by Cole Lepley
Elliot smiles wistfully, tucking her legs underneath her. “I think it’s beautiful.”
I want to tell her that I think she’s beautiful, but I don’t. Instead, I reach my hand in the popcorn bowl between us, take a handful, and then throw it at her face. “You’re deluded. That’s why girls today have such a poor sense of what a relationship is supposed to be like. Their minds are poisoned by crap like this.”
She brushes away several stray kernels with a laugh. “You’re such a guy. If you watch this long enough, I bet you’ll change your mind. Girls want a guy that drives them insane with rage, but makes their heart beat faster all at the same time.” She moves her hand across her midsection. “That feeling in your stomach where you think you might throw up, but you also feel kind of amazing. That’s when you know.”
Her viewpoint intrigues me, so I press further. “When you know what?”
She shrugs. “That you found the one you can’t live without.”
My stare falls to her lips for a moment before drifting back up to her eyes again. “How do you know what it feels like if you never felt it before?”
Her chest rises and falls before she turns away from me and back to the screen. “I’m still waiting,” she says causally.
Even though I know she’s trying to come off aloof about this, I can tell that it bothers her. She’s spent her whole life trying to please everyone around her, but never really took the time to make herself happy. I’m glad she’s here with me. At least I know she’s somewhere her presence is cherished and not made into the object of someone’s desire. A prize that they never really deserved to win. If I’m really being honest, I’m glad she’s here for me too. For the first time, I don’t feel so alone.
7
Pretty Little Fears
As I walk through the halls on my first day of senior year I feel a certain confidence in my step. To be honest, I pretty much always feel that way, but this year is different. I don’t have Judah draped all over me all the time and I don’t have to be constantly worrying if he’s going to fly off the handle about someone looking at me for too long. One of the many flaws that Judah possesses is an extremely jealous temper. Major turn-off for me.
I stop at my usual locker and am immediately caught off guard by the note attached to it. I pull it off without reading it and type in my combination. Before I can stop them, dozens of roses come spilling out at me.
Cameron leans against the locker beside me, snickering to herself.
“Oh my God,” I cry, bending down to retrieve the unwanted floral display.
She snatches the note from my hand, and I glare up at her. She clears her throat dramatically. “To Elle. Have a great first day. I love you—Judah.” She holds her hand to her chest when she finishes.
“This is not cute, Cam,” I grumble.
Cameron looks confused. “Um, yes, it is. I would die if my boyfriend showered me with flowers on my first day of class.” She waves the card at me with a smirk and speaks in a sing-song voice. “And he went to the ‘good’ florist.”
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I deadpan.
She crosses her arms and huffs. “You’re being stupid. Just tell him that you love him, and you’ll go to Cornell next year. He obviously loves you.”
“This means nothing, he’s just scared I’ll find someone else.” Frustration surges through me as I stand with an armful of red and pink roses. I almost have them all shoved in my locker when I hear a whistle from behind me. Ollie.
“Holy shit, Elle. Are those from Judah?” Oliver remarks.
“Yes,” I say, exasperated.
He laughs. “I thought you guys were seeing other people.”
“We are. He’s being an idiot.” I slam my locker shut and turn to face him. “What time is practice?”
“It’s at four. Don’t be late.” He smirks to himself and then walks away toward his office.
Cameron fans herself with her hand. “Your brother is so hot. Too bad he’s a teacher. I would totally…”
“Cam! Eww. Don’t talk about Ollie like that.”
She smiles. “Okay, sorry. But you have to admit it would be kind of hot to get it on with a teacher.”
My stomach dips at her words. Hunter is a teacher. Thank God he doesn’t have a job here. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to suffer through the temptation at home and at school.
With a sigh, I give her a shove toward our Ethics class. “Let’s go. It’s the first day and I don’t want to be late.”
I tap my pen against my desk impatiently while I wait for my last class to let out. I’ve been on the fence about skipping practice today and getting drunk instead. Call it teenage rebellion if you want, but the stunt Judah pulled with the flowers is still pissing me off. Besides, Ollie is a dick for having practice on the first day of school anyway.
Dylan Andrews pokes me in the shoulder from the seat behind me. I turn my head slightly.
“What are you doing tonight, Elliot? I only have practice until six.”
I turn around a little more and he flashes his crooked smile at me. He’s adorable in that tasseled dark hair, blue eyes kind of way. There’s also the fact that he’s the new quarterback since Judah graduated. Even though he’s one of Judah’s closest friends, Dylan and I have history. We dated for two weeks junior year after I caught Judah texting Kelsey Thomas. He always tries to swoop back in every time Judah and I fight.
I twirl a strand of hair around my finger and pretend to look disinterested. “Hmm, I’m not sure.”
“You still seeing Judah?”
I stifle a laugh. He’s so predictable. That being said, if I’m really going to move on from Judah, seeing someone else is the perfect way to start. My mind then drifts to Hunter. Even though I try to hide it when I’m around him now, my feelings for him are moving in a direction very far from friendship. The only problem is, he doesn’t seem to feel the same way. Aside from snuggling and casual flirting, he hasn’t made a single move further. So that only leaves me with one option—make him see what he’s missing.
I shake my head, and Dylan’s smile widens enough to expose the dimple in his right cheek. Yeah, he’s cute.
I tilt my head to him. “We’re exploring our options this year.”
“Nice.” He bites his bottom lip and leans forward toward me. “Maybe I can be one of those options?”
With a coy smile, I shrug. “We’ll see.”
The bell rings abruptly and we both stand. The corners of his mouth turn up, and he looks me up and down. “Do you want a ride home?”
I smile. “No. I have practice.” I turn on my heel and leave him standing with his mouth half open as I quickly make my exit.
As I’m rounding the corner, I come to sudden stop when I collide with a very firm chest. My eyes travel up to an amused-looking Hunter, and he’s wearing a tie. Why does he look so sexy wearing a tie?
What the fuck? School is supposed to be the one place I don’t have to face the constant temptation he represents.
“What are you doing here?” I whisper.
He opens his mouth to answer me, but then Mr. Bellamy, the principal, comes up behind him. “Oh, Elliot. You know Hunter Graham, right? He graduated with your brother Oliver.”
I offer my sweetest smile. “Of course. Good to see you.”
Hunter grins. “You as well.”
Mr. Bellamy also smiles, which isn’t making any of this less awkward. “I think he’ll make a good addition to our staff.”
I choke on the breath of air I was trying to inhale. “Staff?”
“Yes, he’ll be taking over for Mr. Young in the English department.”
“How nice,” I grit out, forcing another smile.
Mr. Bellamy pats him on the back on the way past. “See you Monday.”
“Looking forward to it, sir,” Hunter calls back. He tilts his head down at me with another mischievous grin.
“What are you smiling about?”
He tucks his hands causally in his
pockets, the smirk permanently etched on his face at this point. “Nothing.”
This makes me angrier, so I lower my voice. “When were you going to tell me about this?”
Hunter looks confused. “I’m telling you right now, I guess. I thought you’d be happy for me.”
I clench my jaw and mask my hurt with irritation. “Well, I take honors English, so I guess I won’t be seeing you.”
His eyes light up. “That’s my first class.”
“What?!”
He laughs. “I’m sorry. I wanted to talk to you about it first, but they offered me the job on the spot, and you know how desperate I am.”
How desperate he is? He’s the one who’s left me sick with desire for the last two weeks. I take a step back. He cannot be serious right now. Obviously I’ve been making up this whole attraction between us up in my head. I feel like an idiot—then I see Dylan still lingering at his locker down the hallway.
A wicked smile crosses my face. “See you Monday, Mr. Graham.”
I turn around and walk directly to Dylan and run my hand along the letters on his jacket. “You still want to give me a ride home?”
“You know it.”
He shoves the rest of his books in his locker and slings his arm around me as we start to walk toward the exit. I steal a glance over my shoulder at Hunter. Still standing in the spot I left him in, all amusement dissolved from his face. Me: 1 Hunter: 0
It turns out that Dylan’s an excellent kisser. That’s one quality I must have forgotten about him. He’s not the brightest bulb, but kissing is a good enough attribute to make up for it. And it’s time that I accepted if I want to kiss someone, it’s not going to be Hunter.
Dylan had been texting me all evening. When he showed up after practice—I just happened to be in my bikini. The vicinity of the hot tub to the guest house is approximately twenty feet. That made it the perfect place to start our evening.
His tongue dives further into my mouth and his hands begin to wander to my waist. I consider stopping him, but what’s the fun in that?
“Elliot!” Oliver’s voice booms loudly across the pool at me, and I jump.
“You scared the shit out of me,” I say, clutching my chest.
“Where were you today? You missed practice.”
I pull Dylan back toward me. “I was busy.” I continue where we left off, and a growl comes from Oliver.
“If you miss again, I’m not going to let you compete this week.”
I don’t take my lips from Dylan’s as I slowly raise my hand and flip him off.
“You’re such a brat,” he says in frustration before stomping back into the house.
Whatever. At least now he’ll lay off me about Hunter.
Dylan pulls back a little bit. “Did I get you in trouble?”
He runs his finger along my bottom lip, and I nip at it with my teeth. “He’ll get over it.”
“God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted you,” he says. “Judah would fucking kill me if he knew I was here with you right now, but it would be totally worth it.”
I raise an eyebrow. “Is that so?”
He nods, and it makes me smile. I can’t see this ever turning into something serious, but maybe that’s exactly what I need right now. A causal distraction who’s easy on the eyes. Besides, this is what Judah wanted, right? He doesn’t get to have all the fun.
It begins to get more heated as he positions me on his lap. By the lack of clothing separating us, I can be positive where he wants this to go. They say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Or at least Ollie says that. Maybe he’s not the best person to be quoting right now.
So why am I really pulling back? Why am I hesitating? Why do I already know that tonight is going to end up like usual, with me lying awake at night and thinking about stupidly hot Hunter?
I kiss him once more softly. “Let’s say we call it a night.”
He grips my hips firmly and presses up against me. “Are you sure?”
I laugh once, removing myself from his lap. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
He runs his hand roughly through his hair. “I’m not mad or anything. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other more.” He winks at me before he slides himself out of the water.
I do the same and glance around, only now noticing that I didn’t bring towels. I motion toward the pool house. “We can get dried off in there.”
He nods and follows me over. I look back to the guest house and notice Hunter’s light is on. Surely he wouldn’t be spying on me.
I take extra time drying off and getting dressed with Dylan in the pool house. Just long enough to make a certain someone thinks more happened than it actually did.
After walking Dylan to his truck, I make my way back over to the pool to retrieve my bag. Hunter is standing just outside the guest house, glaring at me.
Me: 2 Hunter: 0
“What are you doing?” he asks roughly.
I reach down and grab my bag, barely glancing in his direction. “What?” My casual demeanor seems to piss him off more. Good. If he wants to act like I don’t mean anything to him, then I can too.
“Is that what you really want? Another guy like Judah to make you feel special?”
I wrap my arms around myself as I stare back at his cold expression. “What’s that supposed to mean?” His question makes me defensive. He obviously thinks I’m shallow and would only want to be with someone who would look good next to me.
He lets out a dark laugh. “Judah’s gone for like five minutes and already you’re back in the hot tub with some stupid jock?”
“Why do you care so much?”
He shakes his head in disappointment. “Because you’re better than that. You know you’re just using that guy to make Judah jealous.”
I narrow my eyes at him and take a step closer. “It sounds like Judah isn’t the one who’s jealous right now.” The look on his face confirms my accusation. Disdain mixed with equal parts guilt.
His eyes widen. “Are you saying that I’m jealous?”
“Seems that way to me.”
Hunter laughs, but it doesn’t hold any humor. “Elliot, do you have any idea how hard it is for me lying next to you every night knowing that I can never touch you?”
I laugh at the absurdity of what he said. “Hunter, you literally took a job as a teacher at my high school. Do you have any idea what kind of position that puts me in?”
He glances at the pool house. “Looks like you don’t have any trouble getting into whatever position you want.”
I struggle to pick my jaw off the floor. “Fuck you. I can do whatever I want and so can you. I don’t care.” I over enunciate the last part, even though I don’t really mean it.
He steps closer to me and places his hand on my arm, his voice low. “If you don’t care, then why are you shaking?”
“Because you’re pissing me off right now,” I say through clenched teeth.
He shakes his head. “No, that’s not it. You feel something for me too, and it bothers you.” His body moves closer so that only inches are separating us. “You don’t really like that guy.”
Did he just admit that he has feelings for me? It catches me off guard so much that I don’t know how to respond. So I default to indifference.
“Well, you’re wrong.” I try to keep my voice strong, but it too comes out shaky.
He brushes a strand of hair from my face and studies my expression. It’s like he’s searching for an answer to a question he didn’t even ask.
“You’re not as complex as you think, Elliot,” he says finally. “If you want to play games, I can play them, too.”
I take a step back from him. “You already are.”
He scoffs. “Oh, was it me dry humping someone in the hot tub a half hour ago?”
I laugh once. “No, what you did was worse.”
This time, Hunter laughs bitterly. “I didn’t do anything to you.”
“You
didn’t even ask me how I felt about you taking that job.”
He looks back at me with a confused expression. “I told you they offered the job to me on the spot, and I need that job.”
“And you couldn’t have asked for a day to think about it?” I snap back at him. “You chose this. I have to see you not only at home, but now every day at school, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“What’s so bad about that?” He sounds genuinely confused and frustrated, and that just pisses me off all the more.
And now, he’s asking for me to tell him how I feel, what I want. If he’d asked that a week ago, I’d have let the dam burst. But now, it feels too much like begging.
“Forget it,” I say.
His eyes cast downward for a moment before looking up at me again. “I need this job, Elle. I honestly didn’t even think about how it would affect you. How it would affect—us.”
I swallow all the hurt and anger stirring inside me and hold back the tears burning my eyes. I refuse to let him hurt me. “Well, you don’t need to think about it. Because I’m not going to think about you.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. I know they’re hurtful, but I don’t care.
I hear him take in a sharp breath as I turn to walk away. I don’t turn around to see his face, but even I know that was harsh. Although I may have won this round, it still feels like I lost.
8
Selfish
Standing outside my new classroom on Monday morning, I take in the typical high school chaos. To be honest, I don’t miss it. One of the main reasons I became an English teacher was so that I could have something to fall back on in case my writing didn’t pan out. So far, I made a good choice. I haven’t written shit since college.
There’s still almost ten minutes before class starts, but for some reason the teachers are supposed to monitor the halls for suspicious behavior. Couples being inappropriate, harassment, violence—that sort of thing. The first thing I actually notice is Elliot sauntering toward me, hand in hand with the tool-bag from the hot tub. She’s been a ghost since our confrontation outside of the guest house last week and has apparently been spending quite a bit of time with Judah 2.0.