Did he feel the connection she felt? When he was near she felt good, and warmth flooded her body. When he touched her, a shiver went down her spine.
Any sort of physical connection caused her nerve endings to be on high alert.
Hannah wasn’t sure what it all meant, but she knew one thing – she felt dejected, and hankered for more affection from her husband.
She shoved past him and headed out into the store to do the job he wanted his wife to do. She restocked the shelves.
After that she strolled through the store checking if any other stocks were low. She stopped when she got to the toiletries section. The soap needed refilling, and so did the hair brushes. She’d seen them in the storeroom, so headed back there.
Cecil was in there checking the stock levels. She had to reach past him to get to the soaps. As she did so, she brushed against his bare arm.
A shiver went through her entire body, and she turned to face him. “Sorry,” she said under her breath.
He moved toward the back of the storeroom, forcing her to move there too. “I’m not,” he said gently, then leaned in and brushed his lips against hers.
Before she knew what was happening, he had deepened the kiss, then suddenly pulled back as though her skin had burned him.
Hannah looked up at him, then touched her fingers to her tingling lips.
“I, I shouldn’t have done that,” he said, and stormed out, leaving her to stare after him.
He was already gone by the time she found her voice. “Don’t be sorry,” she whispered. But it was too late.
IT HAD BEEN A WEEK since that kiss. The one he’d longed for from the moment Hannah had arrived.
But he’d been so embarrassed about his lack of restraint, he’d stormed out, not daring to wait for her response.
Cecil knew from the moment the words were out at their wedding, he’d pushed himself into a corner. It had been his decision to make theirs a marriage of convenience, not Hannah’s and now he regretted it.
She hadn’t protested at his declaration, so now he had no choice but to live with his decision. Having her there in the same house made it impossible to avoid her, which made the task far more challenging.
Every time he walked into the kitchen he noticed her curves. When she smiled, which was most of the time, he zoned in on her lips. And when she brushed by him, his body reacted.
Cecil did not want to continue like this, but didn’t want to admit he’d been wrong.
He enjoyed her company, and tried to spend as much time as possible with her, despite the hardship it caused him.
Hardship because he couldn’t hold her in his arms and kiss her again.
He glanced down at Rosie who was playing at his feet. Supper was over, and it was almost time for bed for the little one. He hated missing her at the end of the day, so the routine had been changed so he could spend time with her before bed.
“Pa-pa.” Her little arms went up for him to pick her up. He leaned in to do so when suddenly she changed position. She rolled over and sat up!
She was a little wobbly, and almost toppled backwards, but she sat up.
“Hannah, look,” he said, indicating the child on the floor.
She glanced up and grinned. “How wonderful,” she said, quite animated. “It won’t be long and she will be crawling.”
“Crawling?” That was a whole different scenario. When that happened she’d be in to everything. “I’ve been thinking,” he said. “Rosie can’t sleep in that carriage forever. She’ll grow out of it soon anyway. Tomorrow we’ll check the catalogs and order a crib for her.”
“That’s a good idea. I have money to pay for it.” She stared at him, goading him to protest. “I have money from Mr Richardson.”
Cecil gritted his teeth. “I can provide for our daughter,” he said, his mood suddenly darker.
She straightened her shoulders. “I know that,” she said gently. “But what am I to do with this money?”
As much as he felt aggrieved, what she said made perfect sense, but still he wanted to be the one to look after them. “How much are we talking about?”
Her voice was barely above a whisper. “About thirty dollars.” She fidgeted with her hands. “It was as though he knew something might happen to him.”
Cecil thought for a moment. “Alright. I’ll allow it this time, only because I can see you’re distressed.”
She stood, and sighed as she did, obviously relieved. “If there’s enough, perhaps we could order a stroller and high chair too?”
That was a good idea. With the baby sitting up, it could come in handy. He lifted Rosie from the floor. “Time for bed now baby.” He pulled her in for a hug, then held her away from himself. “Someone needs a change of diaper.”
Hannah laughed then took the baby. “We’ll come back for you to say goodnight,” she said, her hands brushing his. He wanted to reach out and pull her to him, but with a wet baby between them, it wasn’t such a good idea.
When he thought about it, perhaps it wasn’t a good idea at all. The last thing he wanted was to break his self-imposed pact. Once broken, there’d be no turning back. He knew how he felt about Hannah, but had no idea of her feelings toward him.
She hadn’t been gone long when she returned with a dry baby. Hannah handed her over, and a shiver went down his body. Their skin to skin connection was driving him crazy. Whenever they touched he yearned for her even more.
He looked down into Rosie’s eyes. She stared up at him then grinned. She wriggled about until he lifted her for a hug. “Goodnight, Rosie,” he said gently.
Now he’d had them in his life, Cecil couldn’t imagine how he survived without his family. But he wanted to be a real family. He didn’t like the way they danced around each other – it was breaking his heart.
“I’ll put her down,” he said. “When I come back we need to talk.”
Hannah chewed on her bottom lip with worry. “Nothing is wrong,” he said, then left the room.
WHEN HE RETURNED HANNAH was perched on the edge of the sitting room chair, her hands twisting in her lap.
“I told you not to worry,” he said, agitated with himself for causing her concern. “I had an idea, and want your opinion.” She looked relieved.
She followed him out to the store. “This corner is rather useless,” he said, pulling some old boxes from the area. “It’s used for rubbish and not much more.”
Hannah stared at him, her expression one of confusion. “I thought we could make it a play area for Rosie,” he said. “If we clean it out, I could get some dowel and she would be contained.”
Her eyes opened wide. “That’s a brilliant idea,” she said, apparently now on the same page. “We could put some toys in there, and now that she’s sitting up, it would keep her happy.”
“Exactly. She wouldn’t get under our feet, so she’d be safe, and we can see what she’s doing.” He took both her hands. The moment they touched he knew he shouldn’t have done it.
“Cecil,” she said softly.
He stepped back. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to overstep.”
She looked disappointed. “Overstep? You’re my husband.” She turned away from him. “But you don’t act that way. Am I so ugly that you can’t stand to touch me?”
He heard her voice crack and it broke his heart. He moved toward her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. “You’re not ugly,” he said gently. “You are the most beautiful woman I know.”
His heart hammered at their closeness, and he wanted to be closer still.
“Then why do you keep your distance from me?” Hot tears dripped onto his hands which were still around her. “Why do you force me to sleep alone?”
Before he had a chance to answer, she broke away and ran back into the residence. He could hear her sobbing from the store.
This wasn’t what he wanted, far from it. He was trying to protect her. He was a man who worked long hours, he was rarely home. As it was, he barely got to se
e Hannah and little Rosie, and it broke his heart.
Besides, most women didn’t take to him, didn’t like his old fashioned ways. He’d been out with a few women during his life, but it always ended after just a few dates and they ended up marrying someone else.
He had worked in the store most of his life, and inheriting it from his father had seemed a blessing at the time, but now he saw it as more of a burden.
He wanted a wife in every sense of the word, and he wanted a family. Well, he had a family already but he wasn’t playing fair. Deep in his heart he knew this was all of his doing.
Hannah was still sobbing, and he didn’t know what to do. Should he go to her and try to console her, or leave her to believe him the monster that he truly was?
This was all his fault – he was the one who requested a mail order bride. And he was the one who hadn’t abided by the rules. Pushing her away was not part of the deal.
He had to find a way to make it right.
Hannah brushed the tears from her eyes. She must look as ugly as what Cecil seemed to think she already was.
Right now it felt like the biggest mistake of her life was coming here. But Rosie needed a stable home, and marrying Cecil Delbert had seemed the right choice.
She shook her head. She shouldn’t be thinking like this – he was a good man, that was more than obvious.
He’d taken to Rosie almost from the moment she’d forced him to hold her. The child had a contagious personality. Once you had exposure to her, you simply couldn’t get enough.
Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for herself.
She lay on the bed in the spare room and pondered her future. Hannah couldn’t envisage herself enduring this situation for the rest of her life. She had to make a decision about her future. Their future – hers and Rosie’s.
It wouldn’t be easy, she knew that, but neither was the position she found herself in now. She fully understood when deciding to be a mail order bride it wouldn’t be easy. But she didn’t for a moment believe it would be this difficult.
In his letters, Cecil had come across as a loving man, and one who would be affectionate toward her. She’d certainly seen glimpses of that, but they were short lived.
She couldn’t think of a single thing she’d done to cause that situation. When she thought about it some more she had to wonder. Why was a fully-grown man of thirty-two years old still unmarried?
Surely he’d courted some of the women in town?
Or perhaps he hadn’t. He worked long hours. Far longer than he needed to work, she was more than certain.
And the whole purpose of their marriage, in his view anyway, was for her to help him out and shorten his work day.
So far that hadn’t happened, all because she’d bought a child with her.
The thought made her eyes well up again. Rosie was not a burden. At least not to her. Hannah couldn’t have lived with herself if she’d allowed the baby to be placed in an orphanage.
The thought made her cry out and she began to sob again.
Without warning she was wrapped in warm arms. Cecil was lying on the bed next to her, holding her tight. “I’m sorry,” he said gently. “I’m the worst husband in the entire world.”
His voice broke, and she knew he was as unhappy about their situation as she was. “Please don’t cry,” he said, handing her a clean handkerchief.
She felt him shift on the bed to move closer still. “I’m sorry things haven’t worked out as well as we’d hoped,” he said, and her heart shattered.
Hannah knew what was coming. He was breaking up with her. He would arrange for an annulment and would send her away.
She braced for his next words.
“Everything happened back-to-front. We had a child before we got to know each other,” And here it comes, she thought, her heart thudding in her chest.
“Starting now, I am going to court you.” He pulled her even tighter against himself. “I really like you, Hannah,” he said quietly. “I knew it before we even met. Your letters told me everything I needed to know.”
She was speechless. This was far from what she expected. “I, I like you too,” she squeaked, her voice not cooperating.
He leaned over and looked into her face. “You don’t sound too sure.”
Tears rolled down her already blotchy face. “I thought you were going to send us away.” She began to sob again, she couldn’t help it. Relief flooded her body and the sobs just pushed their way out.
He rolled her to face him, and she covered her face with her hands. “Don’t look at me, I’m ugly from crying,” she said.
“You could never be ugly,” he said, his voice breaking. “You’re the most beautiful woman I know.”
Hannah pulled her hands away and stared at him. “I thought you hated me,” she said softly. “I was certain I must be repulsive to you.”
He pulled her up and wrapped his arms around her. “That could never happen,” he said. “I am in love with you.”
Surely he didn’t mean that? If he was in love with her why did he constantly push her way? “Then why...?”
“Because I was scared of getting too close.” His head came down and he brushed his lips gently across hers. When she didn’t object, Cecil deepened the kiss.
Perhaps they could make this work after all.
Chapter Eight
Hannah got herself and Rosie ready for church. It was a beautiful day, and it was such a pity it would be wasted.
Cecil was not one for socializing, or for even going out for a stroll. Hannah loved them. She loved being around people, but since she’d arrived, she’d barely done either.
She knew Rosie loved going out too, and now she could sit up, even though she was still a little wobbly without support, she would be sure to like it even more.
They chose and ordered the crib and a stroller. They also ordered a high chair in preparation for what would soon be their future; Rosie sitting up unassisted. She longed for their arrival. It would be so much better for Rosie. She was an inquisitive baby, and having a stroller would be perfect for her. The high chair would make meal times easier too.
She pulled on her bonnet, and picked Rosie up. “You look so pretty,” she said, hugging the baby to her. As she pulled back, Rosie pulled on the ribbons of her bonnet. “Don’t do that, Rosie,” she said gently. She was after all a baby and didn’t know better.
“Are you getting up to mischief,” Cecil asked his daughter, then took her from his wife. “Mama doesn’t like that,” he said as he chuckled.
“Mama?” It wasn’t something she’d heard him say before, but yes, she guessed she was Mama now.
He frowned. “Of course. If I can be Papa, then you can definitely be Mama.” He pulled out his pocket-watch. “If you’re ready, we’d best leave. We don’t want to be late for church.”
He placed Rosie in the carriage, a pillow at her back so she could see everything, and they were soon on their way.
Once outside, Hannah put her face toward the sun. “It is beautiful out here,” she said. “I love the feel of the sun on my face, and the fresh air makes me feel alive.”
He looked at her thoughtfully. “It’s good for you, and the baby. You should go out more.”
She nodded and as much as she’d love to do that, she’d much prefer to go with her husband coming along with them. But apparently he didn’t like the outdoors much.
As they strolled along the wooden boardwalk of the main street, she looked about. She hadn’t seen much of Grand Falls. Most of the time she’d either been helping in the store, cooking, or looking after Rosie.
Not that she was complaining. Her life was far better since she’d arrived here. She had stability, she knew where she was sleeping on a daily basis, and she had a husband. Now all she needed was for Cecil to see her as his wife, and not just someone who had come to help him out.
As much as he’d promised to change that, she was still on edge. She swallowed back the emotion that threatened to overta
ke her. Hannah fought hard – she would not arrive at church all red-eyed and face blotchy.
The last of the parishioners were making their way inside as they arrived. Mrs Baker was there and turned back when she heard the giggling sounds of Rosie.
“Sweet Rosemary,” she said, calling the baby by her full name. Rosie’s arms stretched out to be picked up.
“Not now, Rosie,” Cecil told her. “Perhaps later.” She went back to playing with her teddy.
The organ music began and they all shuffled through the door. Cecil chose a pew near the back so Hannah could make a quick exit if the baby became restless.
Mrs Baker sat beside them and quietly played with the baby as the music continued. It was obvious to Hannah the woman adored babies.
Preacher Devon entered the church and welcomed everyone, then bowed his head in prayer. The congregation did the same. As they recited The Lord’s Prayer, Rosie could be heard loudly calling her Papa. A few chuckles could be heard around the room.
When they were finished, everyone sat down. Pastor Devon spoke. “It is refreshing to have a talkative young child with us today. He looked about until he spotted her, then strolled over to where they sat.
The pastor lightly touched Rosie’s head. “Bless you, Rosemary,” he said, then walked up the front of the church again to resume the service.
It warmed Hannah’s heart that the preacher would do such a thing. This sweet soul needed all the blessings she could get.
STANDING OUT THE FRONT of the church with the rest of the parishioners, Mrs Baker came over to the little family. “That was so nice of Pastor Devon,” she said. “Although I wouldn’t expect anything less. He’s a wonderful man.”
“Yes, he is,” Cecil said. “Shall we go inside for coffee?”
Hannah jumped at the chance. She didn’t know many of the town’s people, and this was a way for her to meet them. He cupped her elbow and led her into the hall, lifting the carriage up the steps.
“Rosemary needs a stroller,” Mrs Baker said gently. “She is nearly old enough to sit up.”
Mail Order Hannah Page 5