‘I’m okay’ bullshit.” His words were low and his voice sticky sweet. “No matter how much you pretend to be this perfect, put-together mother and fruit-picking, goat-loving person, you’re not okay. I can tell when someone’s going to crack and trust me.” He pulled his limb out of her grasp and winked. “Put on those rain boots because the dam’s going to break.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The corners of his mouth twitched. “Sure, I don’t.”
Laughter erupted from the back of the SUV. Ally glanced at the boys before continuing. “And what do you recommend I do about it?”
Eddie played with the plastic lid of his cup and shrugged. “Talk. You can’t keep it all inside. You’re not a robot.”
As much as she tried not to let them, his words stung. “And who do you talk to about things, Eddie?”
“This isn’t about me, it’s about you.”
She laughed. “No, it’s about you thinking you understand what I need better than I do. So please share.”
Instead of replying, he took another sip and waved his cup at the one she held tightly in her hand. “Coffee’s going to get cold.”
Ally slid her drink into the cup holder. “Let’s say I talk to you. I pour it all out—every last bit. Cry about all the agonizing details of my life. Will you tell me what’s going on?”
“I’m not trying to negotiate with you. I’m trying to help.”
“I admit there are cracks. I even shared a few with you last night, but trust me, I’ll keep it together. No matter what you think, I am not going to explode or implode.” Her gaze fell on Jayden and the way his head rested on his brother’s chest. “For the record, you’re not someone I can lean on.”
His hand warmed her wrist when it wrapped around hers. “You’re wrong. You can always lean on me.”
She stared out at the waters. “You leave, Eddie. You always leave. You’re temporary, a friend. A journeyman who goes where you’re needed, and then when your work’s done, you move on.”
The tension pulsing from the man beside her was palpable. “It’s still better than keeping it all inside, isn’t it?”
She flinched. He held all the cards. She’d shared enough of her pain with him the night before, and he came back judging her as unfit. “You want to hear what’s going on inside my head?” She glanced at the boys again to make sure her youngest wasn’t listening. “There’s a chance my son will die, and talking to you about my feelings will not decrease that probability. If you really want to help me or that child, then take me to Wassim.”
“I can’t,” he mumbled.
“Then there’s nothing left to discuss.” She grabbed her coffee and took a sip. The irony of his request wasn’t lost on her. Eddie, the man who kept his life and thoughts locked away from the world, asked her to open up, to let him in. She reined in her agitation. Pushing him away would not help her cause.
“So…”
Ally gazed at him from over her cup as he dragged out the one-syllable word.
“Is there any chance you can drive by the airport on the way to the hospital or sometime in the next couple hours?”
She shook her head. “His is the first appointment. It will take about four hours with blood draws, waiting for lab results, a possible blood or platelet transfusion depending on those results, and then in the middle of all those things, they have to do a spinal tap. He’ll be out of commission after the procedure. I also have a meeting with a representative from the donor registry to discuss potential matches.”
The cup Eddie gripped crackled. “No problem. We’ll call a car.”
“We?” A spasm of fear shot through her chest.
He looked over his shoulder. “Yeah. Something’s come up, and we need to get back to work so we can address it.”
Ally’s throat tightened as she processed the words.
“You okay?” he asked.
She nodded, but then changed her mind and shook her head. “No, I’m not. Like I told you last night, Jayden needs his brother.” She glanced behind her. While her youngest focused on the screen with his headphones secured in his ears, her oldest watched her. “I need him today.” Her whispered voice came out shaky.
Razaa’s eyes darted between hers and Eddie’s before he shot her an apologetic look. He cared too much. Tried too hard to fix everything. It was why Jayden adored him as much as he did. She placed her coffee in the cup holder and leaned close to Eddie. He wanted her to share her feelings. Well this was one she was okay offering. She swallowed the knot in her throat. “Do you know what we call today’s appointment?”
He gave his head a slight shake.
“Hell Day. Let me tell you what happens on Hell Day. They insert a needle this big”—Ally put her hands twelve inches apart in front of his face—“in my six-year-old’s lower spine while I and another tech hold him down. The spinal tap is one of the most painful procedures for a patient to endure. And he has to go through it every three months.” She swallowed down her emotion and kept her voice even. “It’s why he’s scared of doctors or anyone who wears a white lab coat. He will work really hard to be brave, but no matter how strong he tries to be…” She stared at her fists and uncurled her fingers. “His hands will shake long before I’ve even parked the car in the hospital parking lot. I will hold one as we walk to the appointment and try to keep his attention on something else. Tell him silly jokes and funny stories to get him laughing, distracted. But even then, it will tremble.”
Eddie grabbed one of her palms and twined his fingers through hers. His touch warmed her skin, made the emotions she tried hard to block inch closer to the surface. She cleared her throat and pulled her hand away, dropping it onto her lap.
“By the time the cart carrying the needle is rolled inside the room, tears will stream down his cheeks.” She pointed at the roof above them. “On the ceiling of the room, someone’s painted a beautiful mural of the ocean. With fish, plants, and all the various forms of marine life you’d find at the bottom of the ocean. He’ll lay on his back until it’s time, identifying each and every one. His little voice will crack as he does it, but he’ll keep pointing them out while they prepare the needle. Then when it’s time, I get to restrain him and remind him he is brave. My hero. And when he starts to sob and beg for me to make it stop, I will hold him tighter, kiss his cheek, and tell him I love him while every cell in my body will be screaming for me to push the doctors and nurses away, to rip the needle out of his back, pick him up, and run away. And while I’m whispering to him that he is a strong warrior, a part of me is telling myself the same thing. That we know this has to happen, and I’m sorry. Because the sad reality is, I am helpless to stop it. Until he finds a donor, Hell Days are a necessary evil.”