Declan smiled and said, ‘Cool. Talk to you soon.’ He held up his hand in a farewell gesture. It was the hand holding the condoms he’d purchased. I felt my face turning even redder than it already was.
‘I need a cream for toe warts,’ the old guy said.
I spent the rest of the afternoon alternating between obsessing over Declan and the fact that he had my number, avoiding thoughts of what he might be doing with those condoms he bought (and with who), questioning why Declan still had such a strong effect on me when a whole Guy existed, and feeling restless about what Libby was getting up to with that Guy. I wished, not for the first time, that my boss, Phil, wasn’t such a fascist about us having our phones on us during shifts. We had to keep them locked away in the staffroom.
It felt bizarre to be going through the regular motions of a Saturday shift – complete with scraping chewing gum off the floor in the nail polish section – when I wanted to burst out of my skin over the events of the last twenty-four hours.
As we were restocking the lollies on the shelves near the counter during a lull late in the day, Alex said in a teasing voice, ‘Why did Declan Bell Jones get your phone number earlier?’ Alex was in the year above me at school, the same as Theo. He was actually one of Theo’s best friends, and had helped me get the job at the chemist. I wondered if Theo had ever mentioned my crush on Declan to him.
Which reminded me, I still had to talk to Theo about the night before. I had to give him an explanation for what had happened – although I wasn’t quite sure what that explanation would be.
‘Have you talked to Theo today?’ I asked Alex.
He looked confused at my abrupt subject change. ‘Briefly this morning.’
‘Did he say anything to you?’
‘Yeah, he said things to me.’
‘About me,’ I said impatiently.
‘What would he say about you?’ Alex narrowed his eyes. ‘And what’s this got to do with Declan Bell Jones asking for your number?’
‘Nothing,’ I said. As I stacked boxes of Maltesers in neat formation, I explained to Alex what had happened with the soccer ball, and why Declan had asked for my number. By the time I was done, he was wheezing from laughing so much.
‘I wondered what’d happened to your glasses,’ he said. ‘You do get yourself into the most ridiculous situations.’
He didn’t know the half of it.
‘Thanks a lot,’ I said, and he started cackling all over again.
From the back of the shop, where the prescriptions were dispensed, I heard Phil harrumph loudly. I looked back to see him watching us sternly. I turned to Alex, and we shared an oops, we’re in trouble look, both of us trying to suppress more giggles.
When my shift was finally over, I picked up my phone with even more eagerness than usual. Libby had sent a stream of photos. Guy at the park. Guy chatting to an old man sitting on a bench (Making friends! Libby said). Guy doing pull-ups on the outdoor gym near the beach (I paused on that one). Guy in the water (I paused on that even longer). Guy eating hot chips (The best thing he’s ever eaten! was the caption). Guy with one of those blood pressure test things wrapped around his arm.
Wait – what? I tapped out a frantic message.
Me
WTF???
Libby
I convinced Melissa to do some tests. Just, you know, a standard physical.
Me
What?!
Libby
I told her it was for a biology assignment.
Me
Don’t you think we should keep Guy away from her, you know, after last night?
Libby
It’s no big deal. She just thinks he’s your boyfriend. And that you’re a sex fiend, I told you. She was quite nice to him today, all things considered.
Me
Just. Why?
Libby
It’s not like I have my own lab. It was the closest thing I could get to running some tests.
Me
He’s not a science experiment
Libby
Okay but he literally is? Anyway, Guy was up for it. We also did a physical down at the beach. Didn’t you see those photos?
Me
Oh I saw them
Libby
You’re welcome.
Libby
Anyway, don’t you want to know my highly scientific conclusion from all these tests?
Me
. . . go on
Libby
The boy is fit. And healthy. In fact, he’s perfect.
Me
Yeah, we didn’t need any tests to figure that out . . .
Libby
It’s all still so weird. He’s sweet though. When he’s not talking about you . You should’ve seen him at the beach. I had to stop him from stripping off. People were staring.
I think we should have included ‘inhibitions’ on your list of dream attributes.
‘Declan Bell Jones already in your DMs?’ Alex said.
I looked up at him. He was walking beside me, wheeling his bike next to him, on his way to Theo’s. I was planning on getting changed out of my hideous polyester work uniform before meeting Libby and Guy at the park again. I felt giddy at the prospect.
‘It’s just Libby,’ I said, sliding my phone into my back pocket. My thoughts drifted back to the photo of Guy at the beach, his hair wet, his face grinning, looking shinier than the sun itself.
‘A dollar for your thoughts?’ Alex said.
I blinked. ‘A dollar! You’re a big spender.’
‘Well, a penny doesn’t make much sense, does it?’ He scrunched up his freckled nose. ‘I mean, we don’t even use them.’
‘Yeah, but you could have gone with, like, five cents.’
‘Alright, fine. Five cents for your thoughts?’ He laughed. ‘It doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, hey?’
‘Nah,’ I said, returning his smile.
He nudged me with his hip. ‘So are you going to tell me what you were thinking that made you look like that, or do I actually have to pay you five cents?’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked.
He looked off into the distance, an exaggerated dreamy look on his face.
‘I did not look like that,’ I said.
‘You definitely did.’
We walked on in silence for a minute. I thought about Guy again. About how he’d almost kissed me last night.
Would he try to kiss me again tonight?
‘Hey, can I ask you something?’ I said.
‘Depends what it is,’ Alex said.
‘How old were you when you had your first kiss?’
He let out a small huff of amusement. ‘With a guy or a girl?’
‘Oh . . . either?’
‘Well. My very first kiss was with Delilah Gadsby, in Year 7. At the soccer field after school one day.’ He kicked at a bit of gravel with his shoe. ‘I thought maybe I’d try liking girls at that point.’
‘And how was it?’ I asked.
He gave me a wry smile. ‘I realised there was no point trying.’
‘Ah.’
‘My first kiss with a guy,’ he went on, affection on his face now, ‘was when I was fifteen. A boy I’d been talking to online. We met at the beach. Theo was convinced I was going to be murdered and insisted on coming along with me. This was when I was staying with him.’ Alex had lived with Theo and his dad for a while after he came out, because his own family had been pretty awful about it. They seemed to be doing better these days though. He was back at home, at least.
‘And how was that?’ I said.
Alex grinned. ‘The only thing that got murdered was my tonsils.’ He grew more serious. ‘It was kind of incredible, though . . . I guess thrilling would be the word for it. I felt like – like my veins had been charged with electricity. You know?’
I nodded, even though I didn’t really know.
‘I mean, I’ve had much better kisses since then,’ he said. ‘But none of them have felt quite like that.’
/>
‘Wow,’ was all I could say.
He raised his eyebrow. ‘Why do you ask, anyway?’
‘No reason,’ I said. My stomach fluttered nervously.
We were walking down my street by this stage, and were a couple of houses away from mine. I didn’t register the footsteps behind us until a second before I was lifted off the ground and spun around. I screamed. Then I realised whose arms were holding me, and whose laugh was echoing in my ear.
Guy.
He put me down and placed his hands on my shoulders, steadying me on my feet. Alex was looking at us with his whole face opened wide. His eyes, his mouth – even his nostrils looked shocked.
‘I missed you,’ Guy was saying to me. Then he noticed Alex and nodded towards him. ‘Who’s this guy? Is he bothering you?’
‘No!’ I said. ‘This is Alex. We work together. He’s a friend of Theo’s.’ Guy looked at me blankly. ‘You know, the guy you, er, met last night?’
‘Ah, the short boy with the plastic bat.’
‘I wouldn’t say short –’
‘Katie, are you gonna introduce me to your . . . friend?’ Alex had recovered slightly, but he was clearly burning with curiosity.
‘Of course,’ I said. ‘Alex, meet Guy.’
Guy reached out a hand for Alex to shake. ‘Kate’s boyfriend,’ he added. I looked at him in surprise. We hadn’t had that conversation.
Alex’s mouth hung open again for a split second. Then he composed himself and shook Guy’s hand with a ‘nice to meet you’. He turned to me, his eyes full of meaning – that meaning being, What the hell is happening??? Out loud he said, ‘You’ve been holding out on me, lady. Where’ve you been keeping this one?’
‘Under her bed,’ Guy deadpanned.
A beat passed where no one seemed to know what to say.
Then I laughed. I hoped Alex wouldn’t notice it was my fake customer service laugh. He apparently didn’t, because he started laughing, too, along with Guy.
That’s when Libby reached us, out of breath.
‘Sorry,’ she said between pants. ‘I told him. To wait. At the park.’
I shot her a look.
‘I couldn’t wait another moment,’ Guy said. ‘Every second without you was excruciating.’ He leaned down and kissed my forehead. I felt a blush spread to my neck and chest.
‘Nice hanging out with you, too,’ Libby said, pulling a face.
Guy laughed good-naturedly. ‘We had fun,’ he said. ‘I only wish Kate had been there, too.’
I was about to suggest Libby take Guy back to the park so I could meet them there as we’d originally planned, when I heard a strangled scream from up the road.
We all turned in time to see Theo flying arse over chest through the air. He landed on the nature strip in front of his house with an ooft, his bike lying at an odd angle in the gutter, the wheels spinning. He must have been aiming for his driveway and somehow run into the concrete instead.
‘Oh my god.’ I raced over to Theo, Alex close by my side. Guy and Libby trailed behind us.
Theo was gingerly lifting himself up with one arm and inspecting his other palm, which was grazed and muddy.
‘Are you okay?!’ I bent and reached out my hand – to touch him or help him stand, I’m not entirely sure. He shot me such a filthy look that I instinctively recoiled.
He brushed his hand against his shirt and let Alex help him up, shaking the hair out of his eyes with a toss of his head.
‘I’m fine.’ He shrugged. ‘Few scrapes, no big deal.’ But I watched him wince as he put weight on his left foot.
He managed to stand up straighter when Guy reached us, and his face became guarded. It closed off even more when Guy slipped his arm around me and tugged me close.
‘Uh – Theo, you uh, didn’t properly meet Guy, did you? So, um, meet Guy.’
‘Kate’s boyfriend,’ Guy added helpfully.
Theo’s face was still, except for a muscle in his jaw which was twitching wildly. His dimples were showing. They only showed when he was really happy or really annoyed. I somehow didn’t think it was the former right now.
‘Come on, Alex,’ he said. Alex threw a confused look in my direction but helped Theo turn around and limp away.
Libby reached us then, wheeling Alex’s bike, which he’d dropped when Theo had crashed. I bent down to pick up Theo’s own discarded bike and started pushing it towards his driveway.
‘Just leave it,’ Theo said over his shoulder.
Now I was getting pissed off. I tossed his bike down with a little too much force and marched up to him, planting myself in front of him. I noticed that Guy had started to follow me, but Libby had her hand on his arm, holding him back.
‘Are we really not going to talk about this?’ I said.
‘I don’t know what you mean.’ He was looking down, seeming determined not to make eye contact with me.
‘I know last night was . . . a lot, but there’s no need to act so huffy.’
‘I’m not huffy,’ he said, huffily.
I glanced at Alex, who Theo was still leaning on – although he was trying to make it seem casual, not like Alex was actually keeping him vertical. ‘Listen, about – about last night – Guy –’
I swallowed the rest of my sentence when Theo finally caught my eyes with a look so sharp it (figuratively) stabbed me. ‘I really don’t want to hear about last night and Guy,’ he said.
Now it was my turn to huff. ‘Well. That’s great. Because I really don’t need to explain myself to you.’ I folded my arms. The truth was I had wanted to explain things to Theo, but right now he was pushing every button marked irritated and stubborn within me.
His only response was another huff.
Alex cleared his throat. ‘Uh, guys, this seems kind of private so maybe you should, um, take it inside? I don’t know what’s going on but you obviously need to . . . talk amongst yourselves.’
He untangled himself from under Theo’s arm and slowly backed away to join Libby and Guy near the fence. Theo scowled and tried to move forward, but when he put weight on his left foot he winced.
‘Here,’ I said, moving to the spot Alex had just vacated. Theo shrugged me off and tried to hobble forward again.
‘Ugh, what is with you today?’ I grabbed him again, slipping his arm around my shoulders and looping my own around his waist. ‘Since when are you such a –’
‘Such a what?’ he said, but he finally stopped resisting. We slowly made our way down the driveway towards his room.
‘Such a guy.’
I felt him stiffen. ‘Dunno if you’ve noticed, KC, but I’ve always been a guy.’
I shook my head. ‘You’re not a guy. You’re . . . you’re my people. At least, you usually are. Right now you’re being really gross.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘You’re being a dick to me. Because, what? You caught a boy in my room. You know, you’re basically slut-shaming me. I really thought you were more evolved than this.’
‘I’m not – it’s not – I am not slut-shaming you,’ Theo sputtered. We had reached his door.
‘But you’re mad because I slept with Guy?’ The thought flashed through my mind that I was being a little unfair. But right now I was too annoyed to care.
‘You –’ He froze with his hand in midair, about to insert his key into the lock. It took him a moment to recover. He opened the door and steadied himself on the wall to shuffle inside, collapsing on his bed with a groan.
I sighed and kneeled in front of him, rolling up his black work pants to examine his ankle. It was scratched up and a little swollen, but there were no bruises.
‘Maybe we should take you to the hospital,’ I said, glancing up at him.
‘No!’ Theo was even less enthused about hospitals than I was. Our eyes locked and the expression on his face – the pain there – made me pause. It wasn’t about his ankle. I knew he was remembering. Like I was. All those days at the hospital, when I was eleven and T
heo was twelve. We’d go there after school to see his mum. She was too sick a lot of the time to do or say much. But we’d tell her about our day or play a game to try to distract her. To try to distract ourselves.
If it was the worst time of my life, it was at least a hundred times worse for Theo.
We didn’t talk about it anymore.
About her.
‘Your feet stink,’ I said, snapping us both out of the moment. I stood up and went into his bathroom, searching the drawers for a first-aid kit. I knew there was one in here – it had been one of Theo’s dad’s conditions when he agreed to him moving into this room. Theo had to have everything he needed, in case the main house was locked up/on fire/flooded/whatever other emergency might occur.
I kneeled back down, dabbing Betadine on his grazes. He cried out in pain.
‘You’re such a baby,’ I said. But I tried to be gentle as I applied bandages.
‘You really slept with him?’ Theo said quietly after a moment.
I yanked the bandage a little too tightly. ‘Why do you care?’
He didn’t answer me straight away. I looked at his face and saw he was chewing on his words, thinking carefully about what came out of his mouth next. ‘It’s . . . I don’t care, KC. Not like that. I just – I got angry because . . . because you made this big deal about never even kissing a guy, and then within a few hours I find – well, that you’ve obviously gone much further than kissing.’
I stood up. ‘Right. And tell me again how this isn’t slut-shaming?’
He let out a frustrated noise. ‘It’s not coming out right.’ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘You know I’m no good with words.’
The dejection in his voice caused some of my irritation to dissipate. ‘Try again,’ I said gently.
Theo sighed and looked me in the eyes. ‘It’s not . . . it’s not the idea of you, uh, having sex that bothers me.’ He swallowed. ‘It’s the fact that you lied about it. It’s . . . it’s just not like you. I mean, you said it before, KC. You’re my people. I thought you could tell me anything. But it turns out you’re hiding this pretty freaking huge thing from me. And I’m not just talking about that guy’s height.’ His mouth softened into a sardonic smile, and I could feel myself softening along with it.
‘It’s not what you think. Not even close,’ I said.
You Were Made For Me Page 6